# OT: How to get a neighbor to move?



## 007 (Jun 16, 2005)

Okay, long story short . . . I live in the upper unit of a duplex. Neighbors downstairs suck . . . big time. Noisy, smokers, and disrespectful. On top of all this, they are complete morons. They leave the garage open (shared) ALL the time, both the front and the back gates are constantly left open and/or unlocked, etc. Landlord is of little help so long as they continue to pay the rent and she won't play "referee" even though she agree's with me about the locking of gates and garage etc.

I do NOT want to move for several reasons, but mostly because a) the apt. itself is quite nice and a STEAL of a deal in my area, b) I don't have a car and I can walk to work from where I live now and c) these b*stards are NOT going to make me move!

As an added incentive for the MTB community to help, its because these idiots left the gate unlocked that my beloved G. Fisher was stolen. When I reported it to the police, I also learned that the previous tenants had TWO bikes stolen because of the same exact reason (gate left unlocked).

Level of difficulty: Nothing illegal or destructive

Go MTBR, GO!!!


----------



## irishpitbull (Sep 29, 2011)

Be as annoying as fuk. Have parties, stomp when you walk in your apartment, watch tv/listen to the radio at max volume.

All the stuff I use to do.


----------



## motopail (Jul 29, 2008)

Build a motocross track in the back.... 

Works 100%...!


----------



## spazzy (Aug 15, 2004)

irishpitbull said:


> Be as annoying as fuk. Have parties, stomp when you walk in your apartment, watch tv/listen to the radio at max volume.
> 
> All the stuff I use to do.


Do you live above me???

LOL jk, but those are all good ideas, id spend $30 or 40 and invest in some hearing protection and really bump the tunes/tv


----------



## Dostoy320 (Apr 6, 2009)

porn. loud. all the time.


----------



## sodak (Oct 10, 2006)

Dostoy320 said:


> porn. loud. all the time.


Excellent idea. Also, lay your speakers down on the floor face down, turn the volume up and laugh. I had a few people below me one time and that worked like a charm. Just had to turn the volume way up to hear it myself with the speakers laying face down,... but they heard it quite well. They knocked alot to get me to turn it down... just made me turn it louder! One month later... wha-la.. they were gone!


----------



## mbmb65 (Jan 13, 2004)

replace all the locks in question. don't tell 'em.


----------



## SuperSlow35th (Jul 22, 2011)

If the previous tennants had two bikes stolen, and you had one stolen. Sounds to me like the downstairs tennants are a common denominator and would be my first suspect for finding my bike. Just saying.


----------



## 007 (Jun 16, 2005)

SuperSlow35th said:


> If the previous tennants had two bikes stolen, and you had one stolen. Sounds to me like the downstairs tennants are a common denominator and would be my first suspect for finding my bike. Just saying.


These people aren't that smart . . . I promise. They probably didn't even notice the bikes were there in the first place.

Just to give you an idea of the level of intelligence we are dealing with here . . . . the guy called maintenance because the lights wouldn't come on . . . because the light bulb wasn't screwed in all the way (guess who unscrewed it )


----------



## 2ridealot (Jun 15, 2004)

Take breaks from the porn to blend in some long sessions of extra loud dolly parton. Also, strategic placement of limburger cheese can be quite effective.


----------



## 007 (Jun 16, 2005)

I like the suggestions of making more noise . . . but what I really want are more ways to annoy the hell out of them. I also want to be sure that what I do doesn't get ME kicked out!

I am thinking about taking up the bagpipes


----------



## boomn (Jul 6, 2007)

Beyond just being annoying to them I think you should make it as incredibly awkward for them to be around you as possible. Start by matter-of-factly explaining to their faces how terrible they make it to live by them, how much they have cost you, etc and then remind them of this regularly anytime they do anything similar. Knock on their door every time they get too noisy, any time you come back to find the garage unlocked or open, etc


----------



## Surfacecreations (Sep 8, 2011)

Smells can be real annoying. A horrible smell that cannot be traced is a real ball buster. Cat urine/spray comes to mind. The hard part is getting a hold of some. They don't bottle the stuff for sale at Walmart...or do they? 
Unless you want for them to know you want them gone you have to be very creative. A porn soundtrack is a big giveaway that you are wanting to annoy them. You must be subtle to not arise suspicion.
Your tricks must also be out of the control of the landlord to fix. Loud music = turn it down or get kicked out. I would slowly start with bad smell therapy then add in small changes like letting out air in their tires randomly. That can be blamed on dumb neighborhood kids.
They key is to not open your bag of tricks out all at once. You have to coax them into gradually beginning to hate their environment. They have to believe it is not one particular act or occurrence but rather just a bunch or things they just can't put their finger on.

Google also has many answers for this line of work:

How to legally annoy your neighbor - Munich

How to annoy a neighbor without them finding out? - Yahoo! Answers

5 things you can use to inconvenience your neighbors | The Reasoner


----------



## AZ (Apr 14, 2009)

Constant stream of hookers at the door, yours or theirs.


----------



## jparisi48 (Sep 3, 2011)

I have a solution..... It will take some time, but it WILL work. 

Step 1- Go to the grocery store and pick up a few supplies. several jars of penut butter, raw chicken drumsticks, and a few half gallons of buttermilk.

Step 2- Open the jar of PB and scoop out enough so there is room of a drumstick, combine it with about a half cup of buttermilk. Put the lid back on, but just enough so a little air can escape. Do this with several jars.

Step 3- Hide them some place where your neighbors can smell them, and wait..... it will take days to weeks for them to smell, but when they smell, they SMELL.......


----------



## jeffscott (May 10, 2006)

I am under the impression the **** flows downhill.


