# Getting her on the bike...



## benja55 (Aug 10, 2005)

Hi all!

Ok. I'm sure this has been gone over a million times, but I'm going to throw my story and situation onto the pile.... Please offer whatever thoughts and advice you like.

My fiance doesn't ride. Been together for 5+ years now. We've got a great thing together (life, kid, house, psychic and spiritual balance, the works!  ) But... I'm an avid, avid rider of 20 years+ and she isn't. And thats HARD.

To make a long story short, I really would love to be able to share this part of my life with her. Cycliing and specifically MTB riding has been one of the anchors of my being since Jr. HS. Its who I am, in my blood. I'm sure most of you know where I'm coming from there. And she gets this, intellectually at least, but doesn't truly "get" riding. She doesn't understand what makes it fun, interesting, a source of passion etc. And she is someone who HATES being a rookie, which I totally get. Nobody likes being new at something, even something fun. And I think she just finds the idea of going fast on dirt plain old scary, which I can understand.

So... My plan is simple... Get her a nice ride (SC Juliana or some such,) and start her out really, really, REALLY slowly. Just basic, fun fireroads and the like. Super mellow and fun. I know how long it can take to feel safe, confident and in control on the bike, and I really want to give her the time and space to go for it.

I guess I'm just looking for input, thoughts, encouragement, success stories etc etc.

Lay it on me!


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

you don't mention whether SHE would like to ride....? Or is this totally your plan?


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## benja55 (Aug 10, 2005)

*Very true!*



formica said:


> you don't mention whether SHE would like to ride....? Or is this totally your plan?


Good catch.  I didn't mention her perspective and its mostly because it IS my plan. Thats not to say she hasn't expressed interest in cycling, but its been purely on a fitness/around town level. She wants a nice new town bike, which she'll soon have.... But my hope is that we can take it beyond that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to force mountain biking on her, but I do want to give her the opportunity to dicover it and find out what all the fuss is about. And I think in the end she might discover something great and maybe find a new part of herself too. Maybe I'm reaching, but I its certainly worth taking the time and effort to try.

My hope in asking here is gain insight in what really does and doesn't work with people.


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## pinkdirt (Jun 28, 2005)

benja55 said:


> I know how long it can take to feel safe, confident and in control on the bike, and I really want to give her the time and space to go for it.
> 
> I guess I'm just looking for input, thoughts, encouragement, success stories etc etc.
> 
> Lay it on me!


The only thing that concerns me is the fact that most avid mtbrs loved it THE minute they got on the bike and the dirt. I don't think she needs a fantastic ride to enjoy mt biking as such. 
And I fear you will be disappointed if the grand "plan" does not work because you see to already have trouble understanding how anyone can NOT like mtbg....believe me...I've been there...we need a support group for ourselves...."it's okay...not EVERYONE will like it...it's okay...you're still a good person..."  
I might be an exception, but I know I started with a piece of junk heavy bike (with a KICKSTAND no less) and took it out on the trails and immediately fell in love with it...I think it's a gene or something. Then from there, I was the one who wanted to go out and get a better bike...

Just accept her the way she is, not everyone has the thing in them that makes us love the sport, and I don't think mtb is something that you can learn to love...you just do.


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## benja55 (Aug 10, 2005)

pinkdirt said:


> The only thing that concerns me is the fact that most avid mtbrs loved it THE minute they got on the bike and the dirt. I don't think she needs a fantastic ride to enjoy mt biking as such.
> And I fear you will be disappointed if the grand "plan" does not work because you see to already have trouble understanding how anyone can NOT like mtbg....believe me...I've been there...we need a support group for ourselves...."it's okay...not EVERYONE will like it...it's okay...you're still a good person..."
> I might be an exception, but I know I started with a piece of junk heavy bike (with a KICKSTAND no less) and took it out on the trails and immediately fell in love with it...I think it's a gene or something. Then from there, I was the one who wanted to go out and get a better bike...
> 
> Just accept her the way she is, not everyone has the thing in them that makes us love the sport, and I don't think mtb is something that you can learn to love...you just do.


I hear you but I'm not out to change who she is. We've accepted each other for who we are long ago.  But we're also both able to change and try new stuff. Like I said, I'm not out to make her into a new person. Merely to try to introduce her to the sport in a way that will increase the likelyhood that she digs it. If I try and it doesn't stick then at least we gave it a shot. If I don't then I know for sure she'll never give it a go. Maybe calling it a "plan" isn't the right way to word it anyhow....

And definitelyI know what you mean about falling in love with it on the spot, but I also know plenty of folks, both gals and guys who have gotten into it gradually. I've seen posts up here to that effect so I know I'm not crazy in thinking that there are right ways and wrong ways to introduce a partner/spouse/whatever to the pleasures of dirt.

As for hooking her up with a new ride, thats just my way of letting her know that I'm not gonna short change her on the gear end of things. She likes good bling as much as I do.


