# My BF keeps changing things on my bike.



## weimie (Apr 21, 2006)

Does your s.o. ever change things on your bike without asking you? Mine does it all the time. Last night he told me that he sold my dual crown fork and is going to put a lighter, longer travel single crown fork on my dh bike. He said it'll be lighter and easier for me to pick up my front end and it'll handle a lot better and since I'm not dropping any huge stuff and I don't weigh alot there's really no need to have a dual crown fork on my bike.

I tell him over and over again to ask me before doing things like this and to explain why he wants to do it but he never does.....

I was liking the way my bike felt and wasn't having any issues....now I've got to get used to something new all over again. I should be thankful about getting new things put on my bike but I just wish it was my choice :madman: 

I get nervous when he says it's time for my bike to go on a diet.....


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## rocknrollbarbie (Dec 12, 2005)

I totally understand why you are frustrated. My BF does the same thing and to be very honest, I love it. It is his way of showing me how much he cares about me and he is thinking about me. But I can see how it would really bother someone. The lucky thing is, my BF not only knows way more about bikes than me, he knows what I like too. Only one time has he ever put something on my bike that I wasn't excited about. It was a really big, heavy fork with tons of travel (it was on my Yeti 575 and we were in Moab mode). It was great going downhill but going up hill really sucked. I just asked him if it was a big deal if we switched forks back. He was really understanding (thankfully). I didn't wan't him to get the idea that I didn't like him upgrading my bike!


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## Faybie77 (May 6, 2007)

*Don't touch!*

A nice whack over the knuckes with a wrench ought to teach him!!!:devil:


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## Bobolink (Jun 14, 2007)

Change some stuff on his bike.


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## cmaas73 (May 26, 2006)

yeah, that wouldn't fly with me. There's no way he would know what should be changed on my bike, because he doesn't ride it. Not that i need to worry, he would never even think about changing something on my bike unless i asked him to.


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## verslowrdr (Mar 22, 2004)

My husband also has a tendency to decide what I want and dink with stuff without asking. If it's dinner, something minor around the house, something with the vehicles or stereo, etc. I just go with the flow. Most of the time he has pretty good ideas, and for the 'other' times... eh, everyone makes mistakes once in a while, just more stories for the grandkids. 

BUT: when it comes to MY outdoor gear, I've made it clear that changes not pre-approved by me will be met with the FULL fury and wrath of my Celtic ancestors. The last thing I need is to be out at a trailhead- or even worse, out on the trail itself- only to discover something is different and/or I have part A that no longer works with part/situation B and/or something no longer works at all. That kind of thing can be a waste of time at best and a safety hazard at worst.

That's not just no, but *HELL NO- VIOLATORS WILL BE BEATEN*. Fly that idea by me FIRST, the Y chromosome does NOT automatically detect all the reasons I have things set up the way they are! :nono:


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## [CrazyRick_11] (May 14, 2006)

I'm on your side, that's not nice. 
To teach him a lesson you should sell something off his bike.


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## weimie (Apr 21, 2006)

verslowrdr said:


> BUT: when it comes to MY outdoor gear, I've made it clear that changes not pre-approved by me will be met with the FULL fury and wrath of my Celtic ancestors. The last thing I need is to be out at a trailhead- or even worse, out on the trail itself- only to discover something is different and/or I have part A that no longer works with part/situation B and/or something no longer works at all. That kind of thing can be a waste of time at best and a safety hazard at worst.


Too funny. He couldn't understand why I was so angry with him....he's like you've got a new fork what's the big deal. Um, the last time we rode I found that I had new tires on my bike. They were like 2.5s on my XC bike! I like beefier tires but that's a bit much and I had a horrible horrible day of climbing because of it. I told him to please please ask before doing anything.

The point is...which he doesn't get....is to ask before doing something so I can either be excited about it or contest it, not be surprised or wondering "why does my bike just feel weird" for the whole ride.


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## jeffj (Jan 13, 2004)

That's easy. Tell him :incazzato: the next time he does it without asking first, you will replace his fork with an RST Gila, shave his eyebrows while he sleeps AND there will be no 'canoodling' (for him anyways) until his eyebrows grow back. Be prepared to possibly back it up, but it wouldn't likely take more than once 

I do agree, however, that it is his way of showing he cares and is thinking about you. It still doesn't make it right though.


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## antonio (Jan 18, 2005)

jeffj said:


> I do agree, however, that it is his way of showing he cares and is thinking about you.


Maybe partially, but I think most of it has to do with our (BF's, SO's, whatever)uncontrollable desire to upgrade parts and mess with new gadgets. Your bike just happens to be an outlet for that desire.

While potentially annoying (apologizes to my wife) , I think it's better to suffer this "problem" than it is to be the GF/wife on the trail riding the 34lb tank while the SO cruises ahead on a fully-kitted 24lb machine.

Ant


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## georgezilla (Sep 28, 2005)

actually, i dont mind if my bf upgrades my bike for me. he knows how/what i like to ride and has my best interests in mind. if i dont like something or want to change it, all i have to do is ask. i havent come home to something i didnt like yet! :thumbsup: (keep up the good work hot stuff! the fox 36 is calling my name....)


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## jewels (Mar 17, 2004)

*upgrades*

This is a funny thread, me and my s.o. have a long history of him changing stuff on my bike w/o permission. It used to really bug me, but not much anymore. I bucked at bar ends, then front suspension, then spds, big tires, dual suspension, disk brakes (biggie!)bash guards, etc...I can't tell you how many times he's done it. Now I see he was right 90% of the time on the upgrades. But to be honest, it wasn't bucking the system, it was more of a weight weenie thing. But to his credit, he tried to get the lightest big tires, disk brakes, etc also. Maybe consider trying it for a while, if you don't like it, have him change it back. Some of the things I didn't like that he bought me were saddles, helmets, armor...mostly a fit thing. It's my bf's weird little way of saying I love you and I want you to progress.


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## A girl from Seattle (May 3, 2007)

Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you have told him something many times and he still doesn't listen, it sounds like your relationship has bigger problems than just bike parts. Why would someone who loves you completely ignore your simple request? It just seems odd to me that he's dominating you like that. In my opinion you should consider not putting up with that!


