# cliche`: you know you are.....



## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

I've never seen a list like this, but the wheels in my brain started turning when I stuck my hand in my purse and pulled out a bottle of tri-flow lube at a ptg meeting!!. Where'd that come from, it should be in my all-things-bike bag....

so I'll kick it off
you know you are a female mountain biker when....

when you have bike lube in your purse
tampons in your camel back
you have more bike socks than regular in your drawer.
You have more bike stuff than bras hanging on the clothes line.....

formica


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

*here's a few from experience*

.....you own a titanium spoke bangle bracelet, a bike chain bracelet and necklace, and hope to get more jewelry along the same lines eventually.

You wear sports bras daily, and can't remember the last time you bought something at Victoria's Secret (which you may or may not have regretted during a recent date :redface)

The above-mentioned date refers to you as his "sexy trail biker" instead of the usual "honeybun" or "sweetiepie."

You have to resist the temptation to buy little jerseys as baby gifts for friends (though t-shirts, helmets, and accessories for their first trike are fair game.)

You wonder if anything in your arsenal of power food helps with cramps (Endurox? PowerBars? Gatorade? Dammit!!!)

It occurs to you that the only two times you've ever gone for waxing were before week-long bike trips.

The latest Title IX catalog excites you b/c with each one, the world seems one step closer to combining bike/workout clothes with formal wear- someday, we won't have to change after work for a ride!


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## pfunk (Jan 12, 2004)

*ooh, ooh, I got one*

You can blow snot rockets with the best of em - wait, maybe that's just me.

Seriously though, I knew I was really a "cyclist" when the ride (and ability to breath) became more important the vanity. Would never consider it off the trail, but hey, gotta do what you gotta do.


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## Mtnbikenmama (Apr 1, 2004)

when you're proud of all thoses bruises, chain ring tatoos and scrapes that cover your legs and other parts


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

Mtnbikenmama said:


> when you're proud of all thoses bruises, chain ring tatoos and scrapes that cover your legs and other parts


Yup. Or when you think your cute little skirt shows off your new stitches nicely.


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## CycleMainiac (Jan 12, 2004)

...when your dining room is really the bike room.

...when you check the loacl weather for wind speed/direction to decide road or mtb.

...when you are putting away the laundry sports bras and bike socks go into the bike box, not the dresser.

...sock shopping involves looking for bike socks that won't clash with work slacks. Brown bikes sock are hard to find. 

I now have a entire dresser drawer just for socks; bike socks and wool socks. There *might be* one or two pair of regular socks in there somewhere.


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## Lucky (Jan 12, 2004)

Instead of artificial flowers in a basket on the buffet, you have an arrangement of colorful water bottles.

You have one purse...and 4 Camelbacks.

You have more bike shoes than dress shoes, and more jerseys than dresses.

Kathy :^)


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

You have to build a special rack to hold all of your helmets.

Cars are not allowed in the garage - because it's a bike and ski workshop.


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## little b (Jan 7, 2004)

i'm somewhat embarassed to say that i sometimes blow snot rockets when i'm no where near my bike. that fine line of acceptable behaviour somehow got erased. thanks for drawing it back in for me.



pfunk said:


> You can blow snot rockets with the best of em - wait, maybe that's just me.
> 
> Seriously though, I knew I was really a "cyclist" when the ride (and ability to breath) became more important the vanity. Would never consider it off the trail, but hey, gotta do what you gotta do.


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

LOL, scary how many of these apply!!!!

when you do full wash loads of just bike stuff...
when your kids write that "mom is a really active" biker in their 'about the family" essays
You buy paydays 3/$1 whenever you go grocery shopping becuase they are about the same nutritionally as a cliff bar...
Your hubby just waves you out the door when you say, "going riding" ( and tells his friends you are a mountain biking queen...  )
your wish list for alll special occasions is bike stuff
you get all bike stuff in your xmas stocking
You are the most proficient one in the family at snot rockets


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

pfunk said:


> You can blow snot rockets with the best of em - wait, maybe that's just me.


LOL, not just you. Now I have to learn to quit apologizing when I do it.

formica


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## Crankypants (Feb 4, 2004)

You preface a visit to any new doctor with the statement: "I am not a victim of domestic violence"


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## Mary Ann (Jan 13, 2004)

Crankypants said:


> You preface a visit to any new doctor with the statement: "I am not a victim of domestic violence"


Or you get inordinately excited when the ER doc examining you after your latest crash confesses he's a mountain biker too and starts to compare scars. (happend to me believe it or not).


