# Do you need permission to ride?



## k2rider1964 (Apr 29, 2010)

I know this topic has the potential to get derailed in a hurry but it drives me crazy when one of my friends says "let me check with my wife and see if I'm doing something". What? You don't know if you're doing something? I know you have to respect your significant other but barring something BIG or out of the ordinary, my wife knows nothing comes before my weekend ride. I know I'm a rare species (and very lucky) being retired with with a still working wife but she didn't even bat an eye when I told her I'm going to Moab for 8-9 days in October. 

By contrast, I have one friend that needs to check in every week even though he makes in the high 6 figures and pays for every single bill. Going out of town for more than 3-4 days with the boys is a no-go. I had one co-worker that couldn't go on ANY out of town trip with his wife. I'd be single if my wife was like that. 

Obviously, if MTB riding isn't a high priority for you, this topic doesn't apply to you.


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## MSU Alum (Aug 8, 2009)

No.


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## TheHolc (May 17, 2016)

I don't, ultimately I'm going to do what I want to do. But I usually still end up trying to respect whichever decision my fiancé would most probably prefer. I mean I have to laid somehow...Ask me again in another 30 years when she will probably be tired of my $hit and ushering me out the door anytime I ask.


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## chazpat (Sep 23, 2006)

I don't need permission to ride, I present it as a fact, not as a question. Now how long I'll be out riding very well may be discussed.


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## tfinator (Apr 30, 2009)

My SO knows riding is a priority. When my buddies ask if I want to do something out of the normal 8am-2pm range weekend ride I'll check with her because there is a high probability of me forgetting a prior commitment. If something comes up and she wants me there, I make the effort to do it.

Most of my friends are pretty aware of the fact that if you're trying to get me to do something prior to 2pm on a weekend that I'm probably not interested. I'd rather be riding, surfing, or shooting fish. Watching movies and or drinking beer is for when the sun goes down, barring special occasions.

It's probably just that other people have more commitments or friends than you do



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## twd953 (Aug 21, 2008)

Nope. Happily married for 20 years. No permission needed here. That doesn't mean I go and do whatever I want whenever I want. 

We respect and support each other, and keep each other up to date on any important scheduled events that we need to plan around. When she has something important going, I support her in that without hesitation. In return, she doesn't bat an eye when I go on a week long riding trip with friends, or decide on a whim to take a solo 4 day weekend road trip to ride on not much more than a couple days notice.

I know some guys who are on a very short leash. No way would I be happy in that scenario. I find the needy "Oh....he doesn't love me becuase he chose to go biking with his friends instead of hanging out with me" dynamic nauseating.


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## Guest (Mar 7, 2018)

I don’t need permission but, I always check first...just in case she actually wants to do something with me


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## Harold (Dec 23, 2003)

With my wife, I only do inasmuch as I want to check that my wife plans to ride that day or not. My wife works a very irregular schedule, so I can't just assume that she'll be at work when I want to ride or something. If she's not working, she'll likely want to ride and we often ride together. So checking with her will more than likely determine WHERE a ride occurs, not whether it will occur at all. If it's a bigger trip, she may want to come, too, depending on the trip. I've honestly only been fortunate enough to do 2 longer trips with friends. When it comes to bigger destination stuff that gets planned further out, my wife isn't the one I have to plan through. 

I can't get a break in the employment department, so I typically have to deal with crappy jobs with crappy hours and no such thing as vacation. No work, no pay. No such thing as vacation. Ask for too much time off, and I'm likely to be shown the door. And just as often as not, the answer is "no" when I ask for time off because too many other people asked for the same time off or something important is going on at work and nobody is allowed time off, or something like that. So there's a lot I don't get to do because of work.


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## UPSed (Dec 26, 2010)

I only need to ask if she wants to come with me. Sometimes she gets upset if I go without her.


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## k2rider1964 (Apr 29, 2010)

Great responses so far....more entertaining than expected and nice to see so many of us think alike in the grand scheme of things.


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## sturge (Feb 22, 2009)

My wife has never ridden in her life but she knows this is one of my things. I try to let her know where I'm riding...especially if it's solo. After 30+ years of marriage and dealing with a few 'events' over the years she's convinced some day the call will come in that I keeled over on the trail and that will be it. What can I say...I am NOT going down watching her shop at the mall!


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## scaryfast (Apr 23, 2004)

Nope.


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## OwenM (Oct 17, 2012)

I'm single, and just need permission from Mother Nature. She's awfully moody this time of year, and has been pretty cranky the past week or so, but seems to be coming around:thumbsup:


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## Random Dude (Dec 11, 2017)

No I don’t.

But I do try to let her know my plan ahead of time so she can plan if needed.


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## Structure (Dec 29, 2003)

Not “permission” exactly but I check in first. When you have a kid(s) anything else would be a prick move.


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## Flamingtaco (Mar 12, 2012)

Riding is my life, but so is my wife. If I haven't bothered to find out what she has planned for the weekend, that's on me, and I'm going to have to check with her. Otherwise, know if she's got plans, because I have enough respect for her to ask the important questions, and to put her plans/desires into my calendar so I won't forget.

My wife gets one weekend a month (usually just one day), scouting gets one weekend a month, and I get two weekends a month. I've got the better deal.


