# Rules to live by...



## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

I haven't ever tried to light a match by the seat of my bloomers, or bike shorts, but this almost makes me want to try!

And the cut and paste:

Don't be a fright.
Don't faint on the road.
Don't wear a man's cap.
Don't wear tight garters.
Don't forget your toolbag
Don't attempt a "century."
Don't coast. It is dangerous.
Don't boast of your long rides.
Don't criticize people's "legs."
Don't wear loud hued leggings.
Don't cultivate a "bicycle face."
Don't refuse assistance up a hill.
Don't wear clothes that don't fit.
Don't neglect a "light's out" cry.
Don't wear jewelry while on a tour.
Don't race. Leave that to the scorchers.
Don't wear laced boots. They are tiresome.
Don't imagine everybody is looking at you.
Don't go to church in your bicycle costume.
Don't wear a garden party hat with bloomers.
Don't contest the right of way with cable cars.
Don't chew gum. Exercise your jaws in private.
Don't wear white kid gloves. Silk is the thing.
Don't ask, "What do you think of my bloomers?"
Don't use bicycle slang. Leave that to the boys.
Don't go out after dark without a male escort.
Don't without a needle, thread and thimble.
Don't try to have every article of your attire "match."
Don't let your golden hair be hanging down your back.
Don't allow dear little Fido to accompany you
Don't scratch a match on the seat of your bloomers.
Don't discuss bloomers with every man you know.
Don't appear in public until you have learned to ride well.
Don't overdo things. Let cycling be a recreation, not a labor.
Don't ignore the laws of the road because you are a woman.
Don't try to ride in your brother's clothes "to see how it feels."
Don't scream if you meet a cow. If she sees you first, she will run.
Don't cultivate everything that is up to date because yon ride a wheel.
Don't emulate your brother's attitude if he rides parallel with the ground.
Don't undertake a long ride if you are not confident of performing it easily.
Don't appear to be up on "records" and "record smashing." That is sporty.


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

Don't ever tell anyone a trail or obstacle is "easy." 

Easy is a relative term. Describe the obstacle. Reference similar obstacles that the other rider already has under their belt. But don't say it's "easy" -- if they accomplish it, it doesn't matter because it was "easy" anyway. If they fall, then they fell on an "easy" obstacle. And if the walk, then they feel extra lame for walking something "easy."

Even riding over a stick is difficult for some.

Also, don't mix up your chamois butter and your capsaicin creme.


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

Wow! I got negative rep for posting this thread! I guess I should have added that this was published in an article in the year 1895 as guidelines for women riding bicycles. If you follow the link, you will find the article.

Oh well...


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## miatagal96 (Jul 5, 2005)

I want to know what a "bicycle face" is, especially an 1895 bicycle face.


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

screampint said:


> Wow! I got negative rep for posting this thread! I guess I should have added that this was published in an article in the year 1895 as guidelines for women riding bicycles. If you follow the link, you will find the article.
> 
> Oh well...


Really - the first thing I did was go to the source link. My thought was , wow, pretty progressive thinking for 1895.


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

screampint said:


> Wow! I got negative rep for posting this thread! I guess I should have added that this was published in an article in the year 1895 as guidelines for women riding bicycles. If you follow the link, you will find the article.
> 
> Oh well...


Yeah, on the thread where some dope was complaining about there being a women's forum and I responded saying it's a good place for embarrassing period questions, not to mention MTBRs zillion other oddly niche forums, I got neg repped with the following comment:

"your parents are union working trash just like you."

It's really odd to have anonymous "negative rep" here. On the sister forum, RoadBikeReview, you see who left you what. Definitely helps keep cowardly ******bags from getting passive aggressive internet boners.


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

Huh... Makes no sense. But then, mine doesn't either:

"Don't pretend you are intelligent when you are a complete dumb ass"

Sounds sorta like the same person...


