# Balls and Saddle



## BeaverTail (Aug 12, 2009)

Should your balls sit in front of the saddle or on the saddle? Im a bit confused, as I have been trying different saddles and they seem to differ on placement.


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## neverwalk (May 14, 2005)

Just sit on the saddle. Let things settle wherever they are most comfortable.

Best post ever by the way.


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## KINBOY (May 23, 2004)

typically on is best. Though, if you are wearing cycling shorts, they will be kept up and out of the way.


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## CHUM (Aug 30, 2004)

i throw mine to the left....unless it 's cold....then wrapped in a sock....


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## dexetr30 (May 8, 2008)

I wear lycra so I generally don't have a problem. When it's cold out I keep the boys and seargent shorty in one of these.


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## manorvell (Aug 25, 2009)

you should straddle them ;-)


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## bdundee (Feb 4, 2008)

dexetr30 said:


> I wear lycra so I generally don't have a problem. When it's cold out I keep the boys and seargent shorty in one of these.


I like it but what would I do with all the extra space


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## PricklyPete (Sep 30, 2009)

dexetr30 said:


> I wear lycra so I generally don't have a problem. When it's cold out I keep the boys and seargent shorty in one of these.


That picture is monumental...

So where do you go about ordering one of those...


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## dr13zehn (Jun 20, 2009)

bdundee said:


> I like it but what would I do with all the extra space


You could use all that extra space to keep your favo...... Wait... WHAT? :skep:


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## nachomc (Apr 26, 2006)

Mine rest against the down tube.


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## nachomc (Apr 26, 2006)

Even when I'm standing up.


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## Joel. (Aug 16, 2009)

nachomc said:


> Even when I'm standing up.


Such a pain in the ass when you get gravel rash isn't it?


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## HSMITH (Aug 11, 2009)

Joel. said:


> Such a pain in the ass when you get gravel rash isn't it?


Very nearly a pain in the ass

Lycra is the way to go, either grape smuggler cycling shorts or lined baggies, the pad keeps big jim and the twins a world happier.


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## highdelll (Oct 3, 2008)

I just throw mine over my shoulder...

...like a Continental soldier


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## types5 (Sep 15, 2009)

lol this thread is win.


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## mizm05 (Sep 7, 2009)

Mine ride in a sidecar...seriously though, just sit on the saddle and let them rest however it feels comfortable


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## LaLD (May 18, 2007)

in my wife's pocket. but seriously, on bumpy trails it would be nice to take them off.


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## Shurenuff (Sep 20, 2009)

Duct tape... start from your lower back and wrap under to your stomach. Secure++


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## nachomc (Apr 26, 2006)

Shurenuff said:


> Duct tape... start from your lower back and wrap under to your stomach. Secure++


Just make sure to shave first...


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## dysfunction (Aug 15, 2009)

nachomc said:


> Just make sure to shave first...


Won't need to after the first usage anyway.


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## StarXed (Aug 5, 2008)

Get a saddle with a cutout. Its fairly obvious what you do there. Just push them through the slot. It keeps them out of the way, keeps them cool, and keeps you on the bike in the rough patches.


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## jbsteven (Aug 12, 2009)

mine clank together when I ride.


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## jbsteven (Aug 12, 2009)

StarXed said:


> Get a saddle with a cutout. Its fairly obvious what you do there. Just push them through the slot. It keeps them out of the way, keeps them cool, and keeps you on the bike in the rough patches.


:lol:


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## alkemyst (Sep 30, 2009)

epic thread is epic.:thumbsup:


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## BigSharks (Oct 4, 2009)

That picture looks like a home-crocheted...


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## dano3470 (Aug 24, 2009)

take the saddle off and let them knock on the post.


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## Lule (May 4, 2009)

StarXed said:


> Get a saddle with a cutout. Its fairly obvious what you do there. Just push them through the slot. It keeps them out of the way, keeps them cool, and keeps you on the bike in the rough patches.


Talk about being 'clipped in'...


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## marinapro (Sep 26, 2009)

LaLD said:


> in my wife's pocket. but seriously, on bumpy trails it would be nice to take them off.