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

Christine said:


> You have to resist the temptation to buy little jerseys as baby gifts for friends (though t-shirts, helmets, and accessories for their first trike are fair game.)


Correction: You buy little jerseys as baby gifts for firends because all your friends ride also.


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

LOL! Yep! I _think_ it's acceptable on trailwork days.


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## Shell_76 (Mar 11, 2004)

formica said:


> LOL, not just you. Now I have to learn to quit apologizing when I do it.
> 
> formica


I walk home from some days and the other day I almost did a snot rocket while I was walking...I had to hold back...

I would never dare spend over 200 bucks on dress shoes but my nice new rose coloured sidi shoes I didn't hold back...Or even get something that is pink in general... 

Shell


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## brownieinSC (Apr 19, 2004)

*These are too funny*

I am glad I'm not the only one with bikes in the dining area. We have a bike tree beside the table and it gets odd looks when people come to visit.

I haven't been able to get myself to try a snot rocket ~ I am just too nervous about blowing snot out on myself or it NOT blowing out and just running down my face.


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## Shell_76 (Mar 11, 2004)

We use to hand our bikes in our kitchen in our apartment...Now the basement is over run by in our townhouse...

About the snot rockets ~ I was skeptical at first about trying it but it really keeps your nose to breath and if your get any on your face just use your glove...That's what the soft spot on glove is for... 

Shell



brownieinSC said:


> I am glad I'm not the only one with bikes in the dining area. We have a bike tree beside the table and it gets odd looks when people come to visit.
> 
> I haven't been able to get myself to try a snot rocket ~ I am just too nervous about blowing snot out on myself or it NOT blowing out and just running down my face.


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## Lucky (Jan 12, 2004)

Crankypants said:


> You preface a visit to any new doctor with the statement: "I am not a victim of domestic violence"


Of course, when you tell them you got that way all by yourself, they *still* give you funny looks.

Kathy ;^P


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## Mary Ann (Jan 13, 2004)

These are so fun! A few more of mine:

* All your vacations are planned around biking and bike destinations.
* You have more bikes than all of your neighbours combined.
* Your biking s.o. expresses pride when you can look at a new bike and immediately spot the new integrated disc brake adapter. And that you even know what a disc brake adapter is.
* You choose your dog's breed based on whether it will make a good trail dog or not.


Mary Ann


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

You have a four person family and there are over 25 bikes in the household.


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## Lucky (Jan 12, 2004)

screampint said:


> You have a four person family and there are over 25 bikes in the household.


Hmmmmm. About 6 bikes each. That sounds about right to me.

Kathy :^P


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

Reminds me of when I returned to mountainbiking after my second child. 6 weeks after her birth I went out and crashed... Hard! Went down and gave myself a black eye. My poor hubby got the nastiest looks when we sould show up at a restaurant, me holding an infant and my 5 year old son by my side, with a nice big shiner!


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## Lucky (Jan 12, 2004)

Lucky said:


> Of course, when you tell them you got that way all by yourself, they *still* give you funny looks.
> 
> Kathy ;^P


I once had a smart-alec collegue who suggested I could save a lot of time and money by throwing myself down a flight of stairs once a week since the result was about the same.

Kathy :^P


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

You just got off the phone with your Irish Godmother and said that sure, you'd be visiting for the parade and the food, but that you'd be coming on your bike. Even though you've never done it before and don't own a road bike. 

And you even said to her, "It's only 20 miles, no big deal," and realized how crazy that sounds when you say it to a non-biker after she gasped in disbelief.

And when you hear the weather might not be good, you warily decide that that's not a good-enough excuse not to do it. The weather would have to be *especially* bad. Because you really need to take the edge off of visiting family and a bike ride would help!


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## VT Mtbkr (Jan 19, 2004)

You spend $15-20 on a good sports bra but wouldn't consider spending that much on a regular bra.

You have yet to find a "women's" deodorant that does any good on the trails.


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## SheSpeedsNotSingleSpeed (Jan 26, 2004)

There's so many of these that apply, it's creapy! Here's one I didn't read...

You might be an avid mountain biker if the value of your bikes combined exceeds the value of your cars.


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

VT Mtbkr said:


> You have yet to find a "women's" deodorant that does any good on the trails.


Women's deodorant works much better for me than mens does. Don't know why that is, but it does.


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

SheSpeedsNotSingleSpeed said:


> There's so many of these that apply, it's creapy! Here's one I didn't read...
> 
> You might be an avid mountain biker if the value of your bikes combined exceeds the value of your cars.


How about if the value of each of your bikes exceeds the value of your car?


