# Boyfriend Friendly Rides Needed



## WickedGood (Aug 19, 2008)

I need some advice on some rides that my boyfriend might be able to handle. Something less than a mile in length. See, he's fat and slow and a little hairy, too. He really likes to climb in granny gear... well he rides everything is granny gear and I just hang out behind rubbing tires with him. I don't want anything too technical.. in fact a paved trail would really be the best thing I think. But he really likes a wild downhill.. I think one time we went 10 mph according to the bike computer!! I think he almost wet himself... talk about a fun time. You know, I only do what's best for my man and I want to take him somewhere really special this summer coz he's such a special guy.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## LyNx (Oct 26, 2004)

subscribes........


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

Well, I'm not sure on trails, but I can definitely recommend this sweet mens-specific saddle:


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

Also, when you do take your guy out on the trail, make sure you stop for a lot of breaks to watch football, eat beef jerky, and stare at boobs. It'll let him know that it's not about how far or fast you go, but about how much salty pork product you consume along the way.


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## WickedGood (Aug 19, 2008)

Oooooh catzilla that seat is exactly what I'll get him for our 3 month anniversary!!


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

WickedGood said:


> Oooooh catzilla that seat is exactly what I'll get him for our 3 month anniversary!!


Ohhhhh noooooo. No matter how good your intentions are, it's vital that he picks out his own seat. Only he can decide whether porcelain fits his sit bones better than a fuzzy purple cover.

I recommend taking him to the local bike shop and letting him try out a variety of their seats until he finds the one he can ride all day, newspaper in hand, without feeling any numbing sensation.


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## Consuela (Jun 13, 2008)

Catzilla, you beat me to the sit bone reminder! Always a good one to remember. It's all about the fit!

And while you are at the LBS, maybe pick out a jersey and socks for him so he feels like he fits in! Men usually like something in black or brown with skulls and barb wire. Maybe something like this:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=390018293095


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## WickedGood (Aug 19, 2008)

Measuring sit bones seems so intimate.. maybe that is something I should reserve for our 6 month anniversary. I KNOW we will still be together then because I have been searching for a mountain biker boy my whole life. Now I finally have one!

Maybe for our 3 months I'll turn his rig into a SS with only a granny gear. How sexy would that be? I do really love that jersey Conseula... I need to get one for my chubby little pirate...


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

Consuela said:


> Men usually like something in black or brown with skulls and barb wire. Maybe something like this:
> 
> https://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=390018293095


Also, the Three Wolf Moon shirt is way hot these days!


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

Reading this thread, I've become mad jealous that you all have bike riding boyfriends. How can I find one without resorting to a) expending any actual effort and 2) becoming "friends" first, which is so lame.

And, do you think my husband will mind?


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## chiplikestoridehisbike (Aug 8, 2007)

While the saddle above could be confused for a mens' model, the positioning is a dead give away that it is a womens' specific seat.


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## verslowrdr (Mar 22, 2004)

catzilla said:


> ...And, do you think my husband will mind?


You know you've been married for a while when a likely first reply to this question from either side would be eye-rolling and "knock yourself out". Anniversary 15 coming up, damn I feel old.....

Handlebars on that thing need a mountain feed bag for the TV remote though.


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## Consuela (Jun 13, 2008)

Catzilla, it's not easy!

Maybe first try to convert your existing hubby to mtb? Surprise him on his birthday or Christmas with a new bike! Maybe you could post in the "Passion" forum to ask them what bike to get for him?? But, don't spend too much, in case he doesn't like it. Keep it under $400 if you can, because you don't want it to cut into your MTB budget and delay that new Gravity Dropper you've been eyeing. A hard tail should do just fine, even though you ride with 6" travel, because it's better for climbing and he can just walk down the rock garden or go around it.

Good luck!
Consuela

[EDIT] Option 2 would be to get him that new carbon bike you've been drooling over. Then you win either way. When he gives it up after a couple months, you have the bike you have always wanted, but couldn't get budget approval for, and there is nothing he can say about it, because he isn't using it and it would be a waist to just let it sit in the garage. Just be sure to get it in your size. <wink> Oh, and put that Gravity Dropper on it from the get go!


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

chiplikestoridehisbike said:


> While the saddle above could be confused for a mens' model, the positioning is a dead give away that it is a womens' specific seat.