----------



## debaucherous (Jul 2, 2004)

A few ideas...
Sell Amway.
Proselytize.
Tap dance,
Bowling practice.
Indoor basketball.
Sunbathe in the Speedo.
Take up making kim chee.
Practice your telemarketing skills.


----------



## jbrookeiv (Jul 28, 2010)

boomn said:


> Beyond just being annoying to them I think you should make it as incredibly awkward for them to be around you as possible. Start by matter-of-factly explaining to their faces how terrible they make it to live by them, how much they have cost you, etc and then remind them of this regularly anytime they do anything similar. Knock on their door every time they get too noisy, any time you come back to find the garage unlocked or open, etc


Best idea in this thread. :thumbsup:


----------



## 007 (Jun 16, 2005)

jbrookeiv said:


> Best idea in this thread. :thumbsup:





boomn said:


> Beyond just being annoying to them I think you should make it as incredibly awkward for them to be around you as possible. Start by matter-of-factly explaining to their faces how terrible they make it to live by them, how much they have cost you, etc and then remind them of this regularly anytime they do anything similar. Knock on their door every time they get too noisy, any time you come back to find the garage unlocked or open, etc


Yup, I'm in agreement with this approach too.


----------



## michaelscott (May 23, 2011)

Rich people don't have this problem. I recommend you make more money so you don't have to deal with riff raff.


----------



## Katt (Jul 3, 2011)

If you have your music too loud set it as an alarm so it goes off when your not home but when you know they will be. That way it looks like an innocent mistake. Or present them with an invoice for the stolen bike, that way they might learn to shut the garage.


----------



## 2wheelsnotfour (Aug 18, 2010)

You need to get creative and dedicate yourself to being annoying. You need to raise the bar and take your annoyingness to the next level. Think annoying, feel annoying. Annoying needs to become your life!

For inspiration I suggest Randy Quaid in "Christmas Vacation."

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Eddie Sewer Scene 16:9 - YouTube


----------



## Andy Pancroft (Aug 3, 2011)

I can give you my ex-wife's number. She made me want to move!!!


----------



## Ericmopar (Aug 23, 2003)

I got rid of one of my neighbors by letting an air compressor with a slow leak run every few minutes. He partied all night after he got home from his pizza delivery job and then went to bed at 4 or 5 am. 
I'd go out for a morning ride and leave the air hose attached to my compressor, which would cause it to run every 20 min or so. 
I suppose that isn't an option with a shared garage. 
BTW neighbors that are like that probably stole the bikes. LOL

It also turned out that Pizza Boy had too much money. He bought two new cars and a $250,000 condo on a Pizza Boy budget. 
I heard a rumor that the DEA got tipped off about his free cash situation... 
There were strange people in unknown vehicles around...


----------



## 74hc (Sep 30, 2011)

OO7 said:


> a) the apt. itself is quite nice and a STEAL of a deal in my area,


That is why you have poor neighbors. Aside from that, are you a licensed ham radio? HF can do odd stuff to televisions and inconsiderate people usually spend an inordinate amount of time watching it.


----------



## newnan3 (Sep 30, 2010)

Eff all this passive agressive BS. Just go say something to them. 

It kinda sucks having to confront people but its better than hoping to make them want to move. Most of the time people dont want to be "bad neighbors." Most of the time they dont realize theyre being a-holes.

If that doesnt work then maybe resort to guerilla tactics......


----------



## lamb (Sep 18, 2008)

just bug them, be in their space when you can, make them feel encroached upon in a non-threatening way. Go knock on their door at like 4 am and ask if they have seen your newspaper or wife. If it is a shared garage, put some of your stuff on their side-- real junk though, like stuff you find sitting on the curb. Those giant blow up santa clauses come to mind. Hang some leopard print man thongs out on your balcony or porch to dry. call them right after you hear them go to bed and ask if they happen to see your python can they give you a call back. Tell them you think it went into the duct work. You could get real creative with this.


----------



## 2wheelsnotfour (Aug 18, 2010)

newnan3, I think you're being unrealistic regarding the average A-hole person. Not only do they not know they are being A-holes, but when confronted they won't care or won't consider themselves to be A-holes. Based on the OPs description of these people, in all likelihood the only way to deal with them is to move away or out do their annoyingness. In my opinion it is time for the OP to become inspired to become the most annoying person in his town. These are good skills to develop anyway.


----------



## Deerhill (Dec 21, 2009)

del


----------



## Harold (Dec 23, 2003)

ThinkGeek :: The ThinkGeek Annoy-a-tron

Find a way to slip these babies into the house. Since you live upstairs, can you drop them down the ductwork? By the time new people move in, the batteries should be dead and they'll be rendered inert. it might even be possible to figure out a way to retrieve them once the job is done.

agreed regarding smells, but don't bother with using something solid that can be seen/identified.

Check here for some of the most amazing aromas you'll find anywhere.

Murrays - Trapping Supplies Catalog

I can personally vouch for Caven's Gusto, but I'm pretty sure that it won't matter which one you buy. Yes, MANY types of urine may be purchased here. The lure may be smeared onto anything and they'll never find it. Just make sure it's not anything on the rental unit itself or you'll really screw over the landlord.

As for inappropriate, I vote for loud pornos, a blowup doll in the window, and other assorted paraphernalia (occasionally "misdelivered" in obviously obnoxious packaging to their mailbox or doorstep).

Sign them up for all sorts of catalogs that will offend them and/or bury them in garbage.


----------



## FLMike (Sep 28, 2008)

Pacific Heights (trailer) - YouTube


----------



## Katt (Jul 3, 2011)

I'd go with the Annoy-a-tron! After reading the link and the customers review I think it might be pure evil! I want one!


