# Cannot get over fear of being hit again...similar experiences?



## sop (May 20, 2006)

A little over a year ago I was hit directly from behind on my road bike by a car doing over 55mph. I was riding alone, on a straight, flat stretch of divided four-lane, on a beautiful, clear day, in a clearly marked bicycle lane about 8' from the outer-most edge of the road. A driver, fiddling with his dashboard navigation screen, drifted completely out of his lane and hit me without slowing. About the best thing you can say about the guy is that he did stop after the accident, called the police and admitted responsibility. 

I still have absolutely no memory of the impact. First thing I remember was regaining consciousness in the hospital later that day. Witnesses at the scene reported I was thrown quite a distance and came down on my head and right shoulder/back. The bike was a total loss; the rear wheel, both chainstays and seatstays were crunched. I'm glad I don 't remember anything, it must have been a nasty thing to experience.

I sustained a TBI, with bleeding in the brain in a couple of areas. The neurologist(s) told me my helmet probably saved my life. The helmet must have been ripped off, I had a extensive scalp lacerations that required quite a few staples to close. I also had a fractured right shoulder, fractured right wrist, several fractured ribs and too many contusions, abrasions, lacerations and other soft tissue injuries to mention. The TBI was the worst part, they kept me in the head trauma unit for five days under pretty close observation. 

A year later I still have no memory of what happened that day, it's all a complete blank. Strangely enough, I have no memory of anything several days prior to the wreck. All things considered, I made a good recovery, but I still notice a few problems with my sense of balance. Skiing this winter was a real adventure. However, my biggest problem seems to be my inability to find the courage to get back on the road without the constant fear of being taken out again by every single vehicle I sense coming up behind me.

My only real riding since the accident has been on my MTB, far from roadways, and on completely segregated in-town bike paths with no vehicles present. After over thirty years of riding the road, in every conceivable kind of traffic and road situation, I now find I cannot get over the anxiety of riding where I cannot observe (and have an opportunity to avoid) traffic, particularly vehicles approaching unseen from the rear. I've tried numerous times, but it's impossible to enjoy the ride.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you get back to the point where you could ride without believing every unseen vehicle approaching from the rear was going to kill you?


----------



## xcguy (Apr 18, 2004)

Maybe this is God's way of telling you to stop riding road. I'm serious. Sh!t will happen again. You escaped alive and with fairly minimal damage. Let it go at that.


----------



## Single Track MTBer (Mar 21, 2005)

When I first started mtbing I had started to get into road riding to train for mtb racing. Part of the reason I gave up mtb racing is that I did not like all of the training that is required on the road. I have always thought road riding is much more dangerous. On the mountain bike what happens to you is in you hands. What happens to you on the road is largely in the hands of the people talking on their cell phones, texting, emailing on their black bearies, putting on make up, reading books and anything else that might be taking their attention away from driving the more than ton object they have control over.. 

I gave up road riding for the most part and stick largely to mountain biking. Occasionally when the trails are muddy I will drive to an area less traveled to do some road riding and get some exercise. 

Given that this is mountain bike forum, you will probably get a lot of advice that says give up the road riding, sense a lot of us don't road ride. Keep in mind it easy for someone who doesn't have the passion for it in the you obviously do to say give it up. It may not be good advice....lots of people road ride and never experience a car strike. With that said you are probably luckly to be alive. I know the guy stopped, but damn...something so trivial nearly cost you your life...I hate say this but people who take driving for granted need the **** beat out of them and not be aloud to drive. It bothers me a lot that this happens, not just to road riders, but pedestrians in general. 

What you had happen is probably the worst possible thing that could of happened, so it is only natural to experience the kind of fear you are experiencing. It is probably going to take a long time to get over it, the only way to do it is with saddle time where you don't have any problems and where you are in traffic. I would defiantly work up to it. 

I can tell you that your story makes me not want to ride my road bike...I see it everyday while driving my car, people are just way too distracted for me to put my life in their hands.


----------



## Natalie Portman (Sep 23, 2007)

I concur.


----------



## xcguy (Apr 18, 2004)

I forgot to add in my first reply, welcome to the "non-roadie" club. We that don't ride on the road have that same fear that you now have about getting hit from some unseen vehicle, except we have always had that fear. I'd just say that your accident jarred your thinking to be more normal rather than "roadie death wish". I've mentioned to friends who still ride road that I think they have a death wish, something they all vehemently deny as they speed down the roads with clueless drivers swerving inattentively all around them. Dirt for me.


----------



## sop (May 20, 2006)

Thanks for all the replies. I think my roadie days are behind me. It was a good ride. But, after far too many close calls, I'm afraid I've used up the last of my nine lives. 

