# what to do with the other half



## Provincial (Jun 14, 2017)

my wife has been showing interest in my cycling recently, so for her birthday, we went to the LBO and bought her a nice mountain bike.
shop fit her up with a new seat, helmet, all the gear to get her going

she has ridden a bike more than me over the years, but has no mountain biking experience, or really done any serious riding. just fooling around on cruiser type bikes 

how would you approach taking her out? I am afraid my flat out, smashing everything technique may/will turn her off.

I was thinking some flat trails at first, with some distance, then maybe
a small ride thru some single tracks, 

how would you handle it?


----------



## Joules (Oct 12, 2005)

my experience: find a group for her to ride with, a group you aren't in. If it's just you and her (or if you're there at all), there's a 99.9% chance she'll get scared on things you think are no big deal, and from there, she'll get mad at you and that will be the end of her riding. 

Seriously, I've never seen the scenario you described end with anything but fighting. I believe it's the reason for women-only clubs/rides. 
I'm a skills coach, I've just about gotten to the point I won't teach couples together. The only time I've had that end well was when the woman was more into it (and a better rider) than her husband; I've only seen that scenario once.


----------



## bachman1961 (Oct 9, 2013)

Yep as you say, build it slowly and make it fun every time, maybe a change of venue and breakfast or lunch stop figured in.

If instruction gets testy (sometimes spouse/student isn't always best) get someone else to step in on the areas that need demo , coaching and such.


----------



## Provincial (Jun 14, 2017)

good points that I did not consider

I know she wants to go out and ride with me, but I can see that it could turn into a 
tip toe thru a mind field kind of event for me and her


----------



## bitflogger (Jan 12, 2004)

Go with a friend she might enjoy or respect. The change that got my wife back into it was a friend giving her the same tips she didn't take from me. I've been on group rides and others' wives listened to me and not their husbands.

Bell Joy Ride events are popular where I am but my wife is not into that sort of thing. Those rides have done a lot to get women riding in my area.

The gear makes a big difference. Riding a modern bigger wheel slack bike and Five Ten shoes made my wife comfy. Others I know achieved that with a fat bike.


----------



## ilanarama (May 20, 2010)

I strongly second the recommendation for either a women's group ride or clinic, or other friends who aren't you. This wasn't my experience cycling, but rock climbing; when I started to climb with my husband there were a lot of tears and unhappiness. After I got experience with other friends and felt more confident in my own abilities, we were able to climb together and have fun. Criticism is harder to take when it comes from your spouse.


----------



## Sparticus (Dec 28, 1999)

bitflogger said:


> Go with a friend she might enjoy or respect. The change that got my wife back into it was a friend giving her the same tips she didn't take from me. I've been on group rides and others' wives listened to me and not their husbands.


So much truth in ^^^ this. IME significant others are awesome at perceiving things differently (or hearing them at all) from someone other than the SO.

There are two types of riders I go out with.
1) Newbies & SOs
2) BHPs (Brainless Hammer Pilots, in other words me ridin' buds)

In the case of newbies & SOs, it's not about the bike riding. It's about them. Nobody taught me to enjoy mountain biking (just fell in love with it) so I don't coach them (much) unless they ask for advice so I tell them this in advance and encourage them to ask. They're going to like mountain biking. Who doesn't? While I am supportive, most people aren't into unsolicited advice. So I take them to a beautiful wooded area with sweet singletrack and we enjoy being there at a mellow pace. We converse. They already love being in nature, right? This time they're on a bike. We'll travel at a walking pace if that's their thing. In any case my expectation level is in the right place because my focus is on them having fun. Them. Having fun. Period.

OTOH when I'm riding with my BHPs, all stops are pulled. It's ON! That's a whole different kind of riding where I'm either trying to get away from them off the front or they're trying to get away from me and I ain't havin' that. Low elevation flying. I would never combine SO type of riding with BHP type riding -- recipe for disaster. Except for... see below.

Group rides are different than one-on-one rides so communication is key to setting expectations and expectations are key to avoiding disappointment. I wouldn't take my SO on a group ride until she's comfortable riding with a group -- it can be intimidating. But once she's a bonafide rider in her own right and going on group rides, she's on her own and so am I. She better know how to fix a flat, etc. because I'm not there for her anymore than I am for anyone else. Okay, that's an exaggeration.  Anyway I do my best to pave that road with clear communication well before we get to it. If she can't or doesn't want to be self sufficient on rides, then we won't ride together. I'm not into babysitting. Takes time to get to this point, but the most successful long term couples I know that show up together for group rides don't ride together -- they do their own thing. Key to happiness.