----------



## 007 (Jun 16, 2005)

newnan3 said:


> Eff all this passive agressive BS. Just go say something to them.
> 
> It kinda sucks having to confront people but its better than hoping to make them want to move. Most of the time people dont want to be "bad neighbors." Most of the time they dont realize theyre being a-holes.
> 
> If that doesnt work then maybe resort to guerilla tactics......


Nope, tried that . . . I'm a pretty level headed, rational person. So when my bike got stolen, I pointed it out to them and asked if "we" could try to remember to lock the gate when we leave (I actually said WE to avoid blaming) . . . they have sort of complied with this, but only because I complained enough to the landlord about "feeling unsafe".

I've also asked about the smoking (which they are not allowed to do in the house, I asked the landlord) and asked if they would smoke away from the house . . . . got pissed and said "I can smoke where I want".

Then one day, I go to walk my dogs and dude comes out of the house screaming at me calling me all sorts of profanities because I apparently closed the gate too hard  I tried to get this on camera, but he went inside when he figured out what I was doing.

I don't want to mess with smell's and stuff . . . I gotta live here to! However, I have come up with some pretty good ideas from this thread . . . keep em' coming folks!!!


----------



## Jason B (Aug 15, 2008)

OO7 said:


> dude comes out of the house screaming at me calling me all sorts of profanities because I apparently closed the gate too hard


sounds like you found something that gets on his nerves there. :thumbsup:

Great thread, some funny stuff in here.


----------



## Chrisf_999 (Aug 15, 2008)

Andy Pancroft said:


> I can give you my ex-wife's number. She made me want to move!!!


+1 - I don't have my ex-wife's number, just the address that I sent child support to for several years. Send her a letter and tell her I'm at their place being happy. She'll swoop right in and ruin their lives!!! *L*


----------



## Harold (Dec 23, 2003)

OO7 said:


> I don't want to mess with smell's and stuff . . . I gotta live here to! However, I have come up with some pretty good ideas from this thread . . . keep em' coming folks!!!


Used in moderation, the range on the scent lures is pretty isolated. I wouldn't pour a whole bottle on his doorstep, though.


----------



## slayer27 (Nov 22, 2007)

motopail said:


> Build a motocross track in the back....
> 
> Works 100%...!


That wouldn't work with me. You would be the best neighbor ever!:thumbsup:


----------



## bing! (Jul 8, 2010)

If you plan on being annoying, you might as well talk to your neighbor and blame them for the stolen bikes to their face. Keep reminding them every time you see them. May not get rid of them, but may change their behaviour.

The shortest way between two points...........is a straight line


----------



## Deerhill (Dec 21, 2009)

del


----------



## Mojo Troll (Jun 3, 2004)

*Karma*

You know what they say about karma. Stooping to thier level or being vendicative makes you just as much an idiot and childish as the neighbors. Malice really isnt a resolution to the problem.

I've found if you live outside of public transportation routes. You get away from alot of the riff raff.

I would have been long gone after my bike was stolen. Espeicially after a couple of bikes have been stolen prior to yours. I don't care how nice the place is for the money. Clearly the quality of living isn't worth it.

Take the high road.


----------



## Surfacecreations (Sep 8, 2011)

I'm surprised the ol' bag of flaming poo hasn't been brought up yet. I think it's still legal in every state except CA and NJ.


----------



## adroit 96' (Sep 16, 2011)

Nah me I'd just start goin out to check the mail in a pair of Speedo's and cowboy boots........


----------



## ghoti (Mar 23, 2011)

Put your own locks on the garage and the gates, replace as needed.


----------



## 2wheelsnotfour (Aug 18, 2010)

That annoy-a-tron looks awesome. You can out fox your adversary using the latest in annoying technology available today. More annoying advances in annoying technologies are available today then every before!


----------



## Call_me_Clyde (Oct 27, 2004)

*None of this is going to work*

Sorry, but jackass neighbors ain't moving my friend. Stop making excuses and find another place to live. You'll find a way to make it work.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but reality is always hard to swallow.

Best wishes in finding new digs.


----------



## Ricko (Jan 14, 2004)

Wow, you musta' moved into the apartment that I moved out of 9 months ago! Sorry, but the poster above is spot on, the only real way to rectify the situation is to move out yourself.

Hmmm, now that I think of it...murder is only illegal if you get caught:devil:


----------



## brianb (Apr 25, 2004)

Try praying. I prayed for my neighbor with the loud dogs to move, and.... Forclosure.
Praying, it works.


----------



## Crankout (Jun 16, 2010)

newnan3 said:


> Eff all this passive agressive BS. Just go say something to them.
> 
> It kinda sucks having to confront people but its better than hoping to make them want to move. *Most of the time people dont want to be "bad neighbors." Most of the time they dont realize theyre being a-holes*.
> 
> If that doesnt work then maybe resort to guerilla tactics......


Yup. A reasonable talk with them may do more than you think.

I like the other suggestion of changing locks on the garage if possible. Passive, but it may be effective.

You really may have to consider moving. Let your ego down, and decide if you would prefer to be happier in the long run. Consider it a win on your end and not 'giving in' to them.

Living in relative squalor myself I too have had to endure the annoyance of inconsiderate neighbors. I've had to move to get away from the white trash element myself. I was much happier for it in the end.


----------



## milehi (Nov 2, 1997)

Hire a gang of 12 year olds. Trust me, you can't win a war against them. We made several people move, but they deserved it.

Example- Dude moves into the neighborhood and before unpacking, he tells us there will be no more football playing in the street and takes our football. He didn't last a month. I think the final straw was when we filled a pickle jar with every liquid we could find in my friend's garage and wrote a phrase in his lawn, which burned in. We also leaned a trash can full of water against his front door...Trust me, 12 year olds.


----------



## 007 (Jun 16, 2005)

Yeah . . . I have already sort of come to the decision that we are going to have to move. Short of becoming a complete dick myself, these people ain't moving.

