# Choosing a mate



## redrott (Jan 21, 2004)

Hey everyone,
Kinda weird question here. I was wondering how many of you single folk would make sure your next serious love interest rode or was as active as you were in other activities. I am a female who just left a long term relationship (for many reasons) with a guy who didn't ride or participate in many outdoor sports. When I met him, I didn't so much either, but then the MTB racing bug bit me (5-6 yrs ago) and now I race at a pretty high level and ride/race all the time. So Id be out on trips every weekend with my friends/competitors and their husbands/BFs who also ride/race and always felt like I was single. This really bothered me. 

Now I see that many GUYS who race/ride a lot have stay at home wives that do not accompany them on their numerous summer (and winter - skiing) adventures but I figure that there are so (relatively) few REALLY active women that guys don't really have the options that women do. As a single, very active, hangs with the boys in many sports type of girl, I figure I should be able to hook up with a very active guy. I am willing to cut back or even quit racing but I know that I will need to replace this time w/ time spent doing something equally active. 

Soooo - my dilemma (sorry to be so long-winded): I come to find out that a much less active friend has had a crush on me for the last 5! yrs but didn't want to wreck the relationship I was already in so never acted on it. We have some other things in common and he is a great guy and there is (now) some physical attraction on my part as well but, I wonder if I could do better?!? That sounds so harsh - I guess by better, I mean more compatible - ie willing to spend weekend days riding/hiking/skiing for 8 hrs like I like to!

What would y'all do??????  

Thanks!!!


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## wooglin (Jan 6, 2004)

You just left a relationship. Take some time off for you. Besides, love usually comes when you least expect it, not when you're looking for it.


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## glenzx (Dec 19, 2003)

redrott said:


> What would y'all do??????
> 
> Thanks!!!


Get your phone number!!!! 

JK, I am married and all... but do understand the imbalance issue clearly. My wife and I have struck a balance - where I go goof off at a dozen bigger events each season now - and sometimes she accompanies me, sometimes not. It's bothersome at times to be apart so much, but then we're pretty dang close otherwise - no long commutes, eat lunch together most days, hike with the dog, and so on...

If it's really important that you & a mate are +/-equally active, then it'll be worth finding that person that's similarly inclined. As a woman - it ought to be a cinch!  Biking-wise anyhow...


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## s1ngletrack (Aug 31, 2004)

redrott said:


> Hey everyone,
> Kinda weird question here. I was wondering how many of you single folk would make sure your next serious love interest rode or was as active as you were in other activities. I am a female who just left a long term relationship (for many reasons) with a guy who didn't ride or participate in many outdoor sports. When I met him, I didn't so much either, but then the MTB racing bug bit me (5-6 yrs ago) and now I race at a pretty high level and ride/race all the time. So Id be out on trips every weekend with my friends/competitors and their husbands/BFs who also ride/race and always felt like I was single. This really bothered me.
> 
> Now I see that many GUYS who race/ride a lot have stay at home wives that do not accompany them on their numerous summer (and winter - skiing) adventures but I figure that there are so (relatively) few REALLY active women that guys don't really have the options that women do. As a single, very active, hangs with the boys in many sports type of girl, I figure I should be able to hook up with a very active guy. I am willing to cut back or even quit racing but I know that I will need to replace this time w/ time spent doing something equally active.
> ...


Hold out for someone who is active, whether its' climbing, biking, kayaking, etc... If I find myself in the same situation again, I have sworn to myself that I will hold out for a girl who is also very active, it would have saved me tons of grief had I learned this 3 relationships ago.

Good luck


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## DWF (Jan 12, 2004)

redrott said:


> Hey everyone,
> Kinda weird question here. I was wondering how many of you single folk would make sure your next serious love interest rode or was as active as you were in other activities. I am a female who just left a long term relationship (for many reasons) with a guy who didn't ride or participate in many outdoor sports. When I met him, I didn't so much either, but then the MTB racing bug bit me (5-6 yrs ago) and now I race at a pretty high level and ride/race all the time. So Id be out on trips every weekend with my friends/competitors and their husbands/BFs who also ride/race and always felt like I was single. This really bothered me.
> 
> Now I see that many GUYS who race/ride a lot have stay at home wives that do not accompany them on their numerous summer (and winter - skiing) adventures but I figure that there are so (relatively) few REALLY active women that guys don't really have the options that women do. As a single, very active, hangs with the boys in many sports type of girl, I figure I should be able to hook up with a very active guy. I am willing to cut back or even quit racing but I know that I will need to replace this time w/ time spent doing something equally active.
> ...


No advice other than to do what feels right, but you've come to the right place. Your PM mailbox will soon be overflowing with professions of affection from all the lonely heart dudes lurking on this forum who dream of finding a Betty to love.


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## DWF (Jan 12, 2004)

DWF said:


> No advice other than to do what feels right, but you've come to the right place. Your PM mailbox will soon be overflowing with professions of affection from all the lonely heart dudes lurking on this forum who dream of finding a Betty to love.


Hah! Told you! They're already starting to crawl out of the woodwork.....


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## Wherewolf (Jan 17, 2004)

*Take him on a few easy bike rides*

Maybe he will like it and catch the bug. Or give out your number here and I bet you would get many suitors!


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## .thumper. (Jan 13, 2005)

You should put serious thought into riding bikes with someone named .thumper.


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## trailrash (Jan 7, 2005)

If you choose guys based entirely on their high level of physical activity, your relationships aren't gonna last very long. There's much more that goes into compatibility than physical activity. My wife doesn't like to ride bikes very much, but that doesn't affect how much I love her.



> I come to find out that a much less active friend has had a crush on me for the last 5! yrs but didn't want to wreck the relationship I was already in so never acted on it. We have some other things in common and he is a great guy and there is (now) some physical attraction on my part as well but, I wonder if I could do better?!? That sounds so harsh - I guess by better, I mean more compatible - ie willing to spend weekend days riding/hiking/skiing for 8 hrs like I like to!


You're right...that does sound harsh. It's also very superficial. Why would you not go out with someone that's a "great guy" and someone you're physically attracted to? Because he's not as physically active as you? That's pretty weak!


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## s1ngletrack (Aug 31, 2004)

.thumper. said:


> You should put serious thought into riding bikes with someone named .thumper.


I think you need to ask her first if she's opposed to attaching a "trail a bike" to her seatpost - _then_ work on negotiating the rest, Grant. 

edit: I can vouch for Grant and tell you that I think he would do just fine as a stoker.


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## .thumper. (Jan 13, 2005)

trailrash said:


> If you choose guys based entirely on their high level of physical activity, your relationships aren't gonna last very long. There's much more that goes into compatibility than physical activity. My wife doesn't like to ride bikes very much, but that doesn't affect how much I love her.
> 
> You're right...that does sound harsh. It's also very superficial. Why would you not go out with someone that's a "great guy" and someone you're physically attracted to? Because he's not as physically active as you? That's pretty weak!


 I think you are missing her point. She is already considering starting a relationship with someone who does not ride, but is considering all of her options. I think that her question is very valid without being superficial. If you are passionate about something and spend a lot of time doing it and are out of town a lot while doing it, it makes it much easier to have a relationship with someone who is like-minded.


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## OldSchool (Dec 22, 2003)

*It all depends on who that individual is...*

Having said that, I think that common hobbies are extremely beneficial in a healthy long-term relationship.

When I first dated my wife, we did everything together and were at compatible interests and abilities (run, ski, windsurf, climb, etc.). In my college days, I was a back-country guide and most the guys on the trips left their wives/gfs home. Just the way the campfire conversations went, I felt that their relationships were really missing some great opportunities.

Anyway, my wife and I have been dating now for 20 years (married 17). All relationships will have their challenges. The fact that my wife and I have similar extracurricular interests has resulted in an extremely strong foundation. I love and lust my wife just as much as I always did. We now have two kids (11 and 7) and drag them along with us (backpacking, windsurfing, etc.).

So, my limited advice to you is to date your non-biking friend. But, if a similar minded biking friend comes along that turns your cranks -- jump on him. Brake-ups are just brake-ups. To me, they are only BIG tragedies when kids are involved.

Good luck,
Tim


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## s1ngletrack (Aug 31, 2004)

trailrash said:


> If you choose guys based entirely on their high level of physical activity, your relationships aren't gonna last very long. There's much more that goes into compatibility than physical activity. My wife doesn't like to ride bikes very much, but that doesn't affect how much I love her.
> 
> You're right...that does sound harsh. It's also very superficial. Why would you not go out with someone that's a "great guy" and someone you're physically attracted to? Because he's not as physically active as you? That's pretty weak!


Yeah, that's the same line I've heard from my friend who never rides anymore, because he's too busy spending "quality time" w/ his @ss planted on the couch. 

There's nothing weak about working to insure that your relationship is with someone who has common interests. It's called "due diligence" in some fields...


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## TubeSSnapper (Nov 15, 2004)

life is full of many many twist and turns( as I hope yout trails are). My wife (We MTB'd last weekend)and I are in for the long haul. In sickness and in health yada yada ya....
Good people tend to stay that way. Fit active people can be struck at any time by accident or disease and become INactive people. 
With that said...there are many many great people who are currently mtb riders...so why settle?


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## DWF (Jan 12, 2004)

trailrash said:


> If you choose guys based entirely on their high level of physical activity, your relationships aren't gonna last very long. There's much more that goes into compatibility than physical activity. My wife doesn't like to ride bikes very much, but that doesn't affect how much I love her.
> 
> You're right...that does sound harsh. It's also very superficial. Why would you not go out with someone that's a "great guy" and someone you're physically attracted to? Because he's not as physically active as you? That's pretty weak!


I can't believe I getting sucked into this. It's not "weak" for that simple fact that she's been in a relationship with someone who wasn't physically active and now feels that shared physical activity is important to her. If she finds someone who's more compatible with her needs/wants/desires/whatever, her relationship will last longer.

Look at it this way: you just left a long term relationship. You find out some nice person has a crush on you, but unfortunately personal & dental hygiene never made to their list of things to do. You prefer sweet breath and minimal toe-jam; you gonna' enter that relationship anyways? Hell no! You're going to hold out for someone with pearly whites and soap-on-rope around their neck!


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## lidarman (Jan 12, 2004)

wooglin said:


> You just left a relationship. Take some time off for you. Besides, love usually comes when you least expect it, not when you're looking for it.


 Exactly, although the way it's normally worded is, "You don't find love, it finds you"

And it manifests itself when doing activites and meeting people with similiar interests. So there you go, Redrott, just go do the things you like to do, and maybe something will "happen" eventually.


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## redrott (Jan 21, 2004)

Whoa!!!! Thanks for all the responses!
Ill try to respond to a few:
wooglin: You are sooo right - my plan was not to date for at LEAST 6 months so I could get my wits about me, learn to be single again, etc. This was kinda just dumped on me. 

