# the opposite problem (guys welcome)



## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

It's been a few months with the DH guy, and we're pretty happy together. However, I'm concerned that he's so into DH and skiing, that he may not be much of a XC partner.

Granted, it's too early in the season to tell. BUT, I'm worried that he'll agree to go on long rides/races with me, when in fact it's not his style.

He's got a very heavy and expensive DH bike, and a decent road bike. I've got three mtb's (rigid, HT and FS) and a track bike.

Guys: What's the best way to handle this? He _insists_ that the DH is an "everything" bike, and that he can join me in events that span 50 miles and 8,500' of elevation gain on that thing :nono: It's 42lbs!!

Do I surprise him with a XC bike that's not up to his high ($$$) standards? Do I refuse to ride with him unless he borrows my HT? We're about the same height, but he's a good 30lbs heavier. Strong as hell, mechanically gifted, but a weekend warrior.

Maybe the guys who lurk here can clue me in.


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

I'll pretend I'm a guy and give you my guy response:

(Insert Guy Voice)

"Ride in front of him naked, then post pictures of said excursion here."

Now, I'll pretend I'm less of a smart ass and give you my honest opinion:

Some guys can push huge bikes up huge mountains and some can't. The only way to know which he is is to try the boy and bike out on a smaller ride. And if that fails, ride in front of him naked.


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

First - if it's pedalable on an XC trail, it's not a DH bike, it's more of a FR/trail bike. A DH bike only has a single ring and totally the wrong geometry to be pedaled uphill... and seriously - no one in their right mind says they're pedaling their actual DH bike on a 50 mile XC ride. (sorry... that' s just semantics)

But back to your point. For several years my husband had a 42lb trail bike as his "XC bike" aka the one that can be pedaled uphill (actually several pounds heavier than his DH race bike). He kept breaking things and going with burlier and heavier wheels and components until it took it's current form. And he swore up and down that he had no use for a lighter bike. We normally do more shuttled riding with climbs in the middle or slog uphill slowly for a good descent and he just humped that huge bike up hills. (And always beat me up the hills because I was on a big heavy bike too...)

And then last spring I got my rigid SS instead of my 38lb monstrosity of a trail bike and when we went out on an actual XC trail, I dropped him on the climbs for a change.

And the next day he was bike shopping for a lightweight trail bike to add to the bike quiver.

The end.



So take him out on one of your long epic XC rides and let him suffer through it and figure out that maybe he does want another bike... Insisting he ride a different bike isn't going to work. And maybe he can pedal it for 50 miles and surprise you.


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## Warp (May 24, 2004)

Simple... Take him out on a ride on his DH bike and plain humiliate him.

Make him understand that's not the tool for the job.

We guys don't take humiliation too well... 

So, he'll most probably:
a) Quit XC all over and limit himself to DH and Road
b) Get a XC bike and try to take revenge (be prepared for this, he'll try to show up).

That'd be my macho approach... Unless he's really macho and try to push his bike up and kick arse in the DH sections just to prove himself right.

If he does the later, then buy him a cheapo XC bike.

Or try to steer him to some heavy duty trailbike (Nomad, El Guapo, Endorphin, RFX) that will be good enough for XC type rides (they pedal very decently and can be built to the mid-low 30's) and still be good enough for his DH side.

Fact is... A DH racer goes down the hill much faster than the aeverage Joe becuase of his skills. So, most probably a light bike will end up in pieces in his hands unless he refrains a lot.

He needs a heavy duty trailbike as one of the mentioned above.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

That's the thing, if it's *my* idea, he'll never get one. I have to make him think it's HIS idea. 

Yesterday we were set to ride 20 miles on a great XC trail, nothing too crazy. Right off the bat, he suggested we skip the first optional loop. Ah fine whatever. A few minutes later, he had to stop and throw up, figured he ate some trail mix too quickly. 

I can understand it's his first ride of the season, not counting the DH riding he's done a few weeks ago. But we hadn't even been on the diamonds yet. I've started riding already so it was less of a shock to my system to be out there.

I think we just need to ride where there's some serious climbing involved. Thanks for explaining the difference, it's in fact a geared bike, not strictly for DH racing.


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## rsosborn (Oct 10, 2007)

Warp said:


> Fact is... A DH racer goes down the hill much faster than the aeverage Joe becuase of his skills. So, most probably a light bike will end up in pieces in his hands unless he refrains a lot.


"happen" across videos of guys on XC bikes and remark how sexy and masculine they look. perhaps as a girl would say about a someone wearing bikini briefs.

("OMG. look at that light-travel fork and efficient pedal stroke. do we have cucumbers in the house?")


