# Need Help Motivating Wife



## lassiar (Nov 11, 2010)

Hi, I'm trying to get my wife involved in mtb'ing, but it's been difficult. I ride a lot more than she does, and when we ride together I have to wait for her while she pushes the bike up hills and death grips her brake hoods on descents. She does improve her ability over time, but getting her clipped in has been unsuccessful. I've had her professionally fitted, so she does get a decent amount of pedal leverage for long climbs.

Ride clinics; private instruction; rider groups; I'm open to whatever suggestions.


----------



## WickedGood (Aug 19, 2008)

Maybe she just doesn't like it.


----------



## oaba35 (Oct 31, 2006)

+1 on maybe she doesn't like it. "Death grip" also sounds like she may be afraid/nervous. You said you ride a lot more than she does so you out match her in skills plus, for the most part, guys tend to be stronger than women so you out match her there too. It may not be reasonable right now to expect her to keep up with you. You didn't say how long she's been riding but I had to reach a point where I was very comfortable on my bike and with my handling skills before I attempted clipless pedals. And even then, I was scared to death the first few times.
If she does enjoy riding and it's a fear-thing, you can work on some stuff. Maybe forget the clipless pedals for now. I don't know what kind of trails you're riding but you may need to take her on some tamer/flatter trails (even if you're bored for a while) until she's more comfortable. Also, knowing how to use the brakes properly and to shift properly are very important. I walked a lot of hills when I started riding just from poor shifting technique. If you can find a beginner clinic in your area, that might be a good thing to try. 
Hope this helps. Good luck!


----------



## awerts (Apr 2, 2009)

As a wife whose husband is and always will be much better than me. Here are some thoughts: Does she have a favorite ride? One that is just pure fun for her? It's up to her to do this, but taking ownership of something that she likes about riding will make her more likely to want to get better. Does she want to get better (ie. not grip breaks and push the bike up hills? 
Another thing to remember that might be obvious is make sure she knows that you will have fun regardless of what speed or how difficult the trails are. The more comfortable she is with "easy" stuff, the more comfortable she will be on the harder stuff.


----------



## Andrea138 (Mar 25, 2009)

Just tell her to HTFU!

No, wait, that's a horrible idea. Here's a better one- I bet that finding a group of other beginner women to ride with might help. Though, it may all boil down to what Wickedgood said... she may not like it. If she likes riding a bike in general, but gets intimidated off-road, maybe she'd like road riding better.


----------



## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

lassiar said:


> Hi, I'm trying to get my wife involved in mtb'ing, but it's been difficult. I ride a lot more than she does, and when we ride together I have to wait for her while she pushes the bike up hills and death grips her brake hoods on descents. She does improve her ability over time, but getting her clipped in has been unsuccessful. I've had her professionally fitted, so she does get a decent amount of pedal leverage for long climbs.
> 
> Ride clinics; private instruction; rider groups; I'm open to whatever suggestions.


IF she's interested - send her to a women's specific skills camp. Search in this forum and you can find a good amount of info on clinics - if you can't find anything in your area, post a separate question about your area and hopefully someone can point you in the right direction.

If she's not - it might just not be her thing. Granted, learning the skills (especially in a low pressure environment with other women) will make it a lot more fun. But not everyone likes the same things.

Also - trying to get her clipped in at this stage doesn't make any sense to me. If she decides she wants to race XC, then sure - it's probably something she needs to get used to at some point. If not - get her some good flat pedals and appropriate MTB specific shoes to go with them and that will be much better for building confidence. Once she has the confidence and riding skills, THEN she can decide if clipless pedals are something she wants to try.


----------



## lassiar (Nov 11, 2010)

We were going to do some classes at Northstar. I think maybe the Better Ride camp may work for next year. I'll try to ease her into it - mainly I want to figure on a comfortable way to keep her aerobic base up and work in some light anaerobic drills she can handle. We both have a gym membership so maybe I should suggest weight room drills and just keep ride days for easy spin?

I actually think she has a lot of potential for endurance.


----------



## mtbxplorer (Dec 25, 2009)

lassiar said:


> ...some light anaerobic drills she can handle. We both have a gym membership so maybe I should suggest weight room drills ....


Maybe I'm lazy, but any mention of drills twice in 1 paragraph I do not find motivating in the least. Fun is motivating. Can you find some trails with less steep up and downhills to start on? Everyone has to walk sometimes but try to increase the ride to walk ratio to increase the fun. The hills may not seem bad to you, but as you said, you ride a lot more.

If you let her lead more, you won't have to wait for her. Or if she would prefer to go her own pace without you behind her, maybe meeting up at the next intersection or every so often would be better than hovering at the top of the hills for her, that can make some feel worse.


----------



## skullcap (Nov 4, 2010)

+1 on Fun being it's own motivator. Fitness may be the goal but if she's not having fun she's not going to keep doing it. Also +1 on easier trails, possibly with some special scenery that she wouldn't get to see any other way. Maybe for a little while she exclusively chooses the trail when you ride together. She can start gradually increasing her climbing and skills later. There will be plenty of time for that if she does enjoy it and wants to stick with it. If you do this as something fun that you can do together and it's good for you too, rather than just another fitness routine, it makes it ever so much more enjoyable.


----------



## Nerdgirl (Mar 13, 2007)

This is a little different, because I always knew I wanted to ride, but riding with a SO can be emotionally difficult, especially when the skill levels are quite disparate. Here's what worked for us when I was starting out (not saying it's for everyone):
- Get out on trails OFTEN (at least 3x per week), even if the rides are short and easy. Once a week is just not enough to improve skill levels and comfort on the bike.
- Let her lead. That way, she'll never get that frustrating "dropped" feeling while you're waiting for her, nor will she feel she's holding you up. Bonus - you'll actually get to ride TOGETHER and hang out. Extra bonus - you'll probably improve your trackstanding and slow speed bike handling abilities.
- Do not nag. If you're going to "coach" on a ride, tell her in advance what skill you're going to focus on (e.g. looking ahead or standing on the pedals while riding over obstacles). Mention this theme a few key times, but don't overdo it. And don't start picking apart everything she does - it's overwhelming. Ask her if she wants tips or not (nothing more annoying than hearing a stream of unsolicited advice when you're already on the verge of frustration. Praise goes a long way).

Depending on what you both want to work on (skills versus fitness) there are a couple of other tips. If she's uncomfortable riding over stuff, accept that and tell her "it's totally walkable." I used to beat myself up every time I had to get off the bike and it left me bad tempered. Alternative: when there's something tricky that is out of her comfort level, stop and session it a few times. If she doesn't get it, that's OK, but paying attention to skill will increase it.

And yes, make it fun. The fitness will follow.


----------



## brandykill (Feb 6, 2008)

www.dirtseries.com  
Several in Nor Cal in 2010, I am sure there will be the same in 2011


----------



## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

*Easier rides. More fun.*

and with people who ride more like her.

Sucking off the back blows.

Training blows.