Thanks s1ingletrack, thumper and DWF for "defending" me - you guys seemed to have better caught my meaning.

trailrash: I don't really think that Im superficial - Ive just been there/ done that w/ the non active person and it was a strain on the relationship. Im just soooo active (even been diagnosed w/ ADHD) that that is just a big part of my life. I would think that superficial would apply more to those looking for a guy who drives an expensive car, dresses just so, has the "right" job, is tall, dark and handsome, etc. Those things aren't important to me - I just was my mate to be my best friend and best friends DO things together!

Great advice from everyone - deep down I think that that is what I have been thinking. I will prob see how things go w/ my "friend" but not push things too fast. He already wants to go riding w/ me - he used to race MX so should be pretty good at technical stuff!


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## trailrash (Jan 7, 2005)

*Ok!!! Ok!!!*

Maybe I was a bit harsh. After re-reading your post and others, I don't think you're the superficial type. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone who shares similar interests.

I definitely agree with wooglin. Take a break...some "self" time. Ride as much as you can and enjoy being single again. As said, love comes when you least expect it.


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## bob (Jan 14, 2004)

*It's up to you.*

I've been married for ten years. My wife rarely rides and doesn't surf (my two things). But, I don't do yoga either and she loves it. Would it be cool if she rode her bike with me and did weekend trips? Sure, but it doesn't bother me that she doesn't. I think personal time and space is a healthy part of a relationship. I guess my point is only you can determine if it's that important for you and it sounds like it is. But, I wouldn't cut any prospects off just because they don't ride. Who's to say mr. right might not get into riding?


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## Redriderpro (Dec 20, 2003)

*Been There Done That!*

I''ve been in both... wife# 1, DID NOT race motocross, DID NOT like going to races, she raced horses ( Western) watching horse races is kind like watching golf ( ok a little better) so in the end we both avoided going to each other's events.Even though we both did for a few years.

Wife #2 ( currenty and hopfully last one): Met a races(MOTO), she had been racing as much as me if not more. There's not much better then having a fast woman for a wife, there were no decisions on what we would be doing on any give weekend. Bliss!!!

Unfortunatly ten years ago when we quit racing moto and I took up MTBing, she DID NOT fall into it as she was with Moto. We have been married 10 years now, she's been on about 5 rides. That's ok, she understands the current passion but it WAS BETTER when she was part of a shared passion.( two wheeled type)

I have ride partners that are the same way my wife and I were ( on MTB's) their common interest is somthing I had and would like to have again... but I can live without it.

If I was in the market again, I'd find a MTB woman or do without.

If you don't have 15 toes, weigh 350lbs, I can't imagine it would take much to find a guy to hang with that shares your passion.

Good luck!


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## Master Shake (Mar 6, 2005)

...or you could rise above the base primal urge we're all still saddled with and just not mate at all. It takes a conscious effort, but has the same potential for yeilding good things as giving in to the autopilot in your head.

But if you must, and phys activity is important to you like it is for [probably most people who are into it enough to hang out on an mtbing chat forum], then it's likely going to cause some distress if absent from any new lifestyle you create with someone. Personally, if I'm not dating someone into riding, I'm generally not interested in dating at all at this point. It's hard/impossible to explain all that needs explaining with this lifestyle, and to do it over and over everytime you meet someone new is kinda tiring. At some point, you just want to stop having to explain yourself every 5 min and just be with someone who relates.

But even though we all grow up with it being rammed down our throats, breeding can still be a decision.


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## rzozaya1969 (Nov 28, 2004)

trailrash said:


> If you choose guys based entirely on their high level of physical activity, your relationships aren't gonna last very long. There's much more that goes into compatibility than physical activity. My wife doesn't like to ride bikes very much, but that doesn't affect how much I love her.
> 
> You're right...that does sound harsh. It's also very superficial. Why would you not go out with someone that's a "great guy" and someone you're physically attracted to? Because he's not as physically active as you? That's pretty weak!


OK, I'm single and here's my number..... jejjeje

I think that's something personal, if it's important to you being so active, I do think it's important that your partner has the same inclination. He may or may not be as active.

But I was starting to date a girl, but she's more into clubs and dancing, and with me its like, I have to be at 7:30 am at the trailhead. The relationship didn't work out for other reasons, but I think that was important.

If you lead this way of life, outdoors, 12/24 hr races, and your bf is more a let's wake up late, hang with the band, let's stay up all night, when will you see each other? Or you'll drive each other nuts. I don't think you're THAT active as to party all night, getting home at 3am to get your bike stuff in your car and drive to the next race. And I think he won't apreciate it if you have to leave whatever party you're at at 900pm so you get some rest for the next day.

On the other way, if you have a crush on him, maybe you can work something out, and find out he can enjoy being more active (maybe he is, you just don't know it, as you didn't know he had a crush on you).

Being with a partner is not just love, but love being together and being together. I would love to go out with a gf that would like to ride, but I'm not strict in this. I think I just would expect her to understand that mtb and her are not at war, as I think I would learn to adjust to her.

Have fun


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## sfmtber (Aug 30, 2004)

*must be attracted to the person as well and not only the rider*

this is a first. usually you see this post in the Women's Lounge... can the "this is not a relationship forum" sticky by around the corner... ;-)

anyway... i can relate to the original poster's question. all i can say is make sure that in addition to finding somebody that rides or is as active as you, you actually like that person as a person and are not only in love with the idea of him. some of my active friends, i.e. active girl friends, date guys who are as active as them but don't really like those guys very much it's a hard habit to break and since being girls, they are provided with abundant opportunities to date guys who ride/are active but sometimes, it's not the best match. not saying it can't happen, because it does, but just something to think about.


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## Hollis (Dec 19, 2003)

*Got any dirty pictures of*

Your Bike?


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

my hubby and have backpacked, hiked, skied, mountain biked, road biked, and white water boated together for 24 years. We've modified some of it... I decided WW was not for me; he doesn't bike as much as he used to BUT.... it's so cool when we do many of these things regularly together. It feels like college days when after 24 years together we throw the camping in the car, the bikes on top and take off for a weekend...

formica


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## LadyDi (Apr 17, 2005)

*Only MTB guys will do...*

Hey Redrott,

As a single female mtb'er, I think I understand where you're coming from. I no longer consider relationships w/ guys who aren't into the sport-- I have tried & it doesn't work, not for me.

I was married once-- when I was getting into mtn biking, my husband (now ex-) FORBADE me to buy any but a Costco bike, even though I was an experienced roadie long before we met. I did my research, knew exactly what I wanted, & saved my own money from my own full-time job. He could golf & fly planes & buy cars w/o my knowledge, but I wasn't allowed the bike of my dreams? PAH! I guess you know how that story ended...

BASIC PROBLEMS-- non-mtb guy may support you but he won't "get" you. You tend to drone on & on about forks, geometry, trails, bottom brackets, pedals & cleats, Tinker Juarez, whatever, as his eyes slowly glaze over. Men w/ their non-mtb S.O.s are different creatures from women in the same situation. Women, I think, long to SHARE experiences-- it's in our evolutionary programming. Men *generally* don't need to talk & share as much. I'm not criticizing! But mtb is often more for them abt their performance than the overall grand experience. Ever climbed & climbed & climbed to a fabulous vista all alone & wished you had someone special to share that with? Someone who understood? I have. I had an mtb BF and, tho it didn't last, it was amazing to follow the man I loved & trusted down every type of trail. He always gave me the perfect line. I miss that. And the 'u know what' b4 & after the ride? I was in love w/ the trail & in love w/ the guy. Nothing else can compare...

I've dated non-mtb'er guys since and they invariably get around to criticizing me for riding a bike that's worth more than my car. I start explaining things I shouldn't have to. That just sets the tone for them eventually trying to control me and talk me out of my sport. I'm now highly resistant to 'dictators'. Get him a bike? You know the old saying, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink". Same exact thing. It has to be in his heart.

All my vacations (and most of my days off) are planned aound mtn biking. It's almost all I want to do (except maybe climb volcanos). How would that ever work w/ a guy who isn't similarly inclined? Next week I'm headed for Humboldt redwoods, bringing my Blur. 

So I'm done w/ non-mtb dating & my advice to you is, take a big break from it all and enjoy your bike, your teammates, your sport. If your "friend" is really that into you & wants to be closer, he might take up mtn biking on his own. Don't rush into the 'wrong' thing and you'll find someone wonderful who's just right for you.

Best Wishes,
Lady Di


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## arturo7 (Feb 2, 2005)

*Just a thought*

I'm probably one of the least qualified people to give relationship advice but I do know a little. One shouldn't go into a relationship expecting their partner to change, even if said partner wants to change. Whether or not you can deal with his non-riding is one thing. To hope the he will change and start liking it may be a false pretense.

Me, on the other hand, I love riding...


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## sfmtber (Aug 30, 2004)

not to hijack the thread but here's a question. how come when guys want to find a women who mtbs, invariably the advice is to not fixate on it, be happy with whom you meet and somehow it will all work out. when a women asks the same thing, there is an abundance of "go for it!". obviously i'm generalizing since there are plenty of examples that state otherwise but it does trend that way if only slightly.

again, my apologies to the original poster.


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## lidarman (Jan 12, 2004)

arturo7 said:


> I'm probably one of the least qualified people to give relationship advice but I do know a little. One shouldn't go into a relationship expecting their partner to change, even if said partner wants to change. Whether or not you can deal with his non-riding is one thing. To hope the he will change and start liking it may be a false pretense.
> .


 I think this comment needs to be more accurate. People do change. People grow and change based on different interests. Sometimes people grow apart which is unfortunate.

I know what you are saying though, you really mean you can't *mold* someone to change in a specific way.


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## dtmartin46 (Jul 11, 2003)

*Mans perspective on yer per-dicament...*



redrott said:


> ...didn't want to wreck the relationship I was already in so never acted on it...


Wow, spoken like a true woman (Sorry if that sounds sexist)... Maybe a different view of this dude could be... "I come to find out a much less active weasel who was hoping my old boyfriend would just go away, so he could slide in there and get in at an opportune time..."

Guys who 'hang out' and wait around for the old boyfriend to leave until they can make their move aren't too cool. If this new prospect-dude is a friend of your old 'serious love interest', then he's a total scumbag. If he doesn't know the dude at all, then i guess that's not as bad, but he's still kind of weak. I mean seriously, what guy waits around for 5 YEARS?!?!?!?? No guy with an ounce of common sense, or pride, IMHO. Don't you find that whole thing a little creepy?

Just doesn't sound right to me.

Find someone totally new.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

I think we tell an mtb woman to "go for it" b/c the guy is more likely to take up the challenge and enjoy it, than if the roles were reversed. 

