# Bike sayings, revisited!



## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

Yes I know other versions of this have been posted from time to time, but I still laugh when I run across them. So, read and enjoy a giggle at work today!

This trail is a blast
(I hope you have good medical insurance)

I think I might have a flat tire
(Slow down, will ya?)

I definitely have a flat tire
(Help me change it)

I don't have a low enough gear
(I've gained 5 pounds)

I've decided to buy a lighter bike
(I've gained 10 pounds)

I'm taking up clog dancing
(I've gained 25 pounds)

I'm carbo loading
(Pass the ice cream)

I'm tapering
(I haven't ridden in 2 months)

The rebound was off, so I modified the damping. But then the elastomers were too dense, so I changed the oil and got rid of the stiction
(I have a new suspension fork and you don't!)

If you're a good bike handler, you don't need to wear a helmet
(I'm so stupid a brain injury wouldn't affect me)

Nobody needs a dual-suspension mountain bike
(I can't afford a dual-suspension mountain bike)

Dual suspension is the only way to go
(I just dropped 3 months' salary on a dual-suspension mountain bike)

She's a hammer
(She's faster than me)

He's a geek
(I'm faster than him)

I bonked
(All I took for a 4-hour ride was a half-empty bottle of month-old OJ and a moldy Twinkie)

If you don't crash, you're not going fast enough, dude!
(I crash a lot)

I don't own a car
(I'm a better person than you)

Why doesn't somebody do something about all these potholes ?
(Why doesn't somebody else do something about all these potholes?)

I do all my own bike maintenance
(When I squeeze the front brake lever, the bike shifts gears)

Thanks for waiting
(Wipe that smug grin off your ugly face)

Hey, did you guys hear about those new 1.8 gram carbon-fiber quick-release skewers with titanium springs?
(I am a very lonely person)

This section of trail looks doable
(You first, sucker)

I want to ride my bike to work, but...
(I don't want to ride my bike to work)

He's such a wheelsucker.
(I can't drop him)

She's always half-wheeling me.
(I can't keep up with her)

The town-line sprint is 100 yards beyond the next bend
(The town-line sprint is 200 yards beyond the next bend)

Been riding much?
(How fit are you ?)

Not much. You?
(My anaerobic threshold is 250 and my resting pulse is 14)

Nah, I've been really busy.
(My body fat is 2%)

Well, let's take it easy today.
(Ready, set go!)

Hold on, there's something wrong with my bike.
(Let's stop so I can rest)

My tires suck!
(This climb is killing me!)

Can you clear that drop-off?
(I can, but I bet you can't)

It's getting dark.
(I wanna go home)

This bike is a piece of ****!
(I can't ride worth ****)

I think I broke my arm.
(There's a little bruise on my arm and I don't want to ride anymore)

I'd jump that but I don't want to tweak my new rims.
(I'm too chicken to try)

This hill is easy.
(This trail's pretty tough but I'm gonna try and lose you on it)

That trail is boring.
(I know I can't make it)

Last one down is buying.
(I'll make you feel like a loser and get a free beer too!)

My bike was acting funny.
(Otherwise I would have whooped your butt!)

He's pretty good.
(I know I'm better than him)

He sucks!
(He's better than me)

That thing's a piece of ****.
(I wish I had one...)


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## HOser (Dec 8, 2005)

Funny stuff, thanks for posting!

Gotta another one (courtesy of s.s.spike when we rode in Fruita earlier this year):

It's all downhill from here.
(There's a hell of a lot of climbing left.)


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## HarryCallahan (Nov 2, 2004)

It's just a short out and back ride. You won't get lost.
( I need an item of your clothing for the search and rescue dogs.)


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## Nat (Dec 30, 2003)

I ate a bad breakfast this morning. 
(and here it comes...)


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## 9.8m/s/s (Sep 26, 2005)

Wow, that was really cool.

( I built these trails, where the hell did you find that line??

To a local dh pro. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......................


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## xenon (Apr 16, 2007)

Modern hubs are not serviceable.
(I have never held a wrench in my hand).


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## ssinglesspeed (Apr 17, 2006)

One of my favorites, told to me as a noobee by a friend headed up the expert loop "It's just like the intermediate trail, only longer."


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## fred-da-trog (Oct 28, 2003)

From my non-biker wife sitting in her recliner from behind the newspaper,

" You can't afford it...just pedal faster."


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## IndecentExposure (Sep 25, 2006)

My Bike has XTR
(I'm stupid, but rich)

Single Speeds Rule
(I couldn't ride fast with gears, now I have an excuse)


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## jayjudy13 (May 8, 2004)

Do you think I'm dehydrated?

(My urine is the color of orange Gatorade, is that bad?)


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## HUGH (Jan 7, 2004)

Impy said:


> Yes I know other versions of this have been posted from time to time, but I still laugh when I run across them. So, read and enjoy a giggle at work today!
> 
> Hey, did you guys hear about those new 1.8 gram carbon-fiber quick-release skewers with titanium springs?
> (I am a very lonely person)


Hey now !!!!!!!!!!! I'm not lonely....

Whats up Miss Impy

HUGH


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## wadester (Sep 28, 2005)

Let's try this new trail - it's only a 1/4 mile, all downhill
(this is going to turn into a deathmarch/three hour tour)


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