# FAQ's: A Men's Guide to the Womens Lounge



## Lucky (Jan 12, 2004)

Okay, fellow bovines, I'm going to start the ball rolling, but please feel free to add more or improve this FAQ in any way. I almost hate to post this because the "where are the cute girl mtbiker" posts generate such hilerious responses, I almost hate to discourage them. Anyway, for better or worse, here is my offering:

Q: May I ask where the cute girls ride in such-and-such a town? 
A. No. Don't even think about it. This is not a bar nor the Personals section of the local paper, and we're not here to be hit on or picked up. If you doubt me, read these threads:
Http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=34511
Http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=29270&highlight=trail+thumper
http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=37281

If you do it anyway, expect to be verbally crucified, chopped up and fed to the hogs. Even the other guys who post here will show you no sympathy whatsoever.

Q: Where can I go to find female mtbikers?
A1: Check out your local bike club or shop for organized rides. Find out if there's a women's ride and use your imagination.
A2: Hang out in the WL. Lurk, read, post (other than question #1), whatever. Maybe you'll find some of us live near you, or you can read about where we ride. I am not encouraging stalking, however.

Q: Will I be forced to read posts about women's heath issues and bodily functions that may make me squeamish?
A: No one will force you to do anything, but yes, you'll find that stuff here.

Q: May I ask how to help get my wife/girlfriend/sister/SO interested in or more comfortable mountain biking?
A: Absolutely! We'd be delighted to help out.

Q: May I post or respond to posts in general?
A: Sure. Be aware that several of the regulars are equipped with sharp sarcastic wits and know how to use them. It's all in fun, unless, however, you disregard the answer to question #1.

Kathy ;^P

Mooooooooo


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

what about 
-how can I get my wife/gf/love muffin to ride?
-what bike to buy for said wife/fg/love mufffin

formica


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## Drewdane (Dec 19, 2003)

What about "Anybody here like to wear tight, satin jerseys, and do you have pictures?"

Would that be OK?


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## *rt* (Jan 15, 2004)

Drewdane said:


> What about "Anybody here like to wear tight, satin jerseys, and do you have pictures?"
> 
> Would that be OK?


sure! give it a try & see what happens!



rt


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## MallieD (Apr 11, 2004)

*Here's one...*

Q: Is it okay for me to ask for your advice, then once that advice is received tell you that you don't know squat and then proceed to inform you in the most condescending of writing styles/tones about how much I already know about the subject that prompted the question?

A: Absolutely freakin' NOT!!!


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## Steve71 (Mar 15, 2004)

"FAQ's: A Men's Guide to the Womens Lounge "

I'm a lesbian traped in a man's body, so none of this applies to me........
BTW when are we all going to hook up for that post ride jello fight? 




Ladies?..... Anyone still there?


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## *rt* (Jan 15, 2004)

Steve71 said:


> "FAQ's: A Men's Guide to the Womens Lounge "
> 
> I'm a lesbian traped in a man's body, so none of this applies to me........
> BTW when are we all going to hook up for that post ride jello fight?
> ...


right after we get done with the trampoline pillow fight.



rt


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## verslowrdr (Mar 22, 2004)

For the last word on "getting my SO a bike when she keeps turning me down".... may I present for our mutual edification the infamous Dude:

http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?postid=260560#post260560

Sorry, I'm a sap and I can't help it.... I ADORED this story.


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## gofarther (Mar 2, 2004)

Q: Are Sabine & Catzilla Man-haters?

A: No. Now face forward, and present a larger target. Good Boy.


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## Steve71 (Mar 15, 2004)

*rt* said:


> right after we get done with the trampoline pillow fight.
> 
> 
> 
> rt


Ok, I'm down. I'll bring the coffee, you bring the.... ahem, ...muffin.


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

*Dunno if this is frequently asked....*

but since I'm new here...