Looking back, I kick myself at all the time I wasted on what turned out to be dead-end relationships, when I could've been out riding and becoming a better rider. Seriously, I even tried to get my last two serious BFs on bikes, to no avail. 

But I eventually learned to channel the heartbreak and the passion to a sport that, if I cultivated it carefully, would challenge and love me back! The feeling we get from "love" is a similar chemical reaction as an endorphin rush, so why not just ride?!

I also agree that it's more important for a woman to have an mtb'ing partner, than vice versa. Men seem just fine having their woman waiting for them at home.

But if a guy has to wait around for his GF or wife to get back from, say, a trip or even a night ride with a bunch of guys, then they get antsy (generally speaking, of course, but if the guy doesn't "get" the passion, he could get suspicious.) 

I told my sister once that any guy I date seriously would have to be into mtb. She replied, "You can't have two people so passionate about the same thing!" I said, "All my free time revolves around this, and at least one week-long vacation a year. There's no question he'd HAVE to be involved in the sport."

But obviously there are other things to consider as well.


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## LadyDi (Apr 17, 2005)

Hmmm, I just haven't heard about guys (not even guys in my mtb club) who specifically want a woman who mtbs. Tho I think guys are less likely to state mtb as a preference in their mate, there are surely those who really do want that.... awesome, go for it!

For myself, the understanding of/love for the mtb lifestyle has become a very high priority. Not that he has to be a NORBA pro-level racer or even very 'good'. And obviously mutual attraction is a primary consideration. But for someone to share my #1 passion, that's where it all begins. The original poster (Redrott) is to be commended for examining her needs. Earlier someone suggested her concept (seeking a mtb mate) may be "shallow". AU CONTRAIRE-- she didn't state she was looking any particular occupation, income level, or ethnicity. Nor did she objectify physical attributes, like blond or red-headedness or body-part size. THAT would've been shallow.

Mtb guys who seek mtb gals-- keep your eyes open on the trail & stop to say "Hi"; the girl you just passed may be looking for you, too.

~LadyDi



sfmtber said:


> not to hijack the thread but here's a question. how come when guys want to find a women who mtbs, invariably the advice is to not fixate on it, be happy with whom you meet and somehow it will all work out. when a women asks the same thing, there is an abundance of "go for it!". obviously i'm generalizing since there are plenty of examples that state otherwise but it does trend that way if only slightly.
> 
> again, my apologies to the original poster.


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## LadyDi (Apr 17, 2005)

Very well stated, Christine. Ride on, sister!

~LadyDi 


"But I eventually learned to channel the heartbreak and the passion to a sport that, if I cultivated it carefully, would challenge and love me back! The feeling we get from "love" is a similar chemical reaction as an endorphin rush, so why not just ride?!

I also agree that it's more important for a woman to have an mtb'ing partner, than vice versa. Men seem just fine having their woman waiting for them at home."


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## peanut09 (Apr 13, 2005)

I would hold out for someone that is somewhat active and is willing to participate in what you do to some extent. I know I have been kind of doing the same thing, as I would rather be with a guy that is more active since I like to go camping and 4wheeling also. Thing about it is that I do a wide variety of things and understand some people are more passionate about certain sports and are willing to attend events or somewhat participate in others. I would say so long is there are some common interests you will probably be happy. We should have a singles area on the forum


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## bob (Jan 14, 2004)

*I noticed....*

....a tinge of sexism in Christine and Lady Di's posts. I'm not attacking you ladies just saying don't put us all in the same category.

When I go for a weekend biking I hope my wife is not sitting around at home waiting for me. I hope she's out doing whatever makes her happy. Many nights I come home from work, help the kids with homework, make dinner, do the dishes, laundry, or what ever else needs to be done while she is at the gym doing yoga. If she wants to go shopping or out with her friends that's fine too. AND we spend tons of quallity time together. It's all good.


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## triscuit (Apr 26, 2004)

I think looking for a fellow mtber is a good idea...I met my boyfriend riding, and he is wonderful, and if it had not been for biking, I would never have met him, much less considered dating him (previous rule of NEVER dating a Republican had to be broken--but it took 6 months of riding together so I could make sure he did not have devil horns growing out of his head under that helmet). 

I know my weekends and vacations all revolve around mountain biking, and my biggest expenditures other than rent is bike gear. Having someone who understands, supports and is enthusiastic about the same things is wonderful. If he did not mtb, I honestly don't know when I would see him, other than the couple of hours we are both home after work before going to sleep, when I am usually pretty drained from a long day at work, unless I did not bike as much. 

In addition, I know around here anyway, the guys seriously outnumber the women riders, so if you limit yourself to just mtb guys, you still have many options. I did not start riding to meet guys, but if I had, it would have worked. My usual riding group is two couples (including me and BF) and two single guys (and occasionally a guy who is married to a non-rider). And our extended occasional riders include a bunch more single guys, all of whom are great, and I would happily introduce to my single female friends who ride, if I had any. Many of the married guys seem spend a lot of time whining about their non-riding wives.


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## VT Mtbkr (Jan 19, 2004)

Another single Mountain bike addicted female chiming in....

I couldn't agree with you more. I've been through two relationships that didn't work because of the lack of outdoor activities on the BF's part. It almost killed me to go on a four day vacation to Pisgah with the last one and not be able to ride at all while watching the bikes go by on tops of cars.  

I can't see myself commiting to another long term relationship without finding a person who shares my love for the outdoors whether it be an addiction to biking, kayaking, running, rock climbing, etc. Something that we could share or at least cross over and enjoy each other's chosen sport occasionally. 

Plus I don't think that the inside type guys would have the same appreciation of some of my mountain biking scars that the outdoor type guy would have.


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## Paul B (Jan 13, 2004)

*Similar predicament*

I'm a straight male rider and in a similar predicament.

At first I limited my search to women who ride. Well, that's a very VERY narrow demographic and I know a LOT of riders here. The thing I discovered along the way is, sharing a hobby/activity doesn't mean you share values, attraction, opinions -- all the stuff that matters long after the first flush is over. The riding can be great, but if you have nothing to talk about after the ride...

Other posters are right: For whatever reason, it seems easier for a guy to recruit his GF into an activity (particularly if it's sold along the "more stuff we can do together" line) than it seems to be for women to get their guys involved (particularly if it's sold along the "more stuff we can do together" line  ).

In a perfect world, your mate would have it all: shared activities, values, passion, attraction. The CV says "don't settle." Sometimes that's hard. Sometimes it simply never happens.

p.


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## primussucks (Apr 19, 2005)

Well im not a big time biker like you guys, my bike actually arrives via ups today, anyways...

im huge into racing toy cars(im 24 yrs old and have been doing it for 5 or 6 yrs), it costs a fortune. i met my gf at the same time that i started into the hobby(been with her around 4 yrs now, we just moved in together last yr).

shes tried at many times to enjoy the hobby as i do but she doesnt understand spending about 1000 bucks a month on toy cars(sometimes when i see the bills i dont get it either). our relationship has slowly deteriorated the entire 4 yrs, because we dont have any common activities besides watching tv(i want sports she wants cop shows). 

so im gonna try to make it work, and to do that i baught her a bike too. i highly doubt she will enjoy it enough to stick to it and go riding with me, but when we test rode some bikes, it was the biggest smile ive seen on her in a long time.

if i had to do it again, the girl i search for would have her own hobbies, so at least if i want to go do something and she doesnt shes not at home waiting for my return with a clintched fist ready to kill me.

my current woman really doesnt do anything unless its with me, shes even gone as far as to disown all of the friends she had before she met me. its pretty annoying.

anyways before i really start ranting.... i say its in your best intrest to be find a guy that has some sort of hobby, either something you enjoy or not, but something he can do when your out doing your thing


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## s1ngletrack (Aug 31, 2004)

sfmtber said:


> not to hijack the thread but here's a question. how come when guys want to find a women who mtbs, invariably the advice is to not fixate on it, be happy with whom you meet and somehow it will all work out. when a women asks the same thing, there is an abundance of "go for it!". obviously i'm generalizing since there are plenty of examples that state otherwise but it does trend that way if only slightly.
> 
> again, my apologies to the original poster.


Maybe this is for pragmatic reasons. Guys who MTB are available - a dime a dozen. Women who MTB are not.


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## UncleMTB (Jan 13, 2004)

*Internet Dating: In search of Passion...*

Jul-24-02, 01:26 AM

I couldn't help thinking that I would end up being approached by an old guy in a rumpled trench coat.... You've all heard the stories, FBI agent posing as 13 year old girl nabs, John Doe at the airport as he tries to meet his "internet date". 
Or the slightly shy woman who gets taken for all she's worth after getting married to the guy she met on the internet... 
Even my older brother warned me to be really careful!!! 
I felt that I had traveled and been on my own in lots of situations and could take care of myself... 
I finally took the plunge.
I had been visiting this site for a while and there were many people who posted.... Some of them seemed like just the kind of partner I was looking for... considerate, and wanted to share their Passion.
Many had posted pictures of the Gatherings with other people from the site...
These "Gatherings" looked like fun. I hadn't had a social group as such in quite a long time.

I had been in an abusive relationship for many years and it had taken time and space to regenerate and find myself again.
After much thrashing about locally, I decided that Internet dating offered a way to explore my Passion without generating gossip around my town.
I could travel to the next town or where ever and meet with the other members of the forum.
This seemed to be the perfect way to socialize.

So I finally did it...
I made arrangements to meet and spend the day together with one of the members of the forum.
I was excited and a little shy about it at the same time.
But it was set I was to go to the other person?s house and pick them up for our "Date".

I had wanted to meet somewhere neutral... but it wasn't going to work out that way.
I find myself driving way out on this winding road... it's sunny but the trees make a close canopy...

I'm thinking "Hitchcock"...

I finally get to the "Cabin".
It's way bigger and nicer than my house, and I am thinking that this person lives very well. When I pull into the drive there is a nice breeze blowing...
It's positively beautiful out.
There is a view of the ocean the smell of the sea... It's spring... and I'm on the adventure of my life.

I see a couple of mini vans in the drive covered with all kinds of racks and things... these are active people I tell myself. And sort of urbane.... Minivans? 
I walk up the steps to the door and knock sort of pensively... and someone answers... but it's not my date...

It's the brother...

As I introduce myself... down the stairs comes...could this be??? The person I will share my Passion with?

"Hello you must be my Internet date"!

I'm stunned... there it is out loud!!! 
I'm sure I blushed!... For god sakes at my age... I felt like a 13 year old who had overstepped their bounds...

Too late now!
I am then introduced around to the rest of the family.
I start to settle down. They seem normal enough.

Now I'm excited and I want to get going.

The sun is shining the breeze is light... Yes this is right, I can feel it.
We get in my car, the tunes on low. We chat and banter a little.
God I feel very young again...
My partner is wonderful... considerate, funny and has very nice manners.
Someone you could be friends with instantly.