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## Harold (Dec 23, 2003)

Can't forget that when I do a solo ride, my wife is the person I leave my itinerary with and who will be calling SAR to recover my body. So she always knows when and where I ride.

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## fatboy43 (May 4, 2008)

With an infant and a special needs child at home my wife would rather soak her head in acid then let me ride. She does however, usually whenever i ask and she does a great job hiding her true feelings. 

As much as I don't want my kids to grow up I am looking forward to the time when I don't need to do a quick ride and rush home. Better yet a time when my kids want to ride with me. That sounds perfect!

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## twodownzero (Dec 27, 2017)

Not married, never married, and so whether I ride is determined by whether I want to ride or do something else.


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## mileslong (Aug 20, 2016)

My wife understands how important riding is to my mental health...in fact she usually demands that I go ride regularly.


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## jcd46 (Jul 25, 2012)

Not married either but being a full time care giver, I have to make arrangements for longer rides or group rides, which are always an hour away.

I can sneak in my local trails with shorter rides, or grab the road bike for a quick spin. Sometimes work gets in the way as well.


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## cookieMonster (Feb 23, 2004)

This, for me too. If I don't tell her I'm going riding, she'll suggest it. We have a kid and another on the way. They are the priority, and marriage is a team effort.

It's not "permission" that I sometimes need, but a "blessing." If it's not the right time to go riding I can see it on her face, even if she tells me to go. I usually won't.

It's a moot point though because I live right next to a huge mountain range and usually get up at 5:00 every morning and ride before anyone else is awake.


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## someoldfart (Mar 14, 2013)

Nope. We tell each other what we are up to. She went skiing this morning and I came up later after I walked the dogs. We go to the gym together a couple times a week, but I generally ride alone and cross country ski alone. We’ve always been this way. 32 years.


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## John Kuhl (Dec 10, 2007)

No I don't, but my wife usually rides with me or I go solo.


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## WHALENARD (Feb 21, 2010)

Never married but plenty of my friends are. If I want to get in a weekend ride with a good friend of mine not only is his wife dictating what he can do but by default that turns into what we can do. Sometimes this can be really frustrating and he won't exactly be forthcoming with how much time he has etc. His wife is actually pretty cool (and very attractive), I like her. Considering I've dropped of her husband bloodied, drunk, and many hours late more than once I'm not sure the feeling is mutual.


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## bronxbomber252 (Mar 27, 2017)

The wife and I inform each other of our plans, we each have veto power if there is some compelling reason, but I can count on one hand the number of times either of us have used that in 8 years of marriage. If one of us would rather the other person not do something we talk about it including the reasons why and then the person who is making plans makes a decision. So it is more consulting than asking permission. Usually if one of us has a problem with the other’s plan we come to a compromise.


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## natas1321 (Nov 4, 2017)

Nope, it's part of my daily routine weather dependent and she gets that and my evenings. 

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## cyclelicious (Oct 7, 2008)

Couples that play together stay together.


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## askibum02 (Jul 7, 2005)

My wife works really hard during the week, and usually just wants to chill on the weekends. I have to get my riding past my daughter more than my wife. I ride with my son, usually on Saturday, with his NICA team, and then try to do something with my daughter on Sunday. I tried to ride this Sunday too, and got the crocodile teas from my daughter. That ended that. We went for a hike instead.


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## ravewoofer (Dec 24, 2008)

No permission needed because I’m on the bike for 2+ hours early in the morning. 

I’m always back early enough to spend the rest of the day together. 


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## leeboh (Aug 5, 2011)

Nope, but I do give her the itinerary. I commute on a regular basis, mt. bike on the weekends and do some bike packing during the warmer months. Some heads up and general clear communication helps, in most anything. She does a lot of weekend caregiving to her folks who are a 2 hr drive away. Household stuff still gets done, just on my schedule. Sometimes that means lawn mowing at dusk with my helmet and headlamp on.


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## fetter-gone (Mar 7, 2018)

Riding or any solo time doing anything was always a contention issue when I was married. Anytime not spent with her was seen as being selfish. I just thought it was the way it was supposed to be, so I accepted it for 15 years. 

Now that I'm single and see how a proper partnership is supposed to be by looking at family or friend's marriages, I look back and see so much time was wasted. 

So now, I ride when ever I feel like it, and when the weather cooperates. 

I have a friend whom when we got home early once, his wife was a bit miffed he was home 5min early. I was in awe. Usually a person gets into trouble for being late. I still joke to him about this.


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## brentos (May 19, 2006)

Yep...but it's not so much permission as coordinating what time will work best for us as a family.


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## GoingNowhere (Oct 15, 2014)

Permission? No. But I always confirm that she and I have no commitments first and I'll see if she wants to join.


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## brentos (May 19, 2006)

k2rider1964 said:


> By contrast, I have one friend that needs to check in every week even though he makes in the high 6 figures and pays for every single bill. Going out of town for more than 3-4 days with the boys is a no-go. I had one co-worker that couldn't go on ANY out of town trip with his wife. I'd be single if my wife was like that.


I don't see the connection between making a high salary, and your family being accepting of spending time away from them. If anything, you'd be spending more time away from your family to earn that salary...so with severely limited time, I'd spend it with my family...whether that is riding bikes or not.