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## Mtnbikenmama (Apr 1, 2004)

I so relate to that!



Crankypants said:


> You preface a visit to any new doctor with the statement: "I am not a victim of domestic violence"


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

Haha great thread! 

We have more big containers of magic energy powders (endurox, sustained energy, accelerade, perpetuem, etc) than flour, sugar, and rice - combined.

The plastic bottles take up more room than all the glasses combined. 

Bikes in living room, kitchen, office and in garage (of course no cars in the garage - isn't that what the street is for?)


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## oldbroad (Mar 19, 2004)

*all so true!*

Whenever you are walking, anywhere, you are looking ahead thinking, "if I were riding what would be the best line."

About snot rockets, you just gotta take the plunge, once you done it a couple of times, it"s easy - just make sure your foot is not in the line of fire.


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## Kallisti (Feb 15, 2005)

*Totally, guys dig scars*

I doubted it for a moment, then my husband looks at them and calls me a "rad chick" 



connie said:


> Yup. Or when you think your cute little skirt shows off your new stitches nicely.


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## pfunk (Jan 12, 2004)

*about that line&#8230;*



little b said:


> i'm somewhat embarassed to say that i sometimes blow snot rockets when i'm no where near my bike. that fine line of acceptable behaviour somehow got erased. thanks for drawing it back in for me.


Truth is, I probably WOULD do that off the trail if the right opportunity presented itself (as in - no one would see me . I was out with me sister-in-law a few weeks ago in Santa Cruz. Some guy walked passed and let a rather un-subtle snot rock fly. I explained to her, that I could do that with much more class. She couldn't relate


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## deanna (Jan 15, 2004)

connie said:


> How about if the value of each of your bikes exceeds the value of your car?


guilty as charged!


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## MidAtlanticXCer (May 21, 2004)

*decisions*

When all major car and house buying decisions are influenced heavily by "where would the bikes / bike workshop fit?"


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## Lucky (Jan 12, 2004)

MidAtlanticXCer said:


> When all major car and house buying decisions are influenced heavily by "where would the bikes / bike workshop fit?"


Ain't that the truth! I've walked out of several houses when shopping because there was no place for the bike "shop" other than in the main living quarters. My criteria for basements is that they need to have direct access to the outdoors without bringing them up the stairs and through the house.

My last car purchase was focused around bike transport. I'd managed to drive the previous car into the garage with a bike on the roof not once, but twice, in the span of 4 months. Went out and got something the bikes could go safely inside of.

Kathy :^)


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

Lucky said:


> My last car purchase was focused around bike transport. I'd managed to drive the previous car into the garage with a bike on the roof not once, but twice, in the span of 4 months. Went out and got something the bikes could go safely inside of.
> 
> Kathy :^)


Heh. The alternate solution is to make your own little bike shop and fill the garage with workbenches so you can't park a car in there. Then you can't accidentally drive the car inside with bikes on the roof since you can't fit the car in there anyway.


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## xcdemon (May 19, 2004)

*a few more*

Ooh, I've just gotta put my two cents in...

- your friends introduce you as "this is Mary. She's got balls!"
- 90% of your wardrobe contains lycra. Especially jeans, because you can't fit your quads into anything less than a size 12, but your waist is still a 6.
- You've discovered that women's "cycling" clothes are generally useless, because as soon as you bend over, half your back is exposed. You also discovered you can't squeeze your boobs into men's jerseys that fit. So you buy men's jerseys that don't fit.
- You LOVE porn. Bike porn, that is.
- You meet a great guy who you have a ton in common with... including biking! When you ask what he rides, he says "a Devinci". When you ask which one, he doesn't know. It's blue, he says. What kind of drive train does it have? He doesn't know. But it's a mountain bike! You suddenly have somewhere you have to be.
- You spend more than 10% of your annual income on new bike purchases, never mind getting to races, race entry fees, and food. All non-food purchases are equated to bikes. (I could go to dinner... or I could buy the Cannondale bunny socks...)
- You eat four meals a day. So?

As to snot rocketing, I prefer the loud snort and lougie. Then you don't have to take your hands off the bars and you're sure to clear your face.


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## Lucky (Jan 12, 2004)

connie said:


> Heh. The alternate solution is to make your own little bike shop and fill the garage with workbenches so you can't park a car in there. Then you can't accidentally drive the car inside with bikes on the roof since you can't fit the car in there anyway.


