# Rampage,Rain,Beer,Purgatory and Some Idiot



## gab26 (Jun 6, 2007)

Rip van sleep alot and I decided to flee the bay area, do some riding, and check out the Rampage course. Thursday morning we stop off near Vegas and get some good runs at Bootleg before heading up to Mosquito cove in Virgin, UT.

We set up camp and are just chillin at the campsite all peaceful when some guy pulls up right next to my truck spinning his tires of sand and dust all across our campsite. I can barely breathe and I am forced to walk across river to get away from the dust. After the dust settles I come back and notice his fricking tent is like 5 feet from mine. I can't believe the nerve of people. I am starting to feel enclosed and was about ready to say something to the guy, but my friend stops me and says a lot of people are coming up to this event anyway and it will be crowded. I figure as long as he is quiet and doesn't talk to us, I can live with it.

Then my nightmare begins. The guy comes over to our fire and starts telling a whinny story about getting pulled over for not using his turn signal. Says some bull$hit about that cops taking his beer since it was too high alcohol content for UT. He has a smokin hot chick with him and I figure WTF I'll give them some beer since I'll probably score with his sister later, since there is no way this guy could get a chick that hot.

As the night wears on, he tells us that his "sister" will shuttle us tomorrow and that he wants to ride Grafton Mesa. I don't know how the guy can still stand after drinking 16 of my case of 24 beers. Furthermore the girl isn't his sister- I just fricking wasted all my beers!!

The next day I'm checking out his bike (a Red Intense M3 with some pirate sticker on it). We shuttle Grafton Mesa. We are all on big bikes and the pedaling is way too much, but the end run is very nice. After riding he we get some lunch where I discover that the wanker has very little money and that he lost his credit card the day before. He says he will get lunch tomorrow somehow??

During lunch he talks to his MTBR buddies who say we rode the wrong line on Grafton and that we should ride with them tomorrow. I say let's shuttle Flying Monkey and ride some real lines, but they assure me there is a better line. The next day it pissing rain, we miss the peeps at the bottom of the shuttle but catch them at the top. Grafton was just as pedally and pushy the second time with the same good section at the end. I am pissed because it is raining harder and we can't go to Flying Monkey. The only props I give this fool is that he got one of the MTBR riders to push my bike back to the top of the Coke Drop so I could hit it again.

We get back to the camp and I see the fool is drinking something from a green bottle (Becks??) I figure he mooched it off some kids in the campground. He then starts b!tchen that his stuff is all wet and this and that. My stuff is wet too, so we go to town to get a hotel.

Everything in Hurricane is full except one room. So we rock/paper/scissor for it and he loses 2 out of 3. he starts biatchin again but still loses 4 out of 7 (I beat him 2-0 and 4-1). Then the loser starts whining about where he is going to stay. I am so tired of his complaining, I let him share the suite. We get settled and whiner boy and the girl head down to the jacuzzi where I see them drinking more green bottles. I go out to jacuzzi and see like 15 plus Beck's bottles in trash. I'm like where the fuk is the guy getting beer from? The guy is totally wasted again and he finally passes out after ear fvcking me for over 2 hours back in the hotel room. Furthermore his snoring is keeping me awake and all I can do is just stare at the ceiling. Finally, I just doze off and his cell phone starts ringing waking me up..

I am like in heaven because I won't be around this guy anymore after tomorrow. I am so happy right then that words can't describe my feelings of bliss. The guys name on the phone is Mike, west coast hooker or something like that. I can barely make out what he says because he is slurring his words so bad.

I start falling back asleep when the fool starts shaking my bed and says wake up, we got to pick up the hookers...I say I am married. He says his friend Mike is in jail. I say what ?? He says West coast hooker got pulled over for doing 47 in a 45 zone and his hooche falls on the floor and gets arrested for driving under the influence of mary jane. He has no car (impounded) and we need to pick him up. I say we?? and the moron says he is too drunk to get him. So we go to the jailhouse. Here is the kicker. The jail is called Purgatory Detention Facility. Just how my life feels right now Purgatory.

Next morning (2 hours of sleep mind you), I wake up rip van sleeps alot all stealth like and we slip out and ESCAPE without being caught. We Finally ditch those idiots.

The rampage course is all sunny and everything is going great when there is this comotion going on below us. The nightmare returns. He is drunk again with Beck's beer bottles all over where he is sitting.

I asked him where he got them and he says he found them in his ice chest. Apparently this guy is a liar. I am so fed up with his bullshiat that I tell him he better give me a few beers right now or I was going to hit him. He has only one beer left and cowardly gives me the beer. I take it and push him down to the ground. The whinning, complaining, drunk coward doesn't even say a word as I dare him to stand back up.

Who the hell is the idiot? His name was Bob or something like that.