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## serious (Jan 25, 2005)

As long as he is willing to join you, why worry about his 42 lbs bike? I doubt he can keep up with anyone in decent shape on a 15 mile race, let alone 50 mile race, but let him find that out for himself. My advice is to be supportive of his efforts for now. If he truly enjoys doing XC, he will certainly come to realize what a disadvantage a 42 lbs bike can be.


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## sandan (Feb 17, 2004)

Christine said:


> That's the thing, if it's *my* idea, he'll never get one. I have to make him think it's HIS idea.
> 
> Yesterday we were set to ride 20 miles on a great XC trail, nothing too crazy. *Right off the bat, he suggested we skip the first optional loop.* Ah fine whatever. *A few minutes later, he had to stop and throw up*, figured he ate some trail mix too quickly.
> 
> ...


He has trouble with the "optional loop" and you want to do some "serious climbing"? Well to me it sounds like you should let him ride what he wants. If he can keep up fine, if not tell him you'll meet him back at the trail head (or wherever). Or just take Cat's advice and then he should keep up just fine.
If you humiliate him often enough he'll probably get that XC bike, or your relationship will go to hell. But, you won't be stuck with some one on a DH bike trying to keep up. 
(some sarcasm in this post)


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

I'd also suspect that he'd like to get you on a "big bike" and some DH trails as much as you want to get him on a light bike on an epic XC trail.

Maybe offer a tradeoff - you armor up and try some lift served riding if he'll try a day on your hardtail out on one of the XC rides?

It's worth a shot.


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## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

*There is far more to XC than the bike.*

XC is an endurance sport. DH is not. XC is closer to Cross Country running and DH is more akin to Football. The demands on the body are very different. A good XC rider can haul a 40-pound bike up a hill, maybe not really fast but all day. A DH rider simply is not developed that way.

It's not the bike.

One of the most common themes in this forum is the accommodation of differences to serve an end result of inclusion into our sport. As such I will suggest that taking a DH rider out on a 20 mile run on a "great XC" trail might not have been the most accommodating thing to do. Especially early in the season.

XC has an entirely different skill set than DH. You probably have little appreciation for the skills you have that help to get you started each season. Mr. DH probably has none of these. it doesn't take long to build a list of these sorts of comparisons which, when compiled over a short time without enriching his experience with the joys of XC, will either keep Mr. DH from riding with you or constantly opting out of that optional loop.

This leads to one of the other themes that often runs in tandem with accommodation is that of giving. By that I mean not giving your time on your XC terms but scaling back your own ride to include your partner in meaningful ways. That becomes an internal issue for you; how much do you want to invest or give up of your own jones to help this guy forward. You seem to want to short-cut it with a bike. See the above sticky on What Bike To Buy with a special caveat that if a DH guy has developed his rig then he will probably have some ideas, sooner or later, on how an XC rig should be. It is a tool-gene thing for guys.

Lastly; some DH guys just don't get XC. Ever.

Best wishes.


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## TVC15 (Jun 6, 2004)

serious said:


> As long as he is willing to join you, why worry about his 42 lbs bike?


_Exactly_. Holy cow Christine, it's been a few months. I'm sorry to have to break this to you, but you're probably trying to control things a little too tightly here.



christine said:


> Do I surprise him with a XC bike that's not up to his high ($$$) standards?


Uh, only if you want him to think you're a total psycho.



christine said:


> Do I refuse to ride with him unless he borrows my HT?


See comment above. It probably needs repeating.

Chill, Christine. It's been a few months. And it's very early in the riding season. If you two end up being that unmatched riding, just ride together less often. The really fun stuff happens after the ride anyway.


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

TVC15 said:


> Uh, only if you want him to think you're a total psycho.


I don't know. I've found that when trying to really get a good psycho vibe going, standing outside their shower window with a frozen turkey and a bowl full of nickels does the trick.


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## Warp (May 24, 2004)

TVC15 said:


> The really fun stuff happens after the ride anyway.


Yeah... my wife doesn't ride at all. Is that a problem? No way. 
We "ride" anyway and have fun together!  

Expecting your SO to enjoy all your favorite thing is a bit of a stretch.

See of it this way... You both like to eat, right? When you go to a restaurant, you order a steak, he orders chickin'... No problem, right?

You both like to ride, he prefers DH, you prefer XC. No problem. Hey, you actually have a lot in common just by the fact that you both ride a bike.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

Disclaimer: _He's_the one saying he wants to do the epic all-mountain rides with me. Our first ride together was fine, although in retrospect it was a smaller trail and we took many breaks to talk.