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## weimie (Apr 21, 2006)

A girl from Seattle said:


> Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you have told him something many times and he still doesn't listen, it sounds like your relationship has bigger problems than just bike parts. Why would someone who loves you completely ignore your simple request? It just seems odd to me that he's dominating you like that. In my opinion you should consider not putting up with that!


If this is the only thing he does wrong than I'll suffer through it....and yell at him when he does it and then bite my tongue when I actually like it. He is in no way dominating or possessive, he's just a guy who likes the latest and greatest and thinks I'm as willing to change as he is..... He's never satisified with his bikes and wants to try new things....I like what I'm comfortable with.

Actually, we got together because he fixed my bike for me, if not for him I would have never realized how crappy my bike was really riding. But I'm still going to kick and scream when he wants me to try something different....Maybe it's because I'm afraid if he changes something on my bike I'm going to totally suck and I'll never be able to ride the way I did before


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

weimie said:


> Too funny. He couldn't understand why I was so angry with him....he's like you've got a new fork what's the big deal. Um, the last time we rode I found that I had new tires on my bike. They were like 2.5s on my XC bike! I like beefier tires but that's a bit much and I had a horrible horrible day of climbing because of it. I told him to please please ask before doing anything.
> 
> The point is...which he doesn't get....is to ask before doing something so I can either be excited about it or contest it, not be surprised or wondering "why does my bike just feel weird" for the whole ride.


edited: read Connie's post, she says it much better than I ever could.


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

My husband offers a lot of advice and yes, he's often right on what upgrades I should do. BUT he knows better than to change something without my permission. He has bought me bike parts as gifts, which I totally dig, but it's not like I go out and my bike is different - I get the item as a gift and then - "Do you like it? Let's go put it on!" That's fun. If I went out to the garage and the fork I love was replaced with something else, I'd be pretty annoyed. (If I'd been wishing endlessly for a new one and the one I'd been drooling over was on there... that's again, another story!)

If I was in your shoes I'd ask him how he'd feel if I changed the parts on his bike without his permission. (My husband would LOSE HIS MIND.) 

I do understand that it's likely his way of showing his love for you. He probably genuinely thinks you'll love the changes he made once you try them. My husband does the same thing with bike maintenance sometimes. I want to do it on my own if at all possible, but he wants to take over and do it for me and it occasionally turns into a battle of wills. It's one of those things where I DO greatly appreciate his willingness to help, and his experience and knowledge, but I'll never learn just by standing around watching. And he's not always there to fix everything. It's taken a while, but I think we've finally come to an understanding that if I'm working on my bike and ask a question, I'm not asking him to do it for me, just explain it to me and let me figure it out.

Talk to him and explain that you just want to be part of the decision making. If he thinks you need new tires, have him explain why and what the benefits and drawbacks to the upgrade will be. Something as easy as tires to change shouldn't be that big of a deal - as long as it's not a surprise. If you knew you were going out to do a ride with loose corners and lots of rocks and those bigger tires would help, it probably wouldn't be that hard to convince you why you should try them. And if you hate them, you can always change them back. But I'm with you - I certainly wouldn't want to be surprised by different tires when I get out on a trail!


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## weimie (Apr 21, 2006)

connie said:


> Talk to him and explain that you just want to be part of the decision making. If he thinks you need new tires, have him explain why and what the benefits and drawbacks to the upgrade will be.


This is exactly what I told him....I don't know much about parts and how they work and why changing something to this or that would be better. I just want to know WHY he thinks it would be better and how it would benefit me.

I made him read this thread last night and I think he gets it....we'll see.


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## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

*Gifts are funny things.*

They aren't always what you want but we always say thank you.

These efforts, though, aren't neccesarily gifts alone, they are part of a process which is outside of your expertise.. Territoriality is popping it's' head up here, as are issues of control and desire. All valid. However, this tendancy to control you bike may have its' roots in the very earliest stages of yor exposure to this sport when you really knew nothing. This may have changed, territory or not.

It appears that BF has a jones for fiddling and twiddling which goes beyond washing and lubing your bike for you. It is important to preserve some of that. Sure it is your bike but he is also not a mechanic for hire, either. As such a solution will have to be thoughtful or you can take care of your own dang bike, so to speak.

Perhaps a way to manage this behavior is to more actively engage in the issue of developing your bike. Ask to be included in the thinking and changing of your ride. That is, if you are interested. It may not change what ultimately happens to your bike but you will at least be on board and a part of the developement of your involvement in the sport. This may lead to a very comprehensive awareness of how your bike effects your riding. That, in turn, will lead you to engage BF in a very meaningful way as he "supports" your bike.

It is a deft manner which is not as confrontational as "not without my permission."

However, if you don't care to learn about your bike and just would rather that he not do things to it without your permission, or only when the bike is in crisis or fails your needs and you feel you need his support, that is a different issue. Then it is a matter of baby and bathwater.


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

Berkeley Mike said:


> They aren't always what you want but we always say thank you.
> 
> These efforts, though, aren't neccesarily gifts alone, they are part of a process which is outside of your expertise.. Territoriality is popping it's' head up here, as are issues of control and desire. All valid. However, this tendancy to control you bike may have its' roots in the very earliest stages of yor exposure to this sport when you really knew nothing. This may have changed, territory or not.
> 
> ...


There is the consideration that if he's buying you the bike and the parts and you expect him to do your maintenance... that it pretty much IS his bike. You're still riding it and if he's not taking your preferences into consideration it doesn't make much sense, but it wouldn't be fair to complain...

But personally, my husband and I both work, we both pay for our own bikes and gear and I DO want to do all my own maintenance. Admittedly I have moments where I have no idea how to fix something and I ask for help. And the few things I worry that I might cause expensive damage if I do wrong (like installing bottom brackets) that I ask for help with. But I help him with tasks easier done with an extra set of hands... (like bleeding brakes) so I think it balances out.


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## VT Mtbkr (Jan 19, 2004)

Ever had something break on your bike and the replacement/fix ends up being more then he bargained for and a 15 min job turns into an hour and anything you say is wrong so you just let him cuss and fight with your bike while you find other things to occupy your time until he's over it......the next day.