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## MtbRN (Jun 8, 2006)

screampint said:


> Huh... Makes no sense. But then, mine doesn't either:
> 
> "Don't pretend you are intelligent when you are a complete dumb ass"
> 
> Sounds sorta like the same person...


How do you give positive rep? I have no idea, but would totally give you and Catzilla some for your contributions 

OTOH, does it matter?

Thanks for posting the article. *I* found it interesting.


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

screampint said:


> Huh... Makes no sense. But then, mine doesn't either:
> 
> "Don't pretend you are intelligent when you are a complete dumb ass"
> 
> Sounds sorta like the same person...


Woah. Frickin' lame.

It's odd that, if the comments were public, they could either be moderated, or at the very least, given a retort.

Now there's this odd feature, that can't be turned off, which allows people to be anonymously creepy, mean, or most annoying, dip*****ty. And lord knows people on the internet are always their best selves under the cloak of anonymity.


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

MtbRN said:


> How do you give positive rep? I have no idea, but would totally give you and Catzilla some for your contributions
> 
> OTOH, does it matter?


It's the little thumbs up under a user's name.

It's on the internet. So, of course it matters. 

(You see the comments when you click on "my account." So, if you want to change any of your settings, you see the comments. Which is mostly fun or silly, or in all likelihood, just empty. But it's weird when you suddenly see random anonymous insults. Disagree with me, don't like me, whatever -- but don't throw insults without giving me the opportunity to make you look like a witless internet tough guy.)


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

Yup, anonymous negative rep, when you're afraid to face the repercussions of slinging asinine insults in public.


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## mtbxplorer (Dec 25, 2009)

You might like this book or audiobook, Annie Londonderry - the first woman to bicycle around the world, about her 1899 "trip around the world". I got the audiobook downloaded free using my library card.


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

Very cool! Thanks!


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

I'm sure I have one when I'm struggling and hurting!


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## H0WL (Jan 17, 2007)

miatagal96 said:


> I want to know what a "bicycle face" is, especially an 1895 bicycle face.


Or could be an insanely happy grin. 
Scream, this is an amazing list! I fear that there was no "do" list to match although some of the don't were really do's: (Don't overdo things.) _Let cycling be a recreation, not a labor._ 
We shall have to make our own do's!

Do ride as often as possible on bikes and trails that make you happy!


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## oldbroad (Mar 19, 2004)

Do ride as often as possible on bikes and trails that make you happy!
Do try new things that push your skill level. 
Do say “moo” to cows, and “quack” to ducks when riding


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## mtbxplorer (Dec 25, 2009)

OK, I had to google "bicycle face", and after wading thru_ the band_, the _bicycle face masks_, and the_ face plants_, I learned this:

*You see, bicycle face, according to the display, was one of the "allegedly possible ailments" of riding a bike. Anti-bicyclists of the time claimed it was "the product of excessive worry over maintaining balance while riding."*

_from Back when society lived in fear of 'bicycle face' | OregonLive.com_

So bicycle face is quite relevant to 21st century MTB'rs, and should clearly be avoided at all costs, as advised in 1895 and reported by screampint in the OP.


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## H0WL (Jan 17, 2007)

mtbxplorer said:


> OK, I had to google "bicycle face", and after wading thru_ the band_, the _bicycle face masks_, and the_ face plants_, I learned this:
> 
> *You see, bicycle face, according to the display, was one of the "allegedly possible ailments" of riding a bike. Anti-bicyclists of the time claimed it was "the product of excessive worry over maintaining balance while riding."*
> 
> ...


Fabulous sleuthing!


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## nybike1971 (Oct 6, 2005)

catzilla said:


> Y
> It's really odd to have anonymous "negative rep" here. On the sister forum, RoadBikeReview, you see who left you what. Definitely helps keep cowardly ******bags from getting passive aggressive internet boners.


This deserves positive rep to counterbalance the d-bag!


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## NicoleB (Jul 21, 2011)

i'm pretty sure i've broken more than half of those rules. 

and ladies, i'm gonna pos rep ya. even if i get dinged. all good.