Building for building's sake blows.

The only people I know who got into this sport to train are in the XC Racing forum.


----------



## whybotherme (Sep 12, 2008)

one rule i had with my wife when we first started riding together was that i tried to not show frustration. i spent time waiting for her, but it was to ensure her safety, and when she did catch up i always took pictures of her or talked to her about the ride and her improvements etc.

some things were "trial by fire" like running clipless pedals.... and she made it through the bump and bruise phase okay (some 661 hip padding could be a good idea).

basically, i think if you make the ride about her, or about time together (NOT training unless you are "training" to ride together on vacation which was our M.O.) then riding isn't a chore it is a pleasure.

take a camera and get some pics of her, ride with her and coach her some (without being pushy, usually just little pointers is all they can take from a spouse)...

you never know what you might wind up with.

my wife went from a 150lbs and very "soft" couch queen, to a pro racer that ruins my ego on climbs.


----------



## wunderhorn (May 13, 2005)

If she has the pedal leverage gained from a professional fitting then she is plainly not applying herself. You need to stop tolerating this attitude and bear down more, or you'll never fix her.


----------



## SuperJETT (May 28, 2008)

My wife started riding this year and we love riding together now. Here's my take: stay with her, no riding ahead and waiting because that makes her feel like she's holding you back. Let her ride behind you so she can see what you are doing. Find a women's clinic, take her there and hang out/ride if you can, but be there with her especially for the ride back home. When riding, do sections and stop to talk after each section, whether it's a mile or whatever works for the area. Ask where she wants to ride and go there.

That worked for us really well. She still likes to correct my form/technique if I'm not doing it like she learned at the clinic which helps me be a better rider too.


----------



## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

mtbxplorer said:


> Maybe I'm lazy, but any mention of drills twice in 1 paragraph I do not find motivating in the least. Fun is motivating.


I was thinking the same thing. The thought of having to do the training and drills he mentioned make ME not motivated to ride.

I mean, she COULD have a totally different mindset than most of us do and really enjoy a challenging gym training program and whatnot. But I think that's pretty rare. And I think those people aren't lacking for any sort of motivation.

Will being in better shape allow her to have more fun? Well, sure... but the idea of "get in shape for something you don't seem super interested in anyway" - that sounds horrible, to be honest. Sending her to say, a Dirt Series camp is a way that she can go out and learn some technical skills in a FUN setting. Then once you have that revelation that biking is fun, it might become worth doing that gym training and whatnot. I can't picture it the other way around, but maybe that's just me.


----------



## supermoto (Jan 26, 2004)

Brake hoods? Maybe she's not having fun because she is riding a road bike :eekster:


----------



## miatagal96 (Jul 5, 2005)

It's gotta be fun.

If she feels like she's not meeting your expectations, it won't be fun. If she's not meeting her expectations, it won't be fun.

Sometimes I don't like my SO to ride behind me because I feel like I'm holding him up. Other people like to have someone behind them. Figure out what works best for the two of you.

My SO loves to chase me, so if there's a 'loop' in the trail, I'll tell him to do it 2x and chase me down. Or I'll start riding when before he's ready and he'll chase me down. Or he'll session a feature several times and I'll go ahead, then he'll chase me down. It's fun for me too because I like to see how far I can get before he catches up to me. It's a big game and it works for us. Try to find a game that works for you.


----------



## MtbRN (Jun 8, 2006)

supermoto said:


> Brake hoods? Maybe she's not having fun because she is riding a road bike :eekster:


:lol:


----------



## Wylie (Mar 19, 2007)

+7 on what everyone has said about making it fun and trying either some camps or ladies-only rides with people at her same skill level. Training, drills? Are you her husband or her drill sergeant? 

Also, does she know that you think she's slow on the ups and death gripping on the downs? If she thinks you're analyzing her every pedal stroke then I doubt she'd want to do it much either.

Lastly, if there's one thing I've learned from mt biking _and_ marriage, it's that I'm not my husband, and he's not me. If you expect her to be motivated by the same things, learn the same way, or react to challenges the same way *you* do, then well... :madman: :madman: :madman:

Good luck!


----------



## Iridethedirt (Jan 20, 2008)

I agree with what everybody here is saying.... 
bottom line however is, does she WANT to ride the kind of trails you've been riding together, or, are there other trails that she would find more fun?

My wife grew up in a single parent environment with basically no emphasis on the outdoors, or fitness. she never learned to ride a bike, and in relation to bike riding, AND hiking, and camping, and just enjoying the outdoors, she never knew what she was missing out on all those years. So we discovered she enjoys riding bikes quite a bit, but is not a big fan of steep rocky, technical trails, as her skill level makes it quite dangerous for her to even attempt such riding. we are working together on helping her develop better bike handling skills, and take on slightly more challenging trails, however, i know my wife very well, we will never be aligned in our "favorite trails"... 
BUT! this does not mean we dont ride together, and have a blast doing so! we just focus on where she wants to ride, and i go out for my more difficult rides without her. My group of riding buddies and i put together an "Easy ride" which takes us on a variety of terrain, but its mostly "Greenway" type crushed stone trails, with a little bit of easy singletrack mixed in. its not a short ride, just an easy ride, normally we do about 12-15 miles, (so i guess for some of you it IS a short ride) and my wife loves it. we also love riding the C&O towpath, as its very scenic, and also, a crushed stone type trail surface. we ride on the road/paved paths as well, but its our least favorite.

Find out what you wife wants to do, what she enjoys, and start there, and develop more skills and such as you go, maybe she will work her way up to the more intense stuff!

as far as helping her learn, everybody is right, its touchy, my wife learned how to go about the whole process through trial and error. lots of times, i will observe my wife's riding, and like was said, focus on just one or 2 items to give GENTLE correction on, and even then, i will only say something a couple times on our ride, i dont want to ruin the fun factor. after the ride, after a shower, and some food, i ask how she thought the ride went, and then will offer her pointers, when she's much more open to hearing them. I have definately learned this one the hard way. 

All of the advice given here is great... but the best piece of advice was: Make sure she is having FUN!, and the rest will come along naturally.


----------



## KC-Rides (Dec 27, 2010)

*your help*

my ex road in front of me so i knew what to expect so i would follow his path..he waited on me all the time walking up hills.i was not shifting right.then he would start yelling back to me when to shift ,like go low go higher.you get the point.also when i was on my straight away i would rest he said thats when you push to go faster.i have improved with that help and his encourgement.would ride behind me to see my technique.maybe she just needs that.......:thumbsup: good luck by the way i would like to attend a clinic myself.