I just hate moving . . . .


----------



## milehi (Nov 2, 1997)

OO7 said:


> Yeah . . . I have already sort of come to the decision that we are going to have to move. Short of becoming a complete dick myself, these people ain't moving.
> 
> I just hate moving . . . .


Maybe it's time to learn how to play the electric guitar, or drums.


----------



## Pimpride (Nov 14, 2005)

Vader said:


> Hire a gang of 12 year olds. Trust me, you can't win a war against them. We made several people move, but they deserved it.
> 
> Example- Dude moves into the neighborhood and before unpacking, he tells us there will be no more football playing in the street and takes our football. He didn't last a month. I think the final straw was when we filled a pickle jar with every liquid we could find in my friend's garage and wrote a phrase in his lawn, which burned in. We also leaned a trash can full of water against his front door...Trust me, 12 year olds.


Pretty good idea.... Maybe become a youth soccer coach and have them over for 'practice' as much as possible (open invitation). Kills birds with one stone... The kids will have a 'safe' place to play, practice and have fun and they'll end up driving your neighbor nuts. Try it for a season. Kids act up while playing.... not your fault. Blame it on parenting.


----------



## crazy03 (Mar 15, 2011)

Crankout said:


> Yup. A reasonable talk with them may do more than you think.
> .


Godd*mn crankout, you're such a pu*sy. Everyone knows that talking things out never gets anything accomplished. Violence, proper planning and brute force solve everything, everyone knows that. Happy hunting :thumbsup:


----------



## hungryhead (Apr 9, 2007)

two words: pogo stick


----------



## random walk (Jan 12, 2010)

OO7 said:


> Yeah . . . I have already sort of come to the decision that we are going to have to move. Short of becoming a complete dick myself, these people ain't moving.
> 
> I just hate moving . . . .


Just before you move, do most of the above.


----------



## monzie (Aug 5, 2009)

Remove 2-3 valve stem cores from their car tires. Never four, that there's a felony. They won't hold air and I bet money that don't have two spares. The twelve year-olds sounds like a good one. As does the changing of locks. Slam that gate as hard as humanly possible; sometimes twice in one go. sign them up for snail mail spam; all of it. Wanna join our mailing list? You bet they do. Visine in their water/ soda/ beer should be good for a laugh. House full of folks trying to get to a toilet? Comedy gold. Stomp around when you have to change locations inside all the time. Learn how to do blast beats in double time.


----------



## STT GUY (May 19, 2009)

OO7 said:


> Okay, long story short . . . I live in the upper unit of a duplex. Neighbors downstairs suck . . . big time. Noisy, smokers, and disrespectful. On top of all this, they are complete morons. They leave the garage open (shared) ALL the time, both the front and the back gates are constantly left open and/or unlocked, etc. Landlord is of little help so long as they continue to pay the rent and she won't play "referee" even though she agree's with me about the locking of gates and garage etc.
> 
> I do NOT want to move for several reasons, but mostly because a) the apt. itself is quite nice and a STEAL of a deal in my area, b) I don't have a car and I can walk to work from where I live now and c) these b*stards are NOT going to make me move!
> 
> ...


Put locks on the gates and make them come ask to use a key.


----------



## milehi (Nov 2, 1997)

hungryhead said:


> two words: pogo stick


I like to say the words "pogo stick" while looking at your avatar.


----------



## PurpleOtter (Oct 3, 2011)

A friend of mine brought a frequency generator home from work and hooked it up to his stereo. He set it to 
"sweep" from about 17Khz to about 24Khz, cranked up the volume and left for work. By the time he got home the entire complex was virtually empty and no one had a clue why they just didn't want to stay at home!


----------



## 411898 (Nov 5, 2008)

I hate to say it but if you can afford it, you really should consider relocating. The "steal" of a price you are paying has also attracted disrespectful neighbors. However, it's not just your neighbors that are the problem, the management is at least as much of a problem if they are unwilling to improve the situation. 

Consider shopping for a more secure/better operated location close by to where you are now. There are great deals to be had these days, it wouldn't hurt to at least shop around. Most building owners/management companies are willing to negotiate the price nowadays.


----------



## 411898 (Nov 5, 2008)

Just to give you an idea of the level of intelligence we are dealing with here . . . . the guy called maintenance because the lights wouldn't come on . . . because the light bulb wasn't screwed in all the way (guess who unscrewed it )[/QUOTE]

:lol::lol::lol:


----------



## AC/BC (Jun 22, 2006)

Stink 'em out. Throw some of these in there A/C unit everyday when they are at home. Or some place in there duct work

1 CASE OF GLASS STINKY STINK BOMBS 36 TOTAL - WHOLESALE | eBay


----------



## Andy Pancroft (Aug 3, 2011)

I've always liked this guy's stuff...LOL Maybe you can make you own variation??!!

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 11.04am
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: R.S.V.P.

Dear Matthew,
Thankyou for the party invite. At first glance I thought it may be a child’s party what with it being vibrant and having balloons but I realise you probably did your best with what little tools were available. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. What time would you like me there?
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 3.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: R.S.V.P.