We drive down the coast and finally pull in and park for our "outing".

We see others together, maybe feeling like we do?... But we have each other?s attention...

We enjoyed the most glorious time .... Many beautiful views.. and just being out together sharing our Passion.

Later on we have lunch together, we talk some more, we laugh and even tentatively plan another day.
It was like being with someone I had known forever but had not seen in ages...

And then all too soon it was over...

I drove back to the Cabin, we said our goodbyes and I walked to the car and drove home...

I felt mixed emotions... I was very happy with this first "date"...but it felt odd there was emptiness inside... I was alone again.

I pushed that aside and basked in the warmth of our experience together.

Remembering my own rule about other people... "That no matter what, no matter if you have 5 minutes or 20 years with someone, If you give of your spirit you will have that feeling all your life".

I would have this day all my life...and what I needed right then.
The connection, the interaction, the laughter... My spirit was full.

Since that day there have been many other "Internet dates". 
So far they have mostly been with different people and different places, but the joy is new each time...

The really liberating thing about this is that there are many people to share your Passion with but it never feels like you are cheating on someone... It's just all good!

So when you find yourself alone with your Passion.... Go on a Date! 
Share your Passion... Satisfaction "virtually guaranteed"

Found some "Passion"

It's been 3 years and lots of "Passion" since I posted this...last week I shared my Passion with several thousands Passionites...

Thanks MTBr...

Hope this helps you find your Passion!

Tim(Glad to see the "Cabin Boy" still checkin' the forum  )


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## Homer Simpson (May 21, 2004)

I reading these posts I think we can conclude we mountain bikers are obsessive-compulsive about our sport.

Do what you want to do, life is too short to do otherwise. Love will jump on you like a little puppy that will not go away when you least expect it.

A friend once said, "marriage is an institution and love is blind, therefore marriage is an institution for the blind." Blind to what, I have no clue. I think he meant you have to over look somethings to be happy.


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## sfmtber (Aug 30, 2004)

s1ngletrack said:


> Maybe this is for pragmatic reasons. Guys who MTB are available - a dime a dozen. Women who MTB are not.


yeah, i think you're right. mountain biking definitely tends toward the viking ship end of the male to female ratio spectrum. hmmm... time to start road riding i guess... ;-)


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

sfmtber said:


> not to hijack the thread but here's a question. how come when guys want to find a women who mtbs, invariably the advice is to not fixate on it, be happy with whom you meet and somehow it will all work out. when a women asks the same thing, there is an abundance of "go for it!". obviously i'm generalizing since there are plenty of examples that state otherwise but it does trend that way if only slightly.
> 
> .


Well part of it is a numbers thing. A lot more guys than girls MTB. Therefore, it is a lot easier for a girl to find a partner who MTB's than for a guy to find a girl who does.


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## ickyickyptngzutboing (Mar 30, 2005)

dtmartin46 said:


> Wow, spoken like a true woman (Sorry if that sounds sexist)... Maybe a different view of this dude could be... "I come to find out a much less active weasel who was hoping my old boyfriend would just go away, so he could slide in there and get in at an opportune time..."
> 
> Guys who 'hang out' and wait around for the old boyfriend to leave until they can make their move aren't too cool. If this new prospect-dude is a friend of your old 'serious love interest', then he's a total scumbag. If he doesn't know the dude at all, then i guess that's not as bad, but he's still kind of weak. I mean seriously, what guy waits around for 5 YEARS?!?!?!?? No guy with an ounce of common sense, or pride, IMHO. Don't you find that whole thing a little creepy?
> 
> ...


Not agreeing with you on this one here... While I don't know all the circumstances surrounding this particular situation, I don't see anything wrong with waiting. And no, this isn't coming from a gal, I am a guy.
We all have a certain person that "takes our breath away" ever since we've gotten to know them. Personally, yes, there is this one gal that I am attracted too a lot--but she's been in a multi-year relationship with a friend of mine. We knew each other before that relationship started, but we were just casual friends. Throughout the years we've always been close friends--kinda like one of those people that you can confide in without worrying about anything. Recently, that relationship ended with my friend calling it off--does that mean that I'm going to "move in for the kill?" No, by no means will I do that. However, what if things just work out... with neither person really taking the initiative? Sure, even though it's been almost four years, I'd give it a shot--but by no means does that make me "creepy" or "lacking common sense and pride." Rather, I think it says something about that person to still retain those original feelings for that length of time.

Hopefully that helps; I mean, just go for it--let things happen--don't pressure anything. (At least that's what I would do, being uber-passive) If it works, it works; if it doesn't, it won't--you'll know plain and simple.


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## xcdemon (May 19, 2004)

As another single MTB chick, I must add my two cents. I was out for a ride with a buddy (cat 2 roadie) the other day, and I asked him if his girlfriend had shown any interest in riding. He looked at me like I was absolutely nuts, and told me no way, he needs time for himself. Plus, can you imagine how frustrating that would be for him? So... I'd like find someone with a HOBBY. If it happens to match and we can ride together, great... but if you and he are both racing, he's going to wipe the trails with you every single ride. So share the passion, but don't necessarily ride together all the time. But if they're just going to sit around the house and get mad when you don't show up for five or six hours (or a few days, whatever), you're pretty much headed for disaster.


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## sstaurus (Jan 18, 2004)

Where are these single girls who like to ride??? News to me!

Most girls I meet are fake and care about frivolous crap that doesn't really matter. Someone who likes to do something and get dirty! Guess I can keep dreaming until I do find one... 

Reading other posts, I wanted to add I also agree with the fact it's more important to find someone who has their own interests they're passionate about. Can't have one person just sitting around with nothing waiting for the other. Gotta keep some independence!

More importantly, I think mountain biking is an 'ideal'. You need to share those values and opinions/lifestyle with someone more than you both need to ride. I just want someone who looks at the big picture and knows what's real in life.


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## old_dude (Jan 27, 2004)

*Here is how it works for us...*



redrott said:


> Now I see that many GUYS who race/ride a lot have stay at home wives that do not accompany them on their numerous summer (and winter - skiing) adventures but I figure that there are so (relatively) few REALLY active women that guys don't really have the options that women do. As a single, very active, hangs with the boys in many sports type of girl, I figure I should be able to hook up with a very active guy. I am willing to cut back or even quit racing but I know that I will need to replace this time w/ time spent doing something equally active.


I have been married almost 24 years, to my first and only wife.

Speaking from experience, I would say that you need to share common interests that will allow you to do things together. Otherwise, you will grow apart.

You may also want to consider who you want to party with. What crowd do you want to hang with? If you like to hang with an athletic crowd, the couch potato BF will not have much to contribute.

Also, do you want your kids to be active? Will "dad" help with that kind of personal development?

My wife and I met on a ski weekend at Killington. We started out skiing together and have been ever since.

Our kids are expert skiers too.

We not only downhill ski together, but we also XC ski together, kayak together, go for long power walks together, bicycle together, and we both played soccer for years. (She played on a women's team, and I played on a men's team.)

Our kids are very good soccer players.

Our interest in kayaks, XC skiing, and mountain biking is more recent, and our kids are starting to take an interest in these sports too.

I built a fully equipped home gym many years ago, and was the only one using it for years. My kids grew up and they use it now. My wife and her team mates train in it. But I gave up weights for outdoor sports. (Too boring.)

However, I do *not* like to compete. Sports for me are a fun social form of exercise. I challenge myself by seeking to improve my abilities and endurance. The payoff is in staying fit and able bodied. The numbers I am trying to beat are colesteral, blood pressure, body weight, and pants size.

I am just content to keep up with my buddies who do compete. They are ten plus years younger and I have to keep active just to stay with the group.

My wife has tried on a number of occasions to convince me to compete in different sports, but I have no interest.

When she competes, she goes on her own, with her teams.

The thing is that we hang with other very active people. So, that means she takes off with the women to do sports, and I take off with the guys to do sports. Sometimes we get a mixed group together, but often the guys end up in a sub-group and the gals end up in their sub-group.

It is mostly when we just go by ourselves that we stick together.

old_dude


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## Mighty Drop Off (Jun 24, 2004)

Christ, it must be great to be a girl. I feel like I could wait a lifetime and not find a gf who would keep up with me on a ride, and I'm not even in that great of shape compared to a lot of riders.


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## Bikinfoolferlife (Feb 3, 2004)

I only read the first few responses as I didn't need to. This is of course only my opinion, but I think it's very important to have some common activities with your SO. I personally would only consider an SO if there was a common activity like cycling (which I love and spend a great deal of my time doing)) or at least activities where significant amounts of time were spent by each of us on what we love to do without question--to have someone jealous of the time needed for cycling particularly would just not work for me; nor would I be jealous of her activities/friends, it's got to be a two-way street. Of course it would be so much better if we shared the same interest. However, if she had an activity that required the amount of time spent as I do on cycling I would not question that, I would simply accept it and work out common stuff separately. I'd rather wait for common time and activities than settle for less for either of us....


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

Didn't mean to sound so sexist in my post; that's why I said "generally speaking." Maybe it's just the guys I've dated, I could picture them getting a bit impatient if I were THIS into biking back then.

Being a female mtb'er isn't exactly like feasting at a buffet, either! Seems like 98% of the guys are in relationships, and I don't seem to have much else in common besides biking with the remaining 2%. The few times I meet a single mtb'er, he's either 10 years younger, and/or not the least bit interested!  

What are ya gonna do. That's why I lament wasting my twenties with pointless relationships.


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## kronik (Feb 6, 2005)

*sad but true*

most women do not have hobbies.


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## ArmySlowRdr (Dec 19, 2003)

kronik said:


> most women do not have hobbies.


Where is your evidence to support that???!! I think some if not many women whom seemingly don't have hobbies is because their S.O.'s are too selfish with helping w/ house work-- out doing their own thing when not working. So I think especially housewives who don't work might be seen as maybe not having hobbies. And the only evidence I have to support that is selfish me and knowing I goof off---at least I realize how hard my non working spouse really does work.

I think if you want to talk generalizations you might find evidence to state that a large portion of our society's idea of a good time away from work is spectator rather than participation based and that holds true for women, men and children. But for u to say most femmes don't have hobbies---how did you come upw/ that one????

Even the ladies working at the mess hall in Iraq who have little opportunity to do much when pressed about hobbies will say they love photography, calling home, and listening to music and reading.


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## Master Shake (Mar 6, 2005)

kronik said:


> most women do not have hobbies.


 Oh I don't know about that. All the women I know pursue two main hobbies with an obsession I've never encountered anywhere esle. Between orchestrating intense social melodrama and practicing making babies with strangers, I'm not sure which is more pathetic. I do know which is more disgusting. And holy moly is that gross. That's it. I'm only dating women who won't sleep with me from now on. This should be easy...