Is it always like this, the "want to meet single chick" threads that are like watching a train wreck? Is this seasonal, or a regular occurance? There seems to be a nice mix of intelligent thoughtful men onthe non-attempted pickup thread( which is always appreciated), but is the word not out that general male immaturity doesn't go over well here? Hmm, I guess not, just reading old stuff has shown me that. Obviously history is repeating itself here.

formica


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## richde (Jun 8, 2004)

verslowrdr said:


> For the last word on "getting my SO a bike when she keeps turning me down".... may I present for our mutual edification the infamous Dude:
> 
> http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?postid=260560#post260560
> 
> Sorry, I'm a sap and I can't help it.... I ADORED this story.


Speaking of sappy, what about the thread with the guy asking questions about dating older women, and then she mistakenly discovered the thread? That was really cute.

Rich

I might actually go through the trouble of posting a link to it later, if I can find it.


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## Drewdane (Dec 19, 2003)

*rt* said:


> sure! give it a try & see what happens!
> 
> 
> 
> rt


Hmmm... Anybody know where I can get a race-cut satin Jersey in a 44R?


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## Lucky (Jan 12, 2004)

verslowrdr said:


> For the last word on "getting my SO a bike when she keeps turning me down".... may I present for our mutual edification the infamous Dude:
> 
> http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?postid=260560#post260560
> 
> Sorry, I'm a sap and I can't help it.... I ADORED this story.


Yup, that one's a keeper. Gotta' include it.

Kathy :^)


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## richde (Jun 8, 2004)

richde said:


> Speaking of sappy, what about the thread with the guy asking questions about dating older women, and then she mistakenly discovered the thread? That was really cute.
> 
> Rich
> 
> I might actually go through the trouble of posting a link to it later, if I can find it.


and here it is: http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?p=251596&page=2&pp=50&highlight=older+women


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## kpicha (Dec 20, 2003)

ROFL! Boy, between this thread and the "Hitting on boys..." thread, its a wonder I don't have my coffee coming out of my nose! Thanks for the morning wake-up laughs gals!!!  You made my day


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## damion (Jun 27, 2003)

*What a riot!*

You ladies are killing me! I will have to show my wife, Rebecca< some of these responses in the morning. Have a good evening, girls.


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## MikeG (Oct 1, 2002)

*Excellent ...*

If the majority of you agree, I'll clean this up and make it a sticky.

Better yet ... it would be nice to get a couple lady moderators for this forum and have them manage, edit and keep the FAQ fresh. And help kill the huge threads like this. They are just knock-offs of the classics:

http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=29270&highlight=trail+thumper
http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=34511

I'll ask Gregg and Francis why we don't have any lady moderators for this forum when they get back from lunch. Is it because no one volunteered? Or is it because no one asked?

P.S. I too an a lesbian trapped in a man's body. My avatar is that trapped lesbian.


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## Sabine (Jan 12, 2004)

MikeG said:


> If the majority of you agree, I'll clean this up and make it a sticky.
> 
> Better yet ... it would be nice to get a couple lady moderators for this forum and have them manage, edit and keep the FAQ fresh. And help kill the huge threads like this. They are just knock-offs of the classics:
> 
> ...


I'm not a fan of the whole moderator thing. I think we manage just fine without one. If a thread is crazy bad, we know who to call to get the thing axed, but really, there hasn't been anything like that.

Otherwise, why spoil the fun?

Also, this FAQ is for fun and tongue in cheek. Not sure it needs cleaning up and stickyed. Whats with all the officialdom?

If Francis really wants a moderator here, tell him he has to beat me up the last fireroad climb. I get a headstart of course. And no using little kids as domestiques either!

Sabine


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## MikeG (Oct 1, 2002)

Sabine said:


> I'm not a fan of the whole moderator thing. I think we manage just fine without one.
> ....
> Also, this FAQ is for fun and tongue in cheek. Not sure it needs cleaning up and stickyed. Whats with all the officialdom?


My bad. I wasn't sure if y'all were getting tired of the dumbass dudes that keep posting gf wanted ads or sh*t like this. My geeky nature thought it would be a nice jesture to offer authorataaay to some community members.


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## Zonic Man (Dec 19, 2003)

Here's some FAQ(s) that I'd like some answers too, since we're on the topic:

--Why do women nag?