Hi David
Sorry the note was just to let you know that we might be a bit loud that night. The house warming is really just for friends and family but you can drop past for a beer if you like.
Cheers Matthew
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 5.41pm
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

Thanks Matthew,
Including me in your list of friends and family means a lot. You and I don’t tend to have long discussions when we meet in the hallway and I plan to put a stop to that. Next time we bump into each other I intend to have a very long conversation with you and I am sure you are looking forward to that as much as I am. I have told my friend Ross that you are having a party and he is as excited as I am. Do you want us to bring anything or will everything be provided?
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

Hi David
As I said, my housewarming is just for friends and family. There is not a lot of room so cant really have to many people come. Sorry about that mate.
Cheers Matthew
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 2.36pm
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

Dear Matthew,
I can appreciate that, our apartments are not very large are they? I myself like to go for a jog every night to keep fit but fear leaving the house so I have to jog on the spot taking very small steps with my arms straight down. I understand the problems of space restrictions all too well. If you would like to store some of your furniture at my place during the party you are quite welcome to - if we move your cane furniture into my spare room for the night and scatter cushions on the ground, that would provide a lot more seating and create a cozy atmosphere at the same time. I have a mirror ball that you can borrow.
I have told Ross not to invite anyone else due to the space constraints so it will just be us two and my other friend Simon. When I told Simon that Ross and I were going to a party he became quite angry that I had not invited him as well so I really didn’t have any choice as he can become quite violent. Sometimes I am afraid to even be in the same room as him. So just myself, Ross and Simon. Simon’s girlfriend has a work function on that night but might come along after that if she can get a lift with friends.
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 4.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

Wtf? Nobody can come to the houswarming party it is just for friends and family. I dont even know these people. How do you know I have cane furniture? Are you the guy in apartment 1?
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 6.12pm
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

Hi Matthew,
I understand it is an exclusive party and I appreciate you trusting my judgement on who to bring. I just assumed you have cane furniture, doesn’t everybody? Cane is possibly one of the most renewable natural resources we have after plastic, it is not only strong but lightweight and attractive. Every item in my apartment is made of cane, including my television. It looks like the one from Gilligan’s Island but is in colour of course. Do you remember that episode where a robot came to the island? That was the best one in my opinion. I always preferred Mary Anne to Ginger, same with Flintstones - I found Betty much more attractive than Wilma but then I am not really keen on redheads at all. They have freckles all over their body did you know? It’s the ones on their back and shoulders that creep me out the most.
Anyway, Ross rang me today all excited about the party and asked me what the theme is, I told him that I don’t think there is a theme and we discussed it and feel that it should be an eighties themed party. I have a white suit and projector and am coming as Nik Kershaw. I have made a looping tape of ‘wouldn’t it be good’ to play as I am sure you will agree that this song rocks and has stood the test of time well.
I am in the process of redesigning your invites appropriately and will get a few hundred of them printed off later today. I will have to ask you for the money for this as print cartridges for my Epson are pretty expensive. They stopped making this model a month after I bought it and I have to get the cartridges sent from China. Around $120 should cover it. You can just pop the money in my letter box if I don’t see you before tonight.
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Wednesday 10 Dec 2008 11.06pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

What the **** are yout alking about? There is no theme for the party it is just a few friends and family. noone else can come IT IS ONLY FOR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY do you understand? Do not print anything out because I am not paying for something I dont need and didnt ask you to do! look I am sorry but i am heaps busy and that night is not convenient. Are you in Apatrment1?
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 11 Dec 2008 9.15am
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

Hello Matthew,
I agree that it is not very convenient and must admit that when I first received your invitation I was perplexed that it was on a Sunday night but who am I to judge? No, I am in apartment 3B. Our bedroom walls are touching so when we are sleeping our heads are only a few feet apart. If I put my ear to the wall I can hear you. I also agree with you that having a particular theme for your party may not be the best choice, it makes more sense to leave it open as a generic fancy dress party, that way everyone can come dressed in whatever they want.
Once, I went to a party in a bear outfit which worked out well as it was freezing and I was the only one warm. As it won’t be cold the night of your party, I have decided to come as a ninja. I think it would be really good if you dressed as a ninja as well and we could perform a martial arts display for the other guests. I have real swords and will bring them. If you need help with your costume let me know, I have made mine by wrapping a black t-shirt around my face with a hooded jacket and cut finger holes in black socks for the gloves. I do not have any black pants so will spray paint my legs on the night.
It is a little hard to breathe in the costume so I will need you to keep the window open during the party to provide good air circulation. Actually, I just had a thought, how awesome would it be if I arrived ‘through’ the window like a real ninja. We should definitely do that. I just measured the distance between our balconies and I should be able to jump it. I once leaped across a creek that was over five metres wide and almost made it.
Also, you mentioned in your invitation that if there was anything I needed, to let you know. My car is going in for a service next week and I was wondering, seeing as we are good friends now, if it would be ok to borrow yours on that day? I hate catching the bus as they are full of poor people who don’t own cars.
Regards, David.
From: Matthew Smythe
Date: Thursday 11 Dec 2008 3.02pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.

WTF? No you cant borrow my car and there is no ****ing 3B. I reckon you are that guy from Apartment 1. You are not coming to my house warming and you are not bringing any of your friends. What the **** is wrong with you??? The only people invited are friends and family I told you that. It is just drinks there is no ****ing fancy dress and only people i know are coming! I dont want to be rude but jesus ****ing christ man.
From: David Thorne
Date: Sunday 14 Dec 2008 2.04am
To: Matthew Smythe
Subject: Party

Hello Matthew,
I have been away since Thursday so have not been able to check my email from home. Flying back late today in time for the party and just wanted to say that we are really looking forward to it. Will probably get there around eleven or twelve, just when it starts to liven up. Simon’s girlfriend Cathy’s work function was cancelled so she can make it afterall which is good news. She will probably have a few friends with her so they will take the minivan. Also, I have arranged a Piñata.
Regards, D


----------



## SuperSlow35th (Jul 22, 2011)

^Lol. Classic


----------



## Mike Aswell (Sep 1, 2009)

Do you know how long your neighbors have lived there?

Generally speaking, in most markets, a place rents for what it's worth. Most landlords have a fairly accurate sense of what the going rate on sq ft in their neighborhood is.

It could be, that the rent is low because of the neighbors. This is just a guess.