Before flipping out, note the qualifier: "...all the women *I know*...". I haven't given up on you all yet. But it's not looking good...


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## kronik (Feb 6, 2005)

throwing strops, collecting make-up, watching soaps, talking on the phone, and colouring in tampons are not hobbies.


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## kawboy8 (May 5, 2004)

Just ride and race...and do what you do. The right guy will come along...and you will have things is common, because you are being yourself. if you cut back on things...or he does, neither of you will be being true to yourself...and problems will arrise. Please, disregard all this stuff, if she is really HOT. Hot mtn bike girls rule.



redrott said:


> Hey everyone,
> Kinda weird question here. I was wondering how many of you single folk would make sure your next serious love interest rode or was as active as you were in other activities. I am a female who just left a long term relationship (for many reasons) with a guy who didn't ride or participate in many outdoor sports. When I met him, I didn't so much either, but then the MTB racing bug bit me (5-6 yrs ago) and now I race at a pretty high level and ride/race all the time. So Id be out on trips every weekend with my friends/competitors and their husbands/BFs who also ride/race and always felt like I was single. This really bothered me.
> 
> Now I see that many GUYS who race/ride a lot have stay at home wives that do not accompany them on their numerous summer (and winter - skiing) adventures but I figure that there are so (relatively) few REALLY active women that guys don't really have the options that women do. As a single, very active, hangs with the boys in many sports type of girl, I figure I should be able to hook up with a very active guy. I am willing to cut back or even quit racing but I know that I will need to replace this time w/ time spent doing something equally active.
> ...


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## Tracerboy (Oct 13, 2002)

*guess I'll just eat worms*

Mtb guys who seek mtb gals-- keep your eyes open on the trail & stop to say "Hi"; the girl you just passed may be looking for you, too.

~LadyDi[/QUOTE]
Now you've gone and done it,what a can of worms.


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

kronik said:


> throwing strops, collecting make-up, watching soaps, talking on the phone, and colouring in tampons are not hobbies.


What the hell is a strop?

Are you just hurt from previous relationships or just not into women? I mean, really. Your hate and vitriol come right on through.


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## Downhill Dawg (Nov 22, 2004)

kronik said:


> throwing strops, collecting make-up, watching soaps, talking on the phone, and colouring in tampons are not hobbies.


Troll


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## Ricardo41 (May 5, 2004)

I will never make the mistake again to date someone who isn't interested in mountain biking. Just imagine all the great experiences you can have together on a bike (and the lack of these experiences if your better half just doesn't care about these things). Furthermore, attempts to convince a reluctant partner to ride a mountain bike are doomed to failure IMHO.

There should be an online dating site for moutain bikers.

ricardo


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## OldFartYearRound (Mar 13, 2004)

Chill out for awhile. Gotta start with a fresh slate, mentally. If I had to do it all over again (been married w/children for 13 years), I would definitely find an active partner. The endorphin level that we have is hard to explain to those couch-potatoe types that just complain about how fat/tired they are. Mine has turned into one of those. Trying to change that...

"Do better?" Hard to beat someone who loves you so much that they help out as support team for after-ride drinks/food. Nothing like coming in, everyone takes their shower and then "Dinner's served!" Makes ME feel like Lance, for just a second or two...

I agrre with the pervious post, never look for love. It'll find you, just by you being yourself. Enjoying what makes you passionate, so NEVER quit riding/racing... Ain't no partner worth THAT...


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## Ricardo41 (May 5, 2004)

Homer Simpson said:


> I reading these posts I think we can conclude we mountain bikers are obsessive-compulsive about our sport.
> .


I completely disagree with this statement -mountain bikers CARE about their sport (just like golfers care about golf or skaters care about skating). Part and parcel of a relationship is caring about something together. Doesn't have to be mountainbiking, but if one partner spends a lot of time and effort on his/her mountainbiking whereas the other stands idly on the sidelines, then I don't see how this can work out.

And it's absolutely true: climbing for miles with your significant other, enjoying and suffering together - nothing beats that feeling of togetherness. This is a feeling that might be called the "flow in a relationship," where you "share" and "communicate" without having to actually do much talking.

One other thing I agree with: don't ever be with a partner who puts your sport down, as in: "why does your bike cost more than your car?" That should be taken as a sign that common ground cannot be found.

Finally, and let's be honest, the challenge isn't to find single mountainbiker dudes or bettys; the challenge is to find single mountainbikers who are fit for a relationship.

ricardo


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## UncleMTB (Jan 13, 2004)

*It's clear that ...*

...most of these responders have never ridden with you Colette!

They haven't ridden with: My Ex, MaryEllen, Sativa, Kristine, Joss, Lemonhead, Cruizy etc...
At the risk of upsetting the SO's out there. There are those who are waiting as it was put...
Those who wait and don't actively seek will be pretty lonely I expect...don't ask how I know!

Ya' I am on the list of those looking and when it works it works...My Ex and I were great riding partners, the breakdown was running a house together.

Someone I'm seeing now doesn't currently ride MTB's as a matter of fact she rides a horse!
The problem is that she is who I want to spend time with...will it work out???
Who knows but as I posted above, whatever time I share with her will stay with me all my life...as the time spent with all my former relationships!

"It's not baggage...it's monuments and momento's of a life lived as well as one can".

So look for someone who you are attracted to unconditionally...the details will work themselves out...and if you only get a handfull of rides together or go to MayByTheBay47 together...take what comes...and learn how to make lemonade!

Tim


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## slowrider (May 15, 2004)

*Wait for it*

Like you said your'e lifestyle has changed to an outdoor, oriented lifestyle so now you will meet more active people who are into youre new favorite sport. I have happy and unhappy freinds who's wives ride and the opposite is true as well, the big difference is weather or not they support and trust there spouse. Rider or not if there controling or jelous it's hard to be happy. I've had good and bad experiences with girlfreinds riders and non riders, personality is everything, a rider is just icing on the cake. Good luck.


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## tinytank (Jan 26, 2004)

From a female mtb’r who’s been exactly in your position a few years ago I can only tell you how I found the love of my life and true happiness.

Don’t think relationship, think of being happy, on your own for now. I truly believe that too many people don’t know themselves enough to know what would truly make them happy. I sure was one of them.

I’m not telling you don’t date or see this guy, just let him know you are not interested in anything serious, be honest with him and TAKE YOUR TIME. Live on your own for at least one year, do your own thing, enjoy riding your bike with friends, racing or what ever it is that floats your boat, make yourself the priority in your life get to know who you are when you are on your own.

Find out what it is that makes you happy, what are the things you would be willing to compromise on and which ones are too much part of you that compromising them would be a mistake and make you miserable like cutting down on your riding. Having someone in your life is supposed to add to your happiness, not take anything away. You should also have room to grow, and be able to grow together, too many couples are trying to keep things just the way the were in the beginning, things change, and it doesn’t have to be a bad thing enjoy the growth together, look at it as an adventure.

I guess the best advice I can give you is to take your time, there is no rush, and love will find you in the most unexpected places, most likely when you are not ready for it... I sure wasn’t.

Annie


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## ArmySlowRdr (Dec 19, 2003)

I really really like your viewpoint. That is why I will always relish the time I spent talking to this lady I met in Iraq---and see nothing "wrong" w/ continuing to be good friends through email and maybe more someday----but no pressure--I am not free and technically speaking neither is she based on the country she's from.

But the time we spend will always be cherished no matter what. And who knows what the future holds... but know I wasn't looking to flirt or be friendly to just one over there--nothing was forced--as they say--sometimes things just do happen---And there is always a reason for it and is meant to be...and no there wasn't any h.p. going on for those who just gotta wonder!!



UncleMTB said:


> ...Who knows but as I posted above, whatever time I share with her will stay with me all my life...as the time spent with all my former relationships!
> 
> "It's not baggage...it's monuments and momento's of a life lived as well as one can".
> 
> ...


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## kronik (Feb 6, 2005)

ArmySlowRdr said:


> I really really like your viewpoint. That is why I will always relish the time I spent talking to this lady I met in Iraq---and see nothing "wrong" w/ continuing to be good friends through email and maybe more someday----but no pressure--I am not free and technically speaking neither is she based on the country she's from.
> 
> But the time we spend will always be cherished no matter what. And who knows what the future holds... but know I wasn't looking to flirt or be friendly to just one over there--nothing was forced--as they say--sometimes things just do happen---And there is always a reason for it and is meant to be...and no there wasn't any h.p. going on for those who just gotta wonder!!


3 words:

Mail order brides.

PS: it's probably a bloke.


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## EJ_92606 (Jul 11, 2004)

s1ngletrack said:


> Maybe this is for pragmatic reasons. Guys who MTB are available - a dime a dozen. Women who MTB are not.


This is true....still looking ;-)


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## kawboy8 (May 5, 2004)

Marry me. ...that's my advice. lol



redrott said:


> Whoa!!!! Thanks for all the responses!
> Ill try to respond to a few:
> wooglin: You are sooo right - my plan was not to date for at LEAST 6 months so I could get my wits about me, learn to be single again, etc. This was kinda just dumped on me.
> 
> ...


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## peanut09 (Apr 13, 2005)

All you need to do is post up about yourself and see what happens the following is my example:
SWF 5' 9" 28years old loves Mt. biking, 4 wheeling(built up 03 Rubicon), camping, golf, football and my two dogs. Currently living alone in Colorado springs and learning how to ride clipped in on my new Jekyll with a Lefty LOL  Looking for SM with similar interests!


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## scrublover (Dec 30, 2003)

Nothing new to add, other than to agree with a few points. 

For the girls who ride, and want to date a guy who rides? The numbers are so skewed in their favor it's not even funny. Go to nearly any big riding spot and you'll see this. 
Watch the collective IQ of the guys in the area drop alarmingly when a group of lady riders cruise by.......

FWIW, my gal has no interest in riding. But she is as passionate about running as I am about bikes. It's all about balance. I have no interest in running. We both are fine with it, and don't push one another to do something not wanted. Would it be cool if we did both activities together? Sure, but neither of us is going to push it, and risk bad feelings in the relationship. Instead, standing invites are out there: she is welcome to try riding with me (or without) anytime, and I'm welcome to go run anytime with her. I go for a ride, and she goes for her run. Often at the same time, and sometiems on the same trails. We do some snowshoeing sometimes, and she's dabbled in some rock climbing with me. Some backpacking together is in the cards as well. 

It doesn't have to be riding. Cool for you if it is, but at least look for someone passionate about something outdoors/athletic, and you will have some good times while looking. It's nice to have someone who understands WHY your cranky after not having been able to ride for a few weeks or whatever. Even if they don't ride. It's because they can relate, be it from running/surfing/kayaking whatever.