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## Joules (Oct 12, 2005)

#1: there's a big difference between being married and being married and having kids. If your situation is the latter, I can totally see not fully knowing the schedule off the top of your head 
#2: I know guys that act like that; that they need to check in and ask permission. I suspect it's more trying to be funny than their partner's being that controlling. Other hand; I've never once heard a woman say "let me check with my husband." Ever, about anything. 

If it's something like taking a trip where I'll be gone for a few days, yes I'll ask my gf. That's more about my bad memory for things I may have committed to than asking permission. 95% of the time it's because she wanted to do something and needed the car and I forgot about it.
And there have been times my gf told me to go ride when I wan't sure, so...


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## Crankout (Jun 16, 2010)

If it's an atypical ride (ex. different that my usual weekend rides), then I let my wife know or check on the schedule. This is one of the reasons why our marriage has lasted almost 25 years!


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## bingemtbr (Apr 1, 2004)

twd953 said:


> Nope. Happily married for 20 years. No permission needed here. That doesn't mean I go and do whatever I want whenever I want.
> 
> We respect and support each other, and keep each other up to date on any important scheduled events that we need to plan around. When she has something important going, I support her in that without hesitation. In return, she doesn't bat an eye when I go on a week long riding trip with friends, or decide on a whim to take a solo 4 day weekend road trip to ride on not much more than a couple days notice.
> 
> I know some guys who are on a very short leash. No way would I be happy in that scenario. I find the needy "Oh....he doesn't love me becuase he chose to go biking with his friends instead of hanging out with me" dynamic nauseating.


What he said.


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## Gumby_rider (Apr 18, 2017)

You guys are lying. There is no shame in admitting that you have to put in the permission slip and hoping for the best  Before kids it was easy for me to go climbing all the times. Now with kids, unless planned ahead, it's likely not doing to happen. So yes I do check in because she keeps the schedule of the family (mostly kids) activities, which I don't know how it can be so busy but it is. Unfortunately now aday, we can't raise free-range kids anymore.


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## Nat (Dec 30, 2003)

It's not asking for permission. It's courtesy out of respect for one's spouse.


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## cmg (Mar 13, 2012)

chazpat said:


> I don't need permission to ride, I present it as a fact, not as a question. Now how long I'll be out riding very well may be discussed.


and how drunk I come home............


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)

cmg71 said:


> And how home I come drunk............


Fixed that for you.


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## cmg (Mar 13, 2012)

DIRTJUNKIE said:


> Fixed that for you.


you are a good man


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## str8edgMTBMXer (Apr 15, 2015)

I don't have to ask because she knows that riding is one of the things that keeps me sane (drumming is the other). She prefers it if I am riding because I am much more pleasant to be around when I am riding. It is also part of my post heart attack fitness regimine.

I do always give the courtesy to make sure that we don't need to be doing something together that is like "life maintenance" stuff...shopping, house repairs etc. But if we have free time, she knows I am not going to sit around the house and do nothing. And I know the same for her.

Also, my step son is into it, and we always go together when he is with us, so she loves that. She will do paved trail riding with me, so we do get to ride together, but it has been a challenge to get her on dirt. She even goes to the skatepark when me and the boy go to BMX, and she will just sit and read.

We don't live in a world where we need "permission" to do anything because we are proactive about our scheduling.


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## JDHutch (Sep 29, 2017)

During the week I get out of work earlier than my wife and can usually get in an hour long ride before she gets home. On Saturdays and Sundays I’ll get up early and ride so that I’ll have the rest of the day to spend with her. But to answer your question, I guess yes, if a friend wants to ride on a Saturday afternoon I’ll absolutely ask her what we have going on and if I can sneak away for a ride. But having said that...I enjoy spending time with my wife and she would extend me the same courtesy.


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## Fleas (Jan 19, 2006)

The "check with the wife" thing doesn't always mean asking for permission. It has more to do with me letting her be on all the email/text lists for our daughter's activities. She gets all the info first, then relays it to me. I always need to check the schedule because some of our daughter's activities are sometimes poorly organized and schedule changes happen frequently.

...and she knows darn well that if I say "2 hrs.", you better believe it's gonna be more than 2 hrs. 

:lol:

-F


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## azimiut (Feb 21, 2014)

UPSed said:


> I only need to ask if she wants to come with me. Sometimes she gets upset if I go without her.


same as this. This year my wife and I did a 24 mtb race as a duo team.

I gave up on riding with my friends because of the let me ask first BS.


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## leeboh (Aug 5, 2011)

Gumby_rider said:


> You guys are lying. There is no shame in admitting that you have to put in the permission slip and hoping for the best  Before kids it was easy for me to go climbing all the times. Now with kids, unless planned ahead, it's likely not doing to happen. So yes I do check in because she keeps the schedule of the family (mostly kids) activities, which I don't know how it can be so busy but it is. Unfortunately now aday, we can't raise free-range kids anymore.


 Git dem kids working. I'm freakin' old( past 50) and my youngest is back home after graduating( and has a real job). She will food shop sometimes and even make dinner once in a while too.


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## One Pivot (Nov 20, 2009)

One time I saved a ton of money and quit my job for a couple years. Got a lot of good riding in! 