Also, I'm being a little facetious regarding the purchase of a bike for him (seeing all the "what-bike-to-get-the-GF" posts all the time!)

I have no desire to humiliate or punish him.....unless he talks trash or advises me how to train :devil: then all bets are off! He's clearly trying to make me happy, and is wonderful in general, so I try to ignore the macho Italian toughguy part


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## LadyDi (Apr 17, 2005)

No needling and NO comments about his bike-- just wait patiently at the top of each climb and shout out the occasional encouragement like, "you can do it!", or "good try!". Or ride ahead and keep doubling back for him. I doubt most guys will be able to take it-- he'll either start training up and thinking about xc/am bikes or he'll retreat to pure DH with his buddies. Be cool about everything and he'll respect your athletic talents even if he doesn't want to ride xc with you. 

Mtb'ing can be a wonderful couples activity, but it requires a certain compatibility index and/or willingness to compromise. You say he wants to make you happy... that right there is the very 1st step and it needs to go both ways. :thumbsup:


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## TVC15 (Jun 6, 2004)

Christine said:


> Disclaimer: _He's_the one saying he wants to do the epic all-mountain rides with me. Our first ride together was fine, although in retrospect it was a smaller trail and we took many breaks to talk.
> 
> Also, I'm being a little facetious regarding the purchase of a bike for him (seeing all the "what-bike-to-get-the-GF" posts all the time!)
> 
> I have no desire to humiliate or punish him.....unless he talks trash or advises me how to train :devil: then all bets are off! He's clearly trying to make me happy, and is wonderful in general, so I try to ignore the macho Italian toughguy part


You're still overthinking the whole thing by about 50 miles though.

Soon he'll ride some epics with you (ooooohh sweet Jesus everybody pray for him). He'll either keep up or he won't. Based on a handful of these experiences, and whether or not he likes them, he'll either buy a new bike or he won't. I imagine he's not mentally handicapped and is capable of determining when or if a different bike will be necessary for him based on what kind of riding he ends up doing more or less of.

Why are you quantum-leaping this thing in your head? You're being overly controlling of the situation or overly competitive with him, or both. I suggest that if you want to increase your chances of swinging your self-fufilling prophecy fully into motion that you relax, otherwise you might just make which bike your bf rides a mute point pretty quickly.


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## Warp (May 24, 2004)

Christine said:


> Disclaimer: _He's_the one saying he wants to do the epic all-mountain rides with me. Our first ride together was fine, although in retrospect it was a smaller trail and we took many breaks to talk.
> 
> Also, I'm being a little facetious regarding the purchase of a bike for him (seeing all the "what-bike-to-get-the-GF" posts all the time!)
> 
> I have no desire to humiliate or punish him.....unless he talks trash or advises me how to train :devil: then all bets are off! He's clearly trying to make me happy, and is wonderful in general, so I try to ignore the macho Italian toughguy part


One more chance is to praise the kind of bikes you think that would appeal to him when you're browsing mags or at the LBS...

"Hey Honey, you've seen that (insert bike name here, preferably El Guapo, RFX, Terremoto, Knolly)???... looks like a very good bike for someone who wants to pedal but still likes to bomb it down"

Bringing the issue without said bike on sight will look very suspicious.  
Like you'd be suggesting something he doesn't knows that he needs.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

Whoa. Nobody's trying to control anybody. These were just the thoughts off the top of my head since yesterday, and something to discuss during a slow work day. 

I knew that DH and XC were different, but I didn't think THAT different. So I'm surprised and hoping he'd still want to do the long rides. He's no wimp. 

No doubt he'll teach me all kinds of technical stuff, and if he had a XC bike, it should make it less of a hassle for him.


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

let him ride what he wants. My friend Erik insisted on riding his VP free everywhere, and pedaling up anything.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

I offered to switch bikes last night, but he refused. It's true that if he rides it consistently everywhere, he'll be kicking ass all over the place, especially if he does the big events on something lighter.

_just wait patiently at the top of each climb and shout out the occasional encouragement like, "you can do it!", or "good try!". Or ride ahead and keep doubling back for him._

Okay, that's my big laugh of the day right there!!


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## clarkgriswald (Dec 19, 2003)

*Are the turkey and the*

bowl the same size?



catzilla said:


> I don't know. I've found that when trying to really get a good psycho vibe going, standing outside their shower window with a frozen turkey and a bowl full of nickels does the trick.