I'd rather have a shop guy fix it in 15 min then go through a night of pissed off finace sometimes.  Oh the joys of bike ownership and a determined mechanic.

FYI: I can fix small bike problems(have been for 7 years) but now he's taken over my job.


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## verslowrdr (Mar 22, 2004)

VT Mtbkr said:


> Ever had something break on your bike and the replacement/fix ends up being more then he bargained for and a 15 min job turns into an hour and anything you say is wrong so you just let him cuss and fight with your bike while you find other things to occupy your time until he's over it......the next day.
> 
> I'd rather have a shop guy fix it in 15 min then go through a night of pissed off finace sometimes. .


Waitaminute.... you're not engaged to my husband are you?!? 

Seriously, this whole topic is painfully close to home. My husband is legendary in our circle of family and friends for being long on impulsive enthusiasm and short on patience or inclination to read the directions. It's what makes him loads o' fun and/or drives us batshirt crazy, but you HAVE to accept both sides of the coin with a personality like his. I often remind him that I DO love him, I sincerely appreciate his desire to help/surprise me, but he still needs to TALK TO ME FIRST about messing with my gear because it's an honest safety issue and he doesn't always understand I'm doing things differently for a reason. Fortunately he's gotten much better over the years as he's recognized that while I don't have his experience, I have some mechanical aptitude and have often done more research/direction-reading prior to getting started.

Conversely he's got 100% free reign in the kitchen. He NEEDS a creative outlet, and cooking has become his medium- especially since he discovered a really good Indian cook book. 
MrVerslow: "Guess what we're having for dinner!" 
Verslow: *hugs the grinning man and pecks him on the cheek* "Honey, knowing you it could be ANYTHING, which is yet another reason why I love you."


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## MtbRN (Jun 8, 2006)

Berkeley Mike said:


> They aren't always what you want but we always say thank you.
> 
> These efforts, though, aren't neccesarily gifts alone, they are part of a process which is outside of your expertise.. Territoriality is popping it's' head up here, as are issues of control and desire. All valid. However, this tendancy to control you bike may have its' roots in the very earliest stages of yor exposure to this sport when you really knew nothing. This may have changed, territory or not.
> 
> ...


Sorry, but I am not a fan of the "I know what's good for you" school of thought. If it is MY bike (be it purchased by me or given as a gift) then any changes should be run by me as the principal user of the bike. This is whether I know nothing or know exactly what I want. It is respectful to ask someone before playing with their toys, didn't your momma teach you that? 

Could be that any and all changes will be recieved with a "wow, great!", but the bike's owner should still be included in the process.


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## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

*No one said to accept "I know what's good for you."*

Like I said drawing lines in the sand about who owns what and rules of ettiquette and who ought to do what if they were a decent human being is inelegant. I just offered a way to move from something that was irritating to something that was a whole lot more pleasant.
As I said "territoriality is popping it's' head up here, as are issues of control and desire." To those I might add a reaction formation against paternalism. That just leads to pissing contests.


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## ailisa (May 25, 2006)

Haha this was a funny thread. My SO doesn't ride so I get to work on my bikes all by myself but I must admit I do recognize the situation when it comes to his computer. He has close to no clue about computers so I often have to help him out. And sometimes I also help him out when he hasn't asked for it. I'll defrag his HDs, update applications or change the HW....and very often I find that these upgrades aren't as welcome as I had expected, weird  . I feel like I've gone out of my way to make his life easier and he gets grumpy because he can't go online since I'm in the middle of changing the CPU fan or something or he can't get an application to work because the menues are different from before. I almost suspect he has Aspergers or something  

I guess this behaviour is a consequence of being overly interested in something. The mind constantly thinks about what can be done to upgrade the PCs or bikes and if everything is top notch with my own stuff....I start working on his. And since he does't maintain his PC himself and will be dependent on me when it crashes I feel like I'm in my right to do so (I also pay for the HW upgrades).

It's not like I'd switch his keyboard to a Dvorak one without asking him so I totally understand those of you who don't like sudden changes in your bike setup. I'd never touch his fishing gear and I would probably turn into a raving maniac if someone else had done anything to my bikes without my permission.


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## socalbikegirl (Dec 30, 2006)

Funny thread...

I usually have to talk DH into changing some part of my bike although he will usually clean the rig for a small price  . Now it's when he starts reaching into my jersey pockets and starts pulling out the Hoho's and Twinkies I ever so carefully selected for my ride snack that I have to tell him to back away or else suffer the wrath of a water bottle squarely between the eyes. Just kidding, kinda.


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

jewels said:


> It's my bf's weird little way of saying I love you and I want you to progress.


That is really sweet!

My bf can & will fix anything I need to have fixed, but he won't change my set up for me unless it's something that I am interested in. He did buy me a fork as a surprize for my cross bike that was perfect, and he had it custom painted. It was perfect and I didn't even know I wanted it until I saw it! I think I had a little tear in my eye with that.


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## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

*The perfect gift for Impy*

THAT is exactly what I am trying to get to withe the over zealous BF. Impy's SO has developed an intimate knowledge of the philopophy of her riding as welll as its' style and technical demands. Here we have currently problematic behaviors but with the fundimentals of skill and desire to a great mechanical trelationship to support Weimie's bike. We just need to make it interactive.


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## MtbRN (Jun 8, 2006)

Berkeley Mike said:


> THAT is exactly what I am trying to get to withe the over zealous BF. We just need to make it interactive.


" Ask to be included in the thinking and changing of your ride. That is, if you are interested. It may not change what ultimately happens to your bike but you will at least be on board and a part of the developement of your involvement in the sport."

Mike, I'm sorry but I'm not getting how the sentences in quotations above promote "interactive" behaviours. If my input does not affect what ultimately happens to my bike, how does that translate into my "being on board"? It may mean I am informed about what is going to change, but it is neither "being on board" or "being involved in development". Thus my comment earlier about "I know what's best for you".

Maybe a clearer writing style would allow people to understand "what you are getting at" a little better. Howeever, since you are from Berkley, maybe that's asking too much


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## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

*Not everythng is simple.*

Nor can we asume that since we both speak english that we can understand each other.