Try getting your friends to drop what they're doing and go ride at 1:30pm on a Tuesday. They have to go ask "permission" from their actual boss, who definitely says no. :lol:


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## sturge (Feb 22, 2009)

leeboh said:


> Household stuff still gets done, just on my schedule. Sometimes that means lawn mowing at dusk with my helmet and headlamp on.


Haha...I'm 'that guy' in my neighborhood that occasionally mows his lawn at night after a ride. But I can't bring myself to don that sweaty stinky helmet!


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## twd953 (Aug 21, 2008)

sXeXBMXer said:


> I don't have to ask because she knows that riding is one of the things that keeps me sane (drumming is the other). She prefers it if I am riding because I am much more pleasant to be around when I am riding. It is also part of my post heart attack fitness regimine.
> 
> I do always give the courtesy to make sure that we don't need to be doing something together that is like "life maintenance" stuff...shopping, house repairs etc. But if we have free time, she knows I am not going to sit around the house and do nothing. And I know the same for her.
> 
> ...


This right here ^ My wife knows how important regular rides are to my mental and physical health. I have regular planned ride times (late thursday nights and early saturday AM) that don't conflict with most of our family events, so not an issue.

But it's also not uncommon for me to spend a couple long saturday's a month trail building. Taking the kids along for this also helps.

The proactive scheduling is huge. The only time I do have issues about riding is when she forgets to put something on the family calendar, and I plan a ride for a "free" night. Still, it gets resolved peacefully and respectfully. If it's not a big deal to her I ride anyway, if it is, I cancel my ride.

My theory is that if you have to ask permission, you're already behind the curve. You need to be proactive in your relationship. If you're doing your share of work around the house with the cooking and cleaning, helping with the kids, get her flowers once in a while for no reason, encouraging her to go out with her friends, or making time for her to do whatever it is that she is most passionate about, then she'll probably have no problem supporting what you are passionate about (riding).


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## DiRt DeViL (Dec 24, 2003)

At the beginning I'll clear with my wife and eventually called Sunday the official ride day until racing and kid cycling took over most of the week.

Now have my official ride Saturday morning but try to ride as much as possible without missing commitments or asking for permission, just tell her what my plan is just as FYI.


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## azimiut (Feb 21, 2014)

woman divorces husband for bike addiction


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## David R (Dec 21, 2007)

twd953 said:


> No permission needed here. That doesn't mean I go and do whatever I want whenever I want.
> 
> We respect and support each other, and keep each other up to date on any important scheduled events that we need to plan around. When she has something important going, I support her in that without hesitation.


Bingo.


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)

David R said:


> Bingo.


She also lets you play Bingo? She's a keeper.


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## Sidewalk (May 18, 2015)

We communicate. I wouldn't call it "asking for permission", but more "communicating our plans". I ride 20 hours a week, plus work a full time job, plus do the majority of the housework including horse related chores. I get to do just about anything I want when I want, but I check to make sure I didn't forget something, or that she needs something. If she is having a bad day, I'll cancel and do something with her. If she isn't feeling well, I'll cancel and take care of her. If she already had plans, I work around them. As we don't share hobbies, working around each others plans is actually pretty easy.

We also made an agreement a few years ago that as long as we have critters (mainly horses), that we will never both be away from home for an extended period at the same time. So with her annual trip to visit her parents, I didn't plan anything over night of longer than 8 hours so that I could make sure the horses are taken care of. I have a tri coming up in a couple of months that will likely have me gone for a few days (the race that actually got me into athletics).

I don't personally care for long trips anyway. I don't like short rides. I would rather go hit up a trail network for 8, 10, 12 straight hours and be too spent to do anything the next day then ride for a couple of hours a day and sit around doing nothing for the rest of the time (I don't drink alcohol, nor am I a good tourist).

Married 18 years.


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## djkellycx (Jan 15, 2004)

I’m divorced from someone who would be passive aggressive when it came to these types of things. It wasn’t the nail in the coffin though, we had many issues. 

Having said that, I’ve been in a long term relationship the last 10 years and the respect is there on both sides. No permission needed, she’s not my mom. Flip side is being aware and respectful always of our time together or lack thereof. Regardless of my fun time, am I investing in my relationship? It’s more than just sex and companionship right? For me the answer is yes.

It also helps being in a relationship with someone who does their own thing. I’ve gone to Whistler by myself, she’s taken a cruise with girlfriends to the Caribbean, but we did Europe together. Sucked having someone who did nothing all day, then gave me the cold shoulder when I came home after a weekend ride. Never ever again. I’d rather have a plant for company.


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## str8edgMTBMXer (Apr 15, 2015)

Sidewalk said:


> We communicate. I wouldn't call it "asking for permission", but more "communicating our plans". I ride 20 hours a week, plus work a full time job, plus do the majority of the housework including horse related chores. I get to do just about anything I want when I want, but I check to make sure I didn't forget something, or that she needs something. If she is having a bad day, I'll cancel and do something with her. If she isn't feeling well, I'll cancel and take care of her. If she already had plans, I work around them. As we don't share hobbies, working around each others plans is actually pretty easy.
> 
> We also made an agreement a few years ago that as long as we have critters (mainly horses), that we will never both be away from home for an extended period at the same time. So with her annual trip to visit her parents, I didn't plan anything over night of longer than 8 hours so that I could make sure the horses are taken care of. I have a tri coming up in a couple of months that will likely have me gone for a few days (the race that actually got me into athletics).
> 
> ...


yeah, I also do a majority of the house work...especially cooking and cleaning the kitchen. I was a chef for 10 years before becoming a teacher, so I am super anal about the kitchen. The only house work she does is the laundry b/c she is super anal about that. I do yard work, trash/recycling duty. The boy has to clean his own stuff, and is usually good about it. Does his own laundry...that helps a lot.