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=136631

http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=128141

http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=122439

http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=71332


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## LadyDi (Apr 17, 2005)

benja55 said:


> .... I'm not going to force mountain biking on her, but I do want to give her the opportunity to dicover it and find out what all the fuss is about. And I think in the end she might discover something great and maybe find a new part of herself too. Maybe I'm reaching, but I its certainly worth taking the time and effort to try. My hope in asking here is gain insight in what really does and doesn't work with people.


I think it's just plain _awesome_ that you want this for her! If she's a sensitive person (only you would know), I recommend AGAINST trying to teach her at first, beyond basics like how to shift & such. This because some women feel very intimidated by their riding SO's & don't want to be the anchor. The answer-- women's mtb club. There's something so great about gals getting together, hitting new trails in the fresh air & sunshine, learning new skills, conquering that hill. Not sure where you are... down here in Ventura County (socal), we have Dirtchix:
http://sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/DirtChix1/ 
All levels, but we're fun, low-key & beginner advocates. Riding w/ them has boosted my confidence 110%.

Up in NorCal there are WOMBATS. In the OC & San Diego area, Trail Angels. Plus various Women's Only Weekends & clinics every summer (like at Big Bear & Mammoth). I'm not as good a rider as my BF, but he's entirely patient and kind-- we mtb together & plan our vacations around great trails. Evenings generally find us poring over topo maps or bike catalogs.... in front of a romantic fire, of course ;-)

Keep encouraging her. Have her read these posts. But it has to be her choice, ultimately. Please never show impatience or frustration when you ride w/ her. And promise me you won't beat yourself up the 1st time she crashes & gets hurt. The Juliana rocks, great bike...

~Di


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## benja55 (Aug 10, 2005)

*Awesome! Thanks for digging these up!*



formica said:


> http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=136631
> 
> http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=128141
> 
> ...


Soooooper helpful! Thanks!


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## benja55 (Aug 10, 2005)

*Looking at WOMBATS page now...*



LadyDi said:


> Up in NorCal there are WOMBATS.


Yah, I've been an Alice B. Toeclips  fan since around when I first started riding! She (and WOMBATS,) rocks!

The WOMBATS 2006 skills clinics aren't up yet, but eventually that might be something to check out. I'm a huge fan of good lessons given by patient, knowlegable people who know how to teach and inspire. Makes all the difference. As much as I consider myself a rather patient fellow, its always difficult expressing things when they are completely intuiitive for one person and completely new to the other...


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## aword4you (Jul 25, 2005)

Have you thought about renting/demoing a FS for her to try out before spending the $$? 

Hubby and I rented FS bikes about 2 years ago (at least) and rode the Big Laguna Trail east of San Diego. It isn't a trail with a lot of climbing or downhill (it does have a LOT of rocks  ), and it's really pretty. We had hiked there before. As it turned out, I really didn't have a good time. It wasn't bad, that I remember, but I didn't like it enough to pursue it. It had been hubby's passion long before we met, and he had also stopped riding long before we met. We were doing other stuff at the time, so no big deal. For whatever reason we got really into watching TDF last summer, and at that time I decided I wanted to ride bikes. He refused to do road bikes, so we got mountain bikes. He wanted to get me on a FS to ensure I liked the ride. So, now I have a Specialized Stumpjumper FSR Expert 120. It's a great bike. 

Luckily I really enjoyed it the second time around, but also didn't really have a choice. We decided mountain biking was going to be it for us. We both enjoy it, even the terrible suffering parts of it, and that's what we've been doing on vacations, weekends, etc. I even got a SS last week 

Just my story. 

Hopefully she'll enjoy it as well.


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## Squash (Jul 20, 2003)

*The only thing I can recommend is BABY STEPS!!!....*

That's how I got my Wife into it and she loves it. But I started out SLOW and with a hybrid. It wasn't planned, nor was I really hot about it was her idea. She wanted to start riding, mostly for fitness. So I got here a nice Trek hybrid to ride. And I rode around town with her and we had fun! Before too long she wanted to go along with my sons and I on a ride or two. She said that she liked it but the bike was kind of hard to ride. So for her birthday I surprised her with a 00 Trek 6000 and she was hooked. Took the bike out in the dirt and it perfromed so much better than the hybrid that she couldn't believe it and she had a blast! Since then she has discovered what she likes and even switched bikes on her own, her decission on brand, size, etc. Now this was a process and not planned at all! It took a solid 9 years from the hybrid/ride around town to her current bike and her love of Mountain Biking. But there were baby steps all along the way.

