# who shoudn`t singlespeed.



## treesmasher (Sep 27, 2008)

I just got back from my first bicycle shop party. Holy cow I never knew.

If you wear Northface and don`t run. Or even wear it I guess.
If you use axe body spray.
If you use masculine fragrance.
Put gel in your hair.
Buy products to make your teeth more white.
If you tell me cliplees pedals give you 30% more power.
If your 25 and live with your Mom.
If you think IPA taste better than a cold bottle of Budwiser.
If your not in high school and your pants have a design on the back pocket.
If you wear those kind of shoes. I think the reknob said they were clarks.

I have more but I need to get another glass of grapes.


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## canonshooter (May 10, 2009)

What???


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## Spinnyspinspin (Aug 11, 2011)

Old ladies. 
Mormons. 
Pets.
People faster than me,
Convicted felons.
Illegal immigrants.
Pretty much anybody who wouldn't also otherwise qualify for a driver's license.
Women (but only because one of them might be faster than me)
People who drink my beer/People who don't let me drink their beer

I could come up with some more but I'm too busy drinking my IPA.

:thumbsup::ciappa::band:


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## treesmasher (Sep 27, 2008)

My boss.
midgets.
skinny people.
People with healthy knees.
fisherman.

Hang on i need a smoke.


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## mattchuck2 (Mar 1, 2010)

People with No Legs and Arms
Soccer Hooligans
Governors of Red States
Blue Whales

I have more, but I have to go do some shrooms.


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## ne_dan (Mar 19, 2007)

People


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## treesmasher (Sep 27, 2008)

Yoda!
Super friendly aviators.


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## Andrea138 (Mar 25, 2009)

Women and people with Cannondale Trail SL3s


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## Brewtality (Jul 25, 2007)

treesmasher said:


> I just got back from my first bicycle shop party. Holy cow I never knew.
> 
> If you think IPA taste better than a cold bottle of Budwiser.


Wow, I guess that disqualifies a bunch of us on this forum

How about:

Women that are pregnant.
Women that might become pregnant.
Men that are pregnant.
Men that might become pregnant.
Small children.
Infants.
Anybody that uses oxygen.

Back to my tasty IPA


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## Lord Humongous (Jan 12, 2004)

Space alien cat zombies. Everyone else should singlespeed.


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## fishcreek (Apr 10, 2007)

men with moobs.
chess players.
suicide bombers.

back to my pb blaster/liquid wrench cocktail..


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## chad1376 (Dec 25, 2011)

..are a wine snob and feel the need to judge other people.


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## TiGeo (Jul 31, 2008)

:thumbsup: on the IPA comment.


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## SeaBass_ (Apr 7, 2006)

Chicks who wear panties under their lycra....


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## jejoyner (Feb 24, 2012)

Gingers
People who like Gingers
People who like people who like Ginger


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## Houndog45 (Oct 27, 2010)

People who don't like Iron Maiden...

Men who don't like a good prostate massage...From a woman of course!!


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## Pooch (Apr 6, 2011)

jejoyner said:


> Gingers
> People who like Gingers
> People who like people who like Ginger


Okay, I can ignore the IPA comments as that just leaves more beer for me, but Gingers??? You really want to tiick off those of us that lack souls???:madmax:

Don't know what I'm going to tell my Misfit.


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## Caffeine Powered (Mar 31, 2005)

people who smoke
people who think Budweiser is a beer
IPA haters
wine drinkers
people that go to bike shop parties
people who post on MTBR between cigarettes and glasses of wine when they should be at the party


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## Tanin (Apr 12, 2006)

Anyone who owns a cat
People who want to own a cat
People who own dogs that are smaller than a cat


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## picassomoon (Jun 16, 2009)

Singlespeeding is a very dangerous activity and should never be attempted by anyone, ever.


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## monzie (Aug 5, 2009)

Yer mom. 
Yer mom's mom. 
Lizzie Borden.
David Copperfield. 
I like IPA's.
I SS.
Mutant trash babies.
I heard a unicorn and narwhal were involved.
People with facebook.
People without facebook.
Caffeine Powered. 
Sasquatch(RASS).