I don't think that this behavior can neccesarily be qualified as simply as "I know what's best for you." Such a determination limits the understanding of other motives and lends an adversarial tone to solutions. Nudging someone from whatever the motivation is to something more inclusive requires a non-adversarial mangement style. If I read Weimie's "voice" correctly my method would be more appropriate to her demeanor and he sense of her realtionship. That's my call.


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## Dwight Moody (Jan 10, 2004)

weimie said:


> Does your s.o. ever change things on your bike without asking you?


No. And I'd freaking flip out if she did. When she buys me accessories without asking I'm suspicious (though I've come to love the waterbottle cage that matches the bike, I really thought it wasn't butch enough at first.)

I wouldn't yoink the book she was reading and hand her another one telling her it was better. That's just not respectful. It's your bike, he should ask before he messes with it. It's nice that he likes to upgrade it.


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## chucko58 (Aug 4, 2006)

I'm the gearhead in my household, and I don't change anything my wife uses without asking her and getting her approval first. Period. Changing stuff out from under her would be arrogant and presumptuous on my part. 

Guys, I don't care how good the intention may be, you have to ask first!


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## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

*Brilliant.*

Like we don't know he ought not to do this to begin with.

Geez.


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## weimie (Apr 21, 2006)

Okay...I'm biting my tongue this morning. I had an excellent time on the single crown fork he put on my dh bike and he was right that I would like the lightness and quickness of the fork. I did however have a few complaints, not really complaints but I'll have to get used to a few differences but the positives far outweigh the differences. And I'll be keeping it on my bike. I told him that even though he was right about the fork he still needs to explain what he wants to do and why. He can still change my bike but he needs to tell me first and explain why he wants to do it and how it'll help me.

I think he'll get it from now on :thumbsup:


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## Guyechka (Jul 19, 2005)

*Guilty....sort of*

I make changes to my wife's bike. But I follow some self imposed rules:

1. Listen to her complaints about ride characteristics and decide what course of action is required.

2. Explain what changes I would make and how they should benefit her.

3. Don't make any drastic changes. Start small and let her adjust. After she has ridden with the changes, I ask her if she can tell a difference and whether that difference is good or bad.

So far, I've only put on a bashguard to keep her from smacking her calf on the big ring; replaced the high rise bars with flat to keep her front end down (I honestly don't understand why her Hardrock xtra small came with high risers that equated into instant wheelie); and tied down her grips to keep them from twisting.


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## itsdoable (Jan 6, 2004)

I'm guilt of changing parts on my SO's bike without telling her, usually she notices after a few rides - sometimes after a month, sometimes never. She's more interested in riding rather than equipment, and I'm pretty careful in maintaining the setup. However, on items that clearly affect fit and performance (ie ergon grips, longer travel fork, etc...), I ask/inform first. Changes are usually due to parts wearing out, or better performing (lighter and longer lasting) parts.


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## Dwight Moody (Jan 10, 2004)

Guyechka said:


> (I honestly don't understand why her Hardrock xtra small came with high risers that equated into instant wheelie)


I'm guessing there are two reasons, and they both are about money over performance:

1) Specialized bought tens of thousands of risers, they didn't want to buy any flat bars at the price you'd pay for just a couple thousand.

2) They didn't think they could sell an entry-level mountain bike with flat bars in todays market.


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## FoxOverFence (Apr 7, 2005)

Guyechka said:


> (I honestly don't understand why her Hardrock xtra small came with high risers that equated into instant wheelie);


You say that like it's a bad thing!!! I'd love to have a bike that's easy to wheelie


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## chuky (Apr 3, 2005)

Confession:

JMH is a radical mechanic. The kind of mechanic that makes you just sit and watch because it is so much fun to see him work. 

When we met, we were both wrenching at a shop, 12 years later, I live the life of a pro. My bikes are shiny and clean. I kit up, go out to the garage, and roll one of my perfectly functioning machines out to ride. JMH and I talk about the bikes all the time, a comment from me about function will lead to a bunch of fidding and dialing in on his part, testing on my part, and he has all of my tire pressure preferences documented. 

I can wrench, I can certainly change a flat faster than most people, but frankly, I love having my personal team mechanic and consider myself to be super, super lucky. 

Now, if I could just get him to go to massage school...

;-)


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## Guyechka (Jul 19, 2005)

FoxOverFence said:


> You say that like it's a bad thing!!! I'd love to have a bike that's easy to wheelie


The trouble was that, on steeper more technical trails, she lost control over the front wheel. Even on flat she had difficulty when there were rocks and roots. High rise bars + crummy forks without rebound control were a recipe for disaster. I noticed her saddle was well below the bars and figured a drop of about 1.5" would still be comfortable enough and add a degree of control.

BUT! I did ask first, and I explained what she should expect. And I told her that, if she didn't like it, I could always put the old bars back on.


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## cbharping (Mar 22, 2004)

My SO has changed things on my bike without telling me beforehand for many years now. It's always been as surprise gifts, and I always appreciate it! He really does his homework before making any changes, and it's always in an effort to improve the bike for me and to help me with my riding. He always takes into account the kind of riding I do and the kind of riding I want to be doing.

He just surprised me with a new fork yesterday, because he was worried about my current fork showing some problem signs of age on our last ride together. He chose the perfect one for my riding needs...that's my sweetie!


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## ibikergal (Sep 4, 2006)

I can really relate to this topic!! My SO changes things on my bike, usually after he has suggested it and I might say I am not ready for the change and then some time he makes the change anyway. 

Case in point, my bike is kind of heavy for a xs full suspension so he said "you should go to tubeless tires, they will be lighter and less moving mass" . I understand the theory behind the change, but I have also seen the trouble he has had with his tubeless tires, like the time one blow off the rim when he was inflating it and it put the slimy sealer all over the dinning room!!! :madman: And how he was having problems getting them to seal up and hold air. So I was not sure I wanted any of this trouble, because I can change a tube in a tire with no problem. But anyways, one morning before a xc race he announces he has a surprise on my bike and brings me out to see, well not only do I have tubeless tires but I have new set of Specialized Fast Track tires!! :eekster: No more Specialized Resolutions!! He says it will be lighter and will accelerate faster and the course I was racing didn't need the more aggressive tires so they should work just fine for me!! I didn't know what to say, so I just said we will try them and sure enough they were faster and I had enough grip, I am not sure how may grams I shaved, I am sure he told me because he weighed everything. The only thing I don't really like is the fact that they do loose air overnight and requires putting air in for every ride and the tube didn't. 