I've got three garages and one car. I've got a *lot* of bike stuff and two workbenches, but I still haven't managed to fill them all up. One garage bay is completely taken by bikes and bits, but that leaves me two other places to screw up. ;^P

Kathy


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## VT Mtbkr (Jan 19, 2004)

xcdemon said:


> - 90% of your wardrobe contains lycra. Especially jeans, because you can't fit your quads into anything less than a size 12, but your waist is still a 6.
> - You've discovered that women's "cycling" clothes are generally useless, because as soon as you bend over, half your back is exposed. You also discovered you can't squeeze your boobs into men's jerseys that fit. So you buy men's jerseys that don't fit.
> - You meet a great guy who you have a ton in common with... including biking! When you ask what he rides, he says "a Devinci". When you ask which one, he doesn't know. It's blue, he says. What kind of drive train does it have? He doesn't know. But it's a mountain bike! You suddenly have somewhere you have to be.
> .


These all fit me perfectly. I'm tired of women's cycling clothes being sized for extra small women. There seems to be something wrong that a women weighing 135 lbs has to buy an extra large fitted top and shorts and the tops still ride halfway up my back.

I've gotten a good laugh out of some guys that have no idea what kind of bike they own. One of my favorites was seeing a guy on the trail with one of the new Gary Fishers and asking him what model of Fisher it was, his reply...Gary Fisher.


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

*wow*

you gals are great!! I had no idea what would happen when I posted about a true life moment. ( tri flow in the purse) It's scary how much of this is "whew, it's not just me!!"



> xcdemon wrote:
> As to snot rocketing, I prefer the loud snort and lougie. Then you don't have to take your hands off the bars and you're sure to clear your face.


 I'm not sure whether to thank you or not for literally making me laugh so hard I snorted my coffee! That move sounds like it should be practiced on solo rides.

hugs
formica


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## Kallisti (Feb 15, 2005)

*Well, yea but*



connie said:


> How about if the value of each of your bikes exceeds the value of your car?


Isn't this OK if you're putting in more mileage on your bike then on your car? 

Is it just me, or is chocolate flavoured GU (w/ real belgian chocolate) something you randomly crave....?


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## irieness (Feb 22, 2004)

connie said:


> How about if the value of each of your bikes exceeds the value of your car?


people never understand this when I tell them...I just giggle and tell 'em I have my priorities straight...


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## Shell_76 (Mar 11, 2004)

I've got one you know you're a mountain biker when you are walking around with a bottom bracket in you purse. We needed a replacement part on one of our signature sx raceface bb's so I had to go to the local bike shop and get one...

Or you know you're a mountain biker when you are walking down the road from the shop where they now know you by name when you walk in the door with your newly tension back wheel...

It's a cool feeling when people look at you with that strange look in their eyes...

Thanks for this thread Formica...

Shell


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

You know it's bad when an old friend calls to pick up where you left off........and you seriously question the point of getting re-acquainted with somebody who's probably never been on a bike in her life and wouldn't think about it now.

Or when investing in a brand-new road bike seems like a perfectly normal thing to do in spite of being unemployed! In fact, it seems downright logical.


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## springfever (Mar 7, 2005)

Christine said:


> You know it's bad when an old friend calls to pick up where you left off........and you seriously question the point of getting re-acquainted with somebody who's probably never been on a bike in her life and wouldn't think about it now.
> 
> --- When all you want to talk about is biking with that same friend and you notice the glazed over look in their eye!
> --- You recently left a incoherent message on your bosses voice mail babbling something about a possible concussion.


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## xcdemon (May 19, 2004)

springfever said:


> --- When all you want to talk about is biking with that same friend and you notice the glazed over look in their eye!
> --- You recently left a incoherent message on your bosses voice mail babbling something about a possible concussion.


Ha!
Or when you go to work sick as a dog in February, sneezing and coughing, and get the entire office sick.... because you only get five sick days per year and you're saving them for injury (or really nice days, whichever comes first).
As to buying a brand new bike when you're unemployed, what's illogical? More time, more time to ride! I bought a bike in August 2002 (hardtail), April 2003 (road), and I'm about to buy another one within the next month (FS XC).


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## Mary Ann (Jan 13, 2004)

*Riding vs. non-riding friends*

It's funny that you mention that because I have a separate contact folder for MTBR friends, vs my other friends, whom I would not want to bore with mountain-bike related messages.

Oh, yeah and I've bought a downhill bike and a new xc FS bike while unemployed. Thank god for my sleeping-with-the-bike-shop-manager discount!

Mary Ann


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## xcdemon (May 19, 2004)

*oh yeah?*



Mary Ann said:


> Oh, yeah and I've bought a downhill bike and a new xc FS bike while unemployed. Thank god for my sleeping-with-the-bike-shop-manager discount!
> 
> Mary Ann


who is this bike shop manager, and is he looking for new "clients"? I could use a discount too...
Here's another one: when you get to choose the last 4 didgits of your phone number, you choose 2453 without hesitation.