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## VA2SLOride (Feb 17, 2005)

It's amazing that we all seem to, in one way, shape or form, have the same set of issues surrounding the opposite sex and our sport.....and reading this has put things in perspective with my own relationship. Great thread....I'm just happy that I now realize that I'm not nearly as neurotic than I previously imagined.....who needs therapy when the internet is available at the touch of a button....


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## redrott (Jan 21, 2004)

Well, 
Just got back from a 3-day weekend and read all the responses. Some great advice here! I think VA2SLOride summed it up best: just finding out that I am not the only one out there in this predicament helps a lot. And y'all are a lot cheaper than going for therapy.


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## STrackMike (Jan 6, 2004)

*my 2 cents*



redrott said:


> Well,
> Just got back from a 3-day weekend and read all the responses. Some great advice here! I think VA2SLOride summed it up best: just finding out that I am not the only one out there in this predicament helps a lot. And y'all are a lot cheaper than going for therapy.


This is not meant to be spam or advertising for a site, but....... www.eharmony.com did actually work for me. I found someone who understands me. She is actually a roadie!  
But we joke about going mtb'ing. I'm going to build her a bike to ride and told her we will see how it goes, no pressure. If it doesn't work out that she won't ride mtb's, no biggie. She still supports me admantly in my passion and understands my need to do it. To me it's more important to have someone that is willing to understand me. I still feel a bit guilty every time I ride and leave her at home though.


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## OldSchool (Dec 22, 2003)

*Nice story. Who's the date?*

Heya Tim,

Nice to read from ya. I lurk here from time to time, but I have really gotten into photography. I still ride all the time. I just spend more time on the photography boards.

Hey Tim.... How you doing? I heard that you are out on disability. I see that you have been riding. I hope that it all healed up properly.

Cheers bro,
Tim


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## UncleMTB (Jan 13, 2004)

*Tipi Headron's part is...*



oldschool said:


> Heya Tim,
> 
> Nice to read from ya. I lurk here from time to time, but I have really gotten into photography. I still ride all the time. I just spend more time on the photography boards.
> 
> ...


...obvious, the date was Rod Taylor! or was it Heathcliff...
I get them mixied up!...those memories are slightly clouded  .

As for the other...Scabbed over was more like it...but under that it has healed fine.
The good news is that "Diet attitude and excersize are the therapy" and since there is no cure...I'll just have to keep after it!  
I'll e-you about it...
Tim(has a singletrack mind seeking out pathways to linger on, with no hurry to reach a destination )


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## Devinci (Apr 24, 2005)

Redrott, get a guy that rides! He'll be the luckiest SOB! And you will build a stronger relation too. My girlriend doesnt understand my need to be so active and it brings many arguments... If I ever get single again, you bet I will try to find a girl that rides or at least is very active.


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## BikeAddict (Feb 8, 2004)

*Food for thought*

This is too irrestible of a thread to pass up. After reading all 50 of the posts, I can say to many of the women out there that I hear ya, as a fellow single female rider addicted to the sport. However, unlike the other riders who think there are plenty of male mnt bikers out there to date, I'd beg to differ. Well then again I guess it all depends on what your standards are. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of awsome guys out there who mnt bike, but it is slim to none to find one who shares a passion for God more than his passion to mnt bike. I'm not talking about the Sunday Christian who thinks religion is just about rules and "being good" but the one who has an earnest desire to know God and have a relationship with Him, reading His word, praying, etc and you can tell that his Faith is a HUGE priority in his life. Now combine those two passions and I guarantee your odds are slim to none. The point of the matter is (if you are still reading this) is that while mnt biking is an AWSOME hobbie, it is only temporary. (I have to keep reminding myself that too.) Afterall, In the flash of an eye an accident could happen, leave you injured and take all you love away. By all means, seek out someone who shares your love, but keep in mind, would your passion for that person be just as feverent if they could no longer share your passion for the outdoors? Just some food for thought.

Well I thought I'd spark up some controversy by mentioning one of the three taboos: religion. This post is a week old, it's not like many people are still going to be reading it anyways. While I'm at it, I might as well excommunicate myself from the mnt bike community by mentioning the other taboo of politics and say that I don't think George Bush is doing that bad of a job... from a moral point of view... finally a person who actually takes a stand for what he believes in. And as far as the last taboo; money, I don't have it so there is not much to talk about there. Isn't biking great?!! You can all hate me for the other stuff, but we all share the passion of mnt biking. I love how it brings people together.


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## Wherewolf (Jan 17, 2004)

*Bush believes in the wrong things*



BikeAddict said:


> I don't think George Bush is doing that bad of a job... from a moral point of view... finally a person who actually takes a stand for what he believes in.


But suppose he believes in the wrong things? Look at the threads going on right now about how many here lack health insurance. We criticize human rights abuses all over the world. But isn't health care a basic human right? And what about the new proposals to give tax credits to the oil companies, who happen to be swimming in record profits? And Bush is anti-science, and taking us back to the dark ages. If he had his way we would be a theocracy full of scientifically illiterate citizens. And the final CIA report just released debunked the entire reason for invading Iraq! That was moral? I could go on but then the thread should be moved to the appropriate forum. But you brought it up!


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## SuperNewb (Mar 6, 2004)

Marry me? jk
Give your friend a chance or keep looking. Maybe giving him the right pushes would get him more active.


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## islander (Jan 21, 2004)

xcdemon said:


> As another single MTB chick, I must add my two cents. I was out for a ride with a buddy (cat 2 roadie) the other day, and I asked him if his girlfriend had shown any interest in riding. He looked at me like I was absolutely nuts, and told me no way, he needs time for himself. Plus, can you imagine how frustrating that would be for him? So... I'd like find someone with a HOBBY. If it happens to match and we can ride together, great... but if you and he are both racing, he's going to wipe the trails with you every single ride. So share the passion, but don't necessarily ride together all the time. But if they're just going to sit around the house and get mad when you don't show up for five or six hours (or a few days, whatever), you're pretty much headed for disaster.


There's truth in that account. I mean, a guy who plays ice hockey or soccer won't expect his S.O/ to start playing that sport too - it's his time, and when he gets home he's happy to see his wife and have together-time, so why should an mtb'er ask this of their S.O. Works best if the SO has her own hobby too (ie maybe she likes swimming or field hockey), and if there's a hobby you both enjoy together (not necessarily a sport).

The caveat here is for the OCD mtb'ers who live, eat, breath mtb 24/7. You have no other interests of any significance and you wouldn't even consider booking a vacation that didn't involve the bike. If you fall into this category, you need to find an S.O. who's an mtb'er and one who's doing it at a similar level if the relationship is going to last.

M


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## Master Shake (Mar 6, 2005)

BikeAddict said:


> ...how hard it is to find a man...


 Oh I feel ya sister. I've been looking for a man too and whoooo girl it is rough out there! Do you know how hard it is to find a stong, man who truly understands what it means love the church as well as how great it is to be out in nature on a bike? I need someone that can spend lots of time in & appreciating nature and understand that it's simply all here for our consumption. It's all about us.

And morals, sista! No kidding! All these amoral MTBers always talking about how killing other people is wrong, and helping out your less fortunate neighbor even if he is different than you, and going on and on about enjoying the life we have here & all that about resposibility to the natural world... they're all a bunch of Godless hippies. I need a man who can love me at night and repent in the morning.

And the President! You know it! Nowadays we have to know, above all else, how the president is doing, morally. Morals are everything, and we Christians know Morals like no one else in the world. Did you know that our religion invented morals? It's true! Our church says the republicans are always right, so our president must be a great christian man. He sure does say God a lot. Still, I can't get over this nagging feeling somewhere that someone told me (which is how all my morals are formed) that jumping to a conclusion before facts are in, then trying to find a shred of evidence to support your conclusion, then making a decision, ignoring the peer review process, ignoring most of the world's demands that you take a closer look at facts, and killings tens & possibly hundreds of thousands of people, & then not admitting you were wrong or apologizing for your mistake is somehow at odds with our morals. Ah that's where I heard it! Science class. That's the opposite of the way science works. Ah, then it must be right! That evil science, always *learning* and gaining *insight* and *knowledge*... and warning us of self-defeating behaviour. The gall, pretending anyone actually knows anything. I certainly don't and I love myself. It's all about belief and love.


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## Paul B (Jan 13, 2004)

Way to let a thoughtful topic spin out of control, Master Shake.

p.


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## GT2005 (Mar 23, 2005)

*Photography boards*

What photography boards are you on? Thanks!



oldschool said:


> Heya Tim,
> 
> Nice to read from ya. I lurk here from time to time, but I have really gotten into photography. I still ride all the time. I just spend more time on the photography boards.
> 
> ...


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## Wherewolf (Jan 17, 2004)

*Who "let" it spin out of control?*



Paul B said:


> Way to let a thoughtful topic spin out of control, Master Shake.





BikeAddict said:


> Well I thought I'd spark up some controversy by mentioning one of the three taboos: religion.... politics and ... money... You can all hate me...


Who "let" it spin out of control?


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## Paul B (Jan 13, 2004)

Wherewolf said:


> Who "let" it spin out of control?


Even though I agree with the politics of the post (and your post in particular), flaming someone's politics is off-topic and unnecessary to the thread's point. I'd move those posts to forum 88 if I was this board's moderator.

p.


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## Wherewolf (Jan 17, 2004)

*She injected politics into the discussion*



Paul B said:


> Even though I agree with the politics of the post (and your post in particular), flaming someone's politics is off-topic and unnecessary to the thread's point. I'd move those posts to forum 88 if I was this board's moderator.p.


Can you not read? *She * injected politics into the discussion and she even admitted it might cause some controversy! If she can state her opinion of Bush so can others. Merely responding with my opinion, which is counter to hers, is not flaming. Otherwise your post is flaming me. Believe me, it would be really easy to flame her with regard to both politics and religion. However, I clearly stated "but then the thread should be moved to the appropriate forum". So if my post gets removed then so must hers.


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## glenzx (Dec 19, 2003)

BikeAddict said:


> This is too irrestible of a thread to pass up.


Indeed! It's been fun, real, and interesting to be sure.



BikeAddict said:


> After reading all 50 of the posts, I can say to many of the women out there that I hear ya, as a fellow single female rider addicted to the sport. However, unlike the other riders who think there are plenty of male mnt bikers out there to date, I'd beg to differ. Well then again I guess it all depends on what your standards are. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of awsome guys out there who mnt bike, but it is slim to none to find one who shares a passion for God more than his passion to mnt bike. I'm not talking about the Sunday Christian who thinks religion is just about rules and "being good" but the one who has an earnest desire to know God and have a relationship with Him, reading His word, praying, etc and you can tell that his Faith is a HUGE priority in his life. Now combine those two passions and I guarantee your odds are slim to none. The point of the matter is (if you are still reading this) is that while mnt biking is an AWSOME hobbie, it is only temporary. (I have to keep reminding myself that too.) Afterall, In the flash of an eye an accident could happen, leave you injured and take all you love away. By all means, seek out someone who shares your love, but keep in mind, would your passion for that person be just as feverent if they could no longer share your passion for the outdoors? Just some food for thought.