Excellent observation. However, this particular seat position is common among both the WSD "Daily Driver" and the MSD "What the hell was in that burrito?!?" models.

The handlebar for added control and leverage indicates we're looking at the men's model here.


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## verslowrdr (Mar 22, 2004)

Consuela said:


> ... Surprise him on his birthday or Christmas with a new bike! Maybe you could post in the "Passion" forum to ask them what bike to get for him?? But, don't spend too much, in case he doesn't like it. Keep it under $400 if you can, because you don't want it to cut into your MTB budget and delay that new Gravity Dropper you've been eyeing. A hard tail should do just fine, even though you ride with 6" travel, because it's better for climbing and he can just walk down the rock garden or go around it...
> 
> ...Option 2 would be to get him that new carbon bike you've been drooling over. Then you win either way. When he gives it up after a couple months, you have the bike you have always wanted, but couldn't get budget approval for, and there is nothing he can say about it, because he isn't using it and it would be a waist to just let it sit in the garage. Just be sure to get it in your size. <wink> Oh, and put that Gravity Dropper on it from the get go!


Gotta remember to get some cool duds to go with the new ride.


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

Consuela said:


> Catzilla, it's not easy!
> 
> Maybe first try to convert your existing hubby to mtb?


I was thinking about just letting him ride my 10 year old Pacific. He's a foot taller than me, but I think I should be able to make it fit by putting on a 300mm stem.

I sure hope he likes riding!


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## Fabulous (Jan 20, 2008)

Make sure you check standover. That top tube looks like it could cause some serious damage!


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## Consuela (Jun 13, 2008)

catzilla said:


> I was thinking about just letting him ride my 10 year old Pacific. He's a foot taller than me, but I think I should be able to make it fit by putting on a 300mm stem.
> 
> I sure hope he likes riding!


Absolutely! Maybe even put on a longer seat post and he should be fine. Give it a little wash & lube and stick a black pirate bow on it and he should be thrilled. :thumbsup:

PS. Love the yellow shorts above! Very sexy!


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## ThePinkBarron (Aug 28, 2008)

I think you are all forgetting that you should take him out on the easy easy trails to boost his confidence, he will only want to go for a few rides anyway, so dont worry because then you can go ride the techy goodness with your friends while he sleeps in the car.


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

So, I need your help.

I took my boyfriend out on a ride while my husband watched the baby. I showed him EXACTLY what to do, but he kept falling and complaining about being too hot. So, when he got a flat, I gave him a sip of my water (next time he'll bring his own!) and then I decided to make him put his money where his mouth is.

After he spit out the change, I stared over his shoulder as he changed his flat. It took FOREVER! :madman: Do any of your boyfriends actually know how to change their own flats?

Anyway, we took off again, but I guess he got tired because when I came back from my ride 2 hours later he was at the car in tears. 

I guess I was just being too hopeful that I could ever turn my boyfriend into a mountain biker dude.


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## WickedGood (Aug 19, 2008)

*Never *gasp**

I would never let my boyfriend change his own flat. He might mess up his hands or something... you know the only reason I let him ride with me is for the eye candy. All the other ladies on the trail see him and get super jealous because he looks so good in spandex.

Mine only broke down on the trail is tears once and I as all like... get your ***** azz up. Now we just don't ride that trail anymore.... He never listens when I scream advice at him so he's never going to get any better :madman:

You know.... men just don't understand women and the outdoors


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## Swthrtsuzy (Sep 1, 2008)

catzilla said:


> After he spit out the change, I stared over his shoulder as he changed his flat. It took FOREVER! :madman: Do any of your boyfriends actually know how to change their own flats?


Alas, no. My boyfriend can't even air up his own tires.  I finally got tired of changing his flats for him every time, so I converted his tires to tubeless for him. Now I'm working on teaching him how to use his floor pump.


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## VanHalen (Apr 1, 2009)

I've been with my bf for almost a year now, and since then there have been only about 2 occasions where I went riding by myself. We both have equal skills and speed, and before it got hot here in AZ we went on 8-10hr epic day trips... Flats/drivetrain issues no problem, we both have toolkits and tubes, and know how to use those...

Now about the bf friendly ride, it definitely needs to look cool, preferably full squish. Make him get a pair of good riding shorts and adjust the tilt and height of the seat. Try and find a smooth flowy trail with minimum technicality and nice views, and if that bores him, pick something slightly more techincal last time. Also make sure there's plenty of standover!  