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

You break your childrens school dress code by picking them up after riding in your bike shorts. I now take the time to change.

You no longer get funny looks from the other moms at your daughter's ballet class when you show up with a big bruise or scrape. They just look at you and say, "crash again?"

You have to move a Camelbak, helmet, and gloves before someone can sit in your car.

Your kids figured out the Camelbak bite valve before they were a year old.

Your easy to remove hitch rack never gets removed.


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## mahgnillig (Mar 12, 2004)

You offer to bring your tools to work and repair a colleague's bike during lunch time


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## porterjack (May 10, 2004)

*not chocolate but...*



Kallisti said:


> Is it just me, or is chocolate flavoured GU (w/ real belgian chocolate) something you randomly crave....?


I could eat Carb Boom all day long! The apple cinnamon tastes like apple pie...and the other flavors are as good as dessert!

Great thread, very funny and true...


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

XC, how did you know I was on my way to the bike shop tonight, to pick up another bike that was being repaired? 

Was talking to the owner the other day about possibly borrowing/renting one for the time being.....he's got one he's fixing up that I could use (happens to be the same height/ weight as me, talk about jackpot!)

Here's another one:

- You know you're a bike addict when you hear your bike buddies are going to try snowboarding, and your first thought is, "Why would they risk breaking a bone that would keep them off the bike?" 'cause if you're gonna break a bone, it might as well be from *riding.* Does that make any sense......?

- You describe your attempt at bike repair to your father while visiting him in his corner office at the bank, because you really can't think of anything else to tell him about (well, that you CAN tell him about....)

- You get the car washed b/c it's embarassing to drive a dirty car with a "Girls <3 Dirt" bumper sticker on it.

OMG, this addiction might be worse than I thought......


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## peppaman (Jan 13, 2004)

and thanks for the "snot rockets"


after 13years of mtb-ing i´d have to cross the (virtual) atlantic and dig into the ladieslounge to learn that this thing that we all seem to do actually has got a "propper" name  


and i´appreciate more women were running their bike shop...this sleep-with-the-shop-owner-dicount sounds just too good  


greets from cologne (old world that is)
peppa


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

Christine said:


> - You get the car washed b/c it's embarassing to drive a dirty car with a "Girls <3 Dirt" bumper sticker on it.
> 
> OMG, this addiction might be worse than I thought......


-You DON'T get the car washed because you think all the mud blobs on the roof of the (white) car, underneath your bike rack, look kind of cool ( because you actually USE your rack...)
-you are always in search of another cool mountain biker sticker that is not common for your car
-you secretly wish someone would give you a "dude, your mom is hot" sticker for your car

we are a sick bunch, aren't we!!


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## Mary Ann (Jan 13, 2004)

Oh no...

This is an exclusive arrangement--I'm his one and only "client". 

;-)


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

*these just in*

A hot guy calls and says, "I'm going to the park to workout, wanna meet me there?" and you immediately jump at the chance..........to ride your bike around the park while he works out.

You attempt the pull-up bar while seated on your bike.

You don't even get off the bike the entire time you're hanging out, even when you follow him into a bodega (and despite the dirty looks from the guy behind the counter) or when said hot guy tries to cuddle.

You think that riding down the steps to the track will impress him, but instead he compliments how nice your hair smells  !


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## -kelly- (Mar 11, 2004)

All non-food purchases are equated to bikes. (I could go to dinner... or I could buy the Cannondale bunny socks...)

LOL. I do this all the time. Anytime we make a purchase I think well that could be a new crankset or even a new wheelset. Hmmm???


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## MidAtlanticXCer (May 21, 2004)

*awwww*



formica said:


> That move sounds like it should be practiced on solo rides.


Does that mean I'm gross? Cuz that's exactly what I do:
SNORT, HAWK, PTUI 
No matter who I'm riding with!


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## MidAtlanticXCer (May 21, 2004)

*related discount*

Yeah, I married my wrench!


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## MidAtlanticXCer (May 21, 2004)

*if he wasn't freaked by this*



Christine said:


> You don't even get off the bike the entire time you're hanging out


He's a keeper!


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

MidAtlanticXCer said:


> Does that mean I'm gross? Cuz that's exactly what I do:
> SNORT, HAWK, PTUI
> No matter who I'm riding with!


no, I meant solo as in, what if you miss and hit your buddy while practicing? It's all I can do to keep the snot rockets off myself, let along hock a lugiee while holding on to the handle bars....