----------



## KC-Rides (Dec 27, 2010)

*in tune*



Iridethedirt said:


> I agree with what everybody here is saying....
> bottom line however is, does she WANT to ride the kind of trails you've been riding together, or, are there other trails that she would find more fun?
> 
> My wife grew up in a single parent environment with basically no emphasis on the outdoors, or fitness. she never learned to ride a bike, and in relation to bike riding, AND hiking, and camping, and just enjoying the outdoors, she never knew what she was missing out on all those years. So we discovered she enjoys riding bikes quite a bit, but is not a big fan of steep rocky, technical trails, as her skill level makes it quite dangerous for her to even attempt such riding. we are working together on helping her develop better bike handling skills, and take on slightly more challenging trails, however, i know my wife very well, we will never be aligned in our "favorite trails"...
> ...


awesome,its great to here !!!!!!!


----------



## Lucy Juice (Dec 29, 2010)

I like the advice everyone has posted. Just ask her if she really _wants_ to ride. It just might not be her thing.

Being a newb is frustrating and overwhelming; being a newb whose husband is frustrated with you and pushing you in a way you're not comfortable is even worse. Take small steps. Run platforms on her bike, first. Let her know there's no shame in walking a section that terrifies her; she can try it when she's ready.

Do you ride with just the two of you, or on group rides? Groups can be super intimidating and frustrating, especially if she's worried about saving face. Getting dropped by your SO and his dudes and riding alone sucks. I'd suggest riding some easy trails, just the two of you, and let her set the pace, and see if she enjoys it more. Good luck to you both.

And BTW, the idea of "sending" her to a skills camp makes me cringe. That needs to be her idea.


----------



## mtnishy (Sep 15, 2010)

as a female that started riding after my boyfriend- i can relate. i experienced frustration like you wouldn't believe when i first started riding. i still get dropped, push my bike up hills, and death grip my brakes on some hills. but, i have a trail i'm comfortable with that i ride consistently. it really lets me work on my skills- it's not too long or overly technical. when i get overwhelmed, i go to "my" trail and work it out- practice what i have a hard time with on the other trails. before i rode that "bunny slope" trail, i wanted to give up. but- finding something you're good at and can accomplish is the best motivation to work harder!
also, to echo lots of other posts- riding with other women really makes a difference. i would strongly encourage that. additionally (still echoing), with an SO, having a ride with just you two is important. my boyfriend takes rides with me on his easy days that are just simple and fun- there's no stress or hurry, so i don't get frustrated. 
praise has pushed me through the "am-i-going-to-quit-this-damn-sport?" phase practically on its own! i can't tell you how much hearing "way to go, baby! you did great on that!" can boost my confidence! i ride harder, take more "risks" (like letting go of the brakes :smilewinkgrin and have more fun.
sounds like lots of these other posters are saying the same stuff, so it looks like a universal plight of the SO.


----------



## Sherley (Jan 26, 2011)

Maybe you should make her have some essay order about mtb'ing for women


----------



## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

*A longer view*

My wife has taken on cycling a little at a time. When I see her bikes hanging in the basement and not the shed I know she has quit _for now_ When she invites me to go ride again I always say yes and she has learned that I need to spend an hour on her bike to make sure it is up to snuff. We go ride and her bike is fluid and invisible. Early rides are la-de-da rides which have almost nothing to do with techniques or drills but getting comfortable on the bike again and getting some leg back and maybe some timing. With luck there may be a Margarita at the other end of the ride. This is one modality for learning.

What this speaks to is that we have to learn to manage ourselves in terms of that little voice in the other person's head that tells them what they'll do and not do. I'm not sure I understand motivation as the word has been used in the initial thread. It seems to me that there motivation means getting one's wife to do what one wants. Hmmmm.

Motivating people is manipulating people. The critical factor in that is whether the person is on board with being manipulated. Clever manipulators will work hard to hide the technique for fear that exposing the technique will nullify their result. Clever manipulators try to get around people in spite of their resistance. From that mind frame motivation is inflicted.

A much more honest way to go about this is to try and understand where the joy is currently in this sport for your wife, period, and go there with her. Facilitate her access to that. Provide support wherever possible. Use one's broad cycling skills in ways other than trying to get her through the rock garden.

A sense of the need for food, water, rest, and comfort, not yours but hers, goes a long way. Mental and emotional comfort is not to be ignored. Fine attention to her bicycle, her fit, comfort, and its appearance are always welcome.(above all my wife did not want to look stupid.) A flawlessly working bike goes far to ease difficulties of learning. It is enough to learn all the things that we know in cycling without having to fight the machine upon which you depend. I could list lots of stuff like this but I hope you get my point.

But my original point was this; adjusting your own expectations and understanding the time-frame for this learning process are critical. You need to give up your cycling experience to facilitate this growth. This is central to appreciating a pace of progress perhaps very different from yours. Remember how long it took to get where you are. There is no hurrying that. And you were in charge of your own motivations.


----------



## godsang (May 24, 2010)

I got into mt biking because of my boyfriend (who is now my husband). I learned that the way my well-meaning mate wanted to teach was not necessarily the way I wanted to learn. for your situation, you might take a honest look at the things that have frustrated her and frustrated you. Maybe she needs to go at a slower pace of learning. Maybe she needs to spend some time working on sections that challenge her (kind of like drills). 

By the way, I took the Betterride clinic. There are women's only ones, but mine was coed and that was fine. The class was very valuable. It's not for complete beginners though. The class assumes a rider has been riding for at least a bunch of times.


----------



## Cayenne_Pepa (Dec 18, 2007)

Here is a TIP: Let her lead the way, while you follow a good distance behind. Don't pressure her to go faster, don't "coach" her into being nervous and possibly wreck....just let her freely set the pace. You may not like it and may even get frustrated by her sluggish pace - but love goes farther than that.


----------



## fux (Oct 21, 2006)

It isn`t for everyone.

I gave up on my wife years ago. It scarred the poo out of her.

That said, we enjoy a few road rides together and last year she did her first century and has signed up for her first sportif in may (135 miles). She joined a womens group and they talk all the way up.


----------



## Rocket Girl (Mar 10, 2011)

mtnishy said:


> i can't tell you how much hearing "way to go, baby! you did great on that!" can boost my confidence! i ride harder, take more "risks" (like letting go of the brakes :smilewinkgrin and have more fun.


Couldn't agree more!

The first time I rode with my now husband, then boyfriend, I sat on the bike at the top of the first hill and cried, literally cried, for about 10 minutes before I got the courage up to strike off down what looked to me like a CLIFF! That was a little over three years ago. Now, I'd sail down it like it's not even a hill, but then it was terrifying. Bless him a thousand times for being patient, encouraging and understanding of my skill level (or lack thereof) and for NOT giving me endless instruction, coaching, orders, and, heaven forbid, drills. He let me figure it out for myself (unless I was doing something unsafe), and doesn't really offer advice or instruction unless I ask for it.

Like everyone else here, I ride because I love it, and one thing I love is that playing at my sport is practicing my sport. To be perfectly clear: I DO NOT DO DRILLS. Ever. I hate them, I hate the idea of them, and if you tell me it's required to do my sport, I will quit. Period.

The gang is right. Patience, encouragement, and not scaring her will make this more fun, and fun as a couple is what you're seeking, right?


