# You Know You're Over 50 When...



## chuckha62 (Jul 11, 2006)

...You go onto a mountain bike forum and talk about colonoscopies.


What else ya got? Keep em coming!


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## SWriverstone (Sep 3, 2009)

The 20- or 30-something vision you have of yourself is shattered every time you look in the mirror and see wrinkles, sagging skin, gray hair—or no hair.


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## likeaboss (Jan 1, 2012)

You pay extra for Strava so you can compare with the other old geezers.


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## likeaboss (Jan 1, 2012)

First question at the LBS is if they offer AARP discount.


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## chuckha62 (Jul 11, 2006)

likeaboss said:


> First question at the LBS is if they offer AARP discount.


Holy Crap! I never thought of that. I suspect we're not their normal target demographic, though.


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## Crankout (Jun 16, 2010)

You're not concerned about the effects of saddles on sperm count.


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## Jeffsky (Jan 12, 2016)

You wear a heart rate monitor to check for a pulse. The actual pulse rate number is secondary to just having a pulse.


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## likeaboss (Jan 1, 2012)

You find yourself thinking or saying "Damn kids" when encountering younger riders on the trail.


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## chuckha62 (Jul 11, 2006)

Crankout said:


> You're not concerned about the effects of saddles on sperm count.


Speak for yourself.


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## jeffscott (May 10, 2006)

Forgot what I was going to say.....

remembered to go to the colonoscopy though


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## Sanchofula (Dec 30, 2007)

You know you are getting old when you choose riding buddies half you age because they are willing to do stoopid stuff, like half hour hike a bike on scree


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## likeaboss (Jan 1, 2012)

When you come back from a ride you take a nap. But not too long of a nap; you don't want to miss the early bird specials.


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## DiRt DeViL (Dec 24, 2003)

You go to early rides and take Aleeve for joint pain.


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## honkinunit (Aug 6, 2004)

You go to Moab for five days and only ride three. 

You go skiing and seven runs is a good day. 

You go for a road bike ride - on the bike path.


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## honkinunit (Aug 6, 2004)

Flucod said:


> Give up on bike computers because you cannot read the screens.


Dual Eyewear Sunglasses and Bifocal Sunglasses - Official Site


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## Ericmopar (Aug 23, 2003)

No matter what saddle you try, your butt hurts.


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## ravewoofer (Dec 24, 2008)

likeaboss said:


> When you come back from a ride you take a nap. But not too long of a nap; you don't want to miss the early bird specials.


Lolz. This is my life.


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## Crankout (Jun 16, 2010)

chuckha62 said:


> Speak for yourself.


Good point! There are still some of us (not myself) who are still interested in propagating.


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## Fuzzle (Mar 31, 2015)

You are posting on the 50+ forum and making soup.


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## Lawson Raider (Jul 24, 2006)

You know you are over 50 when you spend more time at the doctor's office than the trailhead.  

Or you know you are over 50 when walkers on the trail say "On your left" before passing you while riding.


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## tductape (Mar 31, 2008)

You talk about the good old days before all these newfangled suspension products.


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## MSU Alum (Aug 8, 2009)

I can't remember that far back, but I'm 63 and cracked a rib on Captain Ahab a month ago riding with my son who is 39 years younger than me. I'm thinking a "You know you're over 80 when" thread would be appropriate!
Of course, after writing this, I went back to make sure I hadn't posted to this before....just couldn't remember that either.....hmmm.


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## Mr Pig (Jun 25, 2008)

You spend half your life wondering how you hurt your back and you try to avoid bending over because straitening up again requires planning.


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## Guest (Apr 23, 2016)

Mr Pig said:


> You spend half your life wondering how you hurt your back and you try to avoid bending over because straitening up again requires planning.


 That's not funny. I've been there all week.


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## rlouder (Jun 26, 2007)

... when you have to stop and study the trail for the best line to push your bike.


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## Optimus (Apr 14, 2012)

When you lay on your back in bed, and your balls hang down and lay on the matress.


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## paramount3 (Jul 13, 2014)

When you plan a new bike purchase--not to have a cooler ride, or to be able to shred better, or to keep up with faster riders--but rather to equip yourself so as to minimize risk of a possibly career-ending injury.


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## Mr Pig (Jun 25, 2008)

You you start planning rides, not by the amount of fun they are likely to be, but based on the location of the toilets and how long it takes to get to them.


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## GlazedHam (Jan 14, 2004)

I used the take a walk through the woods with the dog, kids and call it a recover walk. Now the walk is exercise .. Not recovery.


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## dave54 (Jul 1, 2003)

You look down while taking a shower and realize gray hairs do not only occur on your head.

You read the nutrition labels on cereal boxes, looking only for the fiber content.

You wake up early for an early morning bike ride, and your wife snuggles up next you with her 'ready to fool around' signals. You have a tough time deciding which one you want to do.