Oh boy a new skill to work on!


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## SpiderTaxi (Jan 20, 2004)

*Snot-Rocket Challenged...*

*sigh* I have not mastered the art of snot-rocketing (yet). I seem to constantly blast my shins or thighs and it freaks me out.

You don't fit in with the other women in the neighborhood and those invitations to decorating and candle parties magically got lost in the mail...heh.

You proudly wear your new Sidi Dragons to the mail box, and yes you do have one purse and 4 camelbaks...(love that one).

Your gyn laughs as she reads the little sayings on the bottom of your socks in the stirrups...LMAO.

If you are out of chocolate, you always have a Belgian Chocolate Gu stuck in one of your camelbaks.

Your 15-year old son says his mom can beat up your dad.

When surfing channels on t.v. you flip to a fishing show and hear a reel go 'wheeee' and your minds blanks out to Chris King Hubs and open trail.

While driving you can never NOT look at the other car with a bike rack and bikes going by.

Man I could go on forever, but its all been said above.

Love it.


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

*Another true life one*

People tell you that you are crazy to night ride and you truly can't understand why that is.


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## AZtortoise (Jan 12, 2004)

You know when you go to grab the barends...of the grocery cart.

You know when people look at you really funny as you grin at work ('cause you are thinking of yesterdays ride).

You know when as the weekend approaches you start acting like a kid at Christmas.

You know when the chiropractor starts asking, "Crash again?" when you go in for an appointment.

You know when you come into a little extra money and biking stuff comes immediately to mind(even though your underwear really needs to be replaced).

Etc.

Rita


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## Sadlebred (Jan 12, 2004)

xcdemon said:


> - 90% of your wardrobe contains lycra. Especially jeans, because you can't fit your quads into anything less than a size 12, but your waist is still a 6.
> .


AMEN! I have to buy my pants two sizes too big just to fit my thighs into them! Then, I have to have them held up by a belt b/c the waist is way too big.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

"If he's not freaked out by this......he's a keeper."

Hmmm.........well it's Saturday night and I'm home in my pajamas on the internet.......

.....but today was productive: I drove out to the LBS and picked up my bike from the shop, and hung out for a while chatting people up. Then went into the city, making sure to pop into a bike store that I passed on my way to where I was going. Then came home, read some of my bike book and Dirt Rag.

Heard about the earthquake in Japan, and immediately thought about the guys who just posted the "Who lives in Japan?" thread. 

Needless to say, the more you guys post, the more I laugh. Such freaks you are.....NOT!


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

AZtortoise said:


> You know when the chiropractor starts asking, "Crash again?" when you go in for an appointment.
> 
> Rita


When your chiropracter is your riding pal, and insists on adjusting you in a weed filled field after you endo''ed....

penny


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## UserName (Apr 19, 2004)

When you go to the massage therapist, and upon seeing the scars on your legs asks "What do you do to yourself?".


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## litespeedchick (Jan 13, 2004)

When you go to a baby shower that ends up in the basement looking at bikes?

When you don't bother going in the house to pee anymore?

When you stop using the vitamin E that the Dr. recommended on your scar 'cause you're afraid it's going away?


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## CycleMainiac (Jan 12, 2004)

You know you are a total bike geek when your daughter calls crying during friday rush hour traffic because she has locked her keys in the car. Unwilling to disrupt YOUR riding plans you offer a comprimise - leaving her extra set of keys at the LBS for her to pick up.

The shop owner really didn't quite get why this was a better option to me than going to rescue the kid until I pointed out I was only around the corner from the shop when she called and just beginning my ride.


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## brownieinSC (Apr 19, 2004)

*I love the pee one!*



litespeedchick said:


> When you go to a baby shower that ends up in the basement looking at bikes?
> 
> When you don't bother going in the house to pee anymore?
> 
> When you stop using the vitamin E that the Dr. recommended on your scar 'cause you're afraid it's going away?


I have one of the urinary devices and it is frickin' awesome! It is very nice not having to pull damp spandex material down or back up.


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## xcdemon (May 19, 2004)

*bike for sale!*



Impy said:


> People tell you that you are crazy to night ride and you truly can't understand why that is.


I'm sorry, I realise this thread is dying off, but it's cracking me up! I pretty much only night ride (except for the weekends)... hey, gotsta work to fund the habit, right? I love the classic "you do... what?"