OK, passion begets passion and all, I suppose. A little cruel/judgemental ("...I'm not talking about the Sunday Christian...") but seems more or less in line. Still relevant here, _but then;_



BikeAddict said:


> I don't think George Bush is doing that bad of a job... from a moral point of view... finally a person who actually takes a stand for what he believes in.


Now why bring this in here? I sure wish the folks I know who share 'non-traditional' relationships were'nt treated as _moral second-class citizens_, given that they're among the brighter, more productive & creative, friendly and genuinely lovely human beings out there. Funny how I connected the original thread/post with this weird loop about relationships and *gulp*, politics, but the disparity virtually lept off the screen at me with the above _(edit:_ statement_(s))._ I know at heart America is a puritanical sort of place, founded by a group of hearty nutjobs that were persecuted because they were so religous (gross simplification here, I know) and didn't fit the societal mold for said fervor. I suspect it's part of the reason this country is (conceptually, albeit) so accepting of all types. I'll leave it there.


BikeAddict said:


> You can all hate me for the other stuff, but we all share the passion of mnt biking.


You said it - hate - not anyone else here. Sad to think your assumption is that if we/you/others disagree then it equals hate. Very sad.



BikeAddict said:


> I love how it brings people together.


Nice try! After driving a political/religous wedge into a lively, entertaining thread, and respectful discussion, seems trite to me. Sorry.


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## gonzostrike (Jan 3, 2004)

DWF said:


> I can't believe I getting sucked into this. It's not "weak" for that simple fact that she's been in a relationship with someone who wasn't physically active and now feels that shared physical activity is important to her. If she finds someone who's more compatible with her needs/wants/desires/whatever, her relationship will last longer.
> 
> Look at it this way: you just left a long term relationship. You find out some nice person has a crush on you, but unfortunately personal & dental hygiene never made to their list of things to do. You prefer sweet breath and minimal toe-jam; you gonna' enter that relationship anyways? Hell no! You're going to hold out for someone with pearly whites and soap-on-rope around their neck!


you funny guy and you wise too. hee haw.


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## gonzostrike (Jan 3, 2004)

kronik said:


> most women do not have hobbies.


wrong.

most women have such mundane hobbies as:

shopping
putting on make up
thinking about new "hairstyles"
talking on the cell phone and land line phone for untold hours
gossiping
shopping
and
shopping


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## gonzostrike (Jan 3, 2004)

Impy said:


> What the hell is a strop?
> 
> Are you just hurt from previous relationships or just not into women? I mean, really. Your hate and vitriol come right on through.


sarcasm is a fine tool for some jobs, and for this one it's spot-on.

sadly, I could say also that these are the hobbies of MOST men I know:

watching TV
talking about "sports" and citing to statistics etc. as if it's really meaningful like philosophy or government
drinking beer
getting fat
eating food
thinking about naked women
thinking about sex
thinking about sex with naked women
hunting/fishing
watching TV
drinking beer


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## jasonwa2 (Oct 28, 2004)

BikeAddict said:


> This is too irrestible of a thread to pass up. After reading all 50 of the posts, I can say to many of the women out there that I hear ya, as a fellow single female rider addicted to the sport. However, unlike the other riders who think there are plenty of male mnt bikers out there to date, I'd beg to differ. Well then again I guess it all depends on what your standards are. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of awsome guys out there who mnt bike, but it is slim to none to find one who shares a passion for God more than his passion to mnt bike. I'm not talking about the Sunday Christian who thinks religion is just about rules and "being good" but the one who has an earnest desire to know God and have a relationship with Him, reading His word, praying, etc and you can tell that his Faith is a HUGE priority in his life. Now combine those two passions and I guarantee your odds are slim to none. The point of the matter is (if you are still reading this) is that while mnt biking is an AWSOME hobbie, it is only temporary. (I have to keep reminding myself that too.) Afterall, In the flash of an eye an accident could happen, leave you injured and take all you love away. By all means, seek out someone who shares your love, but keep in mind, would your passion for that person be just as feverent if they could no longer share your passion for the outdoors? Just some food for thought.
> 
> Well I thought I'd spark up some controversy by mentioning one of the three taboos: religion. This post is a week old, it's not like many people are still going to be reading it anyways. While I'm at it, I might as well excommunicate myself from the mnt bike community by mentioning the other taboo of politics and say that I don't think George Bush is doing that bad of a job... from a moral point of view... finally a person who actually takes a stand for what he believes in. And as far as the last taboo; money, I don't have it so there is not much to talk about there. Isn't biking great?!! You can all hate me for the other stuff, but we all share the passion of mnt biking. I love how it brings people together.


Bless you in your search for that man that takes god seriously in his life, who is a good judge of character(such as yourself). Once you find that man, it will not be hard for you to convince him to ride a bike, if he has any balls(excuse my language).
If i wasnt married, i would be all over you, you sexy thang.(note...no pic/age required for me to see that you are sexy)


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## santa_cruzer (Mar 22, 2005)

Hi


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## brianthebiker (Nov 1, 2005)

redrott said:


> Whoa!!!! Thanks for all the responses!
> Ill try to respond to a few:
> wooglin: You are sooo right - my plan was not to date for at LEAST 6 months so I could get my wits about me, learn to be single again, etc. This was kinda just dumped on me.
> 
> ...


I was just reading some of the archives and came across your thread, and am curious how things turned out for you 8 months on.


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## hardtail05 (Oct 11, 2005)

jasonwa2 said:


> Bless you in your search for that man that takes god seriously in his life,


My roomate is a MTB girl (who also posts here) and I would prolly date her, but we are at odds over religion. That issue seems to be more important in my mind then mountain bike compatability. She has a BF who is the same as she is (as far as religion) but they do have issues with her mountain biking and he loves basketball. I don't have a problem posting this (assuming she sees it), becouse we have talked about it many times. She could prolly find tons of guys localy around here who share both her religious views and her Mountain biking passion. If they ever break up (seems likely), won't be me, though. She is a good friend and I am crazy about her, but we have such different views of the universe. Women do have much better odds at finding a biking partner then men (at least around here). Such is life...
(sorry to revive old thread, this just hit home is all...)


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## Joe Dirt (Nov 20, 2005)

hardtail05 said:


> My roomate is a MTB girl (who also posts here) and I would prolly date her, but we are at odds over religion. That issue seems to be more important in my mind then mountain bike compatability. She has a BF who is the same as she is (as far as religion) but they do have issues with her mountain biking and he loves basketball. I don't have a problem posting this (assuming she sees it), becouse we have talked about it many times. She could prolly find tons of guys localy around here who share both her religious views and her Mountain biking passion. If they ever break up (seems likely), won't be me, though. She is a good friend and I am crazy about her, but we have such different views of the universe. Women do have much better odds at finding a biking partner then men (at least around here). Such is life...
> (sorry to revive old thread, this just hit home is all...)


Can I have her number? lol


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## rb_daniel (Aug 25, 2005)

i don't think that you have to necessarily hold out for a mountain biker, but at least someone you can share some sort of outdoor adventures with. i got a divorce in june, after five years of marriage, so i'm in a similar situation. it's been very nice to just enjoy myself, and get back into the things that make me happy. i've started riding a lot more, going to the climbing gym (no rocks in FL), and doing art again. don't be in any hurry to get serious again. i know that as i continue to do the things that make me happy, i'll attract someone with similar interests. and i'm only 27, so i have plenty of time. 

my ex-wife didn't share any of these interests with me. we took a vacation once to the asheville area, and agreed that we would camp for two nights in pisgah, and then stay in a hotel in asheville. so we set up camp, made dinner, roasted marshmallows, and it was great. then it got dark and we got in the tent. she got scared, freaked out, and we had to sleep in the car. went to the hotel the next night, and just visited every shop in asheville. we didn't do anything i like to do on a vacation, and that's pretty much how every trip was. so that will definitely be important to me when choosing my next girlfriend.


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## zenmonkey (Nov 21, 2004)

*8 MONTH OLD THREAD DEAD THREAD DEAD THREAD DEAD THREAD DEAD THREAD DEAD THREAD*


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## brianthebiker (Nov 1, 2005)

zenmonkey said:


> *8 MONTH OLD THREAD DEAD THREAD DEAD THREAD DEAD THREAD DEAD THREAD DEAD THREAD*


Did you read my original post? _* I was just reading some of the archives and came across your thread, and am curious how things turned out for you 8 months on.*_

Next time take some time to read before posting.


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## hardtail05 (Oct 11, 2005)

brianthebiker said:


> Did you read my original post? _* I was just reading some of the archives and came across your thread, and am curious how things turned out for you 8 months on.*_
> 
> Next time take some time to read before posting.


and I didn't realize how old it was till after I posted 

BTW outdoor girls are seriously in demand around here


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## zenmonkey (Nov 21, 2004)

brianthebiker said:


> Did you read my original post? _* I was just reading some of the archives and came across your thread, and am curious how things turned out for you 8 months on.*_
> 
> Next time take some time to read before posting.


 Yes Brian, I read yours and the two blokes after you. Notice that I posted after the two blokes, notice i did not quote you, now take underwear & pull, feel less bunched-up? Gooood.


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## polariss (Jan 12, 2004)

*You know what I need...*

I need a guy to spark the need to go mtb in me again. To be active again. 
I used to mtb, kayak, rock climb....now I do nothing (oh wait I've learned to horse back ride....ultimate dark side). I need a guy that rides so he can take me out again. And I can go my own pace...no pressure...I don't have to ride with him all the time but every now and then- or go camping-rock climbing- go on mini adventures. I just need a guy...haha.

QUOTE=redrott]Hey everyone,
Kinda weird question here. I was wondering how many of you single folk would make sure your next serious love interest rode or was as active as you were in other activities. I am a female who just left a long term relationship (for many reasons) with a guy who didn't ride or participate in many outdoor sports. When I met him, I didn't so much either, but then the MTB racing bug bit me (5-6 yrs ago) and now I race at a pretty high level and ride/race all the time. So Id be out on trips every weekend with my friends/competitors and their husbands/BFs who also ride/race and always felt like I was single. This really bothered me.

Now I see that many GUYS who race/ride a lot have stay at home wives that do not accompany them on their numerous summer (and winter - skiing) adventures but I figure that there are so (relatively) few REALLY active women that guys don't really have the options that women do. As a single, very active, hangs with the boys in many sports type of girl, I figure I should be able to hook up with a very active guy. I am willing to cut back or even quit racing but I know that I will need to replace this time w/ time spent doing something equally active.