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## cdalemaniac (Jun 18, 2007)

Sounds to me like someone needs a cannondale Prophet here..... or better yet, the new MOTO  160mm of cushy travel, but only 30lbs or even less for the Prophet with 140mm of squish.....  
Nah, seriously....a good All Mountain bike should do the trick though...I don't care how strong one is but a long climb/ride on a dh rig just doesn't do the trick.....
I own a cannondale Prophet which is perfect for all around use, I always wanted 2 bikes: a CC Fully and a AM/Freeride rig, but neither my pockets nor my beloved wife allowed this.
So I gave the Prophet a try and with it's versatile rear suspension I think it's the perfect ride for me.
You can set it up where it handles like a XC bike with the SPV pressure boosted in the front and rear, or with less SPV and more sag to just carve a mountain. :thumbsup: 
Cannondale is not the only manufacturer here with a sub 27lbs. 5.5" travel bike, so just look around I bet you'll find that perfect "other" bike for him...


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

cdalemaniac said:


> Sounds to me like someone needs a cannondale Prophet here..... or better yet, the new MOTO  160mm of cushy travel, but only 30lbs or even less for the Prophet with 140mm of squish.....
> Nah, seriously....a good All Mountain bike should do the trick though...I don't care how strong one is but a long climb/ride on a dh rig just doesn't do the trick.....
> I own a cannondale Prophet which is perfect for all around use, I always wanted 2 bikes: a CC Fully and a AM/Freeride rig, but neither my pockets nor my beloved wife allowed this.
> So I gave the Prophet a try and with it's versatile rear suspension I think it's the perfect ride for me.
> ...


That's what my husband bought when he decided he needed a lighter XC-ish bike to add to the collection.


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## cdalemaniac (Jun 18, 2007)

connie said:


> That's what my husband bought when he decided he needed a lighter XC-ish bike to add to the collection.


:thumbsup: 
(...Collection....must resist to be jealous....must resist to be jealous..... )


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## phatfreeheeler (Mar 3, 2005)

I'm with everyone here who says don't find him a bike. Let him struggle for a while and then find his own bike or give up. Being a friend of Connie, and her husband, it was fun to watch how motivating it was for him to see how fast she was on XC rides once the SS came into the family.

Every guy is different, but my view is, until you're married, it's one big test. You got to do the things you love to do, hopefully he'll want to do some of them with you, but maybe not and then you decide what you can and can't live with. Sounds like this isn't really a deal breaker and you still get all the XC riding you like. I bet Connie's right and he can't wait to get you on a long travel Freeride or DH bike too (hence why he is sounding excited to do long epics). As someone who was turned by Connie and friends, big bikes are very fun and last year, one day of lift served was all it took for my wife to get one too.

fixed it for you...


Christine said:


> No doubt he'll teach me all kinds of technical stuff, and if I had a Freeride bike, it should make it less of a hassle for him and more fun for me.


BTW - bigger bikes are a bit slower, especially on flat and rolling terrain, but a strong climber can out climb most people, even on a 42 lb bike. Of course as the day goes on and you have to put out all that extra energy all the time, you'll fade much earlier than if you are on something lighter..

Thanks for letting me post over here :thumbsup:


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

He was a great ski instructor, and I know he'd love teaching me {{{gulp}}} freeride stuff. If he ever takes to XC I'll post about it.....maybe I'll mention the Prophet and see what he knows.


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

Christine said:


> He was a great ski instructor, and I know he'd love teaching me {{{gulp}}} freeride stuff. If he ever takes to XC I'll post about it.....maybe I'll mention the Prophet and see what he knows.


Look at it as a positive - you each have an area of expertise that you can share with one another. If you both keep an open mind, you can broaden your horizons and learn new (and fun) bike skills. And you ALSO can have your days where you go on some epic rides with your friends and he goes to do some shuttles with his and you shouldn't feel locked into riding with each other every time you get on your bike. And hopefully you'll each turn out to be better overall riders for focusing on riding skills that you normally would have ignored. 

PLUS - there's the added bonus of potential future bike shopping for both of you. Woohoo! 

Oh, and my husband's prophet is a Prophet MX, which I think has a bit slacker geometry than a regular Prophet, which appealed to his riding style. But there are a lot of bikes out there that can be built light but still have a nice ride for descent too. Don't get me wrong, my husband can put a lot of people to shame climbing on his 42lb trailbike - we just aren't going on any 50 mile rides either. And once he saw what a difference it made for me to be on a lighter bike, he saw the value in owning one too (haven't convinced him on the value of the rigid or singlespeed part of the equation yet though...). So don't act like it's critical that he get a new bike - just have fun learning from each other and see what happens.


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## jaysmith (Feb 11, 2007)

I know you mentioned that you offered to switch bikes, maybe try a different tactic.