Oh and there was the "Gravity Dropper" he installed.......loved it at Downieville but don't need it all the time!!

The way I see it, is that I can always change things back if I really don't like them and he will understand!!


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

ibikergal said:


> I can really relate to this topic!! My SO changes things on my bike, usually after he has suggested it and I might say I am not ready for the change and then some time he makes the change anyway.
> 
> Case in point, my bike is kind of heavy for a xs full suspension so he said "you should go to tubeless tires, they will be lighter and less moving mass" . I understand the theory behind the change, but I have also seen the trouble he has had with his tubeless tires, like the time one blow off the rim when he was inflating it and it put the slimy sealer all over the dinning room!!! :madman: And how he was having problems getting them to seal up and hold air. So I was not sure I wanted any of this trouble, because I can change a tube in a tire with no problem. But anyways, one morning before a xc race he announces he has a surprise on my bike and brings me out to see, well not only do I have tubeless tires but I have new set of Specialized Fast Track tires!! :eekster: No more Specialized Resolutions!! He says it will be lighter and will accelerate faster and the course I was racing didn't need the more aggressive tires so they should work just fine for me!! I didn't know what to say, so I just said we will try them and sure enough they were faster and I had enough grip, I am not sure how may grams I shaved, I am sure he told me because he weighed everything. The only thing I don't really like is the fact that they do loose air overnight and requires putting air in for every ride and the tube didn't.
> 
> ...


Ha. Okay, I guess you must be using CO2 or something to inflate tubeless in the dining room. But I have to admit, that my first visualization was that you not only were doing this in the house, but had an air compressor in the dining room too and I was thinking DAMN. We have Stans splattered around the garage, but I think my husband would kill me if I brought it into the house, let alone the other way around.

And for the record, if my husband (or anyone else) wants to buy me various upgrades to try, I'm all for it.  I'm a gear junkie myself and would love to be able to test out all of my options - especially if I'm not paying for it!


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## athalliah (Dec 9, 2005)

My bikes are in a permanent state of disrepair...I'd be happy if someone wanted to fix them.


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## tomk96 (Nov 10, 2004)

ibikergal said:


> The only thing I don't really like is the fact that they do loose air overnight and requires putting air in for every ride and the tube didn't.


Ever since I've added stans, I don't need to inflate my tires all the time.

Also, he shouldn't give you new tires before a race. You should have the chance to ride them first. Glad it worked out, but my wife would have cut my throat.


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## Windjammer (May 6, 2007)

you ladies are jack whacked. your BFs, SOs, and SOBs change stuff on your bike because it is their way of getting to control another piece of your life; and for some jacked up reason y'all like that.


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## georgezilla (Sep 28, 2005)

Windjammer said:


> you ladies are jack whacked. your BFs, SOs, and SOBs change stuff on your bike because it is their way of getting to control another piece of your life; and for some jacked up reason y'all like that.


wow. you are an idiot coming in here telling a bunch of women that they're jack whacked (wtf does that mean anyway?!). :skep: as for the rest of your comment, you couldnt be further from wrong. changing something is not a way of getting control. if you've ever been in a relationship you'd know that people do things for others because they care, they like to give gifts or want to do something nice for someone else. for the most part its done with the best intentions, not to control someone else.


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## Melt (May 24, 2004)

shoot him


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## tscheezy (Dec 19, 2003)

Guyechka said:


> I make changes to my wife's bike. But I follow some self imposed rules:
> 
> 1. Listen to her complaints about ride characteristics and decide what course of action is required.
> 
> ...


Ditto.

Funny, cool, and appropriate thread.


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## Windjammer (May 6, 2007)

georgezilla said:


> wow. you are an idiot coming in here telling a bunch of women that they're jack whacked (wtf does that mean anyway?!). :skep: as for the rest of your comment, you couldnt be further from wrong. changing something is not a way of getting control. if you've ever been in a relationship you'd know that people do things for others because they care, they like to give gifts or want to do something nice for someone else. for the most part its done with the best intentions, not to control someone else.


The only relationships I've ever been able to manage have been with strong professional women. A school psychologist, a lawyer, a woman working on her MD to be a psychiatrist. Those women knew what they wanted and they didn't put up with men changing (i.e. taking control of) things in their life. When a man is changing something on your bike he is taking control of it, he is making the decisions for you. That is your bike and you ride it, you know how you like it and you know how you want it to be; at least you should be. When you allow your BFs to change these things (without asking no less), then you are allowing them to have control of that piece of your life. When you rationalize it by saying that it is just because they love you and they know how you like it anyway, it is just submitting further to that control. If that is your brand of love, then so be it; I really have no grounds to say there is anything wrong with it. I even find those types of relationships to look quite lovely at times. I typically expect my girlfriends to be more autonomous though, and I look for women that expect that from me.


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## Windjammer (May 6, 2007)

Melt said:


> shoot him


for suggesting you take control of another piece of your lives? Would I be dying a martyr's death for the cause of feminism at the hands of women? how ironic.


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## Melt (May 24, 2004)

not you ... the original posters boyfriend ..... i should really use emoticons more often


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## Windjammer (May 6, 2007)

Melt said:


> not you ... the original posters boyfriend ..... i should really use emoticons more often


oh sorry. my fault. i should've looked at the post tree and saw you weren't even replying to me:madman:


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

Windjammer said:


> The only relationships I've ever been able to manage have been with strong professional women. A school psychologist, a lawyer, a woman working on her MD to be a psychiatrist. Those women knew what they wanted and they didn't put up with men changing (i.e. taking control of) things in their life. When a man is changing something on your bike he is taking control of it, he is making the decisions for you. That is your bike and you ride it, you know how you like it and you know how you want it to be; at least you should be. When you allow your BFs to change these things (without asking no less), then you are allowing them to have control of that piece of your life. When you rationalize it by saying that it is just because they love you and they know how you like it anyway, it is just submitting further to that control. If that is your brand of love, then so be it; I really have no grounds to say there is anything wrong with it. I even find those types of relationships to look quite lovely at times. I typically expect my girlfriends to be more autonomous though, and I look for women that expect that from me.