So get her the Townie, ride with her. Have fun, do weekend rides and such. But don't push it. Give it some time. She'll either decide that she likes it or not. Get her into riding first. Then just let things happen. If she decides she wants to go, then great, get her a bike. But a Juliana?!?! That's a BIG bite in the wallet for somebody that may not even like mountian biking! I'd think about maybe a Trek or something for the first bike. Then if she decides that it ain't for her, it's less of a loss financially!  I know that we want the best for those that we are trying to introduce to the sport. But I'm sure we all started WAY lower that what we are riding now! I know I started on a 40lb Sears and Roebuck cruiser with a springer front end and whitewall tires back in 62. Started trail riding with that bike and haven't looked back since. So be modest in the beginning. Something as spendy as a Juliana my make her feel like she HAS to ride.

Anway, take is slow, maybe invite her on a ride some time. Ride with her in town and make it fun. But remember, even if she does get into MTB, she may well never be as into it as you are. I know my wife isn't and never will be the "dirt or nothing, chain ring tattoos are cool, blood on my shins, ride in the snow, LUNATIC" that I am. But she does love riding, I just have to remember to tone it down a bit when she comes along. But I love every minute of it and would ride slow forever as long as she was with me!

Good Dirt


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

Pinkdirt brought up an excellent point: A person can find the passion even on a clunker. In fact, a clunky bike is like the qualifier, 'cause if you enjoy riding on THAT thing, well......!

It makes me cringe when I read about getting a super-duper bike as incentive for a non-rider, b/c it's such a cliche: Bike becomes wall art and conversation piece before going up on eBay.

Yeah, everybody's different, so who knows. My suggestion is to let her get used to the cruiser. Ride alongside her into town, doing cruise-y things, and every now and then hop off curbs, ride down some steps, across some dirt- show her the possibilities without saying a word (that part is key.)

Once she starts banging up the cruiser trying to ride over curbs, then might be the time.


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## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

*Mechanical support is nice.*

I know that we all want to be independent and everything but early on keeping a bike in tune and working nice is illusive. If you can make an extra effort to make sure the bike works really well and smooth and fits her well the experience will be better. Also, if you are staying on pave don't forget to pump the tires up hard. This will give extra roll and make things easier, too.
Patience.


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## Bikehigh (Jan 14, 2004)

A couple girlfriends ago, I got a woman into mountain biking, or should I say she got herself into mountain biking. We started out on rail trails and canal towpaths, riding having lunch or breakfast, riding back. Soon enough she wanted to see what this thrail riding thing was all about, and in was the middle of winter. We went out to a local park, and hit the trails in the snow, a lot of double track, but when I'd see a single track trail going off to the side, I'd take it, and she'd follow. All this was on a hybrid bike with upright seating and big cushy saddle. She was riding singletrack in the snow on a hybrid, and eventually after a few log overs, she asked how to do it, and she did. It's all well and good that you want your girl to have the best experience, but going out and getting her a bike she doesn't even need is going to put tremendous pressure on her. One thing I can tell you, is that new riders, whether they are women or your kids, hate being pressured when it comes to mountain biking. They want to do what's comfortab;e for them, and they want to do it on their terms. Don't go buying her a bike. Take her on some MP trails, rail trails, tow paths. If you see some side trails, head down them and tell her you'll catch up with her in a few minutes. I'll bet you that she'll be following you soon enough, and she'll be able to do it just fine on that townie bike. If she doesn't follow you, then you've got your answer to whether or not she's a mountain biker in the making too. Like some one else said, baby steps, and NO pressure.


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## beegirl (Apr 23, 2005)

The first time I rode it was not fun for me. I was a 30 year old woman who had ridden a bike a handful of times in the last 5 or more years. Things like shifting did not come second nature. My friend was a 19 year old guy who took me on an intermediate trail with no helmets! I was so sore the next day! Maybe if your wife is wanting a cruiser you should start there. You can ride around town with her and see how it goes in her comfort zone. Or, maybe you could get her a mountain bike and make some comfort changes to it and start out on the street. Then, you can ditch some of the changes as she gets more comfortable. That way she gets to know her bike. I got my dad a mountain bike and added a suspension seatpost, comfort saddle, and On-One Mary handlebars. It is so comfy that I steal it from him all the time. http://gallery.mtbr.com/showphoto.php?photo=20186&password=&sort=1&cat=500&page=1


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## brianthebiker (Nov 1, 2005)

Beyond making it fun, and possibly finding a women's cycling club as were already mentioned, I would look to go to a trail which is not too difficult for her but which has views which take your breath away. Many places can only be reached by mtn bike, and if she learned this early, this could only help her love for the sport grow.

Oh, and one more thing.....spending alot of money on an expensive bike may put pressure on her. I would not go that route. If you are going to buy her a bike, don't spend too much so she feels obligated. FUN is the keyword here, and that can be had on any bike.


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## Mrs. Outlaw (Oct 13, 2005)

I wasn't hooked the first time I rode either. The key for me was finding a group of women to ride with. My hubby is a fantastic teacher and super patient but riding with women is different, much less pressure.