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## Spinnyspinspin (Aug 11, 2011)

Celebrities who shouldn't SS:

Billy "Bob" Thornton (clearly he's a soft-tail rider)
Christopher "Walken" (geared way too tall for anything technical)
Dennis "Hopper" (He's a DJ/DH kinda guy.... plus his role in Blue Velvet means I don't want to run into him on any of the trails I ride)
Brad "Pitt" (Obviously he rides a geared bike, always dealing with mechanicals)
Kevin "Spacey" (Lacks the focus and discipline required to SS properly)
Keith Richards (What is the guy like 200 years old? This one is purely for his safety, I have no word play)
David "Cross" (Wait, this guy could totally SS, 'cause his last name is CX! Awesome)
Will "Ferrule" (It could just be brake housing we're talking about, but let's face it. The guy probably rides a Specialized with gears)
Jake Gyllenhal (Again, I just don't want to have to see this guy on my trails)
Michael "Caine" (Knees just aren't what they used to be)
Harrison "Ford" (Drives everywhere)
Pauly "Shore" (Surfs, but only so he can try to pick up women who MIGHT be impressed with the
star of Son-In-Law)
Anthony "Hopkins" (At the dirt track with Hopper)
Jim "Carrey" (Might be great at dismounting in CX, but relies too heavily on his tried and true bail out gears)
George W. Bush (Even one gear might be too many for him to think about)
Colonel "Sanders" (Into custom fabrication, definitely running at least a dingle setup)
Tommy Lee (I just don't want to catch hep from riding the same trails)
Tommy Lee "Jones" (Always asking to borrow money for beer)
Machete (I don't think even the most clyde-friendly ride could survive that guy... plus he'd be faster than me, I'm sure, or he'd kick my ass for being faster than him... lose/lose either way with that guy)


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## ernesto_from_Wisconsin (Jan 12, 2004)

Dracula
A peanut
Meatheads
Nicholas Cage

I'll be right back, I got to finish juicing the mango...


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## fishcreek (Apr 10, 2007)

biker fox..

for stealing our mamasitas.


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## Spinnyspinspin (Aug 11, 2011)

ernesto_from_Wisconsin said:


> Dracula
> A peanut
> Meatheads
> Nicholas Cage
> ...


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## XLR99 (Sep 21, 2010)

Spinnyspinspin said:


>


Awesome.....
"he'll be cryin' himself to sleep tonight on his huge pilla "


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## ernesto_from_Wisconsin (Jan 12, 2004)

fishcreek said:


> biker fox..
> 
> for stealing our mamasitas.


Biker fox is right! Just look at his powermeter. What a jerk.


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## Spinnyspinspin (Aug 11, 2011)

That guy looks like Sheldon Brown and David Bowie from the Labyrinth if they had a love-child. And he clearly inherited Bowie's codpiece.


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## fishcreek (Apr 10, 2007)

ernesto_from_Wisconsin said:


> Just look at his powermeter. What a jerk.


i know, right? if he can steal chicks riding gears, can you imagine what will happen if he invades the SS world?


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## Caffeine Powered (Mar 31, 2005)

fishcreek said:


> i know, right? if he can steal chicks riding gears, can you imagine what will happen if he invades the SS world?


Is he smuggling a cinnamon bun in his tights? :skep: I'm afraid to look any closer


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## Spinnyspinspin (Aug 11, 2011)

Caffeine Powered said:


> Is he smuggling a cinnamon bun in his tights? :skep: I'm afraid to look any closer


It looks like a giant acorn. I need some bleach for my eyes now.


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## monzie (Aug 5, 2009)

Spinnyspinspin said:


> It looks like a giant acorn. I need some bleach for my eyes now.


Your wish is my command.


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## ElwoodT (Mar 13, 2011)

I'd like to neg rep your bike shop for the ipa comment. I don't facebook, (my wife says mtbr is practically the same thing, I wouldn't know). The original list (exept the IPA comment) just describes ****** bags. I ss. I bet you're drinking white wine.


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## Spinnyspinspin (Aug 11, 2011)

Correct me if I'm wrong, OP, but I read the "grapes" thing in your first post as meaning "sour grapes", not wine. Were you actually referring to wine? 'Cause yeah, that's worse, especially if you're dissing the I to the P to the A.


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## Hurricane Jeff (Jan 1, 2006)

You......................only kidding


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## treesmasher (Sep 27, 2008)

You guys are awesome. I needed a good laugh after a crappy day at work. I wish I could drink beer with you guys just not a IPA.


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## wjphillips (Oct 13, 2008)

fishcreek said:


> i know, right? if he can steal chicks riding gears, can you imagine what will happen if he invades the SS world?


Whaaaaa? Is this dude for real. OMG! I almost died laughing...

Who shouldn't singlespeed?

Hipsters
And fat guys on $10,000 carbon road bikes

Keep 'em coming.


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## ernesto_from_Wisconsin (Jan 12, 2004)

......


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## AZ (Apr 14, 2009)

At least Biker Fox quit posting here.


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## lubes17319 (Dec 19, 2005)

Cinnamon buns, mmmmmmmm.