One of my bf's best friends has now shown an interest in riding, so he's been coming along the last couple of times. He has a girlfriend that he wants to introduce to mtb-ing as well, but he wants to get a head start. He does not want his girlfriend to see how out of shape and nervous he is starting out.... that might be a lot of you girls' bf problems, just plain embarrassed that they might fail before the eyes of their girlfriend...


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

WickedGood said:


> He never listens when I scream advice at him...


Heh.


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

I find that new biking boyfriends do a lot better when you encourage them. Tell them how gnarly the trail is and how proud you are of them when they clean it. You can even boost the ego a little by pretending to walk sections that they ride. 

You know, just like in other aspects of life, make sure they think they are "the best" ever, and whatever bike they are riding, assure them its the biggest bike of any guy you have ever ridden with.


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## EJP (Apr 30, 2007)

Soooooo, I went to Cent Cone with this cute friend of mine. I kept having to take care of him. His sidewall was about to blow so I booted his tire for him. Then I had to tell him to bring his jacket, since it looked like rain. Then his camelbak leaked out all his water and he had to mooch from a woman in the parking lot. Then he got a flat and didn't have enough CO2 to inflate it all the way and had to borrow my pump. At least he can keep up, mostly.

Do you think that's why he doesn't want to date me? I just thought it was because he's vegan (and tending toward raw foodieness) and I like fire and meat.


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## IttyBittyBetty (Aug 11, 2005)

Thanks you all for the laughs! This made my day!!! Especially after the husband/wife fiasco from last night's ride.....


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

IttyBittyBetty said:


> Thanks you all for the laughs! This made my day!!! Especially after the husband/wife fiasco from last night's ride.....


Was the husband not able to fix his flat?


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## Consuela (Jun 13, 2008)

WG & Catzilla, maybe you could send your boys to a week long MTB Camp? I hear there is one that even has a surprise visit from *pirate* magician on the last night!


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## WickedGood (Aug 19, 2008)

Impy said:


> You know, just like in other aspects of life, make sure they think they are "the best" ever, and whatever bike they are riding, assure them its the biggest bike of any guy you have ever ridden with.


ha you made me LOL at work and now everyone is looking at me.

Consuela... boyfriend MTB camp sounds great-- the pirate magician just might be the thing I need to convince him to go! :thumbsup:


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

What about if your BF needs some body armor? What will fit him perfectly without trying it on? I don't even know how tall he is or anything - just normal "guy size". But I'm sure you all will be able to figure out what would fit best! 

I know asking for internet opinions on sizing totally works. He doesn't like going into bike shops, and it's way more fun (for me) for everything to be a surprise. A little back pain and bruises on your knees from hitting your kneecaps into the handlbars is all part of the fun, right?


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## NicoleC (Sep 28, 2007)

Are you sure Connie? My BF is 5'8" and so he must weigh at least 120 pounds. Kinda heavy, I know. But he's also naturally endowed, so that should be enough to tell me what fits, right?


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## Consuela (Jun 13, 2008)

*BF friendly snacks...*

Here are some good snacks that you can bring along to keep your bf energized and happy on the trail. Bonking is no fun for anyone!

http://www.vosgeschocolate.com/category/bacon_and_chocolate?gclid=COWrn-CylJsCFRIeDQodT0eOpghttp://www.vosgeschocolate.com/category/bacon_and_chocolate?gclid=COWrn-CylJsCFRIeDQodT0eOpg


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## Consuela (Jun 13, 2008)

connie said:


> What about if your BF needs some body armor? What will fit him perfectly without trying it on? I don't even know how tall he is or anything - just normal "guy size". But I'm sure you all will be able to figure out what would fit best!


Hi Connie: Yes, that's no problem at all. My DH wears a large, so that should be fine for your guy. :thumbsup:

I haven't been able to find any armor with skulls, pirates, or barbed wire already on them. But, these stickers/decals might work in a pinch!

https://www.decaljunky.com/cart/c-315-skulls.aspx
https://www.decaljunky.com/cart/c-502-pirates.aspx
https://www.decaljunky.com/cart/c-518-barbed-wire.aspx































Don't forget your Arrrmor!
Consuela


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## dog.gone (Mar 14, 2009)

*For only the true lone wolf...*



Consuela said:


> ...Men usually like something in black or brown with skulls and barb wire. Maybe something like this:
> 
> https://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=390018293095





catzilla said:


> Also, the Three Wolf Moon shirt is way hot these days!