Soooo - my dilemma (sorry to be so long-winded): I come to find out that a much less active friend has had a crush on me for the last 5! yrs but didn't want to wreck the relationship I was already in so never acted on it. We have some other things in common and he is a great guy and there is (now) some physical attraction on my part as well but, I wonder if I could do better?!? That sounds so harsh - I guess by better, I mean more compatible - ie willing to spend weekend days riding/hiking/skiing for 8 hrs like I like to!

What would y'all do?????? 

Thanks!!![/QUOTE]


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## ArmySlowRdr (Dec 19, 2003)

*wished*

i could do 4 u--if only i were freeeee. hahahaha. just kidding.  maria hope u r getting along well. u really should get back on the bike. btw--I retire after 20 yrs in the Army in Feb. I'll be off to Texas to job hunt (hopefully something GS).



polariss said:


> I need a guy to spark the need to go mtb in me again. To be active again.
> I used to mtb, kayak, rock climb....now I do nothing (oh wait I've learned to horse back ride....ultimate dark side). I need a guy that rides so he can take me out again. And I can go my own pace...no pressure...I don't have to ride with him all the time but every now and then- or go camping-rock climbing- go on mini adventures. I just need a guy...haha.


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## Boogie Van (Nov 19, 2005)

Hi Redrott,

I know you are going to get a ton of replies on your thread but I hope you take the time to read this one from a guy who has been through it before.

Several relationships ago I was an active and accomplished racer who spent 3-4 hours each weekday after work and several hours each weekend training. Also I went out of town a few times per month for races. In between work, training and races I had to fit in a girlfriend. While I cared for her very much she did know before we started to date that this was an important part of my life and not one that I had any intention of stopping any time soon. She did not have an active lifestyle that I had. 

Well the relationship continued but I continually got guilt trips as to why I was not spending more time with her and her family. I did spend every minute I had with her and her family and outside them did not have much of an active “social life”. Well the constant guilt trips allowed things to build and over time the relationship started to collapse and ended several years later.

I vowed at that point that I would not ever enter another relationship in which my partner and I did not share a significant amount of interests including being active (I don’t race anymore but am still very active in the outdoors). I think that is a very good philosophy to follow when choosing a mate as it allows you to share activities and build the bonds from there instead of leading separate lives like many people seem to do (I guess it works for some). In my opinion, if you don’t want to spend a lot of time with your mate then why are you together?

Now onto the guy/friend who has a crush on you. All I can say is DON’T DO IT BEFORE TAKING A LOT ON TIME OFF. Take several months or even a year because you are on the rebound right now and while a relationship would help you get over your old one you are in all enitirety going to be USING your friend to make yourself feel better.

Not to sound like whiner but my last relationship was with a woman that I knew as a good friend for a year while she was with someone else. We knew each other quite well and I had a tremendous amount of respect for her – yes I did like her but for obvious reasons I didn’t make those feeling known. Because of my nature I was there for her as a friend when her relationship went sour, I was someone who listened and was a “nice guy”. Months later she initiated a relationship and we started to date, and even after asking a million times if it was enough time since her breakup she always said it was. A couple of months afterwards I got a Dear John letter as I guess she could not face me to tell the news. One week I was told by her what a great and compassionate guy I was and the next week e-mailed the Dear John Letter while I was lying on a bed in a backwater south east Asian hospital having undergone emergency back surgery due to a severe accident. She had no contact with me after the accident (aside from the Dear John letter) to see how I was doing even though she knew in happened.

Once I could return home and walk again (2 months later) I talked to her to see what went wrong, (I wanted to see her face to face) her reason was that she was not ready for a relationship – that’s it. Just as my intuition said would happen and she said was not an issue when we were dating. Well guess what I thought of my old friend after that – I had completely lost respect for her.

What I am trying to say here is that she was not thinking straight and neither are you at this point so take it easy and don’t enter into anything soon. If your friend has waited 5 years he should be able to understand that it’s in your and his best interest that another few months or a year won’t be an issue. That’s the problem with relationships they sometimes end and you should expect pain when it happens, not go into denial and enter something else to relieve that pain. Take the time to think what was lacking from your previous relationship and determine what you want in the next.

As a positive case study my sister was in a very similar situation to you. Had a friend who she knew was interested in her and she was interested in him for years but due to the both of them being in relationships while the other person was single and vise versa never acted on it. Well recently she had a terrible breakup and her male friend was single at the same time but before acting they had a conversation and they both waited for 8 months before starting. Well that was 2 years ago and their relationship is very strong.

Sorry for the long winded answer/rant. I hope this helps Redrott whatever your decision is. Good luck and take care!


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

polariss said:


> I need a guy to spark the need to go mtb in me again. To be active again.
> I used to mtb, kayak, rock climb....now I do nothing (oh wait I've learned to horse back ride....ultimate dark side). I need a guy that rides so he can take me out again. And I can go my own pace...no pressure...I don't have to ride with him all the time but every now and then- or go camping-rock climbing- go on mini adventures. I just need a guy...haha.


why do you need a guy to get the spark going for mtb? That should come from within, no need to be dependent on a male to show you the way. Either you love it, or you don't. There are plenty of women riders out there, find your local club.

formica


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## billybobzia (Jan 10, 2004)

the way i figure is its all a crap shoot, you really never know whats going to happen...

long relationships change so often and people and their lifestyles and interests change too...some for the better, some not....

my wife is an exceptional person, but she isn't active anymore the way i am (she does pilates and yoga)....after we had kids she seemed to lose the spark for mtn biking even though i try to get her out every year to no avail...

that being said our relationship has evolved quite a bit too, for the better....but in 10 years from now, who knows what we will be like..


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## ArmySlowRdr (Dec 19, 2003)

*my theory..*

is a case of the blues-- i know in my case my spouse does not care about cycling nor do I for her idea of fun. i yearn for someone on occasion more attuned to do what i do--sometimes i simply get the blahs and get inactive myself. i think thats why i resemble someone as if on the yoyo diet.

so P likely doesnt have to have someone to get active-----but----it sure would be lots mo fun



formica said:


> why do you need a guy to get the spark going for mtb? That should come from within, no need to be dependent on a male to show you the way. Either you love it, or you don't. There are plenty of women riders out there, find your local club.
> 
> formica


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## LyNx (Oct 26, 2004)

Well dead thread and all, it's still an interesting one and speaks to me.

You're right that it's easier for a gal to find an active guy than a guy to find an active gal. I suffer from this problem also, which is only compounded by the fact that this island is so small. I don't even bother anymore if I can't find someone who is active, my future SO (if there ever is one) must be active in some way and more preferably in the same sport/activities as myself. The whole dating thign seems to get harder as you get older, farless if you are in a "small segment market" like MTBing. anyways here's hoping for all of us who would like a SO who shares in our passion. I know there's hope as I ride with quite a few married couples, so I'll keep an eye out while enjoying my MTBing.


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## TrekFan (Apr 21, 2005)

if you were a blue footed booby, choosing a mate would be an easy task. just imagine yourself as a blue footed booby...


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## CraigH (Dec 22, 2003)

LyNx said:


> You're right that it's easier for a gal to find an active guy than a guy to find an active gal.


Not necessarily, you just have to expand your search a little.

Years ago I was single, but was looking for more outdoor/active type people to do stuff with. All of my old friends were married and busy having kids so they couldn't do the stuff we used to do.

I joined a couple of local ski/social clubs and eventually met my wife there. Just get out there and participate, there are lots of people to meet.

She wasn't a serious cyclist when we met, but she was into outdoor stuff & had ridden a lot as a kid.

A few rides and she was addicted. 3 bikes now and most of our vacations are based around cycling.


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## Duncan! (Jan 15, 2004)

*HOLY LOSER BAIT, BATMAN ... *

Anyone else feeling needy? D.


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## dyst0pia (Nov 11, 2005)

Boogie Van said:


> Hi Redrott,
> 
> I know you are going to get a ton of replies on your thread but I hope you take the time to read this one from a guy who has been through it before.


She did get a ton of replies...8 months ago...


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## Boogie Van (Nov 19, 2005)

dyst0pia said:


> She did get a ton of replies...8 months ago...


I noticed that afterwards - thanks for being so anal and pointing that out!


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## Gregg K (Jan 12, 2004)

*If you ever travel to Oregon, I'll go riding with you.*

Biking is one of my loves. I'm single. Good looking. Done well enough that I don't work. Have a great place near some trails. Would love to have someone to go on a ride with.

But I'm not looking for a relationship. I guess I'm just happy being single. Besides, you know about the internet horror stories.

My realtor was over, yesterday. And she demanded that I get out and do something with humans. There just aren't that many Americans who love biking. And I'll be damned if I'm going to sing in some freaking church choir.

Well, anyways, that's it for me. Good luck.


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## LyNx (Oct 26, 2004)

CraigH said:


> Not necessarily, you just have to expand your search a little.


Pretty hard to do when all you've got is 21 x 14 miles of island, but hopefully in the near future it'll get expanded to Western Canada.


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## ibanezrg520kid (Oct 27, 2005)

mabye he is really active....just under the sheets. hmm...he could be active/buring calories in ways you aren't mabye being creative enough?? haha nah i'm just kidding!


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## CraigH (Dec 22, 2003)

You're back in Oregon? I thought you had moved to Northern California.


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## CraigH (Dec 22, 2003)

I can see how that would limit the selection set.


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## Lutarious (Feb 8, 2005)

*Hiding in plain sight*

I was just emerging from a period of no-girlfriend after a very bad relationship nearly killed my faith in humanity. Minding my own business, not hitting on anyone, honestly, I was just saying hello and being friendly when I met my current girlfriend on a ride.

Going on three years, and we still ride together, in addition to the rest of what makes us both extremely happy together.


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## ArmySlowRdr (Dec 19, 2003)

*hey*

a tip--better make sure you both are just very or very, very happy--extreme is a bit much--you know the old folks saying about too much of a good thing--ha ha



Lutarious said:


> I was just emerging from a period of no-girlfriend after a very bad relationship nearly killed my faith in humanity. Minding my own business, not hitting on anyone, honestly, I was just saying hello and being friendly when I met my current girlfriend on a ride.
> 
> Going on three years, and we still ride together, in addition to the rest of what makes us both extremely happy together.


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## polariss (Jan 12, 2004)

*you got me all wrong*



formica said:


> why do you need a guy to get the spark going for mtb? That should come from within, no need to be dependent on a male to show you the way. Either you love it, or you don't. There are plenty of women riders out there, find your local club.
> 
> formica


Formica- it's not that i NEED a guy...but if I were to start dating one, I'd like one who'd keep me motavated...or who make me go out and do it...rather than let my bikes gather dust. I'm also not dependant on women...I don't need to go ride with them either. When I was mtn biking, I'd go by myself all the time! But right now i"m like blah....
and I live in Costa Rica....not too many women clubs out here (that I know of)....I still have to find Jaco and ride with him....


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