For the newbie SO I suggest lowering expectations, take it slow and be there to support but let them find their fun. It's mountain biking. They will.
=sParty


----------



## bitflogger (Jan 12, 2004)

Sparticus said:


> So much truth in ^^^ this. IME significant others are awesome at perceiving things differently (or hearing them at all) from someone other than the SO.
> 
> There are two types of riders I go out with.
> 1) Newbies & SOs
> ...


BHP, you've got me smiling ear to ear.

I know that split. My riding is exactly between SOs and learners or BHPs.

One interesting thing is the most talented and aggressive women I ride with almost always show some caution in spots where the male BHPs do not.

I think my only concessions to Fifty+ and BHP are patience for new riders and the joy of riding with my wife and my dirt jumper has pretty much sat for 365 days.


----------



## Provincial (Jun 14, 2017)

(BHP'S) that's great LOL


----------



## jeffscott (May 10, 2006)

Provincial said:


> my wife has been showing interest in my cycling recently, so for her birthday, we went to the LBO and bought her a nice mountain bike.
> shop fit her up with a new seat, helmet, all the gear to get her going
> 
> she has ridden a bike more than me over the years, but has no mountain biking experience, or really done any serious riding. just fooling around on cruiser type bikes
> ...


Let her take you... then you quietly follow her.


----------



## panchosdad (Sep 21, 2008)

My strategy is to just try to keep up.


----------



## Mr Pig (Jun 25, 2008)

ilanarama said:


> ..when I started to climb with my husband there were a lot of tears and unhappiness.


Sad what woman can reduce a man to ;0)


----------



## Provincial (Jun 14, 2017)

we went out last night for the first time, it turned out great, I asked her if she wanted to go to some dirt road rides, all flat or if she wanted to go on a mountain bike ride
she jumped right in on the MTB ride.
took her to an easy, 3 mile loop , wide trails thru the woods with a couple of descent climbs
she seemed to really enjoy it and she rambled on all night about the conditions and how she needs to work on shifting better and climbing the hills.
started out just following her, but she wasn't sure of the way to go, so she wanted me to
lead the way, so I went real slow, and if she had to bail on a hill I waited till she caught up

all in all, I may have created a monster, time will tell
the first ride went great


----------



## Guest (Aug 18, 2017)

Provincial said:


> good points that I did not consider
> 
> I know she wants to go out and ride with me, but I can see that it could turn into a
> tip toe thru a mind field kind of event for me and her


I think you can take both approaches if you're cautious. Take her on easy rides until she asks to do more difficult rides. Let her find a group to ride that can ease her into tougher trails and answer her technique questions without you being a "know-it-all." My wife has her riding friend group (where she's more apt to try something new) and we ride (but generally more vanilla trails - partly because she's became uber cautious at 40, more so at 50 and now won't even ride gravel roads). But I learned the hard way that I can't teach her how to shift, or when to get off the bike because you don't have enough tire/brake for a descent because I'm "bossing her around."


----------



## MSU Alum (Aug 8, 2009)

My wife started riding with me when she was 58, after not having ridden a bike since she was a child. We rode on very easy stuff, like 2 miles out and back on a rail trail. Now, at 64, she rides hard stuff...like 16 miles and 2000 feet of climbing hard. 

In between, I just rode with her and enjoyed her company and she grew to love mountain biking. If I want to ride really hard, I ride with my son, or alone. I don't see why this is complicated.


----------



## MtbRN (Jun 8, 2006)

This question has come up innumerable times on the women's forum, you might want to do a little reading there?


----------



## Mr Pig (Jun 25, 2008)

Provincial said:


> We went out last night for the first time, it turned out great...


Good stuff. I bought my wife a bike years ago, think she rode the thing once, maybe twice. Oh well.


----------



## Uwibami (Apr 26, 2017)

Provincial said:


> we went out last night for the first time, it turned out great, I asked her if she wanted to go to some dirt road rides, all flat or if she wanted to go on a mountain bike ride
> she jumped right in on the MTB ride.
> took her to an easy, 3 mile loop , wide trails thru the woods with a couple of descent climbs
> she seemed to really enjoy it and she rambled on all night about the conditions and how she needs to work on shifting better and climbing the hills.
> ...


Same with my wife, after her first run on single track she lookd at me and said" That's MY $h!t!!!!"


----------



## bitflogger (Jan 12, 2004)

Provincial said:


> all in all, I may have created a monster, time will tell
> the first ride went great


Nice.

For me the secret is same height wife. That's most of how or why we have a few nice MTBs and two fatties.

Keep it up. We have great times riding together.


----------



## Picard (Apr 5, 2005)

there are easy single tracks out there. she can get a taste of easy trails.


----------