I agree. And it's not just the balls, but if you have a big sac, that gets back up underneath with lots of folds in it. Which burns like fire after a while.

Yup, maybe a trip to the friendly neighborhood vet might be in order!

By the way... I read recently where there are guys who get FROSTBITE in the winter. Or at the very least, 'chilblain' that is just less than freezing but damages nerves. Oh, and speaking of damaged nerves... what's the fix for a numb penis? Not that the ladies here care about this topic...


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## [email protected] (Dec 3, 2008)

i tie mine around my waist so i can use it as a belt, and i put one ball in each pocket


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## smb_600 (Sep 20, 2009)

hahahahahah


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## Eric Z (Sep 28, 2008)

thanks for the laugh!


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## Marin29r (Sep 30, 2009)

When I was younger I would let them just hang but now they get caught in the chain which was a pain because my friends would have to stop riding and help me get them out. Now I just shave em and tape em.:thumbsup:


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## mizm05 (Sep 7, 2009)

Have you ever tried tucking them out of sight like Wild Bill in "Silence of the Lambs"?


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## CaptainAmerica (Oct 8, 2009)

I put mine in the basket on the font of my mountain bike.


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## marinapro (Sep 26, 2009)

Man, the B.S. is waist-deep in here!


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## omegamandb (Sep 14, 2007)

Just leave'm at home in your wife's purse like me! :thumbsup:


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## marinapro (Sep 26, 2009)

omegamandb said:


> Just leave'm at home in your wife's purse like me! :thumbsup:


My bag's big enough to BE a lady's purse!


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## marinapro (Sep 26, 2009)

*Numb penis*

:eekster:


BeaverTail said:


> Should your balls sit in front of the saddle or on the saddle? Im a bit confused, as I have been trying different saddles and they seem to differ on placement.


Okay, all this discussion about what to do with floppy balls that get in the way has run its course, eh? I have a related question:

Guys (ladies, too, if you must) - am I the only one who experiences a total numbness in the penis after a long ride? I did some research, and doctors say that it comes from pinching of nerves in the roots of the penis, while riding on a typical bike saddle. And from what I can see, some doctors say there's a danger of the numbness becoming permanent.

Okay... Have any of the rest of you experienced this? If so, what do you do about it?


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## TonyB. (Jul 27, 2009)

Just wear some shorts with support. A pair of padded tights or baggies with a snug fitting liner. That'll keep 'em out of harms way. Riding in boxers or loose fitting undies is the WORST 'cuz they'll flop around and get sat on. Not fun when you're off the saddle clearing an obstacle and it comes up and smacks you in the 'nads either. 

As for the numbness, that's what the grooved saddles are for. They relieve pressure from the sensitive tissues (around your taint, gooch, etc.) that cause the numbness. I like the WTB saddle as it made a huge difference in penile/testicular comfort. I ride a WTB Speed V.


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## Pithecoid (Aug 8, 2006)

marinapro said:


> :eekster:
> 
> Okay, all this discussion about what to do with floppy balls that get in the way has run its course, eh? I have a related question:
> 
> ...


I've dealt with this lots and lots, particularly on extended (multi-mile) climbs. I tried all of the usual: adjust cockpit reach, adjust saddle height, adjust saddle angle, and more. I just couldn't find way to simultaneously keep a setup that worked well for my riding style, and that prevented the numbness.
An obvious additional factor is saddle design, and I did experiment a bit with cheap cutout-design saddles in search of a remedy. This similarly didn't help.
I then looked seriously into the sports medicine literature on cycling and peri-genital tissue compression, and the related studies of saddle design and tissue compression and oxygenation.
Of course, once one wades into discussions about saddle design, I found, some people can get all riled up. The usual responses to questions about the merits of different saddle designs typically involve statements about how everybody's backside is different, pick something comfortable for you...what works for you might not work for me...there are no general rules to go by...etc.
What impressed me, however, despite the otherwise reasonable-sounding advice along these lines, is that the physiological studies suggest that even people reporting that they're feeling totally comfortable on a saddle may be experiencing very significant tissue compression and oxygen depletion.
Now here, responses tend to be something like -- yeah, but the positive health effects of cycling are sufficiently great to negate the concerns about potential negative effects from sitting on the weird contraption that is the bike saddle. Reasonable, again.
In my case, however, since I was already experiencing numbness that proved difficult to eliminate with adjustments of my existing equipment, it didn't seem like a bad idea to try to both eliminate the numbness, and use the science to guide a decision about a saddle design that could reduce pressure and related deoxygenation of genital tissues, all while still getting the same health benefits that other cyclists sometimes argue make concerns about saddles unnecessary.
What I found was that three design factors seemed to have the biggest benefit in terms of dealing with compression issues. 1) Width -- obvious reasons involving lbs per sq in. 2) Padding -- less is better to prevent sinking and smushing of the padding right into the soft areas. 3) To a lesser extent, a cutout, if of the "right" particular shape and placement.
There's variation across riders, of course, in magnitude of effect, given individual differences, but these factors have significant effects on average.
I've found for me, that a slightly wider, thin and flexy saddle, with a groove or cutout, does the trick for me, as long as I also get the position right. You might look into the same and experiment a bit, just to see if that helps you.
Oh, and everybody's backside is different, yadda yadda.