--Why do women insist on YELLING from the other room when they want to talk to you, and then ask YOU to come to THEM?

--Why do women take so much stuff to go riding with them?

--Why do women need so much stuff in general?

--Why are women TOTALLY self-sufficient when they go ride on their own, but when you're with them or otherwise around it's like they can't do anything themselves?

--Why is it when a girl's totally kicking your behind up and down all over the place they're all happy and wondering "what's taking you so long honey."

--Why is it that girls can touch each other's boobs and it's not "gay" but rather, playful.

--Why does Sabine always want to get her "swerve" on?

_Sorry, too much of this hits a bit close to home......_


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

*I hate generalizations*

um, shouldn't that be "why do _SOME_ women.....?"

formica


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## MidAtlanticXCer (May 21, 2004)

*actually, that's a great idea*

Both the sticky thread and the (perhaps co-) moderator. Call me an authoritarian rule-follower, but I like it! Mind, not that I am volunteering for anything that smacks of work.  I do like the freedom-of-expression give them enough rope to hang themselves approach to handling the fools, however. Makes for amusing reading later.


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

formica said:


> um, shouldn't that be "why do _SOME_ women.....?"


Yeah, all guys make generalizations.



_"--Why are women TOTALLY self-sufficient when they go ride on their own, but when you're with them or otherwise around it's like they can't do anything themselves?"_

Answer A: 'Cause nothing beats the view from behind as a spandex clad man sweats and huffs while stroking a mini-pump 1000 times until that moment of relief when the tire is finally full. It always reminds me of something, but I just can't put my finger on it...

Answer B: 'Cause some menfolk have a habit of suggesting, correcting, or otherwise being a (well meaning) pain in the ass the moment the tools come out. It's like someone breathing down your neck when you're working on your own bike.

_"Why do women insist on YELLING from the other room when they want to talk to you, and then ask YOU to come to THEM?"_

Uh, 'cause if I go into your room and say "You've got to come here! The cats are being soooooooo adorable", there's no shot in hell of you actually moving.

The rest of your questions can be answered with one or more of the following answers:
A: Because of our periods.
B: Feminine Mystique.
C: 'Cause when a girl's gotta swerve, she's just gotta swerve.


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## Sabine (Jan 12, 2004)

Zonic Man said:


> Here's some FAQ(s) that I'd like some answers too, since we're on the topic:
> 
> --Why do women nag?
> 
> ...


1. Because you didn't do it the first time we asked.
2. Because you didn't come running the first time we asked.
3. I'm not in this category so I can't answer. Unless you count my touchable bubbles and my hello kitty flashlight.
4. I'm not in this category so I can't answer. Unless you count my purple dillybobbers and pink fuzzy handcuffs.
5. Because you are there and we know it makes you feel better about yourself
6. Because you are there and we know it makes you feel better about yourself
7. I really don't know what you are talking about and if you post any pictures that say otherwise I will vehemently deny everything.
8. 7. I really don't know what you are talking about and if you post any pictures that say otherwise I will vehemently deny everthing.

Awww...you missed her, didn't you?

Sabine


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## CarolinaGrl (Apr 9, 2004)

catzilla said:


> Answer A: 'Cause nothing beats the view from behind as a spandex clad man sweats and huffs while stroking a mini-pump 1000 times until that moment of relief when the tire is finally full. It always reminds me of something, but I just can't put my finger on it...
> QUOTE]
> 
> Ahhh memories... I was riding with two friends recently when I had a flat. I'd forgotten my pump and my friends CO2s weren't working properly. We were at a pretty popular trail so we decided to see if someone came along soon with a pump. Within minutes, a guy came by and did have a pump. Though he had no idea how to trade out the piece to switch the pump from a schrader to use for a presta valve, he was insistent on being the one to pump up my tire. So, he starts pumping and one of my friends started in with, "Oh, you're really pumping good. It's getting really hard. Keep going. Keep going. We're almost there.... " The whole thing went totally over his head.
> ...