This all allows her a lot of free time, so I think that helps me when I want to do stuff on my own.


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## HacksawReynolds (Dec 1, 2017)

Nat said:


> It's not asking for permission. It's courtesy out of respect for one's spouse.


This.

There are 24 hours in a day. Even with wife and child it's not hard at all to carve out 1-2 hours a day every day to play. I definitely don't pull the consistent 15-20 hrs ride weeks like I did all thru my late teens thru 40 years old, but now at 45 I just condense into 6-10 hr ride weeks but I keep the intensity up to make up for the shorter ride hrs.

I ride so much M-F that if the weekend is filled with family stuff I consider it great recovery/beer time.?


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## 786737 (Mar 13, 2015)

Not "asking permission" per se. When my kids were younger I'd ask my wife what the kid duty was for that day. She was a full-time mom, but I gave her breaks as much as I could. I did a lot more night riding so as not to interfere with time spent with family. Sometime I'd plan it so I'd be back in time to pick up the girls from ballet or gymnastics class, for example.

Now that one kid is off at college and the other drives herself everywhere, my coordination with the wife is to occasionally remind her where the life insurance policy is filed.


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## Flamingtaco (Mar 12, 2012)

cyclelicious said:


> Couples that play together stay together.


Last time we played RUN THAT ***** OVER!, I got served.


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## Humpy (Jun 7, 2015)

Even if I did ask permission I don't pay attention to anything that screeching harpy says.


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## Darth Lefty (Sep 29, 2014)

Being a responsible husband and father is a duty. Bike riding (and internet forum participation) is a hobby.


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)




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## jcd46 (Jul 25, 2012)

DIRTJUNKIE said:


>


Watched that episode last night..lol


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## chazpat (Sep 23, 2006)

Darth Lefty said:


> Being a responsible husband and father is a duty. Bike riding (and internet forum participation) is a hobby.


Largely agree but part of being a responsible husband and father is keeping yourself healthy.


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## Mr Pig (Jun 25, 2008)

No I don't but I have friends who need permission to do _anything!_ They are frightened to fart without say so. I'm sorry but it's not respect, it's pathetic. There is a difference between arranging activities between you and being told what to do.


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## riyadh (Feb 13, 2015)

twd953 said:


> Nope. Happily married for 20 years. No permission needed here. That doesn't mean I go and do whatever I want whenever I want.
> 
> We respect and support each other, and keep each other up to date on any important scheduled events that we need to plan around. When she has something important going, I support her in that without hesitation. In return, she doesn't bat an eye when I go on a week long riding trip with friends, or decide on a whim to take a solo 4 day weekend road trip to ride on not much more than a couple days notice.
> 
> I know some guys who are on a very short leash. No way would I be happy in that scenario. I find the needy "Oh....he doesn't love me becuase he chose to go biking with his friends instead of hanging out with me" dynamic nauseating.


Same here, 17 years married and we are the same with date etc. That said I have to go to a damn wedding this weekend.
I also thought it was only my riding buddies who have a short leash


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## Rated R (Jul 5, 2012)

I have a buddy who made the mistake of marrying an 'empowered woman'. He always had some constraints even before they were married. As they had children it got worse, having to share tasks and responsibilities tit for tat. If he leaves to do something with his friends he'll have to pay it back in some way so it's down the line fair 50/50. Now most of my other friends and I don't see much of him unless he gets a 'hall pass' <<<his words not mine. I feel sorry for him but it must work for him. From the outside looking in it would be like jail to me.


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## drwx (Jun 4, 2011)

i don't ask for permission. we have an understanding that i have a ride every sunday morning and usually on another week night for a total of 2 rides per week. this changes if i go to a remote trail that takes more than an hour to get to.


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## WRX-Rob (Aug 10, 2010)

k2rider1964 said:


> By contrast, I have one friend that needs to check in every week even though he makes in the high 6 figures and pays for every single bill.


I feel compelled to chime in on this part of your argument. I don't think income and who is working makes any difference in this conversation. It's all about mutual respect. Are you saying that if his wife made more than him that she would have more of a say over what he does or doesn't do?


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## j3ffro (May 8, 2015)

Structure said:


> Not "permission" exactly but I check in first. When you have a kid(s) anything else would be a prick move.


Exactly. When it was just the two of us, coordinating the me/her/us activities took no effort. With a four year old in the mix, either disappearing or just telling my wife that I'm going to be gone for a few hours would probably not end well for me.

It sucks though, before I started riding she got entrenched in a running group that gets together every Sunday morning early. And the guys who ride in my social circle all seem to ride together on Sundays. Because of that, whenever I want to ride, unless there's some pressing issue at the same time I get the green light.


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## Nat (Dec 30, 2003)

Rated R said:


> having to share tasks and responsibilities...fair 50/50...


