# Witty responses...



## dirtcrab (Feb 4, 2004)

Help me come up with some witty responses for when idiot guys (not man bashing, but it's ALWAYS a guy) come up behind me while I'm grunting up a long steep climb standing on my single speed and he makes some comment about how I should be seated on a climb to conserve energy and be more efficient. Well duh! Thanks for your brilliant insight.

"I'm riding a single speed" (which always shuts them up) just doesn't quite put them in their place enough. 

The only other one I can think of is:

"You know… you're right. You wouldn't happen to have an extra derailleur and shifter pod in your CamelBak, would you?"

Help me come up with some more so I can embarrass these know-it-all types with a little more style.


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

dirtcrab said:


> Help me come up with some witty responses for when idiot guys (not man bashing, but it's ALWAYS a guy) come up behind me while I'm grunting up a long steep climb standing on my single speed and he makes some comment about how I should be seated on a climb to conserve energy and be more efficient. Well duh! Thanks for your brilliant insight.
> "
> 
> Help me come up with some more so I can embarrass these know-it-all types with a little more style.


I can't believe a complete stranger would offer unsolicited advice like that...

I don't know how brilliant these are but I'll take a whack at it:

I don't have any gears. Do you have any you could spare?

Excuse me, did you say something?

Real women ride singlespeeds

Don't you wish you could do this?

okay, next......


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## SueB (Mar 16, 2004)

Okay, how about this (sorry guys, this IS the women's lounge!) "It's this damn feminine itch, I just can't sit down". That should embarrass them!


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## crashedandburned (Jan 9, 2004)

*God, I'm gonna get flamed for this but....*

If I'm riding behind a good looking rider of the female gender and she stands up to pedal, I don't think I would tell her to sit down!


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## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

*Cross Post in Singlespeed*

They always have a lot to say in their defense.
Other than that I generally ignore people who tell me how to ride unless I ask for advice.


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## dirtcrab (Feb 4, 2004)

SueB said:


> Okay, how about this (sorry guys, this IS the women's lounge!) "It's this damn feminine itch, I just can't sit down". That should embarrass them!


That's a GREAT one!


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## dirtcrab (Feb 4, 2004)

crashedandburned said:


> If I'm riding behind a good looking rider of the female gender and she stands up to pedal, I don't think I would tell her to sit down!


What if she's a fat cow? Do you moo or make other barn animal sounds and then tell her she should be sitting when she climbs?


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

OMG! I can't even think of what to type. That is SO awesome! I have tears in my eyes from not wanting to laugh aloud and wake the kids!


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

SueB said:


> Okay, how about this (sorry guys, this IS the women's lounge!) "It's this damn feminine itch, I just can't sit down". That should embarrass them!


LOL, how about, I have this yeast infection that's really annoying....


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

Not sure what I would say. I've never had anybody give that sort of advice on the trail, but I have had people comment on my rigid SS. 

When I'm climbing on my ss I need all the air I can get and a long response would kill me. I'd just ask, "Got a spare derailleur?"


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

Mooooo! Sit Doooowwwnnn!


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

*SSeriously*

By all means, point out the fact that you're riding SS. Explain that standing IS one of the unofficial gears on a SS.

Or at the top, offer to trade bikes, and ask him to demonstrate. If he relents, bat your eyelashes and go, "Pleeeeze?? Pretty please?? I would WUV to wurn, please show me how! Bikes are SOO com-pwi-kated." Then pout and let your bottom lip quiver as your eyes fill with tears.

Okay, maybe don't go quite that far. But definitely ask him to demonstrate on the SS.


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## dirtcrab (Feb 4, 2004)

Christine said:


> By all means, point out the fact that you're riding SS. Explain that standing IS one of the unofficial gears on a SS.
> 
> Or at the top, offer to trade bikes, and ask him to demonstrate. If he relents, bat your eyelashes and go, "Pleeeeze?? Pretty please?? I would WUV to wurn, please show me how! Bikes are SOO com-pwi-kated." Then pout and let your bottom lip quiver as your eyes fill with tears.
> 
> Okay, maybe don't go quite that far. But definitely ask him to demonstrate on the SS.