----------



## Katt (Jul 3, 2011)

^ awesome story!!!! :thumbsup:


----------



## Bokchoicowboy (Aug 7, 2007)

Surfacecreations said:


> Smells can be real annoying. A horrible smell that cannot be traced is a real ball buster.


You want a smell...synthesize a VERY small quantity of 1,4-diaminobutane, a.k.a. Putrescine. Place a few drops at the entrance to their part of the home, into their car vents, and on anything you can get access to that will end up inside their residence and not in any common area.

Just a drop or two in any location, more will make the whole building completely uninhabitable.

You can synthesize it if you have access to the right equipment and materials, or you can purchase it here. If you want to get really wicked, combine it with some 1,5-pentanediamine, a.k.a. Cadaverine, also available here.

Trust me, this stuff will get anyone to leave where it is deposited. When I worked evidence for a city police department my partner, who had no freaking sense of smell, worked a case that had a dead body wrapped in a carpet and plastic in the middle of summer weather, you know, the usual stuff. He had several bags of evidence that he moved in our van. He had not sealed them well, and did not notice some of the fluids had seeped out of the bags and dripped into the interior of the van. Parked it outside in the summer sun for a few days. I got back from a vacation, opened the van...almost passed out. My vision blurred and I and three other cops in the parking lot had all we could handle trying not to vomit.

Had to get rid of the van. Even a bleach scrubdown did not get rid of the stuff, and we estimated it was only a few drops that got into the materials of the van.

Sure fire thing to get rid of those neighbors...you might even be able to get them caught up in an investigation for the suspicious smell that might be a murder victim...


----------



## 2wheelsnotfour (Aug 18, 2010)

"Wtf? Nobody can come to the houswarming party it is just for friends and family. I dont even know these people. How do you know I have cane furniture? Are you the guy in apartment 1?"

OMG that was absolutely hilarious. I laughed so hard I was on the verge of crying.


----------



## bingemtbr (Apr 1, 2004)

If you want them gone right away flood them out. Cracked pipe, loose seal on the toilet, etc. Basically it drips/runs through the floor joist to their ceiling. If you both are out of town for the week / some time, this is great. The more damage, the chance they have to relocate during the repair. If the repair takes long enough and the damage is extensive enough, they'll find another place in the meantime.

One note of caution: be careful what you wish for. The new neighbors will most likely be worse. The only true solution is to get your own home; no apartment, no duplex, etc.


----------



## Crankout (Jun 16, 2010)

crazy03 said:


> Godd*mn crankout, you're such a pu*sy. Everyone knows that talking things out never gets anything accomplished. Violence, proper planning and brute force solve everything, everyone knows that. Happy hunting :thumbsup:


Are you a republican?

I believe that reserving force as a final measure is the proper route to take. The OP needs to determine what it is that the lower tenants find entertaining or comforting, and then proceed to disrupt those things on a frequent basis.

Barring that, it is time to move and begin anew.


----------



## crazy03 (Mar 15, 2011)

Crankout said:


> Are you a republican?.


Only when being a democrat doesn't get the job done. :thumbsup:


----------



## hoolie (Sep 17, 2010)

If you are in CA, You can stick it to the landlord a little if they refuse to remedy the situation-Tenants have most rights. Make sure you get all your $ back from deposit. After you are gone hand out flyers to all the homeless you see saying free showers/shopping cart storage w/ your neighbors address.


----------



## jetblast10 (Feb 23, 2009)

jparisi48 said:


> I have a solution..... It will take some time, but it WILL work.
> 
> Step 1- Go to the grocery store and pick up a few supplies. several jars of penut butter, raw chicken drumsticks, and a few half gallons of buttermilk.
> 
> ...


chicken milk stink bomb.
The League.


----------



## Fix the Spade (Aug 4, 2008)

OO7 said:


> As an added incentive for the MTB community to help, its because these idiots left the gate unlocked that my beloved G. Fisher was stolen. When I reported it to the police, I also learned that the previous tenants had TWO bikes stolen because of the same exact reason (gate left unlocked).


File a formal complaint with the relevant authority or sue them for your bike.

They/you have a tenancy agreement, they (and the landlady) are failing to fulfil it and other tenants (ie: you) are getting stuff stolen and suffering because of it. Pretty sure there will be clauses about leaving things locked and not abusing other tenants.

Make them pay, when someone with an ID card and a clipboard knocks on the door and tells them it's their fault so they've got to pay they might take notice. If not they'll get a different kind of notice in short order.

You do have tenancy agreement right (or rental contract or whatever it's called in CA)


----------



## Mojo Troll (Jun 3, 2004)

Is it legal for a renter to change locks on shared space, i.e gates and garage? Would'nt they have to provide keys/access to all parties using shared property?

Suck it up and find a new place to live.When leaving for the last time. Do it with class. Wish the neighbors nothing but the best. Leave on a positive note with your head high. Good things will come your way in the future.


----------



## skullcap (Nov 4, 2010)

Are you sure you'll be able to drive them away? Look how much you've already been willing to put up with for the cheap rent. What makes you think they won't do the same? And if they do leave, what will they be replaced with? At least they don't have a meth lab in the bathroom. That's probably why the landlord puts up with them (and the resulting complaints).


----------



## jeffw-13 (Apr 30, 2008)

Start a blog about them and send them the link. stories, pics, videos, etc...


----------



## wyatt79m (Mar 3, 2007)

jeffw-13 said:


> Start a blog about them and send them the link. stories, pics, videos, etc...


This could be entertaining....