That sounds TERRIBLE!


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## frangaly (Jan 27, 2009)

For me it is easier to ask for foregiveness than to ask for permission


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## MrAitchGee (Aug 3, 2011)

People in relationships can often have regular commitments and I can see why sometimes random activities need to be discussed, especially if altering those regular commitments but if I was ever in a relationship where I had to ask permission for anything, especially to go out on my bike it would be a relationship that ended shortly after.

Perhaps that's one reason I am single, hell it might even be the main reason lol, but I doubt it, what I do know is that at the moment being single is pretty awesome and a huge part of that comes from doing what I want when I want and that includes biking in a big way.

Wether it is midday or midnight or anywhere inbetween I ride when I want and most of the time nobody in the world knows that i've gone or where I am


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## Jovian (Jun 18, 2013)

I give my partner the courtesy of being notified when I have intentions to ride. This gives her a chance to remind me of obligations I have forgot about or plans she potential has that might conflict.

A relationship is a two way street. If it isnt, one person is surely not happy with the relationship.


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## sweets (May 8, 2016)

I respectfully ask my wife, but we both know I gotta get some. I work at night, so I have plenty of time after dropping the kids off at school to go ride. In fact, I have spent the last year and a half building a trail at the local Nature Conservancy property. My wife has even pitched in on my work parties even though she has no desire to ride a bike in the woods.


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## Darth Lefty (Sep 29, 2014)

chazpat said:


> Largely agree but part of being a responsible husband and father is keeping yourself healthy.


It certainly helps to sell it that way!


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## rich67 (Mar 21, 2010)

Wife rides with me most of the time, so no..I don't ask for "permission" to ride. But, out of courtesy and respect, if I want to plan a ride with some friends I ask her if she wants to go or if we have any plans that day. If you're married, you should be exercising that courtesy, and not simply saying "hey, I am going for a ride, see you later". Especially if you're riding on HER days off. Trust me, a woman will only take not spending weekend time with her man a handful of times before it becomes a festering irritation, and sooner or later you'll be single and won't have to worry about asking ANYONE. But you won't have money for bikes or bike parts because she'll be taking half of your damn paycheck. Take it from someone who has been there. That's why I got this one the second time around.


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)

jcd46 said:


> Watched that episode last night..lol


Same here. Probably why it was so fresh in my mind. Totally reminded me of this thread. Women controlling the universe and trying to change their man.

No disrespect to those in here with ladies willing and enjoying their man for what his passions are. If your lady enjoys them with you even better.


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## slapheadmofo (Jun 9, 2006)

Gumby_rider said:


> Unfortunately now aday, we can't raise free-range kids anymore.


Can and do.


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## Sideknob (Jul 14, 2005)

A friend of mine has to ask permission to do ANYTHING.

I will text him about going for a ride, hunting etc and won't get a reply for an hour or more - I know damn well he's running it by SWMBO (She Who Must Be Obeyed).

He bought some second had Crossride wheels for his several years old Anthem and I installed them for him at my house and the old wheels had to be hidden at my house to avoid his Empress finding out. Wowee, he spent $400 of the money HE earned on some second hand wheels. It's no way for anyone to live.

Controlling behaviour is a form of domestic violence - and that applies to both sexes. For some reason it's seen as "funny" when a woman does it but when a man does it he's a total bastard.

Relationships are about compromise and communication and cooperation however your partner shouldn't think they have the ultimate say-so over something like going for a ride.

Happily, I married an enabler.

If you're with a woman / man and not yet married to them and they ALREADY try this controlling "permission" **** on it will only get a whole lot worse so get the hell out of there.


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## twd953 (Aug 21, 2008)

Rated R said:


> As they had children it got worse, having to share tasks and responsibilities tit for tat. If he leaves to do something with his friends he'll have to pay it back in some way so it's down the line fair 50/50.


Nothing wrong with sharing the family workload 50/50, but I've rarely seen a happy marriage where the participants are "keeping score"....about any issue really.


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## 749800 (Jul 14, 2013)

It is frequently deployed as a convenient excuse. For example, someone calls you on the phone, hitting you up for a donation. "I can't make that decision by myself; I will have to talk to my husband/wife/emotional support dwarf hamster first."


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## Rated R (Jul 5, 2012)

twd953 said:


> Nothing wrong with sharing the family workload 50/50, but I've rarely seen a happy marriage where the participants are "keeping score"....about any issue really.


Yeah most of us have lost respect for him unfortunately. He'd rather do stuff with his old friends, but now he spends any social time he has with his wife's friends husbands lol. She's totally got him by the shorthairs...


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## HrznRider (Aug 21, 2011)

Exactly. Not so much "asking for permission" but basic courtesy to check in with your other half, especially if you're leaving them with the kids while you're out playing.


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## yzedf (Apr 22, 2014)

My wife nags me to check for riding spots when we go on vacation. Next month is TN a little over an hour from Windrock... she keeps telling me to bring the DH bike and a trail bike. Married almost 6.5 years with a 3yo kiddo. You bet I check in with her for any riding I do, it’s called communication. No different from her checking with me about her pottery stuff.


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## likeaboss (Jan 1, 2012)

Met my wife in 95 and introduced her to mountain biking. She loved it so I married her.