(_be sure to read the reviews of the above shirt on Amazon.com._) :thumbsup:

This is *THE* shirt for your man (_courtesy of GrampBredo_):


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## sanjuro (Sep 29, 2004)

WickedGood said:


> I need some advice on some rides that my boyfriend might be able to handle. Something less than a mile in length. See, he's fat and slow and a little hairy, too. He really likes to climb in granny gear... well he rides everything is granny gear and I just hang out behind rubbing tires with him. I don't want anything too technical.. in fact a paved trail would really be the best thing I think. But he really likes a wild downhill.. I think one time we went 10 mph according to the bike computer!! I think he almost wet himself... talk about a fun time. You know, I only do what's best for my man and I want to take him somewhere really special this summer coz he's such a special guy.
> 
> Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


bhwhahahaha! there are 10000 dudes who would make a better b/f (or at least biker).


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## verslowrdr (Mar 22, 2004)

*Y'all are polluting our marriage*

Husband and I went out on a ride last night after I show-and-telled this thread for him. Resulting conversation at the top of the ridge, getting the bikes under the locked pipe gate...

*Him:* So your chubby little pirate didn't do TOO bad on that hill.
*Me:* Well I wanted to take it easy on you so you'd ride with me again. By the way, you've got the BIGGEST bike I've ever seen.
*Him:* I'm sure, but if you hadn't stopped me I could have showed you how to do that gate without getting off the bike. I would have bunny hopped it. But you still ride pretty well for a girl, I'm really proud of you honey. 
*Me:* Obviously I'd just take a run at this gate and hammer both brakes at the last minute and slide sideways under it. But I don't want to make you feel intimidated or anything.
*Him:* WILL YOU JUST LISTEN WHILE I TELL YOU HOW TO DO IT LOUDER THIS TIME!?!


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## MtbRN (Jun 8, 2006)

dog.gone said:


> (_be sure to read the reviews of the above shirt on Amazon.com._) :thumbsup:
> 
> This is *THE* shirt for your man (_courtesy of GrampBredo_):


OMG, those reviews are a riot! Had me laughing out loud at work


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## WickedGood (Aug 19, 2008)

sanjuro said:


> bhwhahahaha! there are 10000 dudes who would make a better b/f (or at least biker).


Soooo.. are you saying I should like.. dump him? Even though he's a mountain biker... how in the world would I ever find myself another one?

Maybe we can make a thread in this forum dedicated to desperate mountain biker boys who need girlfriends?? I CAN'T believe no one has thought of this before!!


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

WickedGood said:


> Maybe we can make a thread in this forum dedicated to desperate mountain biker boys who need girlfriends?? I CAN'T believe no one has thought of this before!!


They have    See the FAQ.


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## htpride (Mar 30, 2009)

Those have to be the fugliest shirts I've ever seen.


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## rangerbait (Jul 15, 2007)

Hang in there ladies, your ships will come in one of these days...just start being a little more subservient and you may land yourselves that lone wolf yet!


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## htpride (Mar 30, 2009)

e-bo-b said:


> Hang in there ladies, your ships will come in one of these days...just start being a little more subservient and you may land yourselves that lone wolf yet!


I would rather rub a cheese grater on my head and chew tin foil.


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

Well, I never believed in pheromones until I just smelled my computer screen.

Rawr. Does grandpa need his belly/wolfbeast scratched?


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## Rex_Skidmore (Mar 5, 2006)

catzilla said:


> Also, the Three Wolf Moon shirt is way hot these days!


*The Shirt is quite popular elsewhere, I'm glad.*


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## ahungerartist (Jul 11, 2009)

this thread is hillarious. I just bought my bf a used trek 4900 for his birthday and we went for our first ride a few days ago. He keeps telling me, "yeah, you bike more, but I sit around and play video games but I'm in way better shape." So we ride to this park that's pretty close to us (about a mile away), and as soon as we get there he wants to take a break. Ok, fine, whatever, we sit down for about five minutes before I get up and am ready to go hit some trails. I start getting on my bike and adjusting my helmet and he asks me gleefully, "Are we going home already?" Boys are so silly.


