# My Saddle Smells like Ass!!



## Viking (Apr 11, 2004)

I just bought a used bike. I love almost everything about it, except that the seat smells like the previous owner's ass! It's just repugnant...I go riding for 10 minutes and my shorts smell like someone else's ass. Does anyone have any advice on how to clean it? It's not a very big saddle...there isn't a lot of padding, so I imagine some cleaning chemicals could penetrate through. I'd appreciate any advice.

Mike


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## Bikinfoolferlife (Feb 3, 2004)

*You were expecting maybe it was going to*

smell like something else? Get a new saddle and it'll only smell like your ass in due time. Try tieing it up in a pillow case (it won't sound so bad that way) and throw it in a load of wash of your underwear, so at least your ass might prevail.


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## wayneosdias (Mar 24, 2004)

hummm, thats odd. Maybe you should do a few rides w/o your shorts to mark it yours?

wayne


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## Dirdir (Jan 23, 2004)

Crap on the saddle. If your a$$ is more powerful than his a$$, your a$$ will drown out his a$$ and we all know our own sh!t smells better than anyone else's. If however, you do not have a powerful a$$, I suggest a WTB saddle.


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## Viking (Apr 11, 2004)

I've owned bikes for a long period of time. Perhaps partly due to basic hygiene, never has such an evil ass pungence existed on one of my seats. I almost want to exorcise it. 

This is a serious post. It's a great saddle but I need to remove some of the funk. Any suggestions?


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## short shifter (Apr 5, 2004)

*My suggestion*

is to eat some beans and prunes. Wait about 30 mins then go riding, im sure the smell comming from your ass will for sure over take the previous owners ass smell.


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## Dirdir (Jan 23, 2004)

How can this be a serious post? If the saddle truly has ass on it, the only serious thing to do is get another saddle. There is no way I am going to rely on some chemical cleanant to be the only thing between my ass and the evil fumes of another's ass. 

Frugality, or even lack of funds, can only be taken so far and certainly not as far as ass.


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## Bikinfoolferlife (Feb 3, 2004)

*I was serious about the washing machine..*

as a suggestion, really. Personally I'd get a new saddle; I usually don't smell my shorts or saddles under any circumstances...that's just wrong.


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## Geist262 (Feb 16, 2004)

Bikinfoolferlife said:


> as a suggestion, really. Personally I'd get a new saddle; I usually don't smell my shorts or saddles under any circumstances...that's just wrong.


Sounds like somone doing a naked crit on that saddle lol


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## bluronthetrails (Apr 25, 2004)

*thanks*



Viking said:


> I just bought a used bike. I love almost everything about it, except that the seat smells like the previous owner's ass! It's just repugnant...I go riding for 10 minutes and my shorts smell like someone else's ass. Does anyone have any advice on how to clean it? It's not a very big saddle...there isn't a lot of padding, so I imagine some cleaning chemicals could penetrate through. I'd appreciate any advice.
> 
> Mike


Thanks for.....uhh, uhh.._WRETCH_...sharing....

Use bleach-based cleaner which will cook any smell and then apply a little axe body spray...from smelling like ass to chick magnet...


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## Moo Shoo Pork (Jan 17, 2004)

Dirdir said:


> Crap on the saddle. If your a$$ is more powerful than his a$$, your a$$ will drown out his a$$ and we all know our own sh!t smells better than anyone else's. If however, you do not have a powerful a$$, I suggest a WTB saddle.


LMAO!


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## laotsu42 (Jan 5, 2004)

*lol serious post i know but it is quickly getting funny ...*

don't know about bleach might damage the leather ... but you might ask at a leather shop, no not the s&m kind, although now that i think about it they might be the perfect place to ask ...i bet they get questions like that all the time ...  

seriously though ...you might ask the manufacturer ...


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## Racer9 (Mar 8, 2004)

This is so funny! I would personnaly wash it using the directions given by the manufacturer.