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## alaskarider (Aug 31, 2004)

pinkdirt said:


> The only thing that concerns me is the fact that most avid mtbrs loved it THE minute they got on the bike and the dirt.


I don't know about what most mtbers think, but this definitely wasn't the case for me. It took me a loooooong time (years) before I started to be the one to say, "let's go riding today, honey!" I'm one of those people who doesn't really like to be bad at something I'm doing, so there was a constant battle in my mind between wanting to get better and not wanting to be frustrated about not clearing that rock.

I do, however, agree with many of the posts cautioning you against the Juliana. If my fiance had bought my a bike that expensive before I even realized I liked the sport, I would have been upset, both because I felt it was a waste of money and because I would have felt even more pressured to like it. He had a hard time talking me into a $450 bike. After 4+ years on that, though, it was no trouble to talk me right into a Racer-X. 

Good luck!


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## pinkdirt (Jun 28, 2005)

alaskarider said:


> I don't know about what most mtbers think, but this definitely wasn't the case for me.


Wow, I am surprised because now a couple of responses so far have said that they really didn't love mtb right off the bat and had to pursue a bit further before they fell into it. Now I am curious, I wonder how many women didn't like mtb at first but stuck with it as opposed to how many had "love at first ride" with it.  
As I said, I knew the FIRST time I hit the dirt (but to be fair, I was a pretty active roadie rider before it).


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## Mrs. Outlaw (Oct 13, 2005)

It's not that I didn't like it so much as it took me a bit to feel confident riding the trails. I will say that now that I've gained some skills I do love mountain biking.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

I couldn't wait to get on my first mtb and loved every frustrating, sweaty, painful moment from day 1.


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## Mary Ann (Jan 13, 2004)

LOVED it from day 1 (on my mother's borrowed hybrid with no water bottle cages, and toe clips). I just saw it as another way to enjoy the outdoors. I had been an avid roadie so I was very comfortable on a bike, and just loved the mud, sweat and blood aspect to mountain biking right from the beginning. Even if I sucked terribly for the first couple of seasons.

Mary Ann


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## benja55 (Aug 10, 2005)

*Yeah, no $pendy bike until we are well on our way...*



alaskarider said:


> I do, however, agree with many of the posts cautioning you against the Juliana. If my fiance had bought my a bike that expensive before I even realized I liked the sport, I would have been upset, both because I felt it was a waste of money and because I would have felt even more pressured to like it.


I concur, and should have been clear about that in the original post... I'm going to get her a decent town bike first and once we are feeling good on that we'll move on to the real deal. One step at a time.


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## Skeptic (Nov 1, 2005)

benja55 said:


> Hi all!
> 
> Ok. I'm sure this has been gone over a million times, but I'm going to throw my story and situation onto the pile.... Please offer whatever thoughts and advice you like.
> 
> ...


I dont have time now to read all that everyone else wrote but I felt compelled to add my 2 cents...
My husband is a snowboarder / mt. biker... crazy man on and off. It comes in spurts and this spurt of his came when I am a stay at home mom of 2 very young kids who's getting chubbier by the second.
I really wanted to get some fun exercise and find myself jealous of his treks out of the house in the nice weather for exercise he doesn't need LOL!!! (I know everyone needs exercise...) while I take care of the kids.
It's winter here but he got me excited to take an easy trail ride around a lake with my parents watching the kids. It was reputed to be a 12 mile ride and that sounded doable but not daunting.
Well, the trail ended up being much more challenging than I expected but somehow not TOO much that I wanted to quit and never touch my bike again. I pushed my very limits and felt amazing!!! It was also nice to see his looks of approval when I made it up a hill!! And when I refused to let him push my bike up hills that I just couldn't make.
He went and bought me a very expensive and beautiful bike and I hope to be worthy of it someday.
I got to ride it around a parking lot before the snow came (the next day it seems like) and I SO look forward to no snow and a nice spring day to start this up again. Who knows, maybe I can leave HIM with the kids and go ride. He can't complain about that, RIGHT?! lol
Well, I'm no fitness sport lover but I hope to become a biker chick someday. And believe me when I say if it could happen to me it could happen to anyone!!!
I hope she finds a love of biking for your sake and hers. It's nice to share that. You sound kind and thoughtful and I'm sure you won't push it so just encourage her - plan a picnic at the end of a beautiful ride - you know - rewards, romance... make it exciting and too wonderful sounding to say no to - and easy but not too easy either LOL!!
Good luck!!


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## konahottie_311 (May 26, 2005)

pinkdirt said:


> Wow, I am surprised because now a couple of responses so far have said that they really didn't love mtb right off the bat and had to pursue a bit further before they fell into it. Now I am curious, I wonder how many women didn't like mtb at first but stuck with it as opposed to how many had "love at first ride" with it.
> As I said, I knew the FIRST time I hit the dirt (but to be fair, I was a pretty active roadie rider before it).