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## Summit (Mar 25, 2004)

Absolutely priceless.


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## hozzerr1 (Feb 26, 2005)

*I Know This Idiot And I Am Tired Of His Bs Too!!!*

Dude, try being around this shyster at least 3-4 days out of the week, and for the past 7-8years, talk about developing some massive propensity for abiguity and what may be...

I have tried to take him in to re-hab as I don't drink anymore, but he has always an excuse why its ok for him to drink a 12 and half a bottle of Patron everyday. Don't take me wrong I used to drink alot too, but this guy is out of control...

And my gosh! I just don't understand how this fugly mother humper gets *ALWAYS *the hottest chicks, *all the time*, it's just beyond me.

Sorry about your weekend misfortunes.


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## William42 (Oct 29, 2006)

best write up I've seen on mtbr. 

fuggin classic


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## 62kona (Mar 25, 2008)

Wow man, you really put up with a lot of ****! I don't think I could have delt with that for that long.


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## SamL3227 (May 30, 2004)

hahahaha


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## MEWISEMAGIC (Jan 9, 2008)

Practice using the word NO. Nice of you to help him out though. :thumbsup:


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## KillerSloth (Apr 21, 2008)

Was this the pirate? lol

<img src=http://forums.mtbr.com/image.php?u=234681&dateline=1215498197>


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## Karve (Mar 31, 2006)

brilliant - im sure he will read this to if we keep it near the top of the threads LOL


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## .WestCoastHucker. (Jan 14, 2004)

gab26 said:


> ...pulled over for doing 47 in a 45 zone and his hooche falls on the floor and gets arrested for driving under the influence of mary jane. He has no car (impounded) and we need to pick him up. I say we?? and the moron says he is too drunk to get him. So we go to the jailhouse. Here is the kicker. The jail is called Purgatory Detention Facility. Just how my life feels right now Purgatory..


yeah, i had a bizarre weekend...


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## Cable0guy (Jun 19, 2007)

Great story. Any pictures to go along with it? Especially the hot chick?


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## BH1 (Oct 1, 2006)

Bob is dating his sister?


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## Karve (Mar 31, 2006)

Cable0guy said:


> Great story. Any pictures to go along with it? Especially the hot chick?


LOL yea pics or it didn't happen!


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## rep_1969 (Mar 25, 2004)

KillerSloth said:


> Was this the pirate? lol
> 
> <img src=http://forums.mtbr.com/image.php?u=234681&dateline=1215498197>


Damned Pirates!!


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## gab26 (Jun 6, 2007)

KillerSloth said:


> Was this the pirate? lol
> 
> <img src=http://forums.mtbr.com/image.php?u=234681&dateline=1215498197>


Yeah that was logo on the bike.


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## gab26 (Jun 6, 2007)

Karve said:


> LOL yea pics or it didn't happen!


Pics are coming when I get home from work.


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## hardway (Jun 3, 2006)

Brilliant! That was hilarious.


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## essenmeinstuff (Sep 4, 2007)

I don't even know any you guys and thats some funny shiat and sounds like a good time :thumbsup:


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## madridg (Apr 17, 2006)

sweet.

I can't wait for your next trip


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## scabrider (Oct 3, 2004)

sick...


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## SHIVER ME TIMBERS (Jan 12, 2004)

rep_1969 said:


> Damned Pirates!!


Was I a Pirate that weekend...absolutely...Man I was on vacation what else am I going to do?? I was out having fun.....it wasn't that bad


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## SHIVER ME TIMBERS (Jan 12, 2004)

BH1 said:


> Bob is dating his sister?


no.......he thought it was in the beginning and later found out it wasn't my sister


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## jamesdc (Oct 31, 2005)

At least Bob didn't do to you what he tried to do to Alloy last summer at mammoth.


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## derfernerf (Jun 25, 2006)

i have to agree with william42....best write up ever. i thought you were serious untill the "m3 with a pirate sticker" came up and i couldnt stop laughing. thanks for that!


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## joelalamo45 (Aug 3, 2006)

I'm the most interested in how WestCoastHooker got busted...


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## briank10 (Sep 20, 2007)

Lol!!!!


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## .WestCoastHucker. (Jan 14, 2004)

when you are driving thru podunk, utah at 2 am, you can bet you are the only person awake for miles and miles. as it says, i was driving 47 in a 45 zone in hurricane and got pulled over because of it. a subsequent search of my vehicle turned up my goods. off to jail i went for having metabolites in my system. essentially, in utah, if you are able to provide a dirty U.A. it is illegal for you to drive. so, i'm not allowed to smoke weed for 30 days before i drive in utah...


joelalamo45 said:


> I'm the most interested in how WestCoastHooker got busted...