I have to put one more in:
you decide on a new ride, and put the old one up for sale. Under description (size, drive train, etc), you write "female ridden" and cackle maniacally remembering the trees you've crashed into, the helmets you've split, the stream crossings, the up-to-your-hubs-mud you rode through, the snow, the expression on the mechanic's face the last time you brought it in for a tuneup. Hey, if they don't ask, you're not going to tell them!


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## -kelly- (Mar 11, 2004)

brownieinSC said:


> I have one of the urinary devices and it is frickin' awesome! It is very nice not having to pull damp spandex material down or back up.


Do you have a name and/or link for one of those contraptions?? Sounds like a good idea!


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

kellyinNY said:


> Do you have a name and/or link for one of those contraptions?? Sounds like a good idea!


http://www.travelmateinfo.com/


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

*wow!*

It's a detachable penis without all the brain interference!!


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## brownieinSC (Apr 19, 2004)

*Here is the one I use*

http://www.campmor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?productId=13823&memberId=12500226

It is really convient after you get used to using it. I was extremely nervous at first but now I just stand there and take a leak with my husband.


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## JanT (Feb 4, 2004)

I have loved reading all these entries! Here's my 2 cents:

You know you're a mountain biking teacher when you have scabs on your elbows and knees just like your students.

You know you're a biking momma when you have more water bottles in your kitchen cupboard than glasses.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

*I keep thinking of more....*

.....when you have a brand-new Tiffany bracelet that was a gift, but you get more excited over wearing the titanium spoke bracelet, and hope people comment on it.

.....when you cook dinner for your cousins, then bring it over by placing the food into a lasagna pan and lashing it to the rear rack with bungee cords.

.....while looking for a maid of honor dress, you gravitate towards a metallic light blue color that matches your Blur


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

*retyped and formatted for your pleasure*

now you can copy and paste and send to all your friends.

You know you are a female mountain biker when....

when you have bike lube in your purse and tampons in your camel back

you have more bike socks than regular in your drawer.

You have more bike stuff than bras hanging on the clothes line....

You wear sports bras daily, and can't remember the last time you bought
something at Victoria's Secret (which you may or may not have regretted
during a recent date :redface)

The above-mentioned date refers to you as his "sexy trail biker" instead of
the usual "honeybun" or "sweetiepie."

You have to resist the temptation to buy little jerseys as baby gifts for
friends (though t-shirts, helmets, and accessories for their first trike are
fair game.)

You wonder if anything in your arsenal of power food helps with cramps
(Endurox? PowerBars? Gatorade? Dammit!!!)

It occurs to you that the only two times you've ever gone for waxing were
before week-long bike trips.

You can blow snot rockets with the best of em

when you're proud of all thoses bruises, chain ring tatoos and scrapes that
cover your legs and other parts

..when your dining room is really the bike room.

...when you check the loacl weather for wind speed/direction to decide road
or mtb.

...when you are putting away the laundry sports bras and bike socks go into
the bike box, not the dresser.

...sock shopping involves looking for bike socks that won't clash with work
slacks. Brown bikes sock are hard to find.

Instead of artificial flowers in a basket on the buffet, you have an
arrangement of colorful water bottles.

You have one purse...and 4 Camelbacks.

You have more bike shoes than dress shoes, and more jerseys than dresses.

You preface a visit to any new doctor with the statement: "I am not a
victim of domestic violence"

Or you get inordinately excited when the ER doc examining you after your
latest crash confesses he's a mountain biker too and starts to compare
scars. (happend to me believe it or not).

All your vacations are planned around biking and bike destinations.

You have more bikes than all of your neighbours combined.

Your biking s.o. expresses pride when you can look at a new bike and
immediately spot the new integrated disc brake adapter. And that you even
know what a disc brake adapter is.

You choose your dog's breed based on whether it will make a good trail dog
or not.

You have a four person family and there are over 25 bikes in the household.

You spend $15-20 on a good sports bra but wouldn't consider spending that
much on a regular bra.

You have yet to find a "women's" deodorant that does any good on the trails.

your friends introduce you as "this is Mary. She's got balls!"

90% of your wardrobe contains lycra. Especially jeans, because you can't
fit your quads into anything less than a size 12, but your waist is still a 6.

You LOVE porn. Bike porn, that is.

You meet a great guy who you have a ton in common with... including
biking! When you ask what he rides, he says "a Devinci". When you ask which
one, he doesn't know. It's blue, he says. What kind of drive train does it
have? He doesn't know. But it's a mountain bike! You suddenly have somewhere
you have to be.

You spend more than 10% of your annual income on new bike purchases, never
mind getting to races, race entry fees, and food. All non-food purchases are
equated to bikes. (I could go to dinner... or I could buy the Cannondale
bunny socks...)