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## ruri (Apr 27, 2009)

Subscribed this thread is too funny


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## Andrea138 (Mar 25, 2009)

WickedGood said:


> I need some advice on some rides that my boyfriend might be able to handle. Something less than a mile in length. See, he's fat and slow and a little hairy, too. He really likes to climb in granny gear... well he rides everything is granny gear and I just hang out behind rubbing tires with him. I don't want anything too technical.. in fact a paved trail would really be the best thing I think. But he really likes a wild downhill.. I think one time we went 10 mph according to the bike computer!! I think he almost wet himself... talk about a fun time. You know, I only do what's best for my man and I want to take him somewhere really special this summer coz he's such a special guy.
> 
> Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


DTB... duh


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## Firecrackerktm (Jul 16, 2009)




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## bacon11 (Jul 3, 2009)

I hope I'm not invading, but I'm a guy and I find this thread hilarious.


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## CaveGiant (Aug 21, 2007)

I am trying to work out the split between people joking and not.
It's hard to call either way.


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## Swthrtsuzy (Sep 1, 2008)

Stripes said:


> Ahem, we do not joke.
> 
> Never.
> 
> Ever.


Yeah, totally wasn't joking. He still can't use the floor pump, but he does like to play with the CO2 inflator...not that any of it actually makes it into the tire or anything. :madman:


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## CycleMainiac (Jan 12, 2004)

catzilla said:


> Also, the Three Wolf Moon shirt is way hot these days!


Yeppers, I saw this photo shortly after MJ passed.


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## Andrea138 (Mar 25, 2009)

So... my BF wants a MTB. He rides mainly road, and once he tried my MTB out (he's 6'3" and I'm 5'6") and he was really uncomfortable and ended up walking a lot of easy stuff on the trail. Should I just go for something cheap from Wal Mart? I'm worried that if I get him something nice, that it's just going to hang in the garage and he's never going to ride it except on the MUT near our house.


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## MrsH (Aug 16, 2009)

:thumbsup: Great thread ladies


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

Andrea138 said:


> So... my BF wants a MTB. He rides mainly road, and once he tried my MTB out (he's 6'3" and I'm 5'6") and he was really uncomfortable and ended up walking a lot of easy stuff on the trail. Should I just go for something cheap from Wal Mart? I'm worried that if I get him something nice, that it's just going to hang in the garage and he's never going to ride it except on the MUT near our house.


I'd ask around a find a bike to borrow/rent or look on CL. Walmart bikes, even the right size are so much NOT fun to ride because of the junkiness that there has to be another option.


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## Rex_Skidmore (Mar 5, 2006)

Andrea138 said:


> So... my BF wants a MTB. He rides mainly road, and once he tried my MTB out (he's 6'3" and I'm 5'6") and he was really uncomfortable and ended up walking a lot of easy stuff on the trail. Should I just go for something cheap from Wal Mart? I'm worried that if I get him something nice, that it's just going to hang in the garage and he's never going to ride it except on the MUT near our house.


I can share a few experiences with buying sports equip as gifts, but those stories tire me. It is written that a surprisingly large % of sports equipment goes unused quickly after purchase. Hence the advent of secondary market leaders such as: Play it Again Sports, reMatch Sports, and the Classifieds here on MTBR.

Would be helpful to learn what -specifically- made him uncomfortable. A guy could wear the wrong shorts, could prefer a different saddle, or could be banging his knees into his wrists.

I would consider buying a decent used bike from another MTBR member Or ? bike shop employee to save half $$$ and to add/retain integrity of the bicycle to the transaction. I've bought parts and an entire bike from the Classifieds people. You just need to talk on the phone and you can tell if the seller is being straight with you. Here's a Plan B you can agree upon up front: if the bike sits for 3 months, resell the bike.


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## Andrea138 (Mar 25, 2009)

I was just mocking 98% of the "MTB for GF/wife" threads that get started on this forum...


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## Rex_Skidmore (Mar 5, 2006)

And then my kid showed me THIS:


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## WickedGood (Aug 19, 2008)

*NO Wal-Mart.....*

No No No. You need to buy him something FULL-SQUISH -- you should be able to find deals now on last year's models for around 3K. Then you can use that against him everytime you want him to buy you something or do something for you ) "well, Honey... remember that three thousand dollar bike that I bought you and it's been sitting in the garage for how long now.....?"

You know what else... You need to yell at him more to let him know what to do if he's walking the easy stuff. How else will he learn... geesh.........


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