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## Mr Pig (Jun 25, 2008)

dave54 said:


> You wake up early for an early morning bike ride, and your wife snuggles up next you with her 'ready to fool around' signals. You have a tough time deciding which one you want to do.


Speak for yourself.


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## squareback (Sep 19, 2011)

Sunday morning on the radio....You listen to replayed old episodes of "Car Talk" with Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers, and you can picture in your mind all of the old cars they are talking about.


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## Velobike (Jun 23, 2007)

When you decide a section is too risky in case you fall on your recently injured knee and have to spend another few weeks off the bike, but then get your trailing foot caught under a rock and fall heavily on said injured knee, resulting in blood, swelling, that sickening knee pain feel, and cancellation of next days ride that you have driven 300 miles for.

It's hard to beat the humiliation of crashing your bike while walking...


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## chazpat (Sep 23, 2006)

Mr Pig said:


> You you start planning rides, not by the amount of fun they are likely to be, but based on the location of the toilets and how long it takes to get to them.


Wait a minute, that's why we ride in the woods!


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## RonSonic (Jan 8, 2005)

SWriverstone said:


> The 20- or 30-something vision you have of yourself is shattered every time you look in the mirror and see wrinkles, sagging skin, gray hair-or no hair.


Mirrors aren't that bad. It's wondering who that old, gray, fat guy in the store security camera is.


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## RonSonic (Jan 8, 2005)

I was thinking about such things when I realized that my recent hard-tail purchase might just be my final mountain bike. Except in 15 years it will have smooth tires, a fat saddle, wide bars and one of those stupid adjustable boner stems.


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## orvil (Feb 19, 2016)

Your vision is so bad that you ride technical sections faster than you can realize how much danger you've just put yourself in.


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## jeffscott (May 10, 2006)

RonSonic said:


> Mirrors aren't that bad. It's wondering who that old, gray, fat guy in the store security camera is.


you mean the one that forgot to wear pants?


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## camp10 (Mar 2, 2015)

DiRt DeViL said:


> You go to early rides and take Aleeve for joint pain.


This ^^^^. I'm usually done with my weekend ride before most are getting out of bed.


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## Mr Pig (Jun 25, 2008)

RonSonic said:


> Mirrors aren't that bad. It's wondering who that old, gray, fat guy in the store security camera is.


Did exactly that a few weeks ago. Said to my wife in a supermarket: "Look at that bald, fat idiot on that monitor". She laughed quite a lot.


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## TheBaldBlur (Jan 13, 2014)

RonSonic said:


> Mirrors aren't that bad. It's wondering who that old, gray, fat guy in the store security camera is.


The worst mirror experience for me was climbing out of a shower in a hotel room on a trip and sitting on the toilet only to look up to find one of those full length mirrors on the back of the door.  I swear if I saw something like that image while I was out in the backcountry I'd shoot it!


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## Jeffsky (Jan 12, 2016)

TheBaldBlur said:


> The worst mirror experience for me was climbing out of a shower in a hotel room on a trip and sitting on the toilet only to look up to find one of those full length mirrors on the back of the door. I swear if I saw something like that image while I was out in the backcountry I'd shoot it!


This is hysterical. You are a funny man!


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

Your tool kit has readers in it.

My friend was so grateful.


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## Velobike (Jun 23, 2007)

formica said:


> Your tool kit has readers in it.
> 
> My friend was so grateful.


I love seeing trailside single speed conversions...


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## ravewoofer (Dec 24, 2008)

Yep, been there. I ride with funky prescription athletic glasses, so now I can see what is about to huck me otb. Before, I was always surprised and couldn't figure out how the heck I was on the ground.


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## Lone Rager (Dec 13, 2013)

RonSonic said:


> Mirrors aren't that bad. It's wondering who that old, gray, fat guy in the store security camera is.


Holy cow. You get used to seeing yourself in the mirror and get used to the gradual ageing. A camera image is entirely different. I kinda thought of myself as cutting a rather sharp youthful image on a bike until I saw myself in the motion capture camera while getting a fit and was appalled to see that ancient pudgy guy on the bike.


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## milliesand (Jun 29, 2015)

You know you're over 50 when....

You ask the old fart in the mirror "Who are you?" 
and it answers..."what?"


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## ctimrun (Aug 22, 2008)

Optimus said:


> When you lay on your back in bed, and your balls hang down and lay on the matress.


How about when you sit on the toilet and your balls float.


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## Cowboy42 (Jul 3, 2016)

You wake up from a nap with a foot injury. (Really happened! haha)


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## rlouder (Jun 26, 2007)

Your idea of a dropper post is to elevate the seat to elbow leaning position and drop to riding position.

Attack position means take your elbow off the seat, put both hands on the handlebar and get ready to push hard.


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## tony92231 (Oct 13, 2015)

You use Aleve and Icyhot before you warm up for you're ride.