I think somewhere in my conversation with him today (while I was gasping for air) I did mumble something to the effect of, "Shift into your middle ring and your middle cog and see how long you can climb seated" and then mumbled under my breath "ass****". Again, not very witty. ;-)


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

dirtcrab said:


> Help me come up with some witty responses


say "thanks, but I only have two speeds - sitting and standing"

or

"is that how You climb on your singlespeed?"


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## jrm (Jan 12, 2004)

*Ignore um..*

[Not agknowledging them or their comments is more rejecting then any response...


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## jl (Feb 23, 2004)

OK, I'll play along--

How about, 'I like to sit down, conserve my energy and be efficient with other activities in my life. I'll let you decide what those (activities) might be.'


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

Just thought of another one:

"I'd sit but I just can't seem to be able to downshift"


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## aosty (Jan 7, 2004)

"My ass is really sore."





dirtcrab said:


> Help me come up with some witty responses for when idiot guys (not man bashing, but it's ALWAYS a guy) come up behind me while I'm grunting up a long steep climb standing on my single speed and he makes some comment about how I should be seated on a climb to conserve energy and be more efficient. Well duh! Thanks for your brilliant insight.
> 
> "I'm riding a single speed" (which always shuts them up) just doesn't quite put them in their place enough.
> 
> ...


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## MallieD (Apr 11, 2004)

maybe..."standing keeps my tampon string from chafing"!


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## CycleMainiac (Jan 12, 2004)

LMAO!!!! What a great thread. I got one


"Sitting is for sissy's, gears too!"


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## Pirate Girl (Dec 19, 2003)

1) So that must mean you sit down to pee, right?

2) Sorry, I'm having trouble straddling anything today after last night's love fest.


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## poacher (Jul 1, 2003)

*nice*



Impy said:


> say "thanks, but I only have two speeds - sitting and standing"
> 
> or
> 
> "is that how You climb on your singlespeed?"


good ones Impy!

I usually pass them, that shuts them up!


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## dirtcrab (Feb 4, 2004)

Impy said:


> Just thought of another one:
> 
> "I'd sit but I just can't seem to be able to downshift"


heh heh... or

"It's weird, it's like my gears aren't working!"

Edit:

I just visualized having this conversation with some know-it-all out on the trail who makes a comment and I come back with "It's weird, it's like my gears aren't working"... so moron know-it-all offers to pull over and take a look at the problem and I agree to it... we pull over and he turns red in embarrassment. That would be classic!


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## dirtcrab (Feb 4, 2004)

CycleMainiac said:


> LMAO!!!! What a great thread. I got one
> 
> "Sitting is for sissy's, gears too!"


LOL... that's a good one.


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## Spike (Dec 30, 2003)

*This has happened more than once?!*

I can't imagine strangers offering unsolicited advice while you're riding! I think I give off an unapproachable air, a don't mess with me look of pain perhaps, and don't usually make eye contact with anyone when I'm killing myself up a climb. Strangers don't try to "help" me like that.

My comeback style is more "if looks could kill" than a witty retort. I'd just look at them with a "I can't believe you just said that to me, you doofus!" look on my face and continue on. I might be able to grunt out "screw efficiency..pant..pant...single speed" if I really felt the need to point out their cluelessness. Ha, not a very stylish retort, sorry! 

Spike



dirtcrab said:


> Help me come up with some witty responses for when idiot guys (not man bashing, but it's ALWAYS a guy) come up behind me while I'm grunting up a long steep climb standing on my single speed and he makes some comment about how I should be seated on a climb to conserve energy and be more efficient. Well duh! Thanks for your brilliant insight.
> 
> "I'm riding a single speed" (which always shuts them up) just doesn't quite put them in their place enough.
> 
> ...