I don't think I quite had love at first bike....ride. I did like but i did it more because my bf at the time did.It took a few years to get the full bikin bug going...now i can't imagin my life without it...good luck and if you take it slow I am sure she will find the love for it at some level...Kona


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## Dwight Moody (Jan 10, 2004)

*thread-jack*



Skeptic said:


> My husband is a snowboarder / mt. biker... crazy man on and off. It comes in spurts and this spurt of his came when I am a stay at home mom of 2 very young kids who's getting chubbier by the second.
> I really wanted to get some fun exercise and find myself jealous of his treks out of the house in the nice weather for exercise he doesn't need LOL!!! (I know everyone needs exercise...) while I take care of the kids.


Tell him to watch the kids tomorrow and go do something fun. I don't know how young they are (still nursing?), but if he can't keep them entertained while you enjoy yourself outdoors for a few hours, maybe he should stop calling himself "Dad".


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

Does she like to exercise?


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## oldbroad (Mar 19, 2004)

pinkdirt said:


> Wow, I am surprised because now a couple of responses so far have said that they really didn't love mtb right off the bat and had to pursue a bit further before they fell into it. Now I am curious, I wonder how many women didn't like mtb at first but stuck with it as opposed to how many had "love at first ride" with it.
> As I said, I knew the FIRST time I hit the dirt (but to be fair, I was a pretty active roadie rider before it).


My husband & I were riding some inexpensive rigid mtb bikes on the road just to get some exersize. He started slacking off and I was riding on my own alot.
I remember the first time I stopped on the side of the road and looked down a trail that went into the woods and said hmmmm, I wonder where that goes??? 
I was hooked  
Still am and still say hmmmmm, I wonder where that goes???


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## benja55 (Aug 10, 2005)

*She does, but schedule is tuff...*



Impy said:


> Does she like to exercise?


Yeah, its just a matter of making the time...


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## Zirkel (Apr 15, 2004)

*Not to sound too harsh, but...*

If she hasn't hopped on a bike after five years in a relationship, what makes you think she's gonna' do it now? And with all due respect, based on your writing and replies, you seem like someone who WOULD unknowingly provide too much pressure on the situation. I mean, you have everything planned out, down to what type of bike she would ride. I think you're setting yourself up for failure here.

Obviously, you have a passion. I think what's more important is that she has her OWN passion, as well. That way, she'll better understand your need to ride. If she doesn't have something that inspires her, then she'll most likely resent the time you spend on the bike. If that's the case, get out now!

My experience is that every time I've tried to engage my significant other in my outdoor recreation pursuits (MTB, kayaking, skate skiing, rock climbing), the disparity between abilities and pressure to perform has gotten in the way of having fun. During one particular relationship in college, my girlfriend was a cat 4 road racer and I was a whitewater kayaker. We both understood the need to practice our activities at a high level, rather than "dumbing down" to accommodate the other person. (I wonder what ever happened to her???)

You can get around this by finding shared activities, like travel, where you can ride and she do whatever it is that she does. Get over the fact that she doesn't ride.

Good luck!

***My apologies to the ladies for imposing my gender upon your forum***


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

Zirkel said:


> Good luck!
> 
> ***My apologies to the ladies for imposing my gender upon your forum***


no apology needed. Guys are welcome here 99.9% of the time.


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## benja55 (Aug 10, 2005)

Zirkel said:


> If she hasn't hopped on a bike after five years in a relationship, what makes you think she's gonna' do it now? And with all due respect, based on your writing and replies, you seem like someone who WOULD unknowingly provide too much pressure on the situation. I mean, you have everything planned out, down to what type of bike she would ride. I think you're setting yourself up for failure here.
> 
> Obviously, you have a passion. I think what's more important is that she has her OWN passion, as well. That way, she'll better understand your need to ride. If she doesn't have something that inspires her, then she'll most likely resent the time you spend on the bike. If that's the case, get out now!
> 
> You can get around this by finding shared activities, like travel, where you can ride and she do whatever it is that she does. Get over the fact that she doesn't ride.


Thanks for your perspective, minus the armchair shrink action.  I didn't say she hasn't hopped on a bike for five years. I said she doesn't ride, meaning on dirt (this is mtbr, right?) And I'm the last person to impose my will on anyone else, certainly over something like riding a bike. Its supposed to be a joy to discover, not a chore inforced by an overbearing "expert". But I hear you.

Unfortunately her schedule of late has been especially brutal, so taking up new regular pastimes has been harder then usual. Her primary passion is getting through grad school, which is exactly where her passions need to be right now. We'll see. Its a matter of taking baby steps, IMHO.

My goal in posting this question was to get ideas and feedback on what people have found works and doesn't work in these situations, and I've certainly gotten a lot of thoughtful and informative responses.

Thanks!


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

I couldn't find that one old post where the guy talked about buying his gf a juliana and it turning into a very nice clothes rack in the garage when she wouldn't ride it.