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## Velobike (Jun 23, 2007)

This happened to me over the last few weeks. You know you're over 50 when...

When you pull a muscle in your leg, hobble around favouring it so now the knee in the other leg is getting very sore, continue hobbling with a double limp, misjudge a step because nothing is working right and end up doubling your big toe back on itself, which turns black and now means you are still lurching along even though the pulled leg muscle is almost ok by now, however the extra stress on the other leg means its knee gets sorer, so you develop a new gait to minimise the pain and suddenly you feel an eye watering tearing sensation in the foot of that leg, which happens in the middle of the woods while walking the dog. Crawling out is considered but a suitable crutch shaped branch saves the day. Painkillers are considered.

The foot is so sore that I stop taking the dog for its 3-5 mile daily excursion and amazingly a bit of rest sorts the other problems. Dog is looking sad. I am considering it's about time I grew up and listened to those nagging sensations in my ear, ie commonsense from my wife.

Oh, in the meantime I've managed a few decent rides, including an offroad Audax last weekend. It's handy having 2 legs because you can always use the spare one on the other side when one isn't working.


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## fatcat (Mar 11, 2006)

You don't get a "lift" at a strip bar...
before 42: my "friend" used to watch me brush my teeth in the morning
now he just watches me tie my shoes, he's good--he finds lots of change on the ground


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## rideandshoot (Dec 18, 2006)

You trim your toenails with wire cutters


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## TraxFactory (Sep 10, 1999)

You see everything with perfect clarity.


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## Betarad (Oct 24, 2009)

You’ve decided that enjoying a nice cigar is as good a way to recover after a ride as anything at this point in your life.


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## Guest (Aug 5, 2016)

rideandshoot said:


> You trim your toenails with wire cutters


That's old, but really old is when it takes a visit to a foot specialist, like my Father-in-law.


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## Boomchakabowwow (Sep 8, 2015)

when all the ladies on the trail seem really really young..and they all call you "sir"


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## Guest (Aug 5, 2016)

Boomchakabowwow said:


> when all the ladies on the trail seem really really young..and they all call you "sir"


 I don't mind that, it the "isn't he sweet for trying..." comments that get me. Usually I go all "Cat 6" on them and that solves the problem.


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## dave54 (Jul 1, 2003)

Your latest drug of choice is ibuprofen.


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## mileslong (Aug 20, 2016)

When you almost go OTB because you forgot you upgraded your brakes yesterday.


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## windsurfdog (Apr 5, 2018)

You buy a dropper just to make it easier to get your leg over the seat...


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## chuckha62 (Jul 11, 2006)

windsurfdog said:


> You buy a dropper just to make it easier to get your leg over the seat...


There ya go!


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## Guest (May 3, 2018)

windsurfdog said:


> You buy a dropper just to make it easier to get your leg over the seat...


 Better than buying a step-through tricycle (actually the next step I think)!


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## Lone Rager (Dec 13, 2013)

You wake up feeling beat up, sore and stiff like the day after a long intense ride, but you haven't ridden in a coupla weeks.


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## rideit (Jan 22, 2004)

formica said:


> Your tool kit has readers in it.
> 
> My friend was so grateful.


This hits home. I did a new to me ride last weekend, I downloaded the maps from Trailforks. Out on the ride I tried to read the maps on my phone, and couldn't for the life of me see them.


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## fokof (Apr 24, 2006)

You know you're over 50 when you start considering the possibility of maybe one day , you might , who knows , get an E-Bike


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## Mr Pig (Jun 25, 2008)

fokof said:


> You know you're over 50 when you start considering the possibility of maybe one day , you might , who knows , get an E-Bike


Mmmm...no.


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## Guest (May 29, 2018)

fokof said:


> You know you're over 50 when you start considering the possibility of maybe one day , you might , who knows , get an E-Bike


 Exactly, I'm getting the four wheeled one with a joy stick controller. Until then, nooo...


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## fokof (Apr 24, 2006)

I see all the older people on Electric bikes downtown for commuting and that makes perfect sense me thinks. I'm thinking that that the day I won't be able to pedal anymore , I'll probably be on one of those.

That said , I'm totally against motorcycles on MTB trails.


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

You know you are over 50 when you go out with your two girlfriends and use the hashtag #badassoldbitches (57,58, 60)

I should have told the guy muttering about us wearing FF on the descent to *uck off tho.... age and wisdom....


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## Osco (Apr 4, 2013)

You Fart more often when climbing a steep one 
,
,
"badassoldbitches" Roflmao PMSL


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## Lone Rager (Dec 13, 2013)

I fart more irrespective of the grade.


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## broncbuster (Jun 11, 2006)

Never trust a fart..


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## Guest (Jun 15, 2018)

Ericmopar said:


> No matter what saddle you try, your butt hurts.


That's always been the case...I've never had a saddle that wasn't a pain in da ass!


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