----------



## Cayenne_Pepa (Dec 18, 2007)

It's amazing that _*CONFIDENCE*_....not skill, is the main ingredient that either makes or breaks your love for the sport!


----------



## PixieChik (Jul 10, 2010)

whybotherme said:


> one rule i had with my wife when we first started riding together was that i tried to not show frustration. i spent time waiting for her, but it was to ensure her safety, and when she did catch up i always took pictures of her or talked to her about the ride and her improvements etc.
> 
> some things were "trial by fire" like running clipless pedals.... and she made it through the bump and bruise phase okay (some 661 hip padding could be a good idea).
> 
> ...


This.

My hubby and I always high five each other and say "we did it!" at the end of every ride, easy or hard. Lame, maybe. But the couple that plays together, stays together. (26 years)


----------



## Bonkbonk (Apr 20, 2008)

Where do you live? How beginner is she? The Women's Weekend at ERTC in Slaytyfork, WV is AWESOME. I have been two or three times. Sue and Meredith are FANTASTIC!!! Several of us plan our calendars around it. 
Unfortunately, it is not for complete beginners- but if she has been out at all she will still have fun. We spend the whole weekend there biking, eating awesome food, and having a great time.
I have not done a better ride clinic, but Sue teaches those in the VA area as well.
It is women only weekend, but there tend to be some men (and other women) that come to ride separately from the clinic.


----------



## Roasted (Feb 8, 2009)

I recently found myself in a similar situation, however I stopped myself in my tracks before I got too cute with the idea. The trails I ride are a lot of fun, but very technical in some areas. She swears up and down she'll try anything once and thinks it'd be interesting to see what I talk about when the topic comes up. I for one see the loop I do to be pretty easy, as I find most of riding limitations is mental blockages when you're looking at an intimidating climb. But recently a friend of mine came with me riding and, while he's not the most active rider out there, is far from a newbie to the sport, and he was having a hard time the entire ride.

This made me think she might not have fun with such a thing... at least on this trail. SO... I'm doing a little homework. To start off since she hasn't ridden in years, we're going to hit up a rails to trails later this month. That way we can just cruise for many miles without any competition going on and no cars to worry about. From there, I'll have to find some smoother swooping trails without ass-kicking uphill to start on.

It's what everybody else here said. If it's not fun it won't be worth it. What's fun to you might not be fun to her. For example, when I'm on the road bike I oddly love uphills... but she in particular thinks that I need to go to the doctor to get my head examined.


----------



## kapusta (Jan 17, 2004)

First, does she WANT you to motivate her? You have issues with her performance, but does she have an issue with it?

Training, drills..... eck!! Great for someone who is already super motivated, but nails in the coffin of any sport they are not all gong-ho about. Heck, I can't even stick with that stuff.

I'll tell what worked for my marriage: I stopped trying to "motivate" her to mountain bike. I tried different things with her, and we found that he likes road riding. So I do that with her instead. She likes rails-to-trails, and easy stuff like that. So I enjoy that with her. Not what I would do left to my own devices, but it takes a lot less pain, fear and misery on my part to do a cake ride on cruisers with a picnic lunch than it does on her part to go mountain biking.


----------



## She&I (Jan 4, 2010)

My wife was never a strong cyclist--didn't have a bike as a kid, never really engaged MTB'ing. But we love outdoor recreation and so were determined to give it a go.

I realized in time that we will never have enough parity in ability to both have a challenging day on the trails together. She's not a natural cyclist; I grew up on bikes.

Enter the relationship accelerator, divorce horse, The Great Equalizer, et cetera:










Now we're biking everything in sight in conjoined bliss. These rigs aren't a novelty, they actually kick as much CC/AM ass as you're willing to. Head over to the Tandem forum if you have any doubt.

Some stokers may not like relinquishing control of the bike for various reasons. For us it was a dream realized. My lady goes everywhere with me now, up and down trails she would otherwise never get to ride. Captaining has been a new level of challenge for me. The wife has learned so much about (and gotten so jazzed on) MTB'ing by stokering that we are again dabbling on single bikes. She's getting a new single soon, too 

As far as MTB'ing, tandem was/is the saving grace for us.


----------



## Cassafrass (Oct 17, 2010)

lassiar said:


> We were going to do some classes at Northstar. I think maybe the Better Ride camp may work for next year. I'll try to ease her into it - mainly I want to figure on a comfortable way to keep her aerobic base up and work in some light anaerobic drills she can handle. We both have a gym membership so maybe I should suggest weight room drills and just keep ride days for easy spin?
> 
> I actually think she has a lot of potential for endurance.


Suggesting things can be tricky... see, us women are crazy... and can hear things like "you're calling me fat/out of shape/weak" when you say "let's work on anaerobic drills and weights" even when its meant in the most constructive manner

Have you talked to her about what she likes and doesn't like? Or catered a ride to her? Or tried to stay at her speed so you're not waiting for her, but are riding together?

I personally get frustrated when my boyfriend says "i'm going to stay right here with you" then ends up pulling away and leaving me. It's not intentional, and hasn't frustrated me enough to the point where I remember at the end of the ride to say something to him... but it's little things like that. I am going to ride my own ride. Period. That said, I'm up for a challenge, and he does push me to accomplish things for my betterment... but I'm not going on any triple-black-diamond things that he's gung-ho for lol - I tell him I'll meet him at X point on the trail.


----------



## Cassafrass (Oct 17, 2010)

Nerdgirl said:


> This is a little different, because I always knew I wanted to ride, but riding with a SO can be emotionally difficult, especially when the skill levels are quite disparate. Here's what worked for us when I was starting out (not saying it's for everyone):
> - Get out on trails OFTEN (at least 3x per week), even if the rides are short and easy. Once a week is just not enough to improve skill levels and comfort on the bike.
> - Let her lead. That way, she'll never get that frustrating "dropped" feeling while you're waiting for her, nor will she feel she's holding you up. Bonus - you'll actually get to ride TOGETHER and hang out. Extra bonus - you'll probably improve your trackstanding and slow speed bike handling abilities.
> - Do not nag. If you're going to "coach" on a ride, tell her in advance what skill you're going to focus on (e.g. looking ahead or standing on the pedals while riding over obstacles). Mention this theme a few key times, but don't overdo it. And don't start picking apart everything she does - it's overwhelming. Ask her if she wants tips or not (nothing more annoying than hearing a stream of unsolicited advice when you're already on the verge of frustration. Praise goes a long way).
> ...


Yes. This. All of it.


----------



## kapusta (Jan 17, 2004)

wunderhorn said:


> If she has the pedal leverage gained from a professional fitting then she is plainly not applying herself. You need to stop tolerating this attitude and bear down more, or you'll never fix her.


My wife and I were both bent over laughing at this. Thank you.