~f.


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## Zirkel (Apr 15, 2004)

My apologies if I’ve come off a little too Freud-like. Posting to online forums is a little bit like getting on the black leather couch, no? I still think your gf’s decision needs to be her own, if she’s going to stick with it. From my experience, too much encouragement on your part will most likely result in an XTR Juliana clothes drying rack parked in the laundry room. I’d definitely steer her to getting involved in more women-specific clinics and rides, possibly sponsored by your LBS. 

Good luck, again!


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## benja55 (Aug 10, 2005)

*Agreed....*



Zirkel said:


> My apologies if I've come off a little too Freud-like. Posting to online forums is a little bit like getting on the black leather couch, no? I still think your gf's decision needs to be her own, if she's going to stick with it. From my experience, too much encouragement on your part will most likely result in an XTR Juliana clothes drying rack parked in the laundry room. I'd definitely steer her to getting involved in more women-specific clinics and rides, possibly sponsored by your LBS.


Haha, no worries. Yeah, I totally agree that a great women's riding posse is the ticket to a smooth transition into the sport. I think for us the challenge is just getting time together on the bike(s) and then working from there to group rides/clinics etc for her. We have been suffering from the modern malaise of Doing Too Much lately. Family/Kid/School/Work/Fun... While I feel like we do a decent job of staying balanced, it adds up fast.


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## Skeptic (Nov 1, 2005)

Dwight Moody said:


> Tell him to watch the kids tomorrow and go do something fun. I don't know how young they are (still nursing?), but if he can't keep them entertained while you enjoy yourself outdoors for a few hours, maybe he should stop calling himself "Dad".


Hey :c)
We just got 8 inches of wet heavy snow. It just doesn't seem like bike riding season right now haha!!
But I will certainly call in the "watch the kids so I can ride" favor the FIRST nice day there is. My beautiful bike is waiting to be ridden in more than a big parking lot LOL!!!Srping - come on already!!!
Oh, my kids are quite old enough to hang with Daddy YAY!!!  I'll even say he's pretty good with them... it just seems easier for him to run out after work on his way home to have some bike fun than for me to wait for him to get home and go out on my own... KWIM?


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## athalliah (Dec 9, 2005)

*and now for something completely different...*

There is no guaranteed approach to getting your lady friends to ride. I just appreciate the genuine interest in wanting to share something you love with the one you love (blah blah blah). My (ex)boyfriend never wanted me to ride. I always wanted to tag along on rides or borrow his bike; but that was HIS thing so I wasn't allowed to. So one afternoon I came home to my boyfriend's unattended hardtail and took it out on the trail (wearing sneakers on spd pedals and no helmet). I have been addicted ever since. Anyway, I suppose the reason for the rant was that if she wants to ride, she will. Which includes taking out your bike when you aren't looking.


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## Dwayne (Jun 3, 2005)

athalliah said:


> There is no guaranteed approach to getting your lady friends to ride. I just appreciate the genuine interest in wanting to share something you love with the one you love (blah blah blah). My (ex)boyfriend never wanted me to ride. I always wanted to tag along on rides or borrow his bike; but that was HIS thing so I wasn't allowed to. So one afternoon I came home to my boyfriend's unattended hardtail and took it out on the trail (wearing sneakers on spd pedals and no helmet). I have been addicted ever since. Anyway, I suppose the reason for the rant was that if she wants to ride, she will. Which includes taking out your bike when you aren't looking.


Reverse psychology.

Ex-cellent.


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## mtbnewguy (Nov 29, 2004)

*don't try too hard*

I've been married for several yea rs and also enjoy a very healthy and beautifull relationship with my wife & kids. But I have never ever been able to get my wife to join me in any of the sports activities that I enjoy... we went out jogging for a while, but it only lasted what? about a week? hehhe... 

So I gave up trying to convince her to do what I want.

On the positive side, if I ever need time away from everything, cycling is still the thing I do alone, whitout the rush a family life. So it's ok.


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## Mother Medusa (Jun 25, 2005)

I started riding because most of our local couples had a male component that rode and a female component that listened to the guys. So one day it was our turn, we have not looked back. The message here is, even though our SO wanted us to ride, we only started as a bunch of gals at our level without pressure. Not to say we are not competitively pushing each other now. But the 'click' came with the girls! Sorry guys.