Wait until you get part-way into the trail (maybe one of the many time you stop to wait for him) and then tell him you want to try his bike. Maybe you're thinking of getting a FR or DH for yourself. Ride his for a bit, he rides yours. Trade back. finish your ride. Wait til later that night to talk about it; what you thought of his, what he thought of yours...

This way you both experience the others ride, and it doesn't seem like an ambush.

Face it, in general we're not always that bright, and sometimes reverse psychology works.


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## venus1 (Aug 4, 2006)

*Body Builders & Power Lifters*

They can live happily ever after. I've seen it.
My XC bike is not nearly as cool as my DH. The parts move independently.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

_Wait until you get part-way into the trail (maybe one of the many time you stop to wait for him) and then tell him you want to try his bike. _

That's what I did when we first met  He was like, "Wow, this bike is so light!" Didn't work this time around.

As the weather gets a little warmer, I want to do my training rides right after work, which are about 1-1/2 hrs of consistent pedaling (HT on the road.) He wants me to ride with him to the local trail, but it's not the same workout. Maybe that would inspire him? Not that I mind mixing it up.


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## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

"This leads to one of the other themes that often runs in tandem with accommodation is that of giving. By that I mean not giving your time on your XC terms but scaling back your own ride to include your partner in meaningful ways. That becomes an internal issue for you; how much do you want to invest or give up of your own jones to help this guy forward."


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## G-reg (Jan 12, 2004)

Don't force it. I've found a pretty competitive wife, and being a competitive person myself this can be distructive. I get the "I can't loose to a chick" thing in my head and she gets the "GIRL POWER!" thing in her head and we end up not enjoying the ride/run. It's not the same between other bro's I ride with for me or the girls she trains with. We made a point of just going and enjoying the outdoors and the sport when together. Saving competiveness and ego for training. 


All that said I can kick her ass on a bike, just don't make me run.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

Nah, I'm not *that* competitive. If I happen to beat somebody, I'm thrilled not to be last; among my buddies, I'm consistently in the middle of the pack it seems.

My training isn't even that strict, just ride as much as I can stand, and never to the point where I absolutely hate it. BUT, I don't want to take more than a couple of quick stretch/water breaks at a time. He seems to like the breaks.

Just got off the phone with him and I explained that the first big race of the season is in about six weeks, so I gotta get in gear, and reminded him the focus is on endurance. Also said I'd like to do the same trail again, but at a pace "to ease into the season." 

I'm looking forward to riding together, although I may stick to solo training rides.....! No reason we can't do both.


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## Shelbak73 (Nov 10, 2007)

Hey Christine, Just take him for the ride you intend to do and let him have the epiphany. Men learn best through bad experiences. :thumbsup:


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

Take one ride a week to invite him and let him choose. Either he will get super strong or he will get a lighter bike.


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## DWF (Jan 12, 2004)

Christine said:


> Disclaimer: _He's_the one saying he wants to do the epic all-mountain rides with me. Our first ride together was fine, although in retrospect it was a smaller trail and we took many breaks to talk.
> 
> Also, I'm being a little facetious regarding the purchase of a bike for him (seeing all the "what-bike-to-get-the-GF" posts all the time!)
> 
> I have no desire to humiliate or punish him.....unless he talks trash or advises me how to train :devil: then all bets are off! He's clearly trying to make me happy, and is wonderful in general, so I try to ignore the macho Italian toughguy part


I don't know how old you are, but I'm 46, and I can ride a DH bike all day, up & down. It just takes longer and I might have to push more often. A buddy of mine I ride with most often drops XC guys regularly on his 44lbs DH bike. I ride my DH bike all the time now just to try and get in shape for race season. + anybody who say's you can't pedal a DH bike up a hill hasn't ridden a good DH bike. So don't fret about what he's riding. If you're going to fret, fret on the moment and experience you have together. Maybe offer to give him a nice personal massage if he seem to be getting tired......

Anyway, what he will be after your ride, is tired as hell. This will make him manipulable...and I suspect this will finally make you happy.


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## stingray_coach (Jun 27, 2006)

Christine said:


> Disclaimer: _He's_the one saying he wants to do the epic all-mountain rides with me. Our first ride together was fine, although in retrospect it was a smaller trail and we took many breaks to talk.
> 
> Also, I'm being a little facetious regarding the purchase of a bike for him (seeing all the "what-bike-to-get-the-GF" posts all the time!)
> 
> I have no desire to humiliate or punish him.....unless he talks trash or advises me how to train :devil: then all bets are off! He's clearly trying to make me happy, and is wonderful in general, so I try to ignore the macho Italian toughguy part


Ok....here is the deal. Just go riding, have fun....if you leave him on the trail, don't bury him...then he may not want to ride at all (XC that is). If he is on an all mtn bike...he should be fine. You have to decide whether XC is more important than your relationship...if he goes with you to XC races, but his heart isn't into it...he is doing it for you, which is not such a bad thing, is it? My wife kicks my @ss on climbs...but I don't compete with her....why would I?