As for seeing a psychologist....I did...one time. He essentially advised me to consider a safer form of exercise, probably believing he'd be violating his hippocratic oath if he helped me return to the road.


----------



## osmarandsara (Jun 26, 2006)

I've known more people who have been killed riding on the road than on mountain bikes........I own a road bike but will only ride it on dedicated bike trails along the riverbed.....


----------



## Single Track MTBer (Mar 21, 2005)

XC guy, so you have changed your mind on the Mountain bike? 

Sop...Hop you get back into Mountain biking. I have never understood why so many people leave MTBing for the road...Mountain biking is just so much more fun. I have even had some roadies/xc racers agree with me on that. I guess their desire to win is bigger than their desire to have fun it seems. They can have it....:thumbsup:


----------



## xcguy (Apr 18, 2004)

Single Track MTBer said:


> XC guy, so you have changed your mind on the Mountain bike?
> 
> Sop...Hop you get back into Mountain biking. I have never understood why so many people leave MTBing for the road...Mountain biking is just so much more fun. I have even had some roadies/xc racers agree with me on that. I guess their desire to win is bigger than their desire to have fun it seems. They can have it....:thumbsup:


Never say never. I just want to go into this winter NOT having to rehab an injury like I have the past 3 years. If it means not riding the rest of this season so be it. I just remember last year when I'd gone the full season crash free and in a blink of an eye I was messed up on an easy trail. The odds are that I'm not going to crash on an easy trail but it happened.

The odds of getting run into from behind while riding road I would think are substantially greater. The odds of falling down my stairs are what they are but there's no way I can avoid climbing/descending stairs in a normal life. I just keep a firm grip on the handrail!


----------



## nachomc (Apr 26, 2006)

sop said:


> Thanks for all the replies. I think my roadie days are behind me. It was a good ride. But, after far too many close calls, I'm afraid I've used up the last of my nine lives.
> 
> As for seeing a psychologist....I did...one time. He essentially advised me to consider a safer form of exercise, probably believing he'd be violating his hippocratic oath if he helped me return to the road.


I can't relate well to you because I haven't had that severe an experience. I did have an injury a few years ago, however, that was significant in my life. I wouldn't try to compare it to yours, because I was never at risk of dying. That said, when it came to getting back on the bike and doing the kind of riding I had done previously, I just took it slow, built up my comfort level and kept on keepin on.

It may be that you never comfortably ride road again, and I doubt anyone would look down on you for it. Just do what works for you, what lets you enjoy your free time and what keeps you safe. That's what matters most.


----------



## Dogbrain (Mar 4, 2008)

The road is a scary place to be, even in a car, and I'm one of the ones who's afraid of the road despite never having an incident. If it weren't for all the bikes lane's in my town I wouldn't even bike commute. When you consider that 9/11 killed as many as an average month on US roads I think it's a perfectly rational fear. There are about 4,000,000 car/cyclist accidents per year and 500 fatalities. 

As for seeing a shrink, all therapists are not created equal. It goes way beyond "training" or "skill", and really depends on the connection the two of you have. I would encourage you to try another one even if you aren't going to get back on the road. A safe place to talk is something that I feel would benefit everyone whether they think they need it or not.


----------



## stover (Jul 30, 2007)

sop, I can understand you begin nervous riding on the road after being hit. I myself ride both road and mtb. On the road you have to factor in the automobile driver into the equation evey time. Its unfortunately part of road riding. The local loop I do is a well known roadie loop and packed with cyclist and has a low volume of cars. If you know of some well traveled loops with a low volume of cars I'd try doing group rides on those routes. Doing this may help with just focusing on your ride and not the "what could happen" aspect of road riding. If you MTB ride too, why not focus on that for a while. MTB rides always helps me forget about all my worries.


----------



## kat0409 (Jul 7, 2010)

I was also involved in an accident, but mine was due to another rider being spooked by a bus that came too close and he swerved into me. I ended up in the hospital with a head injury and some pretty severe road rash on my arms and legs. This happened about a month ago, and since then I've been really afraid on the road. I keep scolding myself to get over it, but there are times when I'm riding and I just want to curl up on the sidewalk and sob uncontrollably. It's good to hear stories such as nachomc's where little by little the fear went away...I keep pushing myself to ride to overcome the nerves.


----------



## creseis (Apr 4, 2008)

I have never been through something like that, but every time I hear one of these stories, I get scared to go on my road bike, too...


----------



## BigSwede (Aug 25, 2009)

Wow...your lucky to still be here!I'd be spooked as well,that's for sure.I've been hit a couple times riding road years ago,but only got broken toes,and some bruises etc.The only thing I can suggest is do what feels right.I no longer ride road,only because I like the MTB better.I can say that it is in the back of my mind whenever I do ride though.If you can't enjoy the ride,maybe you should consider going strictly MTB riding like you said,and see what happens.