And she can cook too!


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## Lopaka (Sep 7, 2006)

So a few years back I bought my first quality mountain bike and really increased my riding time. This "displeased" my wife. She would make the comments, we husbands know all too well. 
"Didn't you just do a big ride with your friends last month?"

"Shouldn't you "fill in the blank" like I asked before you ever ride your bike again?"

"I really want you to give up your ride this Saturday and go to the craft fair with me all day."

She started scheduling things for the middle of the day which would force me to settle for a short ride early in the day or just before dark. 

Finally, I stopped trying to co-operate and just rode whenever and as long as I wanted, regardless of what she planned or what comments she made,

A pivotal moment in our relationship came soon after as I was getting ready for a Saturday ride. She looked right into my eyes and said, "It seems like your cycling is more important to you than our relationship?"

In the old days I would have stuttered a bit, reassured her, promised to cut back my riding and apologized.

But I finally grew a pair and looked her right back in the eyes and said, "Yes... it does seem that way, doesn't it", and I went out for a 3 hour ride.

She hasn't complained or said a negative thing about my riding since. I should have had that exchange with her 20 years go.


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## HTJEM (Mar 14, 2016)

Seeing how I just learned my wife has had a boyfriend for the last six months... she has no say... and I'm single now!


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## dir-T (Jan 20, 2004)

Seriously, I actually get pretty sick of my wife insisting we ride every weekend and after work during the summers. There's a ton of other things to do around here. 

Variety, the spice of life...


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## Gasp4Air (Jun 5, 2009)

Recycle alert:

I don't ask permission, but do ask a question when we wake up in he morning:

"Honey, do you want to have sex or should I go for a ride?"


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## str8edgMTBMXer (Apr 15, 2015)

HTJEM said:


> Seeing how I just learned my wife has had a boyfriend for the last six months... she has no say... and I'm single now!


Ugh....at least your bike won't cheat on you, and accidentally get preggo etc...I can't say that it won't make you spend money on it....

don't want to sound negative, but you might be better off...


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## slapheadmofo (Jun 9, 2006)

Gasp4Air said:


> Recycle alert:
> 
> I don't ask permission, but do ask a question when we wake up in he morning:
> 
> "Honey, do you want to have sex or should I go for a ride?"


No 'all of the above' option?


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## Sideknob (Jul 14, 2005)

Last Xmas I was keen on a new bike. My wife gave me $1000 to put towards it.


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## bronxbomber252 (Mar 27, 2017)

slapheadmofo said:


> No 'all of the above' option?


This! The wife an I have found sex to be a great pre-ride warmup for when we ride together


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## Sidewalk (May 18, 2015)

bronxbomber252 said:


> This! The wife an I have found sex to be a great pre-ride warmup for when we ride together


I unfortunately don't live in the same utopia you do...


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## bronxbomber252 (Mar 27, 2017)

Sidewalk said:


> I unfortunately don't live in the same utopia you do...


I will admit that being married to a woman who both likes sex and likes Mountain bikes is quite nice. Our marriage is far from perfect (as are all) but it is pretty awesome in this regard.


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## bjeast (Oct 29, 2017)

Generally, no. I have to make sure there are no conflicts with other things going on, but usually it's not a problem.


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## HacksawReynolds (Dec 1, 2017)

bronxbomber252 said:


> I will admit that being married to a woman who both likes sex and likes Mountain bikes is quite nice. Our marriage is far from perfect (as are all) but it is pretty awesome in this regard.


If your marriage was perfect you wouldn't be having sex or riding much.😀


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## HTJEM (Mar 14, 2016)

sXeXBMXer said:


> Ugh....at least your bike won't cheat on you, and accidentally get preggo etc...I can't say that it won't make you spend money on it....
> 
> don't want to sound negative, but you might be better off...


its not negative.. my bike(s) are still here and not cheating on me....


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## Flamingtaco (Mar 12, 2012)

frangaly said:


> For me it is easier to ask for foregiveness than to ask for permission


It's also easier to ask for forgiveness than to complete the chore. As a bonus, you don't get constantly jostled awake when you're sleeping on the couch.


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## Flamingtaco (Mar 12, 2012)

dir-T said:


> Seriously, I actually get pretty sick of my wife insisting we ride every weekend and after work during the summers. There's a ton of other things to do around here.
> 
> Variety, the spice of life...


You do that **** now, while you still can. Plenty of time when you're 80 to plant flower beds and trim sidewalk borders. I tell my wife, our house is a UTILITY until the day we no longer have jobs. Only THEN can spend half the morning pimping out the yard, and half the afternoon yelling at the kids to stay the **** off it.


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## mileslong (Aug 20, 2016)

dir-T said:


> Seriously, I actually get pretty sick of my wife insisting we ride every weekend and after work during the summers. There's a ton of other things to do around here.
> 
> Variety, the spice of life...


Surely, you must be joking...


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## kpdemello (May 3, 2010)

k2rider1964 said:


> I know this topic has the potential to get derailed in a hurry but it drives me crazy when one of my friends says "let me check with my wife and see if I'm doing something".