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## DeeEight (Jan 13, 2004)

Do you ride xc with any other women? do they have significant male others who ride with them on xc bikes also? Do a group ride and when he can't keep up, the other males will humiliate him for you.


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## TVC15 (Jun 6, 2004)

DeeEight said:


> Do a group ride and when he can't keep up, the other males will humiliate him for you.


'Scuse me, isn't this the forum that expects and champions support and understanding and encouragement and patience and doing everything possible to ensure a positive ride experience for ... uh ... people?


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

TVC15 said:


> 'Scuse me, isn't this the forum that expects and champions support and understanding and encouragement and patience and doing everything possible to ensure a positive ride experience for ... uh ... people?


You're thinking of the 29er forum.

This forum is for talking about periods, chocolate cake recipes, and finding new ways to answer the question, "How do I get me a riding ho?"

Oh, and for seeking vicarious revenge for every time a chick has been dropped by her man-stallion after telling her it'll be an easy ride. I'm not saying it's right, or the right solution, but it is inevitable.

So, how 'bout them periods, eh?


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## BanzaiRider (Jan 15, 2004)

Christine, you're getting worried about a real minuscule detail. If your relationship is going well then riding it the least of your worries, it will come together eventually. You can really be lucky that you are with a sports person being one yourself. Just read the postings across MTBR, there is probably 99% of guys who would just love to have a GF that rides, whatever she rides. I'm convinced your BF really finds himself lucky to have a GF thart rides like you.

I don't know how old your BF is but being in my 40's I can tell you that the macho part starts declining but it was there years ago so I can still recall how it was!  In my opinion, just go riding with him, whichever bike he uses, who cares. Just ride your ride, wait for him at intersections and eventually he's going to figure out what he wants to do. If he wants to take shortcuts for a while, play along, but try to steer the boat slowly towards your goal of having him ride long epics. Don't worry, he's going to be challenged by the fact that you are always in front and unless he is really out of shape and lazy, he's naturally going to push himself to finally beat you one day! 

Just enjoy the fact that you have a partner that can ride and I'm sure you will end up both riding stuff you weren't riding before. Myself, if I can find a GF that rides and is better than me at something, I just keep on trying until I reach the same level, even if it takes time.

Have fun.


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## TVC15 (Jun 6, 2004)

catzilla said:


> You're thinking of the 29er forum.


:lol:

"How do I get me a riding ho?"

Oh man, you need to post a whole lot more.


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

DWF said:


> I don't know how old you are, but I'm 46, and I can ride a DH bike all day, up & down. It just takes longer and I might have to push more often. A buddy of mine I ride with most often drops XC guys regularly on his 44lbs DH bike. I ride my DH bike all the time now just to try and get in shape for race season. + anybody who say's you can't pedal a DH bike up a hill hasn't ridden a good DH bike.


Pedal your DH bike up a hill - of course. I've pedaled my DH bike uphill plenty of times. I even lost my mind once and rode my DH bike on the entire Slickrock trail. Pedal your DH bike for 50 miles and 8500 feet of climbing.... (her description of the rides he's said he wants to go on with her) If you can do that, I seriously commend you. I'd need camping gear. That's just short of Santa Cruz Hellride territory, and they do that on 32lb trail bikes... and most people quit or run out of daylight.

My point was that a 42lb long travel bike isn't necessarily a DH bike. I've (no kidding) gone on a ride with some XC racers who thought my Yeti 575 was a "DH bike", and the average mountain biker that we run into in Moab, for example, declares my AS-X a "DH bike". It's not, and heavy weight + long travel does not automatically equal DH bike. I was just trying to point out that if he's volunteering to ride 50 miles and 8500 vert of climbing, my guess is that it's actually a big trail bike with a dual chainring and such. Or he's just completely delusional/has no concept of how much climbing that is...


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## ATBScott (Jun 4, 2006)

Christine, I think just a little introspective time is needed here... We can all give you our thoughts and opinions, but ultimately.... What is it that you want out of this relationship, or a relationship in general? Does having a companion for your long, epic rides matter to you that much? Would sharing the glow of the experience afterwards, whether over a meal, on the couch or in the sack be something that you find a significant part of your life as a couple? What attracted you to this person in the first place? What other things do you have in common that you share besides riding? Ultimately, are these other things as important, less important or more important than the riding-related issues? Only you can make that call. 