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## dirtcrab (Feb 4, 2004)

Spike said:


> I can't imagine strangers offering unsolicited advice while you're riding! I think I give off an unapproachable air, a don't mess with me look of pain perhaps, and don't usually make eye contact with anyone when I'm killing myself up a climb. Strangers don't try to "help" me like that.
> 
> My comeback style is more "if looks could kill" than a witty retort. I'd just look at them with a "I can't believe you just said that to me, you doofus!" look on my face and continue on. I might be able to grunt out "screw efficiency..pant..pant...single speed" if I really felt the need to point out their cluelessness. Ha, not a very stylish retort, sorry!
> 
> Spike


Yes, it's happened twice that I can remember... and then there was last week (very long story that involves a rescue helicopter, but I don't have time to go into that right now) - something similar but not to my face.


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

poacher said:


> good ones Impy!
> 
> I usually pass them, that shuts them up!


You DO usually pass them, you are fast as heck. Hey how was 24hours?


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## donkey (Jan 14, 2004)

poacher said:


> good ones Impy!
> 
> I usually pass them, that shuts them up!


Truer words were never spoken

B


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## NoDunut4U (Jul 20, 2004)

*It's not just a female phenomenon.....*

I've had fellow riders tell he the same thing, if I bother to reply at all, I usually say something like: 
"My bike only came with one gear."
"I'm already in my lowest gear".
"I'm having shifting problems today."


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

Not a witty response, but a little tidbit from today's ride. Some guy tried to keep up with me on the downhill. I was on my rigid ss, he on his swanky Ti HT with a decent fork. He pinch flats! I realize that it could have easily been the air pressure in the tires, but I thought it was kind of funny. I passed him, I hear him shift gears, he pulls along side me and we go over a ledge. Next thing I hear is pshhhhhht!


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## Dude (Jan 12, 2004)

*Ok this is simple*

I would get a kick out of this is this was ever said to me:

Chicked! and then ride on

or

I remember my first chicking

-Dude


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## AliceT55 (Apr 20, 2005)

*Only take me one....*

Just call them a wuss and tell them that you are so good that you only need one gear. Ask them how many shifts it takes them to get to the top of the hill?


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## Guital2 (Feb 4, 2005)

how bout...
Did you know it is more efficient to Shut the fLlck up while climbing.
or
Did you know its more efficient to mind your own damn businness, gears, HAHA!......pu$$y(underbreath)


Sorry for the vulgartiy,

nice thread very funny


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## Lulu (May 5, 2005)

Sorry, just passing a little gas (feminine giggle)


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## xcdemon (May 19, 2004)

*look of shock*
Where did you get a bike with GEARS? Big spender!


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## SSteel (Dec 31, 2003)

"I climb standing because I need more power to push this (much larger than yours) gear".


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## LJintheUK (Jul 21, 2004)

"( Snort of condesending amusement) I can't believe you're using gears for this little climb."
"Piles are bloody killing me."
"You obviously know very little about singlespeeds sonny"
Look over your shoulder at him and " Gearie, not worth talking to"


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## mtbcraig (Mar 17, 2005)

*Sit?*

1.) You are not that freak who told me to stick my derailer up my a$$ are you?

2.) If you don't know who I am you have not been watching enough porn lately.

3.) I only sit on even hill repeats

4.) I scared the poo out of myself on that last downhill

?
Sorry for trolling in your lounge.

Craig


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## shiggy (Dec 19, 1998)

SueB said:


> Okay, how about this (sorry guys, this IS the women's lounge!) "It's this damn feminine itch, I just can't sit down". That should embarrass them!


or just _"Wrong time of the month."_


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## shiggy (Dec 19, 1998)

_"Choices are stand or walk. I'll stand."_


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

mtbcraig said:


> 1.) You are not that freak who told me to stick my derailer up my a$$ are you?
> 
> 2.) If you don't know who I am you have not been watching enough porn lately.
> 
> ...


heh, trolling is hitting on us. ;-)
Guys are welcome here, really. Just don't ask for a date.



> 2.) If you don't know who I am you have not been watching enough porn lately.


Best one yet.