First of all - letting someone change things on your bike for you does not mean you are not in control of your life. If a busy, high powered, professional MAN took his bike to a shop and said - "please build my bike with whatever you think is best for how I want to ride", you wouldn't tell him he's weak for that. (I've seen wealthy executives do just that.) For many of us, this is the cheap version of doing that - the reality is that many of us have husbands or SO's who have way more riding experience than we do, and it would be stupid to waste that resource. I personally like being a gear junkie and want to know how to fix my bike and what my upgrade options are, etc. But not everyone has the time or inclination. That does not make them weak or mean they are sacrificing control of their life. They can still check out the result and decide if they like it or not, but without the investment of time to learn to do it themselves. The women in question may be in control of so many other aspects of their lives that they simply do not have time for this. I'd rather see them get out and ride when they can, instead of spending their valuable time debating between forks or tires when they have someone willing to do that for them.

If, however someone is making changes without their permission and it bothers them, they obviously need to speak up and resolve the problem - I think most everyone said that. But that is not necessarily the case, and you seem to assume that it is.

While I wouldn't want it for myself, if any of the women in here want to have their SO in charge of their bike(s), that is their decision and they don't deserve to be harrassed about it. And your first post was just plain insulting*, not to mention stupid, because you blasted all of us, despite the fact that most said they don't allow their SO to mess with their bikes.

(*Well, as far as I can tell, because jack whacked is a new one to me too... but I'm pretty positive it wasn't meant as a compliment.)


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## Windjammer (May 6, 2007)

connie said:


> (*Well, as far as I can tell, because jack whacked is a new one to me too... but I'm pretty positive it wasn't meant as a compliment.)


it is kind of like being jack keroua-whacked, where you wander through mexico in a haze of drugs and existential beatnik verse.


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## DeeEight (Jan 13, 2004)

I've made the mistake of changing a female friend's bike after she made a comment of "I wonder what'd it be like with a bash guard..." and so that night I took off the big ring and put on a bash guard and boy did I get an evil look the next day. Now I check ahead with her on stuff, WAY ahead, in triplicate. 

Of course when she moved away from town and left her bike here (not enough room in the car to move it) for a good 8 months because she kept saying she'd come back and visit often, I took advantage of it and msn to change parts then use pictures of it for my avatar. Stuff like putting pink streamers on it, and pink grips...


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## FoxOverFence (Apr 7, 2005)

ibikergal said:


> But anyways, one morning before a xc race he announces he has a surprise on my bike and brings me out to see, well not only do I have tubeless tires but I have new set of Specialized Fast Track tires!! :eekster: No more Specialized Resolutions!! He says it will be lighter and will accelerate faster and the course I was racing didn't need the more aggressive tires so they should work just fine for me!! I didn't know what to say, so I just said we will try them and sure enough they were faster and I had enough grip, I am not sure how may grams I shaved, I am sure he told me because he weighed everything. The only thing I don't really like is the fact that they do loose air overnight and requires putting air in for every ride and the tube didn't.


:nono: If someone changed something on my bike before a race, there would be a death in the family and it wouldn't be me. I can't believe this would be considered ok.


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## DBomb (May 19, 2004)

*Not to hijack, but...*

I saw someone refer to their SO as a DH. What does that mean?

My wife has run into that the Runner's World forums and she asked me if I had seen that on here. Of course today was the first day, so I decided I would ask for her. I think it means Dear Husband, but I guess I could be wrong. Sorry for the asinine post.

D


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## Windjammer (May 6, 2007)

DBomb said:


> I saw someone refer to their SO as a DH. What does that mean?
> 
> My wife has run into that the Runner's World forums and she asked me if I had seen that on here. Of course today was the first day, so I decided I would ask for her. I think it means Dear Husband, but I guess I could be wrong. Sorry for the asinine post.
> 
> D


it probably means ********

wait...did I just become captain obvious?


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## drunkle (Nov 11, 2005)

sorry for reviving a corpse...

how annoying is this issue? is this sleep on the couch serious or pout and sulk serious?

i ask because i'm building a bike for a girl i'm starting to have a relationship with. she mentioned she'd like to get a bike, at least to ride to school with (college, grad student) so i picked up a nice used bike off craigslist, stripped, cleaned, updated as an SS commuter. i've made some component choices based on use and her skill level; upright seating position, simple controls, light weight. i've made most all of the decisions (she picked out a saddle, primarly based on looks) trying to anticipate her needs. not being able to read her mind, to know what she's feeling, it's kinda frustrating... i know how i like my bikes set up but i'll never know what works for her.

part of this comes up from helping friends with their bikes. i've told friends to make simple changes and lose weight on their rides, but they resisted to the point of being insulting and disrespectful. even after (finally) trying my suggestions and being vindicated, they still distrust my judgement. stupid things like trying a longer stem (they looked too upright when riding), raising/lowering seat post... it was pulling teeth to get them to try what i knew would be an improvement. i don't help or give advice so much anymore, they learned a little and started doing their own research so now they're "experts". bah, whatever. 

anyway, i think the girl is more than capable of being honest and forthright about any issues she may have. still, it's a bit of a stress trying to do the best i can for her without her being experienced enough to know "basic" things... knee pain and the causes, crotch burn and choice of undies... slow tire leak or squeaking brakes equalling a crappy bike... i'm so tempted to just keep it for myself (it turned out great, i painted it satin pink with black components tho i'm not hardcore enough to sport a pink bike...) and not deal with the stress of being responsible...


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## FoxOverFence (Apr 7, 2005)

Hey, you're giving her a gift, I think that's pretty different from just going ahead and changing something on someone's bike without their ok'ing it. A gift is great! Hope the relationship works out that you don't feel like you've wasted your time and money.  But you do sound alittle bossy and know-it-all with your friends....most people don't like that. I don't mind some friendly suggestions but after that, I'll make the decisions or ask when I need help or advice. I wouldn't want to keep being told to lose weight on the bike, I'm sitting too upright, etc. if it becomes repetitive. Let them find out what works and doesn't through experience.