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## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

screampint said:


> Wow! I got negative rep for posting this thread! I guess I should have added that this was published in an article in the year 1895 as guidelines for women riding bicycles. If you follow the link, you will find the article.
> 
> Oh well...


FWIW if you put it out there for all to see you're gonna get _some_ grief.


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## NicoleB (Jul 21, 2011)

next guy i see in the woods, i'm going to politely ask "what do you think of my bloomers?"

....or maybe i shouldnt be asking for compliments from strange guys in the woods. nevermind!


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## NicoleB (Jul 21, 2011)

Don’t be a fright. guilty
Don’t faint on the road. howabout on trail?
Don’t wear a man’s cap. ooops
Don’t wear tight garters. k, i'll save it for the bedroom
Don’t forget your toolbag i never forget my boyfriend!
Don’t attempt a “century.” oh i'll attempt, just maybe not finish
Don’t coast. It is dangerous. oh crap
Don’t boast of your long rides. shoulda seen my 25 mile ride today!
Don’t criticize people’s “legs.” tree trunks
Don’t wear loud hued leggings. oh dear, see my "one pic of your ride" contribution.
Don’t cultivate a “bicycle face.” k, i'll stick with my duck face
Don’t refuse assistance up a hill. like a winch? (sp)
Don’t wear clothes that don’t fit. that moose knuckle is from the pads, not the ill fit.
Don’t neglect a “light’s out” cry. ?
Don’t wear jewelry while on a tour. eff you, i'll don my pearls
Don’t race. Leave that to the scorchers. i agree
Don’t wear laced boots. They are tiresome. no, pedaling is tiresome. but i'm not allowed to coast, so....
Don’t imagine everybody is looking at you. thats my worst nightmare actually
Don’t go to church in your bicycle costume. filthy atheist, here.
Don’t wear a garden party hat with bloomers. too late!
Don’t contest the right of way with cable cars. what?
Don’t chew gum. Exercise your jaws in private. sounds kinky
Don’t wear white kid gloves. Silk is the thing. you're right, they're a little gay. i mean "euro"
Don’t ask, “What do you think of my bloomers?” yeah, thats for harlots
Don’t use bicycle slang. Leave that to the boys. dude! shreddin some serious GNAR bro!
Don’t go out after dark without a male escort. i agree
Don’t without a needle, thread and thimble. wtf?
Don’t try to have every article of your attire “match.” i'm a slave to fashion
Don’t let your golden hair be hanging down your back. i tried a ponytail but it falls out
Don’t allow dear little Fido to accompany you screw you
Don’t scratch a match on the seat of your bloomers. is that like lighting a fart?
Don’t discuss bloomers with every man you know. :ihih:
Don’t appear in public until you have learned to ride well. that could take a while....
Don’t overdo things. Let cycling be a recreation, not a labor. but i like to throw up
Don’t ignore the laws of the road because you are a woman. well, thats how women drive, right?
Don’t try to ride in your brother’s clothes “to see how it feels.” its a hobby, dont ask. TIGHTY WHITIES!
Don’t scream if you meet a cow. If she sees you first, she will run. i want burgers
Don’t cultivate everything that is up to date because yon ride a wheel. yon?
Don’t emulate your brother’s attitude if he rides parallel with the ground. huh? isnt that the point?
Don’t undertake a long ride if you are not confident of performing it easily. oh now you tell me. try riding with the friggin animals i ride with.
Don’t appear to be up on “records” and “record smashing.” That is sporty. i agreee. i think i'll stick to knitting


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## clayman29 (Apr 7, 2011)

NicoleB28 said:


> Don't be a fright. guilty
> Don't faint on the road. howabout on trail?
> Don't wear a man's cap. ooops
> Don't wear tight garters. k, i'll save it for the bedroom
> ...


That's great! lol..


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## leeboh (Aug 5, 2011)

Google "bikeyface" in urban dictionary.


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