I'd say: pick out a 10 - 12 mile ride wtih a few good hills in it - nothing long or super-steep, but enough of a climb to make him work fairly hard for 5 - 10 minutes to get up the slope - on the backside, a trail with enough downhill fun to let him realize the climb has a reward. See how he does after doing this loop a few times. If he is getting into it, and enjoying it, find a loop that is a little harder, or longer. He may surprise you one way or the other, or it may be no surprise, he could just be a DH-type of guy. If he turns out to be the animal that can kick-ass on whatever he rides - then good for you - but anyone will have to 'train' their way into riding long, epic rides!. If he reacts negatively to the "XC" style of riding, then you need to decide how important that is in your life. I've been in one of those quandries for some time myself... It's not easy, but you will hopefully make the decision that is right for your relationship. If it was the fact that he rode that attracted you to him, then you have to decide how much other things that you have learned about him factor in if the "riding" side of things doesn't work out. Good Luck!


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

Tonight I'm letting him pick the ride, although I'd love to do "my" ride. I'm not "better" than he is, just a different style. I think most women tend toward XC and are better climbers, whereas most guys are better at the DH/technical decents. That's a generalization of course.

The fact that he loves biking and has a skill set that I lack is pretty damn cool. I just hate the macho part that gets in the way


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## DeeEight (Jan 13, 2004)

catzilla said:


> You're thinking of the 29er forum.
> 
> This forum is for talking about periods, chocolate cake recipes, and finding new ways to answer the question, "How do I get me a riding ho?"


And let's not forget saddle induced numbness of yer itty bitty bits....


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## archtop44 (Oct 20, 2006)

*What a great thread!*

Christine, did I miss a post, or have you not gone riding with the guy yet?

He may surprise you by doing ok on the climbs on the big galoot bike, and I'll bet he's probably pretty fast on the downhills. The fun level of bombing down stuff and hitting jumps is really addictive, and a few guys I know love it so much they can't see any point in riding any other way, even if the climbs are a lot harder.

I loved the advice about asking to switch bikes! Make sure he gets to try your bike on some good long techie climbs, and that you get to try his on some fast and bumpy technical descents.! Heck, I'd try to deliberately set up a whole ride around this project... bring tools to readjust seats, shock pumps, pedal wrenches. Go someplace steep.

He'll probably reconsider the lighter bike thing, and you may find yourself in the market for your own 36lb AM monster and some body armor.

If his weekend warrior training "schedule" keeps him too slow, you may have to only ride with him on your recovery/rest days.

Also, the riding naked in front of him will work. 
Other trail users will be amused, too.

Try not to fall down, though.


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## LyNx (Oct 26, 2004)

All right, I just browsed over this thread - didn't read every response so excuse me if this was already suggested..............

You say you're the same height right :???: so why not simply loan him one of your bikes to ride??? I mean he could ride the XC FS while you ride the HT, just make sure and note down your measurements/settings for the bike and then let him set it up to properly fit him. Unless of course all your bikes are Pink with tassels or something :skep:


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

He's stronger than me to begin with, and is no stranger to climbs, but the two rides we've done have made me wonder.....

He just got back from a business trip last night so we just went out to eat instead. Tonight I have to be disciplined and go riding straight after work, even if it's solo.


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

Christine said:


> He's stronger than me to begin with, and is no stranger to climbs, but the two rides we've done have made me wonder......


Don't wonder. Just go ride. If he consistantly wants to do shorter rides than you want, then schedule more solo training rides for yourself, and let him know those are hammerpace rides that you'd rather do alone. Fully commit to yourself that rides with him are fun fluff rides for you, if he is that slow.

You should be enjoying your rides with him, and not second guessing them, even if you both are walking your bikes up bunny hills and it takes 2 hours to go 5 miles. Period.


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## rzozaya1969 (Nov 28, 2004)

Christine said:


> It's been a few months with the DH guy, and we're pretty happy together. However, I'm concerned that he's so into DH and skiing, that he may not be much of a XC partner.
> 
> Granted, it's too early in the season to tell. BUT, I'm worried that he'll agree to go on long rides/races with me, when in fact it's not his style.
> 
> ...


When I read the title I thought it was going to be in 'which bike to buy for my bf/hubby/so' or 'where to find hot single guys at the trailhead'.....