----------



## Trekgirl (Apr 5, 2011)

I so identify with your wife. I have been persuaded to try mountain biking with my hubbie (I am nowhere near confident or skilled at it). I am blogging about the highs and lows of it ... its all a bit Bridget Jones but your wife might get a sense of what life on the trail is like for a bike wife. link is http://trekgirls.blogspot.com


----------



## RachEden (May 9, 2011)

Nerdgirl said:


> - Do not nag. If you're going to "coach" on a ride, tell her in advance what skill you're going to focus on (e.g. looking ahead or standing on the pedals while riding over obstacles). Mention this theme a few key times, but don't overdo it. And don't start picking apart everything she does - it's overwhelming. Ask her if she wants tips or not (nothing more annoying than hearing a stream of unsolicited advice when you're already on the verge of frustration. Praise goes a long way).
> 
> And yes, make it fun. The fitness will follow.


Can I print this out and give it to my SO? I've found so far the biggest deterrent in riding hard with him is I'm always being coached. We also ran into this problem when I was learning how to snowboard. Might have already been mentioned but does she have any girlfriends she likes to go out and ride with? There seem to be lots of women's mountain bike groups/rides where I live in CO. I've found thus far those tend to be the most helpful and encouraging for skill improvement.


----------



## skullcap (Nov 4, 2010)

I want to print it out for the guy that was riding sweep on the last group ride I did. He was extremely nice about it and truly meant well but...really? Does he have any idea how hard it is to focus on the technical aspects of a new trail with all that going on? I have always enjoyed mountainbiking so much that I didn't think it would be possible for anything to totally ruin a mountainbiking experience for me before that. I was wrong.


----------



## Trekgirl (Apr 5, 2011)

completely agree, someone shouting instructions at you is the least effective way of finding out how to ride a bike. My husband does it all the time... not so long ago I just threw the bike on the ground and walked off cos he said that I was unteachable! I hadn't even asked him to teach me... I'm happy to go out and have a go but I hate being picked up on every little thing.. particularly when he has taken me into a situation that I'm not ready for. He's trying to get me to stand up whilst riding at the mo... I know I've got to learn it but no amount of shouting is going to make that happen.... is it a man thing I wonder?


----------



## kapusta (Jan 17, 2004)

Trekgirl said:


> is it a man thing I wonder?


I think it is fair to say that men are guilty of it more often.

I control myself pretty well in this regard, but I do find myself often fighting a latent urge to try and "fix" the problem, and I attribute that to something on the Y chromosome.


----------



## Bonkbonk (Apr 20, 2008)

Trekgirl said:


> completely agree, someone shouting instructions at you is the least effective way of finding out how to ride a bike. My husband does it all the time... not so long ago I just threw the bike on the ground and walked off cos he said that I was unteachable! I hadn't even asked him to teach me... I'm happy to go out and have a go but I hate being picked up on every little thing.. particularly when he has taken me into a situation that I'm not ready for. He's trying to get me to stand up whilst riding at the mo... I know I've got to learn it but no amount of shouting is going to make that happen.... is it a man thing I wonder?


I think your husband and my boyfriend must be long lost brothers... I endoed my bike on a recent weekend on a techy down just to stop and yell at him to shut up. I love my bike too much to throw it just because of him...
I had a great time riding with my friends, and without him the next weekend.


----------



## skullcap (Nov 4, 2010)

*Timing is key.*

If you're going to help someone with technique then you need to have a discussion about it before or after, not during. Leave them alone and let them concentrate on what they're doing while they're attempting it. It's impossible for the human brain to listen and think at the same time. If you don't believe me then try putting (as in golf) with a babblefish in _your _ear some time!

The guy that was helping me had some really good advice but not only did it not help me because of his timing, I ended up walking through things that I would normally be able to ride because he would start spouting advice that I didn't need. What a miserable experience.


----------



## miatagal96 (Jul 5, 2005)

My husband is pretty good now. If he starts yelling advice, I let him know if he's irritating me and he stops. Mostly, he yells things like "awesome". Or he'll compliment me on my line. A lot of times guys are trainable, but it takes time and patience on our part.


----------



## RachEden (May 9, 2011)

I agree with the timing. Came down a technical downhill section a few weekends ago, felt like a champ for holding on to that one. Instead of any praise I immediately got an ear full of everything I had done wrong and was told to stop and watch the group behind me descending to see how to do it correctly. I completely understand this was coming from a good place, but one thing at a time. I try to explain I can only process and work on so much while riding. I seem to be much more aggressive and have better technique when riding with friends that don't hound me so much though.

Once again, I know he's doing it because he wants to see me get better, but I think guys don't understand that they don't need to "fix" us all the time.


----------



## skullcap (Nov 4, 2010)

Yeah, it's probably a good idea to check first and make sure that the help is actually wanted. It might not be.


----------



## Rocket Girl (Mar 10, 2011)

RachEden said:


> I agree with the timing. Came down a technical downhill section a few weekends ago, felt like a champ for holding on to that one. Instead of any praise I immediately got an ear full of everything I had done wrong and was told to stop and watch the group behind me descending to see how to do it correctly.


Here, I'll say it for him: "WAY TO GO! You did great on that! Totally awesome! Feels great to kick some downhill-butt, doesn't it?" :thumbsup:


----------



## Nerdgirl (Mar 13, 2007)

Trekgirl said:


> is it a man thing I wonder?


I used to think that. Then I got better and had to REALLY bite my tongue riding with newbs. It's so easy to see things that would improve their riding experience. One poor kid wouldn't get off his seat and KEPT bagging himself. I couldn't stop myself from telling him to stand up (it looked like it hurt SO MUCH), but I don't think it helped.

I have to WANT to learn (e.g. at a clinic) before I want to hear advice, otherwise it comes across as implied criticism. I was pre-riding a very technical race course on the weekend, and a very nice man gave a completely correct tip that I know very well (look ahead). I thanked him, but I wanted to tell him all my excuses for riding tentatively (mostly I'M PREGNANT AND NOT EVEN RACING LEAVE ME ALONE!). I ended up having a little moment on the trail and it took a while for me to remember to enjoy my time on and off the bike.


----------



## skullcap (Nov 4, 2010)

There's another good point. It might help to check first to make sure the help is actually needed. It might not be. Just because someone is pausing frequently or riding slowly doesn't automatically mean they don't know what they're doing. It could mean any number of other things like they're having equipment problems, or the trail is unfamiliar, or maybe that's their riding style, or they're having a unique health situation, or whatever.

"Excuse me, would you like some help?" Wouldn't kill anybody.


----------



## RachEden (May 9, 2011)

Rocket Girl said:


> Here, I'll say it for him: "WAY TO GO! You did great on that! Totally awesome! Feels great to kick some downhill-butt, doesn't it?" :thumbsup:


You are awesome thank you! Last weekend went better. He's getting the point, haha.


----------



## angular momentum (Dec 6, 2009)

Your wife isn't your pet or child--let her do what she wants and not do what she does not.