----------



## zebrahum (Jun 29, 2005)

Here are some of my thoughts:


Bass guitar amp and 40 Hz frequency generator. Point the amp at the floor and do a frequency sweep, I think the typical floor is about 8.5" thick so that would put a 40 Hz wavelength at the perfect size to blast straight through the floor. You'll be knocking things off of shelves in no time. If questioned you're just trying to work the bugs out of your new entertainment system. We used to do this in my friend's apartment building when they were having late night parties next door. The point was very clear.
Wake up earlier than they do every day and make sure they know it.
Call the landlord every time they are breaking one of the rules. Every time. Let the landlord take care of it, and if they refuse then escalate the matter.


----------



## @dam (Jan 28, 2004)

A horsehead in the bed with a note saying "The witness protection program can only hide you for so long. Big Joey knows you're here now. He says to tell you This time you're not getting away"


----------



## 2wheelsnotfour (Aug 18, 2010)

@dam said:


> A horsehead in the bed with a note saying "The witness protection program can only hide you for so long. Big Joey knows you're here now. He says to tell you This time you're not getting away"


Excellent idea. Make 'em an offer they can't refuse.


----------



## Sorebuttbiker (May 1, 2011)

I've lived with crappy neighbors plenty of times. They are crappy for a reason. They can't be reasoned with. Trying to force them out with clever tactics almost never works and often times cause retaliation and an escalation of crap. I stopped having problems when I made the decision to only live in areas that are too expensive for the crap to live. Ultimately buying a house in the boonies resolved it once an for all. Your home is the last thing you should ever skimp on for the good deal. You live there, whats the point of saving money if you are miserable?


----------



## pointerDixie214 (Feb 10, 2009)

I had a neighbor that workedthird shift, so she got home late and made TONS of noise and kept me up. 

I tried talking to her first, but she was of the opinion that she could do whatever she wanted, since she was in her apartment. Using that same logic, I bought three alarm clocks that were advertised as "Super Loud." They also would go off for a full hour before automatically turning themselves off. Set 'em for an hour and 15 minutes apart every morning before I left for work. 

She didn't move out, but she sure got the point. 

Maybe a similar tactic?


----------



## bclagge (Aug 31, 2009)

I have a novel solution! Don't leave anything valuable in the garage or back yard. Close the trash cans when you see them open. It's their right to smoke, as gross as it is. And look at the bright side, since they're noisy you don't have to worry about being quiet yourself.

As Sorebuttbiker said, retaliation results in escalation and I'm willing to bet they have a much higher threshold for what they can tolerate than you do.


----------



## Hangtime (Jan 25, 2006)

Shomer-Tec. Lots of ways to get back at people.

http://www.shomer-tec.com/department/revenge-products-33.cfm

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Will Goes Boing (Jan 25, 2008)

Sorry to be bad news bear but in your situation, YOU have to be the one to move; no matter how much you like the place. You can't force someone to move if they don't want to, and since you can't stand them, the only solution is that you move. 

I've dealt with plenty of landlord/tenant and tenant/tenant disputes before, and I always tell them the same thing. If you're going to live in an apartment/duplex/condo, chances are you're going to have to deal with morons like that to a certain extent. If you don't like it? Move into a house, then you won't have noisy and discourteous upstairs/downstairs/next door neighbors. 

Either that or as people said you can try to make it work, but IMO it's like a relationship that has gone bad, there is just no fixing it. And what some people suggested with the whole passive aggressive tactics is just counterproductive. One time I went to a dispute where a tenant said the upstairs tenant was making too much noise when they walk around, so the old lady used a broom stick to poke the ceiling to "get back at them". That's just ridiculous.


----------



## Psycho Mike (Apr 2, 2006)

Well...winter is coming. Mag trainer + mountain bike + knobby tires + an hour of training a day (early morning works really well) = neighbour who won't like you and may want to move. If he complains about the noise in the morning, switch to late at night 

The combo is loud and produces an annoying sound for the unit below 

Though the amplified porn with the speakers pointing at the floor should do well too...with a "B" movie soundtrack...then they definitely don't want to come up to complain. Either that or you need one without the soundtrack...just the sounds of love and a very squeaky bed.


----------



## ecub (Sep 3, 2011)

If you won't move, because it's a steal, then they might not as well. If the landlord won't do anything about it, let them be. It can get pretty nasty between tenants. I know, since I use to own a building.

One thing is to look at your agreement, to see if they are in violation. Also look at the local town/city ordinances, to see if they violate those?


----------



## 007 (Jun 16, 2005)

Yeah, we've resigned ourselves to moving . . . I truthfully know better than to retaliate. We don't keep anything valuable in the garage or yard any more, so theft isn't a concern.

I think the straw that broke the camel's back on this one is when my wife told me that she caught him staring out the window at her mumbling to himself while she was in the back yard with our dogs. We don't know what the deal is with this guy, buy its becoming quite clear that a psychiatric issue is present with this man.


----------



## ecub (Sep 3, 2011)

I'm playing the devil's advocate here, but maybe they were mumbling about the dogs? Are you cleaning up after the dogs when they go in the backyard? Do the dogs have accidents in your apartment? Maybe the smell is getting to them? Maybe they are allergic to the dogs?


----------



## BigHit-Maniac (Apr 13, 2004)

1. Store your bikes IN your house. (I live in Las Vegas, trust me I know crime)
2. Be annoying. Give them a taste of their medicine. After reading, I understand they're retarded. I've had neighbors just like this. 
3. Move all of their belongings out of the garage, and re-key the locks on the garage door entrances. Tell them until they re-pay you for your GF being stolen, their belongings will be free reign to thieves as your stuff was because of their negligence. 
4. Find a project car. Something LOUD. Remove the exhaust at the headers, and work on it at odd hours. I've definitely found this method to rid of shitty neighbors with a quickness. 

Rev that F*CKER up, and piss em off. Then when they come *****ing, you won't be quiet at night until they 1. Repay you for your GF being stolen, and 2. Consistently lock the doors.