Are you actually married? This is a pretty normal part of married life for me. To me it's a partnership and it's important that she knows what I'm doing and vise versa, and that important chores are taken care of (e.g. who will let the dog out? etc.). Likewise, when my wife goes out after work with coworkers or after hours with friends, she lets me know. If you are married, how do you stay married if you don't communicate basic things like this to your wife?

Now, if you've got to ask permission, and your wife is constantly telling you when you *can't* do something you want to do, then you've got a problem. But sometimes she has something she'd like me to do, be it a chore or a family obligation or just hanging out with her, so I tend to discuss when I plan to be away on my own for a few hours.

Perhaps what gets you so miffed is how your friend presents it? It's normal for me to make a tentative plan, then talk to spouse, then confirm the plans. I usually don't present it as "Hey let me check with my wife" but more like "Sunday at 10am sounds good, but let me check my schedule and I'll confirm with you later"


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)

^So saying “let me check with my schedule” rather than “let me check with my wife” softens the presentation to your buddies.  Less likely to get razzed about it.


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## Impetus (Aug 10, 2014)

I don't see the shame in making sure my wife is OK with me riding.

We both have jobs, hers is not a conventional 9-5 M-F. We have 2 kids 4 and 6y/o.
We both have hobbies and social lives independent of each other (in addition to couples friends)

It would be very selfish and irresponsible for either of use to just dictate "I'm going out riding, hope everything works out while I'm gone."
There's been times for us both when one said "So and So are riding on Saturday, I'd like to go with them" and the other has already made plans, or an "adult thing" like work or kids school function gets in the way.

It's not submission. It's respect for your "partner".


Hell, I'm about 3 days away from giving up a full week of riding for **** my wife is making me do. Its her mom's birthday tomorrow (party) so no night ride...and we're going to San Diego for Sat-Tues for a family reunion/fake vacations. I planned none of that, nor would I want to do any of that if my choice. I'd ride Thursday like always, and then again on Saturday, and then on Tuesday.

Sometimes life takes over.


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## kpdemello (May 3, 2010)

DIRTJUNKIE said:


> ^So saying "let me check with my schedule" rather than "let me check with my wife" softens the presentation to your buddies.  Less likely to get razzed about it.


Maybe...

I also tend to forget lots of things and like to use my wife as a human calendar.

"Hey hun, do we have anything planned this weekend?"

"Well it's Christmas, so, yeah..."

"Oh...right."


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)

Flamingtaco said:


> You do that **** now, while you still can. Plenty of time when you're 80 to plant flower beds and trim sidewalk borders. I tell my wife, our house is a UTILITY until the day we no longer have jobs. Only THEN can spend half the morning pimping out the yard, and half the afternoon yelling at the kids to stay the **** off it.


I like that philosophy.


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## notso (Jan 22, 2015)

^^^this


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## str8edgMTBMXer (Apr 15, 2015)

kpdemello said:


> Maybe...
> 
> I also tend to forget lots of things and like to use my wife as a human calendar.
> 
> ...


I sort of do the same thing..just checking to make sure things stay in balance.

Again, communication, foresight and flexibility keeping things in balance...


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## targnik (Jan 11, 2014)

kpdemello said:


> Maybe...
> 
> I also tend to forget lots of things and like to use my wife as a human calendar.
> 
> ...


Brother from another mother!?

I'm exactly like this...

Think my hombres are getting sick of me organizing rides & then pulling the pin b/c I'm already (unbeknownst to me o/c) booked o_0

Don't need permission, just need to check w/ her-in-doors - that the calendar is clear ;-)

'We'll all make it to the top... Some of us, might not make it to the bottom'


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## kpdemello (May 3, 2010)

sXeXBMXer said:


> Again, communication, foresight and flexibility keeping things in balance...


I read this as "Communication, *foreplay*, and flexibility..."

Which are all good for the relationship in other ways as well


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## str8edgMTBMXer (Apr 15, 2015)

kpdemello said:


> i read this as "communication, *foreplay*, and flexibility..."
> 
> which are all good for the relationship in other ways as well


qft!!!


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## _CJ (May 1, 2014)

Have any of you considered that your "friend" might just be using the "let me check with the wife" line as an excuse, because he doesn't want to ride with you?

Relative to asking permission? No, but I do keep her informed, and ask her if WE have any plans I forgot about. It's called mutual respect. I keep her informed, and she keeps me informed. We make plans together, and we make plans apart, but we always know each other's plans, and it's a rare day that either of us tells the other "nope, you're not doing that", and when that has happened, there has been a major clearing of the air, on both sides.


.


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## kpdemello (May 3, 2010)

_CJ said:


> Have any of you considered that your "friend" might just be using the "let me check with the wife" line as an excuse, because he doesn't want to ride with you?


Careful now, you may do permanent damage to the OP's self esteem.


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## str8edgMTBMXer (Apr 15, 2015)

_CJ said:


> Have any of you considered that your "friend" might just be using the "let me check with the wife" line as an excuse, because he doesn't want to ride with you?


..most of my friends will just tell me straight up that they don't want to, or can't ride...no hiding or lying in this group...sometimes the honesty is a bit "Brutal" as well, but usually in a constructive way


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)

_CJ said:


> Have any of you considered that your "friend" might just be using the "let me check with the wife" line as an excuse, because he doesn't want to ride with you?


I had just assumed this was an unmentioned given.


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