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## Sheepo5669 (May 14, 2010)

Spinnyspinspin said:


> Celebrities who shouldn't SS:
> 
> Billy "Bob" Thornton (clearly he's a soft-tail rider)
> Christopher "Walken" (geared way too tall for anything technical)
> ...


:rockon: Bravo! Excellent post!


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## Sheepo5669 (May 14, 2010)

Hoe-Lee-****

What a thread


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## monzie (Aug 5, 2009)

People faster than me on SS shouldn't SS; so I can actually podium for once.


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## heyheyitselliej (Mar 28, 2010)

*Shouldn't:*
People who like to blame their failures on their bike (mechanical malfunctions and such)
People who always have to have the newest and best ****
Rosie O'Donnell 
Dinosaurs 
People who shave their legs (unless you're female)
People who don't like beer
People who run a different cog for each location they ride

*Should:*
Bike riding bears
Unicorns
People who like old school stuff (square taper, steel frames, etc.)
Hard mother$#@^ers that like to night ride gnarly trails in the middle of winter
People who like to suffer while on a bike


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## Sheepo5669 (May 14, 2010)

ssjohn said:


> *Shouldn't:*
> 
> People who shave their legs (unless you're female)


I take personal offense to that. My guns are shaven and rock hard. And I am not a female!


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## BikeShopMonkey (Nov 18, 2010)

people who are people should SS


people who are not people should not SS


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## monzie (Aug 5, 2009)

Sheepo shouldn't SS. Not because he shaves his legs, because he wears flourecent shirts.


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## S:Drive (Aug 19, 2009)

Caffeine Powered said:


> Is he smuggling a cinnamon bun in his tights? :skep: I'm afraid to look any closer


Is that Hook Mountain?


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## SeaBass_ (Apr 7, 2006)

Ryan Seacrest
RuPaul
Britney Spears
Al Sharpton
Dan Quayle
Kim Kardashian


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## fishcreek (Apr 10, 2007)

*who's allowed to single speed?*

my man pee-wee, 40-pound bike, single speed, coaster brake, kicking roadies' behind. :thumbsup:


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## FarNRTHFatty (Sep 26, 2011)

Cats
Fizzy yellow pi$$ beer drinkers
Farm raised Salmon
Small indiginous woodland creatures 
People who wear neckerchiefs 
People who wear skinny jeans
Kinney G 
Micheal Bolton
People who enter a fatbike race on their skinny single speed bike with waist deep snow and think they can actually finish the race, but end up ridding and running their bikes seven miles out on a frozen river one way, and, run in clipless pedal shoes that cause blisters to pop, then bleed, before they concide and DNF the race with 14 miles of a 20mile race...(wait,I did that stupid $hit...I'll still ride my one gear though)
People who molest fish in Alaska during the summer
Zombies
And rabbid squirrels 
Oh, and leaf-cutter ants


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## Caffeine Powered (Mar 31, 2005)

AKxc said:


> Farm raised Salmon


I got beat by a Copper River Salmon once. I think it was doping.


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## chad1376 (Dec 25, 2011)

fishcreek said:


> my man pee-wee, 40-pound bike, single speed, coaster brake, kicking roadies' behind. :thumbsup:


Also, note the WIDE bars and elbows-out posture for maximum SS power and control!


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## Sheepo5669 (May 14, 2010)

Barefoot Hippies
Hungry Hobos
Ron Jeremy ***when erect***
Chicks with fake tits
Those creepy painted robot street performers
Clowns ***in makeup***
Blind people ***should ride ss, but should be extra careful***
Hillbillies
Jews
Blacks
Liberals
WASPs
People who enjoy the band "WASP"
the insect called a 'wasp'


And many more that I cant recall.


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## monzie (Aug 5, 2009)

Chuck Norris
Jason Alexander
Tim Tebow
Bozo the Clown
Biker Fox
Star Fox
Megan Fox(she can only SS on Sunday's)
Foxes
Rupert Murdoch
Anyone that eats hot cross buns
None of the Queer Eye guys
Dostoyevsky(SS is too simple for him)


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## Spinnyspinspin (Aug 11, 2011)

fishcreek said:


> my man pee-wee, 40-pound bike, single speed, coaster brake, kicking roadies' behind. :thumbsup:


I watched that movie with my wife a couple weeks ago, 'cause she had never seen it. I completely forgot about the Tour De France dream starting off the movie and immediately realized why I've been riding a bike since I was a kid and why it's always had a positive association! Thanks, Pee Wee!


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## wjphillips (Oct 13, 2008)

But pee wee was caught fondling his trout in a movie theater. I think he's dis-qualified....