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## Flystagg (Nov 14, 2006)

way to suck the fun out of the thread, good info though I suppose. When I ride I am constantly switching between seated and standing positions for short uphill sprints, or to clear a dh section. rarely am I the saddle for more than 10 minutes straight and that keeps plenty of blood flowing down there for me.


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## nvr2low (Jul 26, 2009)

i havent laughed this hard in a week, great thread, that is all!


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## Pithecoid (Aug 8, 2006)

The alternative to the saddle suggestions, then, is simply to pull the testes back, placing them directly beneath the sit bones, thereby relieving pressure on the perineal vasculature. This serves both to increase blood flow to the genitals, and decrease the extent to which the testicles encumber the rider.
This works so well that I simply had mine replaced with Neuticles with an MTB-specific design. Rad.


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## moschika (Jan 12, 2004)

poasting in a legendary thread. 

can't believe it's still on it's first page after a week.


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## mwayne5 (Apr 4, 2009)

get one of these...let'em hang free


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## Bandin (Apr 24, 2009)

mwayne5 said:


> get one of these...let'em hang free


Then they would just dangle down into that ring and bounce around in there like one of those dinner triangles.

I have to constantly adjust mine, even with mtb shorts. I set them up on the saddle but after a while of pedaling, they make their way to the left and I have to move them before they spill over the edge.

I'm going to invent a new saddle with a compartment to insert cold packs into to keep you shriveled and out of the way. Great idea or greatest idea?


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## Salsa_Lover (Jun 18, 2008)

In before the poll !!!1!

Please guys don't be so insensitive. You married guys don't have any problem I see, as your wifes are keeping your balls at home. But us single guys do have it, and worse when your balls are constantly pulsating with testosterone.

Where can I get one of those winter ballwarmers ?


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## nachomc (Apr 26, 2006)

Salsa_Lover said:


> Where can I get one of those winter ballwarmers ?


My grandmother used to tell me all the nice ones go to church.


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## nachomc (Apr 26, 2006)

marinapro said:


> :eekster:
> 
> Okay, all this discussion about what to do with floppy balls that get in the way has run its course, eh? I have a related question:
> 
> ...


Try a different saddle, or maybe a more upright seating position. Stand up every once in a while (you should be doing this anyway on most downhills) to let the blood flow. Get a single speed or push a big ass gear uphill. You'll never be seated long enough to get numb.


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## luckyride (Apr 12, 2009)

I never thaught this may be a problem for some. I just pull mine back and put them in my jersey pockets. That is why there is 3 pockets right?


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## marinapro (Sep 26, 2009)

luckyride said:


> I never thaught this may be a problem for some. I just pull mine back and put them in my jersey pockets. That is why there is 3 pockets right?


Only if you happen to have three testicles


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## frdfandc (Sep 5, 2007)

If you get this saddle, all you have to do is just smush everything down into the channel. Keeps it safe. Even has the banana bend.


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## highdelll (Oct 3, 2008)

I secure mine with an alloy beam-tube structure.
The 'globes' rest in a chain-hammock (seen below)


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## dexetr30 (May 8, 2008)

Lance armstrong only has half the problems we have.