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## blender (Oct 28, 2005)

jamesdc said:


> At least Bob didn't do to you what he tried to do to Alloy last summer at mammoth.


yes. be thankful for that


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## airwreck (Dec 31, 2003)

nice, best rampage coverage I've read!


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## .WestCoastHucker. (Jan 14, 2004)

jamesdc said:


> At least Bob didn't do to you what he tried to do to Alloy last summer at mammoth.


you don't need to hate just because SMT won't let you smoke his pole...


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## DHidiot (Aug 5, 2004)

Sounds like a pretty average weekend for anything the asspirate goes near....


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## hozzerr1 (Feb 26, 2005)

*what happened to Alloy*



jamesdc said:


> At least Bob didn't do to you what he tried to do to Alloy last summer at mammoth.


Oh yeah?

What happened?

Please tell us.


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## DHidiot (Aug 5, 2004)

hozzerr1 said:


> Oh yeah?
> 
> What happened?
> 
> Please tell us.


Clues are: Bob, alcohol, and a nipple.


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## tmarkos (Jan 18, 2008)

gab26 said:


> Rip van sleep alot and I decided to flee the bay area, do some riding, and check out the Rampage course. Thursday morning we stop off near Vegas and get some good runs at Bootleg before heading up to Mosquito cove in Virgin, UT.
> 
> We set up camp and are just chillin at the campsite all peaceful when some guy pulls up right next to my truck spinning his tires of sand and dust all across our campsite. I can barely breathe and I am forced to walk across river to get away from the dust. After the dust settles I come back and notice his fricking tent is like 5 feet from mine. I can't believe the nerve of people. I am starting to feel enclosed and was about ready to say something to the guy, but my friend stops me and says a lot of people are coming up to this event anyway and it will be crowded. I figure as long as he is quiet and doesn't talk to us, I can live with it.
> 
> ...


Holly shiit, I pissed myself!
Thanks for the laugh!


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## blender (Oct 28, 2005)

DHidiot said:


> Clues are: Bob, alcohol, and *alloy's* nipple.


fixed


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## bullit44777 (May 30, 2006)

BOCTO ALWAYS HANGS WITH HOTTIES


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## DHidiot (Aug 5, 2004)

blender said:
 

> fixed


Leave some of it to the imagination will ya?


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## blender (Oct 28, 2005)

DHidiot said:


> Leave some of it to the imagination will ya?


i just want it to be really clear that it was a *male* nipple


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## jamesdc (Oct 31, 2005)

bullit44777 said:


> BOCTO ALWAYS HANGS WITH HOTTIES


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha


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## tacubaya (Jan 27, 2006)

Awesome!!


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## 08nwsula (Oct 19, 2005)

derfernerf said:


> thought you were serious untill the "m3 with a pirate sticker" came up


 that's where I figured it out too.
ha


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## trailripper (Apr 30, 2007)

knowing gab26, he is the last person who would make up some BS story. Way to go SMT. proved you d bag-ness again.


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## chris_d (Apr 5, 2008)

Weird beans!!!! 

That is some ironic sh!t!!!


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## Freerydejunky (Sep 21, 2006)

SJensen said:


> knowing gab26, he is the last person who would make up some BS story. Way to go SMT. proved you d bag-ness again.


Agreed


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## bad andy (Feb 21, 2006)

You guys are Ear Fvckers!


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## Tim F. (May 22, 2006)

*No, no, no! What really happened....*

Gab talked me into going to ride some knarly trial out side of Las Vegas for the weekend. He persuades me even though I hadn't had much sleep all week. We get to the Vegas strip, and theres skanke whores all over the place selling their services, so we decide to drive out to the trail head and camp there. We get about 2 hours sleep and Gab wakes me at sunset were all ready to ride, but he tells me we have to wait for SMT so we can do 3rd man out shuttles.We wait about three hours and he never shows, so we decide to push the bikes up the hill. It's about 110 degree's and we're cussing SMT all the way up the hill. We decide since SMT screwed our plans up for doing 3rd man out shuttles, to just drive out to Virgin to watch the RB Rampage.

We get out there and I'm finally able to get some sleep, and all of a sudden I'm awaken by some dum-azz doing doe-nuts in our campgroud, and then he crashes his truck in the river!
Then he makes his poor sister push him out the river while he steers the truck. She's so pissed at him she throws his keys in the river. While he's looking for his key's in the river, a cricket jumps down his shirt, he pizzes hisself so much, he lost his credit card in the river. Later his sister confesses, that there not blood kin, Bob was adopted...he's really a love child from Ron Jeramey an some Vegas crack hooker. This was proved later when a truck load off Red Bull hotties pull into the camp ground. Me and Gab are talking to them, getting them all liquired up, when SMT showes his face from inside his hotel sized tent. One look at him and the RB girls were like "EEWW!!! ross it's Ron Jeramey!!" and they pile back into their truck and haul tail out of there.