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## BobL (Feb 20, 2004)

Not sure where you live in CA, but if it's in OC then p/m me for more info.
Many years ago I tried to get a then girlfriend into mtb riding; in the totally wrong way. I felt so bad about it I came up with a "New Rider Day" event for our club. The majority of the participants are women, and I make sure to have several gals helping me out. Unfortunately, we do get the occasional "I'm only here 'cause my hubby/boyfriend wants me to ride". But I digress...
What I've found: 
It's easier for a significant other to learn from someone besides their partner.
Don't overwhelm a new rider w/ tech stuff and bling-y details; stick to very basic riding skills.
Find the easiest trail you can think of, then cut that ride in 1/2
For women, same sex rides are very important. But some gals I've taught balked at the women's clinics, they just prefer women only rides.Sometimes learning new skills is not as important as the camraderie.
BTW, my fiance looked at the Julianna, but opted for a full Superlite for more travel. She also spec'd full XTR (requested over diamond earrings I offered...) and basically had me build the bike for her. BUT that was after many years and miles on her original, off the shelf Schwinn S80. In other words, let her pick her ultimate bike when she's ready.


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## DBomb (May 19, 2004)

*I feel fortunate...*

that I was able to get my wife to start mountain biking. (And I feel honored to have my success story referenced in the thread.) But it was a long process. I never had to ask my wife to go mountain biking, she asked me to take her. The first thing that happened was she had to get comfortable with riding a bike. She had been riding a hybrid that didn't work for her. She felt unbalanced and it showed when she rode it. We sold that bike and bought her a beginner mountain bike, a Giant Rincon for about $300. She immediately felt better on that bike.

We started really slow. We first started on a trail that was wide but had occasional rocks and roots. She had to become comfortable with riding over rocks and roots. She had to learn how to relax, and recognize what she and her bike could handle. That was a long process. One day she hit the trail by herself and asked me when we could ride something more challenging. She's been hooked ever since.

But here's the kicker: SHE'S the one who got me into biking in the first place. Several years ago she bought that hybrid when we were living in Brooklyn. I took it for a spin in Prospect Park and was hooked. I bought a bike a few months later and the rest was history. My first taste of trail was exploring the trails in Prospect Park, which are now illegal by the way. So I guess it all came full circle.

Hang in there, but slow down. You have to show extreme patience and be extra encouraging for every little achievement, no matter how small. Everything will be really slow at first. Don't rush it, you have to nurture the situation. And with the right patience and guidance, you may have yourself a mountain biking woman!


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## cbharping (Mar 22, 2004)

My boyfriend was the one who got me into mountain biking. I did have an interest in bikes, and I was willing to try. My first time out, I didn't enjoy so much. The second time out, I had a BLAST and it got me hooked from that point on.

If she already enjoys road riding, and she enjoys outdoorsy activities, those are both good starting points. 

If she's worried about falling, get her some 661 "veggie" kneepads and "chicken wing" elbow pads. Those will instill some confidence, I know they sure did for me!

I'm glad my boyfriend introduced me to mountain biking! It's now a weekend activity we love doing together.


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## Fish on a Bike (Dec 22, 2005)

*Roll Reversal*

Ok this might sound different to all of you, but my girlfriend actually got me into mountain biking. I started off with only a mild interest in the sport, even slightly antagonistic since it took time away from my multitude of other hobbies. Not so long ago, I was riding a cheap (and dangerous) rigid mountain bike with lots of plastic parts and she was on an older higher end Norco she bought when she was a teenager. Even though I could easily out pedal her, she had rediculous skills on a bike and would end up waiting for me whenever the trail got slightly technical. I had alot of thrills on that bike (some of them actually fun and not at all related to bike malfunction), but I also had alot of frustration which I (like a typical male ego nurturer) attributed to my junkie bike. Recently I took the plunge and bought an FS Stumpjumper Expert. Which was in my mind a big step (not to mention a big investment) into a sport which had inspired such mixed feelings.

It almost makes me feel bad to say it, but good gear can take you a long way. We went out for a nice long winter ride on the switchback trails on the hilly shore of a nearby lake. It was amazing. Even as I was unloading the bike for the first ride, I was wondering if I had made a mistake on such a big purchase. Halfway through the ride, I was whizzing through the trees and riding berms with a smile that has yet to be unplastered from my beaming face. Simply amazing, I was literally speeding through turns that I would normally be braking the whole way through, and when it came to the rough stuff (even climbing, which I used to fear and loathe) I felt like I was twice the rider that I know I actually am. We switched bikes for a while just to see if that was what really made the difference. I instantly felt like half the rider I was only a minute before.

So, the moral of the story is not really idealistic. Which really makes me kinda sad (but not so sad that I would ever dream of giving up the bike!). Money can buy happiness. And if not true hard earned skill, at least good mechanics can inspire confidence to try things previously unthinkable. I feel obligated to mention, however, that even with my new bike, I was at best, keeping pace with my girlfriend on her 13 year old size-too-small bike. And when we switched bikes just to test the differences, well... lets just say that I'm glad she is can be a very patient person.