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## bigjimtwins (Oct 22, 2007)

the pad keeps big jim and the twins a world happier.[/QUOTE]

Why yes the pad does make my world happier


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## marinapro (Sep 26, 2009)

highdelll said:


> I secure mine with an alloy beam-tube structure.
> The 'globes' rest in a chain-hammock (seen below)


The rust from the chains must give you a hell of a jock itch...


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## LordDRIFT (Jul 10, 2009)

I used to zip tie mine to the head tube to aid fork rebound damping. But lately I've found when I zip tie them to the swingarm, brake jack is greatly reduced. YMMV.


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## kapusta (Jan 17, 2004)

Bandin said:


> I'm going to invent a new saddle with a compartment to insert cold packs into to keep you shriveled and out of the way. Great idea or greatest idea?


No need for that, I just think of Bikerfox.


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## marinapro (Sep 26, 2009)

The zip tie idea is a good one. I have always just let mine flop out and drag the ground. But certain times of year, a guy can pick up a lot of thorns and cockleburs. I suppose that saves getting the stickers in the rear tires, though!


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## Lule (May 4, 2009)

nachomc said:


> My grandmother used to tell me all the nice ones go to church.


Thanks! I now have a coffee-snot emulsion dripping from my nose.


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## jahkneefive (Sep 8, 2009)

I throw mine back under me. Provide extra cushion for the butt cheaks, and double as "truck nuts" mountain bike style. Not to mention if I get too much on the front brake they act like anchors and catch on the back of the seat! No more endos for me!

My buddy's hang down each side of the tire, hes been practicing a modified form of keegals for a few months trying to make them work as spare v-brakes.


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## adrenalnjunky (Jul 28, 2007)




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## marinapro (Sep 26, 2009)

Funny. I could have sworn this thread was made from 100% ********!


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## WTF-IDK (Feb 23, 2009)

this thread needs to be a Sticky.
allot of good info for the newbs


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## marinapro (Sep 26, 2009)

Only the MALE ones! I'm pretty sure the ladies aren't too concerned with what guys can do with their balls or extra-long dicks when they ride!

They're probably amused when guys like me drag our balls on the ground or get 'em caught in the chain...


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## Tom93R1 (Jan 26, 2005)

I had no idea elephantitus of the testes was so common among cyclists!


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## marinapro (Sep 26, 2009)

Tom93R1 said:


> I had no idea elephantitus of the testes was so common among cyclists!


Which would be an issue... except most of us are having an even bigger problem over what to do with our oversized penises dragging the ground! :thumbsup:


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## alkemyst (Sep 30, 2009)

Tom93R1 said:


> I had no idea elephantitus of the testes was so common among cyclists!


nah, those are the smaller ones.


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## LordDRIFT (Jul 10, 2009)

marinapro said:


> Which would be an issue... except most of us are having an even bigger problem over what to do with our oversized penises dragging the ground! :thumbsup:


Mine doesn't _drag_............................I was a wind tunnel baby.


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## marinapro (Sep 26, 2009)

YOU'RE THE GUY I saw out on the trail the other day! I thought there was a huge Anaconda snake beating the snot out of you from behind!


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## jsinnard (May 24, 2007)

Angle the front of the seat down more. Nuts and crotch will thank you for it. :yesnod:


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## DeepseaDebo (Oct 20, 2009)

I let my "twang" around in my spokes, it just sounds so cool.


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## dan0 (Oct 12, 2005)

isnt that what suspenders are for?


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## marinapro (Sep 26, 2009)

We can all do what the American donor of "*Elmo*" did - have your big 'man parts' all cut off and put on display in the penis museum in Iceland! Well... _he rides a bike._ No problems, mate!


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## zebrahum (Jun 29, 2005)

marinapro said:


> But certain times of year, a guy can pick up a lot of thorns and *cockleburs*. I suppose that saves getting the stickers in the rear tires, though!


Seriously, no one else is going to give props for the double entendre? Everyone's so focused on balls they forgot about the cocklebur.