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## CycleMainiac (Jan 12, 2004)

catzilla said:


> Answer A: 'Cause nothing beats the view from behind as a spandex clad man sweats and huffs while stroking a mini-pump 1000 times until that moment of relief when the tire is finally full. It always reminds me of something, but I just can't put my finger on it...


ROTFLMAO!!!

I just knew I wan't alone  

Now where's a q-tip to get this coffee off my keyboard.


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## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

Zonic Man said:


> Here's some FAQ(s) that I'd like some answers too, since we're on the topic:
> 
> --Why do women nag?
> 
> ...


Because we can


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## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

--Why do women nag?
Because you guys are 1) dense and 2) tend to ignore us rather than discuss anything!

--Why do women insist on YELLING from the other room when they want to talk to you, and then ask YOU to come to THEM?
I don't do this.

--Why do women take so much stuff to go riding with them?
Like what? The only stuff I take that a guy wouldn't is a hairbrush and one extra tampon. And those I often forget. 

--Why do women need so much stuff in general?
What "stuff"?? Cosmetics and feminine products? I think you can figure that out!

--Why are women TOTALLY self-sufficient when they go ride on their own, but when you're with them or otherwise around it's like they can't do anything themselves?
You guys usually jump in like super-heroes and insist on helping. Or, you immediately criticize out way of doing it, so we bite our tongues, take a step back, and let you dazzle us with your brilliance.

--Why is it when a girl's totally kicking your behind up and down all over the place they're all happy and wondering "what's taking you so long honey."
It makes us chuckle because we know what a stigma it is for a guy to be shown up "by a girl." We know that gender doesn't dictate how good a rider one is, but we know how it's sometimes embarassing for men (in general) to have a girl pass him. Most mtb guys know better, though. It's still funny! 

--Why is it that girls can touch each other's boobs and it's not "gay" but rather, playful.
How on Earth can guys get through life when the line between reality and all the porn they watch starts to get this blurry?! I have never touched another girl's boob, nor do I plan on doing so.


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## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

> --Why are women TOTALLY self-sufficient when they go ride on their own, but when you're with them or otherwise around it's like they can't do anything themselves?
> You guys usually jump in like super-heroes and insist on helping. Or, you immediately criticize out way of doing it, so we bite our tongues, take a step back, and let you dazzle us with your brilliance.


isn't the point of the whole Mars and Venus thing that guys just want to FIX things?That's what makes them happy, makes them tick?



formica


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## Zonic Man (Dec 19, 2003)

Christine said:


> I have never touched another girl's boob, nor do I plan on doing so.


Bummer.


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## Steve71 (Mar 15, 2004)

Christine said:


> I have never touched another girl's boob, nor do I plan on doing so.


Maybe you've just never met the right boob.


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## Dude (Jan 12, 2004)

*Ladies one problem with this thread*

Men don't read we look at pictures so this thread is not doing us any good.... My wife just read it to me and then told me what too say.....


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## gofarther (Mar 2, 2004)

catzilla said:


> Answer A: 'Cause nothing beats the view from behind as a spandex clad man sweats and huffs while stroking a mini-pump 1000 times until that moment of relief when the tire is finally full. It always reminds me of something, but I just can't put my finger on it...
> 
> .


1000 Times!!  I've heard of stamina - but that's just ridiculous


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## catzilla (Jan 31, 2004)

gofarther said:


> 1000 Times!!  I've heard of stamina - but that's just ridiculous


Yeah, I hear it doesn't take as long if you're using a large capacity pump.

Heh, heh...I said "long".


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## verslowrdr (Mar 22, 2004)

Dude said:


> Men don't read we look at pictures so this thread is not doing us any good.... My wife just read it to me and then told me what too say.....


Yeah, but you've still got 999,999 lifetime brownie points to use up.


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## gofarther (Mar 2, 2004)

catzilla said:


> Yeah, I hear it doesn't take as long if you're using a large capacity pump.
> 
> Heh, heh...I said "long".


I have managed to retain some shred of self-esteem by clinging to the belief that size doesn't matter. I would ask that you please allow me to continue to do so. 

Wait a second....

Was that sexual innuendo?!

Where's the moderator of this forum?!!

Moderator!

Moderator?

hello?


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