Helping your girlfriend pick out a bike might be helpful. BUT, and this is a big one: she has to make the first move. Buying her a bike, especially an expensive one will only put undo pressure on her while at the same time unnaturally intensifying your "need" for her to ride. It should be her choice to make such a purchase. She also will feel more incentive to ride the bike if she comes out of pocket for it, which might keep her on the bike long enough to go for that one ride that "makes a tuning fork ring in her loins." It might be the first ride, it might be the fifteenth. I suffered through many mountain biking excursions with my girlfriend, mostly to make her happy. Now, I'm the one bugging her to help me pick out a local trail for next weekend's ride, and even planning future vacations around mtn biking!


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## Dan'ger (Aug 26, 2004)

Hey Benja,

A year has gone by. What happened? Were you successful in any part of the endeavor?

The last ride I was successful about getting my wife to do with me was at China Camp - a partial front-side loop from the campsite to the historic China Beach area and back at Ales & Trails 2005. 

Since then, we've gone through pregnancy and new baby and I'm dying to try to get her back in the saddle and hoping to use whatever advice you've got on the matter.


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## benja55 (Aug 10, 2005)

*Update!*



Dan'ger said:


> A year has gone by. What happened? Were you successful in any part of the endeavor?


Sorry for forgetting to post an update!

We ended up getting her a really nice Giant Trance from Charles and friends over at Passion Trail Bikes in Belmont. I have to give Charles HUGE props for making the process totally comfortable and informative for her. I know that the shop experience can make a difference (for anyone, but for women in particular) and in our case it was totally positive.

To make a long story short, we are slooooly working our way onto more dirt. We've been doing mixed on/off dirt rides around town periodically, with more dirt in the mix lately and she seems like she is ready to head out onto more legit singletrack soon. Its definitely a slow progression, but its happening. Its actually a really great learning experience for both of us. She wants the fitness and the fun, but is an Alpha Female who hates being a newbie and has a bit of a deep seated fear of falling, hurting herself etc. Of course, naturally, when she gets out on the bike she does just fine! We were out this weekend and she was sliding around on some sizeable wet roots and stuff and just went with it like it was no biggie. It made me really happy to see her progressing and gaining confidence. Its hard introducing someone to something that you've been doing for so long that your body is practically hard wired for it. What comes instinctively for me may be completely counterintuitive to her (like trusting momentum and laying off the brakes; she is a great snow/ice driver so I used that analogy and it made sense!)

Anyhoo, our schedules this last year have been basically fuct, as she is getting ready to take the state board exams to become a licensed accupuncturist, so weekends for her are often spent in the books. On top of that we've got a 4yr old so our weekend family time is precious. Up until now he has been riding behind me on an old Cannondale that I converted to a town/dirt bike with a kid seat. That limits some of the rides a bit. So the kid factor does complicate things, but it also can add to the fun. The key is keeping a good perspective on all this.

I find that I have to start thinking of riding in a family context and understanding that I can't bust out and just RIDE, be it on my own as often as I'd like, as well as when she and I or all three of us are riding together. I've got MY riding time, but now there are weekends where we've got OUR riding time. Tough choices have to be made and in the end the choice to have a family ride on a weekend when you might have gone out solo or with the regular posse is the better one because you ALL get to have fun and she gets a bit more time on the bike to catch the fever.... :thumbsup:

Hmmm... I hope some of that made sense!


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## Dan'ger (Aug 26, 2004)

I'm working on a plan whereby my mountain biking will be a family affair. I saw this article: http://norcamba.org/pdf/newsletter_v3_1.pdf a few months ago and I'm working on buying a WeeRide seat today.

My wife has a nice Jericho hardtail that I sized for her a few months ago. I asked her to tell me if it fits by taking a ride around the block and she disappeared for 20 minutes. I guess it fits.

My teenage kids mountain bike so now it's a matter of getting Maya and mommy on the trail as well.


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## FoxOverFence (Apr 7, 2005)

This thread has a happy ending where you're riding as a family and having fun. At least she doesn't hate it although she doesn't share your passion. I would hate to have my SO not be able to share my passion but you really can't force a person's interests.

I got into mountain biking purely as another outdoor outlet and a way to see beautiful places. I lived in Utah and my friends and I had been going backpacking and hiking. Finally the mountain bike became more common in the early 90's and I decided to get one as a way to go further on those forest service roads and mining trails that beckoned to me. And I loved it ever since, progressively getting more passionate about it until today I find myself having given up telemark skiing, kayaking, rock climbing, backpacking and hiking, for biking. Weird but true. I love being on a mountain bike but it was the lure of a pretty place that got me on one in the first place.


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## ValerieNV (Jan 18, 2007)

My husband has been a biker since we met - back then he had road bikes . We had been married for 21 years before I started riding with him . I have over the years gone out with him on the trails with me on one of my horses or an ATV . For no real reason I wanted to try riding a bike last summer . I went out on an easy fairly flat trail about 7 miles and was hooked . I have been riding as much as I can ever since . 

The only problem - while I was starting it was great and all fun . The first time I dropped him on a trail things changed . He's doing better with it but for a tense couple weeks I didn't think he'd ride with me again .


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