You eat four meals a day. So?

Chocolate flavoured GU (w/ real belgian chocolate)
something you randomly crave....?

You break your childrens school dress code by picking them up after riding
in your bike shorts. I now take the time to change.

You no longer get funny looks from the other moms at your daughter's ballet
class when you show up with a big bruise or scrape. They just look at you
and say, "crash again?"

You have to move a Camelbak, helmet, and gloves before someone can sit in
your car.

You offer to bring your tools to work and repair a colleague's bike during
lunch time

You proudly wear your new Sidi Dragons to the mail box, and yes you do have
one purse and 4 camelbaks...(love that one).

Your gyn laughs as she reads the little sayings on the bottom of your socks
in the stirrups...LMAO.

If you are out of chocolate, you always have a Belgian Chocolate Gu stuck in
one of your camelbaks.

While driving you can never NOT look at the other car with a bike rack and
bikes going by.

You know when you come into a little extra money and biking stuff comes
immediately to mind(even though your underwear really needs to be replaced).

when you have a brand-new Tiffany bracelet that was a gift, but you get more excited over wearing the titanium spoke bracelet, and hope people comment on it.

when you cook dinner for your cousins, then bring it over by placing the food into a lasagna pan and lashing it to the rear rack with bungee cords.

while looking for a maid of honor dress, you gravitate towards a metallic light blue color that matches your Blur

you decide on a new ride, and put the old one up for sale. Under description (size, drive train, etc), you write "female ridden" and cackle maniacally remembering the trees you've crashed into, the helmets you've split, the stream crossings, the up-to-your-hubs-mud you rode through, the snow, the expression on the mechanic's face the last time you brought it in for a tuneup.

When you go to a baby shower that ends up in the basement looking at bikes...

When you don't bother going in the house to pee anymore?

When you stop using the vitamin E that the Dr. recommended on your scar 'cause you're afraid it's going away?

You know when the chiropractor starts asking, "Crash again?" when you go in for an appointment.


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## CycleMainiac (Jan 12, 2004)

THANKS!!!


It's now printed and posted on my office wall, and it's only 3 pages long


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## xcdemon (May 19, 2004)

yes, thanks! you rule.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

*oh man just thought of some more....*

....truly we're a sick bunch!

...when you couldn't be bothered to decorate your house for the holidays, yet you have Christmas and Halloween lights for the CamelBak, jingle bells for the bike, and bought an Easter mojo for Sunday's ride.

....you never used to daydream about a wedding, but fantasize about what it would be like to have a bike-themed wedding if the groom were also a biker.....hell, even if he weren't! And you're not even dating anyone.

....you never craved the experience of motherhood, yet you often wonder how you would mtb during a pregnancy.....and how it would be possible to hide this activity from protesting family members. Giving it up for all 9 months wouldn't even be a consideration.


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## Lucky (Jan 12, 2004)

More...

Your favorite designers are EMS, REI and LLBean.

You dread going to the mall, but can't walk by a bike shop without ducking in just to browse.

Kathy :^)


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## Neen (Sep 27, 2004)

*one more.....*

you try to figure out how to return the ridiculously expensive Coach purse you received as a xmas gift, because you could spend the money on a new NiteRider (that you'd get WAY more use out of)
okay 1 more, you spend way more on bike clothes than on "regular" clothes. (And YEAH, why are women's bike clothes designed so small?!)


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

Here's a new one: ....when you use the body buff to scrub the chain ring grease off your leg!


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## petey15 (Sep 1, 2006)

Ha ha!! These are awesome! I definitely am guilty of a lot of these


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## skarin (Jun 2, 2006)

When you get a dropper seat post for Mother's Day.


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## petey15 (Sep 1, 2006)

When you ask for a silky big boy for your birthday, and you meant, and get, the saw


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

skarin said:


> When you get a dropper seat post for Mother's Day.


When you buy your husband one for Xmas?


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## H2oChick (Dec 14, 2006)

too funny - thanks for bringing it back!


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## miatagal96 (Jul 5, 2005)

When your boss announces at a group meeting that raises got approved retroactively for one year and "woo hoo, new bike" involuntarily comes out of your mouth.


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## 640150 (Sep 16, 2012)

When you ebay your designer bags to raise funds for an upgrade on your components.


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## FrdSHOx3 (Sep 10, 2009)

katen21 said:


> When you ebay your designer bags to raise funds for an upgrade on your components.


Oooo good idea!


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## Lucy Juice (Dec 29, 2010)

... when you buy self-tanner to use only on your hands and feet!


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