----------



## 04silverex (Nov 24, 2007)

No offense to the roadies but, f road bikes, drivers today are to distracted. I wont put my life in there hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## xcguy (Apr 18, 2004)

04silverex said:


> No offense to the roadies but, f road bikes, drivers today are to distracted. I wont put my life in there hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'm driving today to take a hike. I'm coming down a looooong hill, we're all doing 60mph, and there's a roadie squeezed in between the white line on the right and us whizzing by him with inches to spare. No way we could go around him any further 'cause tons of traffic coming the other way.

Everytime I see this scenario I just shake my head and say out loud "what the f!ck is that guy thinking?"


----------



## IAmtnbikr (May 17, 2008)

xcguy said:


> I'm driving today to take a hike. I'm coming down a looooong hill, we're all doing 60mph, and there's a roadie squeezed in between the white line on the right and us whizzing by him with inches to spare. No way we could go around him any further 'cause tons of traffic coming the other way.
> 
> Everytime I see this scenario I just shake my head and say out loud "what the f!ck is that guy thinking?"


He's probably thinking he has the same right to be on that road as you do. Only thing is when most folks get into their cars they forget that little issue.


----------



## xcguy (Apr 18, 2004)

IAmtnbikr said:


> He's probably thinking he has the same right to be on that road as you do. Only thing is when most folks get into their cars they forget that little issue.


And there is exactly my point: he's getting jostled about bouncing over every little rock and crack in the road, inches away from us speeding cars (and, let's face it, we're not going to slow down just 'cause he thinks he has the same right to be on the same road).

So there we all are: we're in our cars, he's on his thin-tired bike claiming his space. Oops, he misjudges the tiny stone in his path and he's knocked into the front end of my car. Ah, now he's dead and I'm just mortified that he chose to basically commit suicide with my car.

Risk/reward. I would still be able to do my hike, he's in a morgue. Do you have any idea of what I'm getting at?


----------



## Frogeye (Jul 10, 2010)

*I t-boned a car 3 weeks ago*

I hurt my knee surfing back in April and my doctor told me to start biking to help rehab it. I was riding about 10 miles each day after work on my hybrid mtb on the road.

It seems like everytime I went out I would have close calls with at least one car every ride.

Well 3 weeks ago I was cut off by a car and I tboned that car at about 24mph. I was in a bike lane on a residential street. Jaming down a hill when this car passes me and turns right, right in my path and BOOM!

I'm lucky to be alive and without any major injuries.

The driver bought me a 2010 Stumpy FSR 29r.

I'll never ride street again.

I'm glad you survived too.


----------



## Dogbrain (Mar 4, 2008)

xcguy said:


> And there is exactly my point: he's getting jostled about bouncing over every little rock and crack in the road, inches away from us speeding cars (and, let's face it, we're not going to slow down just 'cause he thinks he has the same right to be on the same road).
> 
> So there we all are: we're in our cars, he's on his thin-tired bike claiming his space. Oops, he misjudges the tiny stone in his path and he's knocked into the front end of my car. Ah, now he's dead and I'm just mortified that he chose to basically commit suicide with my car.
> 
> Risk/reward. I would still be able to do my hike, he's in a morgue. Do you have any idea of what I'm getting at?


In Oregon you are required to give the cyclist enough room to fall into your lane of traffic without being hit. It is your responsibility to slow down and wait for a safe place to pass. If he "committed suicide" with your car you'd be in court and possibly(hopefully) go to jail.


----------



## xcguy (Apr 18, 2004)

Dogbrain said:


> In Oregon you are required to give the cyclist enough room to fall into your lane of traffic without being hit. It is your responsibility to slow down and wait for a safe place to pass. If he "committed suicide" with your car you'd be in court and possibly(hopefully) go to jail.


Even if he's riding on a highway? Really, this stretch of road is technically a highway with a 60mph speed limit.


----------



## Dogbrain (Mar 4, 2008)

xcguy said:


> Even if he's riding on a highway? Really, this stretch of road is technically a highway with a 60mph speed limit.


Yes as long as it is legal for a person to cycle on that road. It does not apply to car lanes that are next to bike lanes. If they are breaking the law by riding there (most interstates, etc.) then obviously they do not have a right to be there, otherwise you are required to give them space. Check your local laws before you think you'll get to still go on your hike after the accident. If it's legal to hit cyclists in your area please let me know where you live so that I can avoid it.