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## Strafer (Jun 7, 2004)

Why not just take them out and save'em for negroplasty procedure?
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/154778


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## mtnbikster (Sep 6, 2009)

its called ED!


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## ThePinkBarron (Aug 28, 2008)

I usually leave my husband at home so they are usually not a problem...


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## 79Birdman (Sep 19, 2009)

my stomach hurts, i don't know if thats from the laughing or the tape.

I just showed this thread to my brother (who isn't a rider) and he is still laughing.

Best thread ever!!! You could only get away with this on a MTB forum


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## elhungarian (Oct 24, 2009)

Clearly one just needs the Nut Bra NSFW


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## Qatarbhoy (Jun 13, 2008)

I sit on my sac and use my manrod as a toptube: it's stiffer than carbon yet more compliant than steel.

As my manrod is actually a form of wood it's thought to be the inspiration for arborium, although I hope it never suffers a similar epic failure...

http://www.yehudamoon.com/index.php?date=2009-10-27


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## ozz (May 30, 2006)

I upgraded my boys to Shimano XTR/ti. 400 grams lighter than original equipment.


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## Strafer (Jun 7, 2004)

*Detachable balls*

Upgrade to these, and you can leave'em hanging while you ride.


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## Jon82 (Jul 11, 2009)

StarXed said:


> Get a saddle with a cutout. Its fairly obvious what you do there. Just push them through the slot. It keeps them out of the way, keeps them cool, and keeps you on the bike in the rough patches.


:thumbsup: lol


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## IstongKowldPaRin (Apr 6, 2009)

has anyone developed quick releases for the sarge and the boys? so that you can keep it in your camelbak.


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## davidbeinct (Dec 6, 2007)

IstongKowldPaRin said:


> has anyone developed quick releases for the sarge and the boys? so that you can keep it in your camelbak.


Sure, remember the King Missile song?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Detachable_Penis

David B.


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## tjchad (Aug 15, 2009)

I LOVE that King Missile song! My wife has always thought I was a freak from laughing so hard at that song. That's gonna be my new ringtone...


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## Tootlepipster (Nov 2, 2009)

Do your balls hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Do your balllls hannnnggg loooowwwww?


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## Joel. (Aug 16, 2009)

Don't hang, they drag.


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## Gasp4Air (Jun 5, 2009)

If you have to ask, then they're in the wrong place.


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## Bikeeveryday (Jan 10, 2005)

I run 2 saddle bags, one for a tube and tire levers, and one for my balls. Keep em in there.


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## manorvell (Aug 25, 2009)

i thought "saddle bags" was biker slang for your balls....now I'm really confused.


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## MrMojoRising (Nov 9, 2009)

WTF-IDK said:


> this thread needs to be a Sticky.


Sticky balls?


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## dereknc (Oct 27, 2007)

A nut bra might help...


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## roadwarrior2020 (May 15, 2009)

*tie them*

i stretch them and use them to strap myself on the saddle.


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## manorvell (Aug 25, 2009)

roadwarrior2020 said:


> i stretch them and use them to strap myself on the saddle.


one on each side and tied in a knot underneath???


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## Shark (Feb 4, 2006)

This is the perfect opportunity to tell your g/f, wife etc that you need a....ummm....

"massage down there" if yah know what I mean.....

*tug tug*

haha


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## veloreality (May 10, 2009)

thank you for my new sig.


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## JaredMackall (Nov 17, 2004)

Ever noticed when you suck in your gut your balls follow suit? Well, problem solved. (Go try it if you don't believe me. I can't be the only one.)


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## LordDRIFT (Jul 10, 2009)

JaredMackall said:


> Ever noticed when you suck in your gut your balls follow suit? Well, problem solved. (Go try it if you don't believe me. I can't be the only one.)


Um, I don't know what you are talking about. I have a six pack, and so do my balls!


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## roadwarrior2020 (May 15, 2009)

manorvell said:


> one on each side and tied in a knot underneath???


yes and tied in a ribbon like shoelaces


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## IstongKowldPaRin (Apr 6, 2009)

I just noticed that I have some pieces of velcro lying around, might be a good idea to use it to secure my shlong and balls to the top tube.


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## anthonybkny (Aug 16, 2011)

great info!


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