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## Spinnyspinspin (Aug 11, 2011)

wjphillips said:


> But pee wee was caught fondling his trout in a movie theater. I think he's dis-qualified....


How is that any different from playing with a cog?


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## OneBadWagon (Mar 29, 2007)

treesmasher said:


> I just got back from my first bicycle shop party. Holy cow I never knew.
> 
> If you wear Northface and don`t run. Or even wear it I guess.
> If you use axe body spray.
> ...


People who don't know the difference between knowing _your_ sh1t, and knowing _you're_ sh1t.


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## FarNRTHFatty (Sep 26, 2011)

Caffeine Powered said:


> I got beat by a Copper River Salmon once. I think it was doping.


Yes, the investigation is on-going, several Sockeye's (Red Salmon) have come forward with possibly damning information as to the allegations made. At this time, they can't comment or speculate...we do expect the French Cycling Federation to continue this pointless investigation and make false claims that no American should/or can be that powerful and doping is the only illogical solution...


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## pisiket (Sep 19, 2006)

treesmasher said:


> If you think IPA taste better than a cold bottle of Budwiser.


The question is, can you drink Budwiser [sic] if it's not cold? 

Ali


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## robtre (Apr 9, 2008)

Man I am enjoying my Oskar Blues Old Chub(s) reading this thread while my wife and two young children are watching Lion King and I am having more fun than all three of them! This is testimony that I never again will ride a bike with gears, whereas if this group would ever to not make me laugh to myself at least then I surrender !


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## monzie (Aug 5, 2009)

ssjohn said:


> OH MY GOD I'd ride behind Kim Kardashian going up a hill on a SS!!! I hope she gets out of the saddle a lot!
> 
> Sh*$, she wouldn't have to wear a chamois, she's got so much ass!


I know dimes with bigger butts.


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## heyheyitselliej (Mar 28, 2010)

SeaBass_ said:


> Ryan Seacrest
> RuPaul
> Britney Spears
> Al Sharpton
> ...


OH MY GOD I'd ride behind Kim Kardashian going up a hill on a SS!!! I hope she gets out of the saddle a lot!

Sh*$, she wouldn't have to wear a chamois, she's got so much ass!


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## jeeper006 (May 8, 2009)

treesmasher said:


> I just got back from my first bicycle shop party. Holy cow I never knew.
> 
> If you wear Northface and don`t run. Or even wear it I guess.
> If you use axe body spray.
> ...


i fit 6 of your 10 reasons as to " who shouldn't singlespeed" however, i think you could have done a better job than that... the list is pretty lame, sounds like you ran into your kryptonite at this bike shop party of yours and he made you mad mad!! ah well, off to go ride my SS, and i may even wear my north face on the way to the trail and i will CERTAINLY not be drinking budweiser a.k.a. horse piss when i get back, probably going to enjoy a nice bottle of Abita, or maybe a Sam Adams or two!!


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## ernesto_from_Wisconsin (Jan 12, 2004)

Your mom


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## treesmasher (Sep 27, 2008)

It seems some of you got dirt in the mangina and I hurt your feelings. Thankfully some of you laughed at yourselves also and got a good laugh. 


OBAMA (He would blame BUSH for getting passed,sore knees and walking hills)
Jon Bon Jovi
Newt Gindrich (He sucks)
Ghandi
Brian Bosworth
Tony Mandrich
Mike Tyson
Def Leopard
Ron Paul
Destry Abbot
Rashad Evans
The band Poison
NRA
Japanese Whalers
Tom Platz


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## Spinnyspinspin (Aug 11, 2011)

monzie said:


> I know dimes with bigger butts.


You travel through time and this is what you've got to say?


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## Jaybo (Mar 5, 2008)

People who want to go fast and be in the right gear.


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## monzie (Aug 5, 2009)

Spinnyspinspin said:


> You travel through time and this is what you've got to say?


Pretty profound isn't it?


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## Sheepo5669 (May 14, 2010)

The thread of gold returns!


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## umarth (Dec 5, 2007)

I wish I had been there for the inception. 

The short answer, as always, is probably you.

**** off.


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## Crosstown Stew (Aug 16, 2008)

Godzilla
Lockness Monster
Sasquatch
Yeti 
Dragons
For obvious reason of course


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## Andrea138 (Mar 25, 2009)

Sheepo5669 said:


> Barefoot Hippies
> Hungry Hobos
> Ron Jeremy ***when erect***
> *Chicks with fake tits*
> ...


Well, f*ck.


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## Sheepo5669 (May 14, 2010)

Andrea138 said:


> Well, f*ck.


Dont go ahead and sell your SS, there are exceptions to every rule!


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