Later that night there were a few Morman college kids, all were under aged, having a Bible Study retreat at our camp ground. They tried to convert Bob, but Bob actually persuaded them to have a few drinks (he told them it was only organic rootbeer), and smoke some of the wild canabus that was growing in the area. He told them it was ok, Jon Smith used to smoke wild herbs with the Indians...Later that night the park rangers raided their camp, and the Morman church vanguished them from Utah. Now there all pimping themselves out on the Vegas strip. FYI, West Coast Hucker was also arrested at this time for trying to pimp out SMT's hot sister to the Morman students.

Sunday at the Rampage SMT tried to stand next to Bender to have his picture taken...Bender mistook him for Ron Jeramey and took the pic, then found out it was only some drunken butt pirate and pushed him down the hill, were he took out one of the contestants trying to land a killer 360.

FYI, yes Bob is dating his sister, but it's ok (so he says) because they are not blood kin. She was offered to pose for Playboy (yes, she's that hot!), but they recinded the offer when they found out she was related to, and dating Ron Jeramany's love child.:eekster:


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## Tim F. (May 22, 2006)

BH1 said:


> Bob is dating his sister?


No, he blackmales her into hanging out with him to make it look it look like there dating.:devil:


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## Freerydejunky (Sep 21, 2006)

Good god this is the best thread ever


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## BigHit888 (Aug 13, 2008)

*Tim F.*

Thanks for your version!!! I havent laughed this much in years...classic!!!:thumbsup:


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## SHIVER ME TIMBERS (Jan 12, 2004)

Cable0guy said:


> Great story. Any pictures to go along with it? Especially the hot chick?


here


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## mouse jockey (May 7, 2004)

hah, hah, hah!! I actually laughed out loud when I got to this part....



gab26 said:


> The next day I'm checking out his bike (a Red Intense M3 with some pirate sticker on it).


Fricken classic!


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## rep_1969 (Mar 25, 2004)

This thread is officially out of control!!


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## Pedal Shop (Dec 14, 2006)

SHIVER ME TIMBERS said:


> here


that's worth at least one spank!!! (the photo of the hottie)

oh my


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## levee67 (May 13, 2004)

Man, all the old, married, guys with kids have all the fun.

damon


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## Karve (Mar 31, 2006)

Man i love this shizzle of a thread - cracking me up


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## rep_1969 (Mar 25, 2004)

SHIVER ME TIMBERS said:


> here


Damn SMT, I'm proud of you! :thumbsup:


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## SHIVER ME TIMBERS (Jan 12, 2004)

rep_1969 said:


> Damn SMT, I'm proud of you! :thumbsup:


5'10" and 138


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## bullit44777 (May 30, 2006)

BOCTO IS STILL THE HUCKLE SHIZZ DE DIZZLE YO


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## Prettym1k3 (Oct 11, 2005)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHA...

I'm choking back laughter here in my quiet office. Haha...


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## SHIVER ME TIMBERS (Jan 12, 2004)

bullit44777 said:


> BOCTO IS STILL THE HUCKLE SHIZZ DE DIZZLE YO
> 
> ]


hey aren't you getting flammed in the pasion forum??? you should be there defending your point

P.S. Go Lakers !!


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## bullit44777 (May 30, 2006)

no reason to defend a dead horse, especially when retards repeat the same thing 97 times, but thanks for kickin it!


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## SHIVER ME TIMBERS (Jan 12, 2004)

bullit44777 said:


> no reason to defend a dead horse, especially when retards repeat the same thing 97 times, but thanks for kickin it!


Lakers tonight??


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## Dirtman (Jan 30, 2004)

Whew - beer almost leap from my nose:lol: MAN! This is some funny shiat 

Great thread!


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## horse of iron (Oct 22, 2007)

best thread evar


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## elder_mtber (Jan 13, 2004)

*Hilarious!*


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## paintballeerXC (Jun 9, 2005)

epic, i miss old mtbr goodness like this


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## SHIVER ME TIMBERS (Jan 12, 2004)

paintballeerXC said:


> epic, i miss old mtbr goodness like this


yep the days with EIO and and the waterspout hunters and all....way good time...thought you guys would like a little humor


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## Cable0guy (Jun 19, 2007)

Bump for being the best MTBR ever, and for those who are planning to go to Rampage this year.

Having met Bob/SMT finally and ridden with him earlier this year, this story gets even better.


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## SHIVER ME TIMBERS (Jan 12, 2004)

Cable0guy said:


> Bump for being the best MTBR ever, and for those who are planning to go to Rampage this year.
> 
> Having met Bob/SMT finally and ridden with him earlier this year, this story gets even better.


larger then life.......just having fun


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