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## nawocks2 (Nov 8, 2006)

*Well, since it's been revived&#8230;I'll go ahead and bite.*

This may sound kind of harsh, but I'm going to go for it. Quit b****ing. Now, before you get heated let me explain. I understand your frustration with your bf changing things and not educating you as to why or what he is doing, but I agree with a lot of the women here that it is his way of showing you he cares. Guys are different, what can I say?  I don't understand them sometimes, but they sure are nice to look at! Anyways, sounds more like a lack of communication. Again this is just imho, so take it how ever you'd like. What's the old saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone." My bf (now ex) was WAY more educated then I am in component department. I used to love that he would suggest things and help me identify what needed to be adjusted, upgraded and he would change things for me as my skills and feel for the bike improved. It was always in my best interest&#8230;the enjoyment of the sport. Now that I have to learn most of the things on my own (not a big deal b/c I like being self sufficient and I want to know how to fix my own stuff) but, it would be nice to hear about the latest and greatest or have someone to bounce ideas off of and show me how to build up my ride for the performance that i want. B/c taking my bike to the LBS gets pricey. Unfortunately my LBS isn't very helpful or friendly. To make a long post short&#8230;most of the time you say you like his changes&#8230;so let it go. There are more important things in the world to worry about. Enjoy sharing your passion with him.


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## drunkle (Nov 11, 2005)

FoxOverFence said:


> Hey, you're giving her a gift, I think that's pretty different from just going ahead and changing something on someone's bike without their ok'ing it. A gift is great! Hope the relationship works out that you don't feel like you've wasted your time and money.  But you do sound alittle bossy and know-it-all with your friends....most people don't like that. I don't mind some friendly suggestions but after that, I'll make the decisions or ask when I need help or advice. I wouldn't want to keep being told to lose weight on the bike, I'm sitting too upright, etc. if it becomes repetitive. Let them find out what works and doesn't through experience.


bossy and know it all, yeah. but i've never used the phrase "trust me" when making a suggestion. "just try it" is my motto. what's the worst that could happen?

thanks for the well wishes on the girl. whether or not things work out with us, i just hope she actually uses the bike. that's more important to me than anything else... it's such a sweet little bike...


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## Berkeley Mike (Jan 13, 2004)

*Advice*

is all about timing, tone, and reputation

Give her the bike. 
Keep it fun. 
Help when she wants it, not when you think she needs it.
Always stop for ice cream.


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## FoxOverFence (Apr 7, 2005)

Berkeley Mike said:


> Always stop for ice cream.


I wish our trails had ice cream trucks on them...:cryin:


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## jeffj (Jan 13, 2004)

DBomb said:


> I saw someone refer to their SO as a DH. What does that mean?


In this case: DH = Dear Husband


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## rlith (Jul 18, 2007)

This thread is too funny in many ways (and a bit scary in others). I'm a computer network engineer for a living, so I'm in charge of more or less keeping all the computers up to date in the house (we have 7 pc's and 3 laptops). I tend to run upgrades without telling the wife, but my god, I have to leave the house should her World of Warcraft stops working because I upgraded the video card and the current driver gives her problems)

Now as far as her bike goes, I only do general maintenance for it. She doesn't ride much, but she knows that if I add/change something on her bike, it's usually for the better and she doesn't fuss unless she doesn't get it. And I certainly don't complain if she asks me to put something back to the way it was. I have no desire to control her (She'd only fight that control anyway,  ) People do things for their SO's usually for their benefit. Sometimes though we (be it male or female) get a bit carried away. 


/and honey, if you're reading this, I still hate those green curtains and will eventually ask you to burn them even though you spent 2 weeks looking for something and I still hated them. :madman:


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## pimpbot (Dec 31, 2003)

*Just change out stuff on his bike*



weimie said:


> Does your s.o. ever change things on your bike without asking you? Mine does it all the time. Last night he told me that he sold my dual crown fork and is going to put a lighter, longer travel single crown fork on my dh bike. He said it'll be lighter and easier for me to pick up my front end and it'll handle a lot better and since I'm not dropping any huge stuff and I don't weigh alot there's really no need to have a dual crown fork on my bike.
> 
> I tell him over and over again to ask me before doing things like this and to explain why he wants to do it but he never does.....
> 
> ...


I dunno. I think this shows a serious lack of respect. Obviously, he thinks he knows more of what is right for you.

Maybe he is more knowledgeable about bikes than you are, maybe not. Point is, its your bike. Least he can do is make suggestions and ask what you think before changing out and selling your gear.


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

pimpbot said:


> I dunno. I think this shows a serious lack of respect. Obviously, he thinks he knows more of what is right for you.
> 
> Maybe he is more knowledgeable about bikes than you are, maybe not. Point is, its your bike. Least he can do is make suggestions and ask what you think before changing out and selling your gear.


Yeah, I almost forgot about the original post. Swapping something out with the idea that you can try it and go back is one thing. I'm trying to imagine the ensuing bloodbath of a fight that would happen if either my husband or I actually SOLD parts that belonged to the other without permission or 100% absolutely KNOWING it is something they would want. Like you upgraded it to exactly what they've been drooling over but couldn't afford. Otherwise? Whooo-boy.


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## weimie (Apr 21, 2006)

Guess I opened up a whole can of worms with the original post. I am happy to say that he hasn't changed anything else on my bike since the fork incident (btw, I am really happy with new single crown fork, it's lighter and easier to maneuver). He has asked me if he can change my brakes for next season on the DH rig and I said yes and he has also asked if he could replace my derailleur because it's bent to h$ll. He also asked if he could change the brakes on my SS.

At least he's asking now :thumbsup:


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## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

weimie said:


> Guess I opened up a whole can of worms with the original post. I am happy to say that he hasn't changed anything else on my bike since the fork incident (btw, I am really happy with new single crown fork, it's lighter and easier to maneuver). He has asked me if he can change my brakes for next season on the DH rig and I said yes and he has also asked if he could replace my derailleur because it's bent to h$ll. He also asked if he could change the brakes on my SS.
> 
> At least he's asking now :thumbsup:


Glad to hear it!! 