----------



## midgetmafiosa (Oct 8, 2009)

sop said:


> Thanks for all the replies. I think my roadie days are behind me. It was a good ride. But, after far too many close calls, I'm afraid I've used up the last of my nine lives.
> 
> As for seeing a psychologist....I did...one time. He essentially advised me to consider a safer form of exercise, probably believing he'd be violating his hippocratic oath if he helped me return to the road.


probably a wise decision. trees don't really move. i got hit while on a motorcycle, and i feel the same way about getting back on one now. i tell myself that i would, given a skilled rider to go with, but i get worried for people on bikes now while i'm driving. mountain biking welcomes you.

but that psychologist is silly. not his job to decide what a "safe" form of exercise is, the silly man!


----------



## aaronutah2 (Mar 24, 2010)

expect to have post traumatic. it may effect more than cycling habits. a counselor may have better options than alcoholism and rage. in the long run may be cheaper too.


----------



## XC62701 (Mar 23, 2006)

I've been hit at the end of 2008 on my road bike. A car pulled out from a parking lot when the driver "thought" he had the right of way and cut me off while going downhill at about 25 mph. I flew over his hood, did a somersault, and landed on both knees. I had a bunch of road rash but nothing serious thank God. It took me a while to recover and trust people at intersections again even after almost 2 years but I wanted to get back out there and put it behind me. It's tough at times but you'll work through it. My best suggestion is to find more isolated roads to ride on. I know it's tough at times but at least for me and my mtb racing it's a necessary evil so I'll keep doing it as long as I can.


----------



## Dillontheman (May 12, 2009)

Hey man, my experiences arent NEAR as bad as yours, but I feel like its sort of the same story. In December I took up wrestling as a freshman at my high school, and I was the only one in my weight division (180 at the time). Since the only other person without a partner on that day was the Junior 240 lbs captain, I wrestled him. Within a half hour, he broke my leg in two places, and the Tuesday afterwards, I had reconstructive surgery on that leg.

I've healed, and I'm now wrestling just as before.

What I'm saying, is that if you still have a passion for it, if its still fun for you, go do it. But if theres no fun to be had there, maybe reconsider the sport.


----------



## To be named later (Jul 22, 2010)

Go talk to a therapist. 

You had to rely on work of doctors and nurses physical therapists to get you back on your feet....don't stop there, let a good therapist work on you don't try to do it by yourself.

A good therapist will either help you get back on the road bike, or, if you choose to never ride again, at least be at peace with that decision and not have regrets or negative feelings.


----------



## langford (May 7, 2004)

Maybe riding with a rear view mirror might make you feel better... I used one all the time when I was bike commuting on a daily basis - they have some that clip on your glasses frame or stick to your helmet. I was so accustomed to having mine, I would glance up and to the left when I was walking to see what was going on behind me!


----------



## electrik (Oct 22, 2009)

I've never been in a huge accident like the one you describe, but I know what you feel... I have days when cars passing unsafely by feels like some executioner is playing games shooting bullets by me - maybe the next one is it. Those are bad days.



> Look, I struggle with my own mortality, and often get saddened by the fact that I'm merely a bag that holds in my organs. I'm a fragile container filled with liquids and goo that I'm desperately trying to keep inside of me. It's with this in mind that I must tell you about the fact that I've been ridding less than normal recently. My mind, for whatever reason, has put the brakes on my ability to ride on many days days, and it all stems from my fear of crashing, being hit, dying or whatever else may happen. I know that many of you can tell me that I'm irrational for these thoughts, or that you've crashed a billion times and you're awesome because you ride. You'll tell me that it's about how careful you are...


 the rest of his post here...


----------



## Alana (Oct 17, 2007)

I am very disappointed in a a lot of these responses. you need to take control, and read some information on vehicular cycling. You should also take more precautions like using bright or reflective gear while on the road, and get a rear view mirror! Every time a car comes along I look to see what they are doing. Ride predictably, and defensively. Unfortunately incidents happen but we do have a right to the roads and there are safer ways to ride. How is hiding going to help things change? Yes lets all hide in our houses because of what might happen.

You might be better off asking this question over on bikeforums.net in the Advocacy and Safety forum, lots of good info there.

Having said my piece, I think it is perfectly natural to have those fears, but remember to take baby steps. You don't have to ride through rush hour traffic on a freewheel single speed with no brakes the first day just take it easy, ride to the store or do some loop you feel secure doing, and get back into it. Oh and practice safe riding 

There is a far bigger risk of dying of heart disease sitting around at home then of dying by being hit by a car... and you have a better chance of dying driving on the highway than of dying on your bike.


----------



## langford (May 7, 2004)

Sorry Alana, I don't think your advice is much help. I used to spend a lot of time at Bikeforums, but didn't frequent the advocacy and safety forums, that's where all the wackos reside.
If the OP had done some vehicular riding and taken the lane, would the result have been any different? I don't think so.....


----------