----------



## giff07 (Jun 7, 2010)

+1 on the MTB tandem idea. Although its not for everybody, it has helped both Pat and I to explore and enjoy riding in the woods twogether. Like any team sport it has days when you are team mates and others when you are opponents but she rides terrain that I (and she) think she would never ride on her own. We tried singles and experienced the same frustrations as you. I have given her the option of being the captain ( sits in the front)sometimes but she seems content to be the stoker (rider in back). It is our bike of choice.
Ed and Pat Gifford
the Snot Rocket tandem


----------



## rideondirt (Jun 13, 2011)

My husband wanted me to ride with him too. It was really frustrating riding together at first. He tried really hard to be supportive and encouraging, but no matter how positive he was, I STILL felt like I was holding him back.

Finding other women to ride with was great! He could go ride at his own pace, I didn't have to be self-conscious about being afraid or my lack of skills. If she is truly interested in riding, perhaps a clinic would be a good place to start or a women's group ride.

I'm not a pro by any stretch, but over the years I have gotten much faster and have a feeling I'll be passing my husband in some races this season :thumbsup:


----------



## Care (Sep 20, 2007)

I have found the best success to be sending them off with a group of women alone. There's a lot of confidence built when a woman follows a woman's lead. Usually they get discouraged following a group of guys, especially if those guys are their husbands who are trying to convince them that mountain biking is fun.


----------



## Sage_Cat (Nov 1, 2009)

*Have her pick out and ride the lightest bike you can afford.*

Women have less dense muscle mass. So a fit woman of 140 pounds is still 30% or so less strong than a fit man of 140 pounds. If he rides a bike of 27 pounds, she would need a bike of 18 pounds just to be even. The strength to weight ratio can be very frustrating for women trying to get fit and keep up. It may mean making a $5K investment in your marriage, but it will last for years.

Question, are you an equal partner in all domestic duties? Is she tired from doing second shift? If you do more than half of the stuff for a while then she will have the energy and desire to go out and play. She won't if she is thinking about all the chores at home left to do.

Also, bring a picnic, carry all the weight, and tell her how beautiful she is. Shuttle some general downhill stuff and ride with her on your rest days.

BetterRide cinic for women changed my life. My husband and I now have the most fun. That is, with me and my Ibis Mojo SL.


----------



## masterlucasdude (Jun 5, 2011)

I have been trying to encourage my wife to do some mountain biking with me too. I can tell she gets affraid from some of it. Especially on the down hills. I think all the rocks and rough terrain don't help the idea either. She loves biking though. I think the key here is patients.I have given her a lot of encouragment and time over the last two years and it's really paying off. I started her on a road bike first. She was more comfortable going fast on a smooth flat road.She is totally fearless now with the downhill speeds and stronger with the climbs she has to do to earn those downhills. It's actually kinda scarring me that she is flying down roads at 40 + mph. I am just now trying to ease in some very light trails with her and pretty much starting from ground zero again this summer. She would of course have to enjoy biking first or this won't work. Don't push her if she doesn't enjoy it. The trick is to encourage her with safty, fun, and excitment into your world. If you push her you will just push her away. Don't expect immediate results either. I'm going on year 3 and have still enjoyed every momet of it with her; even though we haven't done the trails I would prefure to do with her.


----------



## snowgypsy (Jun 5, 2011)

From my experience, it's extremely important to allow her the space and support to make the sport hers. Not yours- hers. Offer encouragement, rather than training advice, and listen to her. Tell her she rocks, because she always will, and make every fall and spill an opportunity to laugh and learn. Take pictures. Ask her to lead. Tell it's because you love to watch her "rock it." Make it a date. Make it fun. And of course, remind her that there is no shame. 

After nearly breaking my neck several times trying to ride down a technical rock garden at Hall ranch, a man rode up behind me, put his hand on my shoulder, and in a beautiful Southern Accent said, "Walk today; Ride tomorrow, honey. You'll get it then."

It's become a motto for both of us when we ride. Love life; ride hard, but always create a sense of tomorrow as another opportunity to learn and ride together.


----------



## TreeSaw (Jun 29, 2005)

Berkeley Mike said:


> My wife has taken on cycling a little at a time. When I see her bikes hanging in the basement and not the shed I know she has quit _for now_ When she invites me to go ride again I always say yes and she has learned that I need to spend an hour on her bike to make sure it is up to snuff. We go ride and her bike is fluid and invisible. Early rides are la-de-da rides which have almost nothing to do with techniques or drills but getting comfortable on the bike again and getting some leg back and maybe some timing. With luck there may be a Margarita at the other end of the ride. This is one modality for learning.
> 
> What this speaks to is that we have to learn to manage ourselves in terms of that little voice in the other person's head that tells them what they'll do and not do. I'm not sure I understand motivation as the word has been used in the initial thread. It seems to me that there motivation means getting one's wife to do what one wants. Hmmmm.
> 
> ...


Excellent advice here....especially the last paragraph! I was in a similar situation when I began biking and now I am the one scheduling the rides and actually ride more than my husband (most weeks).

I am not sure where you're located, but look for a LUNA Chix group (or similarly a supportive group of women riders). I may be biased because I am a part of the program, but we truly cater our rides to ALL level riders and provide knowledge, guidance and above all support for the newest riders in a non-threatening, encouraging environment.

Also, be prepared....she may not really like it and you may have to accept that you two aren't going to bike together (off road at least).


----------



## PMK (Oct 12, 2004)

giff07 said:


> +1 on the MTB tandem idea. Although its not for everybody, it has helped both Pat and I to explore and enjoy riding in the woods twogether. Like any team sport it has days when you are team mates and others when you are opponents but she rides terrain that I (and she) think she would never ride on her own. We tried singles and experienced the same frustrations as you. I have given her the option of being the captain ( sits in the front)sometimes but she seems content to be the stoker (rider in back). It is our bike of choice.
> Ed and Pat Gifford
> the Snot Rocket tandem


As another tandem team, this is now our bike of choice. While not always a perfect ride, every ride, tandems are true team efforts to work in the woods.

BTW, My wife was a very good technical and fit rider during the 90's, somewhere along the way she developed some allergies and such. This began her downfall as a fast rider on a single bike. We went backwards to a situation of the OP. Our first tandem, and it was not something she wanted, got us riding together with new challenges. Now several years into this tandem thing, we have sorted out some of her allergy concerns, she can now often train with some dedication. But the tandems are now our way to ride. The single bikes have grown roots from lack of use.

Not saying it's a must do or for everyone, but as the others mentioned, another option.

As for tandems being total freak bikes and unable to ride stuff. There is some stuff that single bikes do better, like getting the front wheel over stuff and some jumps. But as an xc machine with technical thrown in they can work well.

Done right, you may even find your single bike friends having a difficult time keeping up. A captain with technical skills and a brave stoker that reads his mind can go stupid fast.

In regards to efforts applied, a captain into training might find that the effort of tossing around a race tandem is far greater a workout than any race single.

Add to that the means to put forth great training efforts, while never dropping your wife or girlfriend.

The learning curve does exist. If you as a rider plan to guide a novice stoker while attempting to "show off" your skills on someone not prepared, it will be short lived.