(and it's been an interesting discussion along the way, too)


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## F3RGETTE (Oct 8, 2007)

DH _generally _means "dear husband" but it can also stand for things less complimentary


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## F3RGETTE (Oct 8, 2007)

If your girl isn't very knowledgable about bikes or biking, she'll probably appreciate the new bike, even if you don't think it's absolutely perfect. As she rides it, maybe she'll notice things she'd like to change, and if you've done the rest of the relationship right, she'll come to you for advice and help. But I'd say it's important not to push her to make changes that she doesn't see are necessary. You don't want to make it seem that you're trying to turn her into some biking fanatic (like you), if that's not what she's into. If it's just transportation to her, let it be.

My husband bought me a bike when we were dating, and I loved it (still love it)! At the time I was riding a $100 Target warhorse that weighed about 40 lbs. I wasn't all into biking like he was, but I could tell a quality bike from the crappola I was riding. Since then, he's taught me a lot of things, and I've learned some on my own. He's very into telling me what he's doing and why, and offers to get out of the way so I can get my hands dirty. 

In all honesty, I trust what he does and I know he has way more experience than me, so I usually just let him get on with it. But we did come to an agreement about asking first before making major, expensive, or irreversible modifications. I mean, it is my bike, my body on it, and my money funding it! So sometimes he does have to rein in his enthusiasm and wait for permission. And if I veto it for whatever reason, he accepts that. 

To me it's like if I start rearranging furniture in the house... it makes sense for me to ask him first, otherwise I could go to a lot of trouble, just to hear "I liked it better the old way" when it's all said and done.


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## Hippienflipflops (Oct 18, 2006)

is your boyfriend looking for a new hetero-life partner? he can upgrade my bike any day. I can understand why it upsets you though


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## Arsbars (Apr 15, 2004)

I haven't read anyones replies but I would more than bang my head against the wall if anyone randomly swapped things on my bike.

If you ride a lot that could be a dangerous thing, not knowing your handling changed or how a tire handles and you go hot into a corner.. You can seriously hurt yourself or the tree that stops you!!


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## jalopy jockey (Jun 7, 2007)

Just wanted to say thank you to all the women out here that have helped me know how to treat the wife in the beggining of her MTB lifestyle. She just started riding this summer I just to her the shops and made the salesmen sell her on the right bike for her. Subject to my aproval if he was trieng to sell her crap ended witha Trek 4500WSD fot was right and i couldn't get her to spend more :eekster: :eekster: . 

Well recently she started complaining about loosing her footing on technical stuff and the pedals biting her shen she lost the stock platofrms so I suggested she look at going clipless. She asked for advice on which style so we went around at a group ride while she saw how they all worked and settled on Shimanos they we're most prevelant that day and will also work at our gym for spinning class in the winter. After seeing how many choices were out there from Shimano she wanted me to narrow the search down. Which I did to one and explained why. I wanted to get the the best bang for buck so I wanted to get the new XTs for me so why not her as well. I explained that they were mechanically the same as the best Shimano offers but heavier and hence cheaper. Since she didn't balk at the price tag we got 2 pair 

Whem we got 'em I asked her to install them and adjust tension so she knew how they worked. She loved getting dirty with her bike in a whole new way :thumbsup: . Granted my motive may or may not be self serving, I don't really want to be resposible for 2 peoples bikes worth of tuneups, but I also know that no one esle know exactly how I like my brakes to feel. And I'll worry less once she knows how to feild fix her bike.

Again I just wanted to say thanks for letting me into your heads. I think it has been a great help in the wife's overall enjoyment of my passion. 

And I wanted to show you that some of us do listen:thumbsup:


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## steveccnv (Aug 27, 2007)

First off, most women are clueless when it comes to upgrading equipment. However, the women on this forum are probably the exception to the rule. So why do we upgrade your stuff without consultation? Because if we didn’t, it would never get done. You’d still be on an old beater bike or old ill fitting ski boots or carrying a really heavy backpack, etc. And since we are always upgrading our stuff and therefore getting better and faster, we don’t want to leave you in the dust. That’s the real motivation, to help you increase your performance in lock step with ours.


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

steveccnv said:


> First off, most women are clueless when it comes to upgrading equipment.


Mmmm.... Bite tongue...

There is a big difference in just changing things and consulting and explaining and then allowing someone to have a voice in his/her own property. How will these "clueless" women be enlightened if things are not explained?

On a side note. Some guy came up to me today and asked all sorts of questions about the fork on my bike. It was certainly a contrast to the thinking that most women are clueless.


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## steveccnv (Aug 27, 2007)

I my past experience with consultation, the invariable answer was ‘my bike, skis etc are good enough, I don’t need to upgrade’. Now with my wife I just upgrade. Usually I test something out myself and if it passes I’ll get her one. It would be great if she took the lead on her own equipment but this will never happen. My friend’s girlfriend was one of the last hold outs on a hardtail. The bike was good enough. Finally he just bought her a new Santa Cruz XC full suspension race bike and she loves it. I can tell you for sure I’ve never done an upgrade that didn’t work out for the better.


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

Funny, I had my rigid for 12 years or so, figuring "what more do I need? The bike is fine; the parts are fine; I like toe clips; I don't need suspension" etc. etc.

Never thought it was a female thing!


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## steveccnv (Aug 27, 2007)

Christine said:


> Funny, I had my rigid for 12 years or so, figuring "what more do I need? The bike is fine; the parts are fine; I like toe clips; I don't need suspension" etc. etc.
> 
> Never thought it was a female thing!


My case in point


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## chainringrrl (Aug 3, 2007)

ha! I upgrade my husband's bikes. In fact, he's never picked his own bike out! He's always says "This one is good enough," so I don't think it's a male/female thing. I think it comes down to "spender vs saver" in a relationship. I'm definitely the spender and he's the saver. 

I don't really upgrade parts that much though. I'm definitely going to upgrade his whole ride soon. He's on a first generation Blur, and I'm going to get him a Giant Trance Advanced.


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