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## scrublover (Dec 30, 2003)

not gender specific at all, but swiped from a running forum:



thread on letsrun entitled "Best retaliation to getting yelled at while running" brought forth this post: 

Good one Shave. These are all good ideas but I think we're going about it the wrong way. I was running the other day and there were two kids walking towards me and I was like, oh man here it comes. Whats it gonna be this time? Nice shorts ***, run forrest run, eat a sandwhich, ya know something like that. Then it hit me. The best defense is a good offense. So then I'm like not this time. So I'm right by them and before they say anything I say, "Hey you ****in *******, **** you and your mother." They gave me a wierd look and acted like it didn't bother them but I know it burned them up inside. A couple miles later I ran in front of this car at a stoplight with an old lady in it given me the stare. I thought, "she might not say anything but then again she might." So I turned and stuck my head in the car and just yelled as loud as I could. Scared the crap out of her. I think she might have died though so don't spread that one around. Then as I was finishing up the run down the sidewalk this five year old is riding his big wheel towards me right in the middle. I'm just waiting for him to try to run me over. It was me or him and it wasn't going to be me. So as I run by I sidestep and grab the back wheel, rip it out from under him, and race off with it above my head. Best run of my life. Thats what I'm talkin about. I want people to fear me when I'm out there. I want people to say watch out for those runners man, they will mess you up. I'm doing my part, are you doing yours? 

heh. me likey.


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

Good one. I think I'll start riding with a frame pump to stick in gearies spokes...

Especially *rt*'s if she dares bring anything but her Surly to Fruita.


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## jtdbsr (May 18, 2005)

How about a simple " You have something stuck between your teeth" ?


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## Steve71 (Mar 15, 2004)

Tell them you're training to be a cage fighter.


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## *rt* (Jan 15, 2004)

*Hey! i heard that!!*



screampint said:


> Good one. I think I'll start riding with a frame pump to stick in gearies spokes...
> 
> Especially *rt*'s if she dares bring anything but her Surly to Fruita.


just as long as you don't ride by my car, stick your head in the window, and scream at the top of your lungs. if you do that then there's no telling what i might do in retaliation. 

rt


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## kawboy8 (May 5, 2004)

Ok...this is the best one. You guys are killing me...lol. Are there actually guys that say stupid **** out there?



Pirate Girl said:


> 1) So that must mean you sit down to pee, right?
> 
> 2) Sorry, I'm having trouble straddling anything today after last night's love fest.


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## Nat (Dec 30, 2003)

dirtcrab said:


> Help me come up with some witty responses for when idiot guys (not man bashing, but it's ALWAYS a guy) come up behind me while I'm grunting up a long steep climb standing on my single speed and he makes some comment about how I should be seated on a climb to conserve energy and be more efficient. Well duh! Thanks for your brilliant insight.
> 
> "I'm riding a single speed" (which always shuts them up) just doesn't quite put them in their place enough.
> 
> ...


So I'm thinking that if you have enough breath to actually say something, then you have enough breath to go faster and dust the guy. Getting bested physically would probably shut him up better than anything you could verbalize. Maybe at the top of the climb you could wait for him and say something like, "What took you so long?"


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## pacman (Jan 16, 2004)

"I don't want efficient, it makes the climb too d*** easy!"

"You could conserve energy by shuttling."


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## kawboy8 (May 5, 2004)

No asking for dates? lol


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## SHIVER ME TIMBERS (Jan 12, 2004)

oh thank you............. this is my first time


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## Rampage (Apr 26, 2005)

*Or...*

"Sorry for not staying in my seat officer (look slightly embarrassed), but I was having difficulty seeing over the bars!"


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## bad_lil_kitty (Mar 23, 2005)

MallieD said:


> maybe..."standing keeps my tampon string from chafing"!


Fn' brilliant! *bhahaaa*

All of the witicisms, bang on!!!

blk


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## marsolais (Jun 5, 2005)

Sorry when I sit down the tampon hits my G-spot and it makes it really hard to ride, but it feels real good!


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## jeffj (Jan 13, 2004)

dirtcrab said:


> Help me come up with some more so I can embarrass these know-it-all types with a little more style.


"Nancy says what?"

Repeat as necessary...

(Alice is OK too)


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