However, if you realize that you are in control, and must safely deliver your stoker, while she is helping to get both of you there, and don't ride stupid or try to scare the total crap out of them, then rides should become long and fun with good efforts from both. Over time, the terrain ridden and speed will become more challenging for both riders.

It's a pretty good ride when you're finished and your wife / stoker is thanking you for a wonderful time, with comments about how she never would consider having ridden that trail on her single, or remarking about wanting to know max speed, or other ride details.

PK


----------



## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

PMK said:


> The learning curve does exist. If you as a rider plan to guide a novice stoker while attempting to "show off" your skills on someone not prepared, it will be short lived.
> 
> However, if you realize that you are in control, and must safely deliver your stoker, while she is helping to get both of you there, and don't ride stupid or try to scare the total crap out of them, then rides should become long and fun with good efforts from both. Over time, the terrain ridden and speed will become more challenging for both riders.
> 
> ...


I can see that. Personally, I think I'd rather have my teeth drilled than ride a bike that I'm not in control of, but my husband has wanted a tandem bike forever for some reason. I do get that it could be a fun exercise in teamwork, but... heh, neither of us are willing to not be Captain.  And we don't have a problem riding single bikes together, so we're just going to skip that...

I will say, as evidence to your guidance above (and this is one of my favorite stories...) Years ago, we were riding up Amasa Back. I had stopped to mess with something on my bike, my husband was a good ways ahead of me. What he saw was a couple riding a sweet Ventana tandem bike down Amasa Back. He was impressed because they were getting after it and he thought it looked really fun. What I saw when they got to me a couple minutes later, was a guy riding a tandem bike by himself, with a woman stomping down the trail screaming at him that he was an ******* and she was never getting on that *** **** thing again. Hahaha... So yeah, just putting someone who isn't comfortable riding on a tandem bike and expecting them to fully trust you and have fun might be wishful thinking. Starting on mellower terrain is still a good idea unless you have an adventurous partner!


----------



## PMK (Oct 12, 2004)

connie said:


> I can see that. Personally, I think I'd rather have my teeth drilled than ride a bike that I'm not in control of, but my husband has wanted a tandem bike forever for some reason. I do get that it could be a fun exercise in teamwork, but... heh, neither of us are willing to not be Captain.  And we don't have a problem riding single bikes together, so we're just going to skip that...
> 
> I will say, as evidence to your guidance above (and this is one of my favorite stories...) Years ago, we were riding up Amasa Back. I had stopped to mess with something on my bike, my husband was a good ways ahead of me. What he saw was a couple riding a sweet Ventana tandem bike down Amasa Back. He was impressed because they were getting after it and he thought it looked really fun. What I saw when they got to me a couple minutes later, was a guy riding a tandem bike by himself, with a woman stomping down the trail screaming at him that he was an ******* and she was never getting on that *** **** thing again. Hahaha... So yeah, just putting someone who isn't comfortable riding on a tandem bike and expecting them to fully trust you and have fun might be wishful thinking. Starting on mellower terrain is still a good idea unless you have an adventurous partner!


I'm guessing she did not fall off the back...possibly jumped off...bad for the captain on a descent, she may have gotten sweet revenge since he had no rear brakes, and a 1/2 loaded tandem is as twitchy as a superball.

Yes not for all people. The idea of having teeth drilled vs ride a tandem is new. My wife / stoker was not quite so animated. Her first answers were no way...you ride crazy stuff...somehow she gave in, maybe the rental tandem in DC down a short flight of stairs...none the less we bought a new condition 10 year old tandem...I promised to behave...as we got into riding it more, we attempted more stuff...now a few years under the tires, all we ride it seems are tandems, 1 Road and 2 Off-Roads...Ironically now my wife/ stoker almost expects crazy stuff...often she replies, I knew you would ride that.

Anytime you ride with some less fit or skilled, if it is a "together" ride, the faster person needs to adjust their ride. Doesn't matter what terrain, what skill set.

PK


----------



## giff07 (Jun 7, 2010)

Pat and I started off road tandeming with the idea of fire roads, double track and rail trails. After a short while she bored of that and I suggested we try some easier single track. We have very different abilities. She said OK after we agreed that if one of us is uncomfortable with a trail obsticle/situation and says we get off and walk it thats what we do, no questions asked. After a while she gained her confidence in both herself and me as Captain that we would walk and then go back and try to ride if we both felt we could do it. These days it is me as often as her that says lets check this out before we try to ride it and sometimes its her talking me into trying something. As Paul said its not for everyone especially if you are both comfy on your singles. Pat ( my stoker) has also commented that most of the terrain we ride together she would never try on a single. We have also upgraded from a hardtail to a full suspension Ventana and it is currently our bike of choice.
Ed and Pat Gifford
the Snot Rocket tandem


----------



## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

PMK said:


> I'm guessing she did not fall off the back...possibly jumped off...bad for the captain on a descent, she may have gotten sweet revenge since he had no rear brakes, and a 1/2 loaded tandem is as twitchy as a superball.
> 
> Yes not for all people. The idea of having teeth drilled vs ride a tandem is new. My wife / stoker was not quite so animated. Her first answers were no way...you ride crazy stuff...somehow she gave in, maybe the rental tandem in DC down a short flight of stairs...none the less we bought a new condition 10 year old tandem...I promised to behave...as we got into riding it more, we attempted more stuff...now a few years under the tires, all we ride it seems are tandems, 1 Road and 2 Off-Roads...Ironically now my wife/ stoker almost expects crazy stuff...often she replies, I knew you would ride that.
> 
> ...


Heh, hadn't even thought about that with the brakes... kind of makes it even funnier. He may have stopped and let her off the bike due to protests too... We definitely got the impression that it was her first and only ride. And Amasa Back isn't such a good spot for that...

And my dislike of the idea of riding a tandem (mind you, I haven't tried it) has nothing to do with worries about the terrain. I raced DH for years and there isn't that much that my husband will ride that I won't. At least not enough that that's really the limiting factor. (Though his declaration of how "fun" it would be to do nose wheelies with me up over his head don't sound appealing... or physically possible...) But it's more the idea of taking away all of the things that I view as the fun parts of the ride (the line selection, pumping, bike handling, etc.) and being stuck with the part I like the least (pedaling). But I'm not suffering from a lack of motivation to ride my bikes, either!


----------



## PMK (Oct 12, 2004)

connie said:


> Heh, hadn't even thought about that with the brakes... kind of makes it even funnier. He may have stopped and let her off the bike due to protests too... We definitely got the impression that it was her first and only ride. And Amasa Back isn't such a good spot for that...
> 
> And my dislike of the idea of riding a tandem (mind you, I haven't tried it) has nothing to do with worries about the terrain. I raced DH for years and there isn't that much that my husband will ride that I won't. At least not enough that that's really the limiting factor. (Though his declaration of how "fun" it would be to do nose wheelies with me up over his head don't sound appealing... or physically possible...) But it's more the idea of taking away all of the things that I view as the fun parts of the ride (the line selection, pumping, bike handling, etc.) and being stuck with the part I like the least (pedaling). But I'm not suffering from a lack of motivation to ride my bikes, either!