**** shitty neighbors, and **** thieves.


----------



## ecub (Sep 3, 2011)

BigHit-Maniac said:


> 3. Move all of their belongings out of the garage, and re-key the locks on the garage door entrances.


Great idea, but I think the OP wants the other person to move out, not for them to be kicked out. Changing the locks, without notifying the landlord is probably a violation in the tenant agreement.



BigHit-Maniac said:


> Tell them until they re-pay you for your GF being stolen, their belongings will be free reign to thieves as your stuff was because of their negligence.


Unless the OP KNOWS for sure the other tenant took their bikes, then all they can do is call the police. Holding their stuff has "hostage" might be considered as theft.


BigHit-Maniac said:


> 4. Find a project car. Something LOUD. Remove the exhaust at the headers, and work on it at odd hours. I've definitely found this method to rid of shitty neighbors with a quickness.
> 
> Rev that F*CKER up, and piss em off.


Another great idea, but again, the OP still wants the other tenant to move out and not have the OP kicked out. Making that much noise would probably be bothering the other neighbors. Therefore, disturbing the peace. Eventually a nice uniformed officer will come knocking on the OP's door to tell them to be quiet.

And if the OP makes enough noise to disturb the other neighbors, then I'm sure those neighbors will post on the forums on "How to get ride of a noisy neighbor".


----------



## ecub (Sep 3, 2011)

As previously suggested, you may be able to sue the other tenant for the loss of the bikes due to leaving the gates unlocked. Of course, the only thing is you need to be sure that they did leave it unlocked. The only issue is, are there any other tenants? Could the landlord or property manager done it? Also, define locked? Was it locked that required an actual key to open it? Or was it locked as there was a latch to keep in closed? If it was the latter, then maybe a person passing by saw the bike and opened the gate and took the bike, rushing to leave, they left the gate unlocked?


----------



## DavidR1 (Jul 7, 2008)

Why don't you lock your bike up inside the garage? It can be annoying, but better then not having a bike at all.


----------



## 007 (Jun 16, 2005)

ecub said:


> Are you cleaning up after the dogs when they go in the backyard? Do the dogs have accidents in your apartment? Maybe the smell is getting to them? Maybe they are allergic to the dogs?


We clean up completely after our dogs 100% of the time. I'm VERY sure of that. Our dogs are NEVER in the yard unattended either. Our dogs have never had an accident in the house either. And they have a dog themselves, which is a WHOLE 'nother issue . . .

They admitted that the do not take their dog to the vet, ever . . . guess what? The damn thing has fleas (shocking, right?). The woman was complaining about how her legs itched and you could just SEE hundreds of flea bites . . . they have a major infestation. Which you guessed it, means WE have a major infestation. :madmax:

My bike is no longer a security issue, BTW. Its stored always indoors.

We have already started looking for a new place. As soon as we get eyes on something we are turning in our notice. And then its NO HOLDS BARRED ON THE ****suckers downstairs. :devil:


----------



## lowcountryredneck (Oct 11, 2011)

Kenny G and Barbra Streisand 24/7.......know I'd run away screaming.



> If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy


----------



## Harold (Dec 23, 2003)

OO7 said:


> We have already started looking for a new place. As soon as we get eyes on something we are turning in our notice. And then its NO HOLDS BARRED ON THE ****suckers downstairs. :devil:


In that case, empty an entire bottle of skunk-based trapper's lure on their doorstep when you leave. They'll unwittingly track it into the house and their car. Yay fun!


----------



## 411898 (Nov 5, 2008)

OO7 said:


> We clean up completely after our dogs 100% of the time. I'm VERY sure of that. Our dogs are NEVER in the yard unattended either. Our dogs have never had an accident in the house either. And they have a dog themselves, which is a WHOLE 'nother issue . . .
> 
> They admitted that the do not take their dog to the vet, ever . . . guess what? The damn thing has fleas (shocking, right?). The woman was complaining about how her legs itched and you could just SEE hundreds of flea bites . . . they have a major infestation. Which you guessed it, means WE have a major infestation. :madmax:
> 
> ...


Don't do anything that can cause physical damage. That could lead to a criminal record!

But, feel free (on the day you move out) to knock on their door and in an elevated voice, let them know exactly how you feel about them, what things they have done that annoyed you, and make sure that you use plenty of non-respectful terms and rude name-calling words. Let me know how it goes...


----------



## 007 (Jun 16, 2005)

ambassadorhawg said:


> Don't do anything that can cause physical damage. That could lead to a criminal record!
> 
> But, feel free (on the day you move out) to knock on their door and in an elevated voice, let them know exactly how you feel about them, what things they have done that annoyed you, and make sure that you use plenty of non-respectful terms and rude name-calling words. Let me know how it goes...


Yeah, I'm not into destruction of property, etc. Aside from the legal aspects of it, the people are just rude and inconsiderate ***holes . . . they are not, however, physically destructive (and I'm fairly certain it was not them who stole my bike. I really don't think they are malicious people . . . just dumb).

I have already told our landlord that when we move out, if I am asked to show the property (which is probable since she is moving out of state), I WILL be honest about the tenants downstairs if asked. I will not lie or exaggerate, but I will be up front with people about our experiences, and she know's that.

When I talked to her about our intentions of moving, I told her in no uncertain terms that its "us or them" . . . she seems to be thinking about it (evicting them). I know that the last people moved out because of them as well . . . (learned that AFTER we moved in).


----------



## Sharpix (Jun 27, 2009)

This topic is better and more educational than all the biking crap around here .

my suggestion: Get a big loud subwoofer, frequency generator and put it in 30 or 40 hertz, so it doesn't make much noise but rattles the hell out of both apartments, preferraly you get the sh1t out of your house for hours


----------