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

TVC15 said:


> :lol:
> 
> "How do I get me a riding ho?"
> 
> Oh man, you need to post a whole lot more.


You both do.

Sincere gratitude from my PMS pit of hell. Thanks for the laugh.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

_When I read the title I thought it was going to be in 'which bike to buy for my bf/hubby/so' or 'where to find hot single guys at the trailhead'....._

Ha!!


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## Warp (May 24, 2004)

rzozaya1969 said:


> 'where to find hot single guys at the trailhead'.....


MEXICO!!! 

Ok... scratch the "single" part... a hot, single guy is as common as a unicorn.


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

she said single.


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## Warp (May 24, 2004)

formica said:


> she said single.


Hey, Rzoz is single!!

But I don't find him hot.... though, my opinion is biased.


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## TVC15 (Jun 6, 2004)

Impy said:


> You both do.
> 
> Sincere gratitude from my PMS pit of hell. Thanks for the laugh.


Hey, thanks


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## eatdrinkride (Jun 15, 2005)

catzilla said:


> I don't know. I've found that when trying to really get a good psycho vibe going, standing outside their shower window with a frozen turkey and a bowl full of nickels does the trick.


Absolutely priceless....quote worthy even! May I?

OP/Christine. I say just ride xc trails with him and let him ride his big rig. If it's only a FR bike it shouldn't be too bad. Not great of course but do-able. If he really takes to xc riding he will want a more pedal friendly bike eventually. It may not be this month, or next, or even this year though. From some of the stuff you said about him wanting to omit side loops and stuff it sounds to me like he's not really into xc type riding. He gets his mtb fix in other ways. Some people, heck a lot of people are just that way. They get bored and tired and find no real payoff riding xc trails. They don't get a 'fix' by conquering climbs, pushing the heart rate and suffering from lactic acid build up...quite frankly I bet lots of people HATE this type of riding. He might be one of them, time will tell.


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## DeeEight (Jan 13, 2004)

Warp said:


> MEXICO!!!
> 
> Ok... scratch the "single" part... a hot, single guy is as common as a unicorn.


To quote my gf, "the hot guys are all taken, or gay..."


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

So tonight we went jogging, 'cause by the time he came home it would require lights for a bike ride, and a run was just the easier option. I suggested my usual four laps around the local park (takes 1hr, approx. 5 miles.)

We started off, and not five minutes into it, he comments: "You're breathing too fast."  I just said, "I've done this before. Besides, I'm trying to keep up with you." He then says he needs to pause for a stretch; that he'd catch up....which he did. He had originally suggested 2 miles, but I don't like to do less than an hour if I can help it.

At the halfway mark, I told him it was over 2 miles and that he could stop if he wanted; he didn't, and we continued uneventfully the rest of the way. As he lay on the ground to stretch, he said it was the longest run he's done in over 10 years. Definitely not an aerobic kinda guy!

We went out for falafel in a funky, tiny take-out place, and he hasn't really moved since  It was a lot of fun. He seems happy and no worse for the wear. :headphones:


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## gabrielle (Jan 2, 2005)

Impy said:


> If he consistantly wants to do shorter rides than you want, then schedule more solo training rides for yourself, and let him know those are hammerpace rides that you'd rather do alone. Fully commit to yourself that rides with him are fun fluff rides for you, if he is that slow.


Word. For me, if it's not something the guy truly wants to do, I don't want him coming along.

Good luck, Christine, and keep us posted!

gabrielle


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## scottzg (Sep 27, 2006)

I've got another tack to try- take him out somewhere really technical but not very steep. Try to clean everything you can, take a few runs at stuff you don't clean. I think a lot of dh type guys really like a skills challenge, and clearing logs, loose steep pitches, rocks, and the like can give him that sort of challenge. After a couple rides he'll have figured out how to do it all on the big bike, see if he wants to challenge those obstacles on your hardtail. At that point maybe he'll see the flow of xc, and the benefits of the less tiring bike.

shrug.


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## womble (Sep 8, 2006)

Christine said:


> Do I surprise him with a XC bike that's not up to his high ($$$) standards? Do I refuse to ride with him unless he borrows my HT? We're about the same height, but he's a good 30lbs heavier. Strong as hell, mechanically gifted, but a weekend warrior.


Here's another idea. Is he a compusive upgrader? If so, you could get him a not-so-expensive XC bike with mediocre components but a really good frame, and give him the enjoyment of gradually bringing it up to his spec.

If my girlfriend wanted to buy me *any* kind of bike, I'd be ecstatic.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

Guess I'll see what kind of tax refund I get first! Don't know about upgrading but he does love tinkering and maintenance.


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