FWIW, the stoppy on a tandem, well even with a Fox 40 and big brakes, the front tire just slides. Tried it.

This quote from you is a viable reason why not to ride a tandem, at least for now.

*"But it's more the idea of taking away all of the things that I view as the fun parts of the ride (the line selection, pumping, bike handling, etc.) and being stuck with the part I like the least (pedaling). But I'm not suffering from a lack of motivation to ride my bikes, either!"*

I sincerely wish you never lose any of those traits. As days become years, the single bike may become a tandem. If it does, I hope it is not related to health, but rather you two seeking new ways to challenge your riding skills while remaining close.

PK


----------



## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

Okay, Lassiar, it has been 7 months, how about a report?


----------



## chuky (Apr 3, 2005)

connie said:


> But it's more the idea of taking away all of the things that I view as the fun parts of the ride (the line selection, pumping, bike handling, etc.) and being stuck with the part I like the least (pedaling). But I'm not suffering from a lack of motivation to ride my bikes, either!


J and I used to ride racing tandems together (they were a specialty of the shop we met at, so we had access to some pretty sweet shop bikes). The control factor is interesting. There is basically no way to ride a tandem with an unhappy stoker. The captain can feel every single tensing up of the second rider through the bike, and it makes the ride very poor.

The best tandem teams are typically people who spend a lot of time riding single bikes together, too. Having a similar ride style and being able to anticipate where and when your partner will stand goes a long way toward tandem steeze.

The best thing about tandems? Twice the weight on the same contact patch. You can RAIL corners.


----------



## Rae6503 (Jun 30, 2009)

Over the 9 years we've been riding together, riding with my husband has improved GREATLY. I used to almost dread it. He's gotten so much better.

First, he's got a really good understanding of which trails are my level. No more 5 mi uphills. Pretty trails with short ups and downs and limited technical.

Second, he no long asks if i'm okay every ****ing 5 minutes. He no longer asks why I fall. He asks permission to give advice before giving it. If I tell him to shut up and just say "good job" he does (and yeah, I wouldn't have told him this when we were just dating but I have no issues telling him this now).

Third, he does go with me looking for an epic, fast, difficult ride. Rides with me are his "rest" day, or we pick trails where he can take a hard offshoot and meet me back at the car.

And lastly, I have normal pedal, not clipless. I've been riding for 9 years and I don't know that I ever want to do clipless. It scares the crap out of me.


----------



## @dam (Jan 28, 2004)

Stripes said:


> Now that that's out of the way, why are you making her clip in? Can't she have fun on flats? After unsuccessfully going back to clipless from flats, I've decided to stay with flats. I have a mental block with feeling attached to my bike .


I think you just answered your own question. It's better to learn with the equipment you'll use later, because otherwise you have to re-learn the muscle memory needed to put your foot down. Just learning it the first time is much less painful.

A lot of people are avoiding training wheels now days for the same reason, and having great results.

As far as advice for the OP: find a local shop, club, or woman's riding group and insist she go on ONE ride with them. You don't go on that ride. If she likes it (and she probably will), encourage her to keep going. It helps a lot.


----------



## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

@dam said:


> I think you just answered your own question. It's better to learn with the equipment you'll use later, because otherwise you have to re-learn the muscle memory needed to put your foot down. Just learning it the first time is much less painful.
> 
> A lot of people are avoiding training wheels now days for the same reason, and having great results.


Why does she have to use clipless later for that matter? I've gone back and forth over the years, from using clipless for everything including racing DH to using flats for everything including total XC rides. Currently, I'm loving the flat pedals and use them for everything. And once you get used to them and develop an efficient pedal stroke, you can climb just as well on flat pedals (particularly with a good flat pedal and FiveTens). I can understand if her personal goal is to race XC, sure - go ahead and just start clipped in. But if the goal is to have fun riding, why are you insisting on clipless?


----------



## keene1 (Jan 24, 2011)

Second ride with my wife last night. She rode my FS 29er and I rode my old rigid SS. 

She started out with no confidence and I class my self as a terrible and impatient teacher. My lip was mostly buttoned and I just tried to find a nice progression of trails and obstacles to challenge her only a little bit more at a time. 

I only made one suggestion: to take a good long run up at obstacles so that you are comfortable and balanced on the bike rather than wobbling and trying to position your feet on the pedals as you ride through that dip or down that slope. 

At the end of the ride we went back to the spot where 2 hours earlier she stamped her feet, crying "I just can't do it" (she was a junior international 3 day event rider so pretty brave) and she gunned over it as if it wasn't there. 

I was so proud of her. And let her know. 

Showered and took her out for dinner. 

I don't expect her to want to ride with me every time i go but when she does she can ride the new bike and I can work on fitness and technique riding my Rigid SS.


----------



## NicoleB (Jul 21, 2011)

i mountain biked as a kid (if you can call it that. i rode cheap bikes and helmetless! on trails) and decided to get back into it in early 2009. you have to LOVE it in order to put up with the pain and frustration at first. my boyfriend took me out...rode too fast...and i had to haul ass to keep up with him. it was frusterating at first, but it ended up helping me so much. i love riding so i go out alone alot, but sometimes you have to chase down riders that are better than you to really gain speed and experience. only torture your wife if she LOVES it! or else it would be not worth it. for instance, i hate running, so nobody can force me to do that.


----------



## NicoleB (Jul 21, 2011)

connie said:


> Why does she have to use clipless later for that matter? I've gone back and forth over the years, from using clipless for everything including racing DH to using flats for everything including total XC rides. Currently, I'm loving the flat pedals and use them for everything. And once you get used to them and develop an efficient pedal stroke, you can climb just as well on flat pedals (particularly with a good flat pedal and FiveTens). I can understand if her personal goal is to race XC, sure - go ahead and just start clipped in. But if the goal is to have fun riding, why are you insisting on clipless?


thank you! i have a love/hate relationship with clipless. i like them better on smoother road stuff, but XC and more techincal rocky patches, i HATE them. they make me stressed out and "wussy" because i have to think "should i unclip or not?" when approaching a rough patch. i'd rather just ride good flat/shoe combo and bomb into obstacles without being scared or having to think about my feet. i've had people make comments like "you'll never be out of beginner stage if you dont ride clipless" and its made me self concious. i jsut want to have fun and feel confident. its all about personal preference - mental and physical. (i call my "ailment" foot claustrophobia. its the same reason i dont like snowboarding or skiing. i just feel all wrong when attached to something like that.)


----------



## Mountain Momma (Jul 30, 2011)

I second the vote for BetterRide. I just finished a women's only clinic a few weeks ago, and in addition to teaching me some fundamentals I may never have learned on my own, the camp changed my entire outlook on mountain biking.


----------