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## Hecubus (Jan 12, 2004)

LOL! If it were me I'd just get a new one but if I really wanted to keep it I'd just take my chances and drop it in the washing machine and then scrub it good with a brush and soap. If it gets messed up, oh well, I should have bought a new one anyway.


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## CrappyPants (Apr 14, 2004)

*Mine always do..*



Viking said:


> I just bought a used bike. I love almost everything about it, except that the seat smells like the previous owner's ass! It's just repugnant...I go riding for 10 minutes and my shorts smell like someone else's ass. Does anyone have any advice on how to clean it? It's not a very big saddle...there isn't a lot of padding, so I imagine some cleaning chemicals could penetrate through. I'd appreciate any advice.
> 
> Mike


I wonder if you bought it from me?


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## Gnarlygig (Jan 27, 2004)

*Just pray that your a$$ never smells like it's been saddled!*

Lol!


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## AZClydesdale (Jan 12, 2004)

*As I see it, you have 3 options...*

Option 1.) Buy a new-sweet smelling saddle.

Option 2.) Learn to live with the smell of someone elses a$$.

Option 3.) Buy "Odorcides Animal Odor Eliminator Spray". Eliminates, not masks, odors from anal gland secretion, tomcat spray, necrotic tissue, urine, feces, emesis, etc..


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## Sliceback (Jun 1, 2004)

Dude, your nose is way to sensitive. AND you are sniffing around way to much....

Last I checked, unless I was riding backwards, I smelled what was in front of me when I was riding, not what wasunder my own crack.

So:

1) ride forward
2) go faster
3) this will force you to inhale through your mouth, not your nose
4) Relax, don't worrry, have a (home)brew.


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## wotzapollohimalaya (Mar 29, 2004)

LOL!!! ur ass is too close 2 ur nose dood  

who the hell smells their saddle???

this is SO funny


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## TroutBum (Feb 16, 2004)

AZClydesdale said:


> Option 1.) Buy a new-sweet smelling saddle.


Please... by all means necessary go with option # 1 !!! I just can't bear the thought of a fellow rider being forced to suffer second-hand ass. It's just wrong. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so as a service to you and the injustices of bad ass bike sellers everywhere; I would be more than willing to donate a shiny,brand new, comfy, ass-free butt holder to alleviate your concerns.

 ,
mud


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## TheRedMantra (Jan 12, 2004)

My saddles never smell like @$$. If you know any old Jewish ladies, ask them. They can clean anything! I'd ask my grandma, but shes out of town. Theres no reason you should njot be able to get that smell out. And OT, my grips (pork rinds) smell like $hit. Anyone know how to fix that, or should they just be tossed?


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## jm03 (Feb 9, 2004)

Your saddle really smells that bad that you can smell it during a ride, hehehe, i'd track the person who sold it to you down and request your money back, and buy a new saddle, thats gross. Even if the smell comes out somehow, do you really want to ride that seat, knowing what it did smell like?


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## Soupboy (Jan 13, 2004)

*You can try cleaning...*

...but if it's in the leather you may never get it out. I think some cleaning plus heavy riding with your own uncleansed taint will make it yours in no time.

Keep your undercarriage clean and use chamois mayo - may offset some of the retch.

The odor chemical for dead stuff or bleach may work but it will likely also trash your saddle.

Send it back to the previous a$$ and ask for a small credit...

Sean


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## JamyD (Jun 17, 2004)

*Lol*

Thats Some Funny! I Love This Forum!


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## flight12 (Feb 11, 2004)

This is like that Seinfeld where someone borrows his car and it smells so bad that he has to sell it!!! lol


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## JamyD (Jun 17, 2004)

That would be smart thing to do, but in this case


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## rob (Jan 14, 2004)

*Sell it on Ebay...*

...I'm sure there are some people out there that would love a foul smelling a$$ saddle, then buy a new one.


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## Hecubus (Jan 12, 2004)

Soupboy said:


> Send it back to the previous a$$ and ask for a small credit...
> 
> Sean


Do you mean that literally?  
This threads got me wondering. Do my saddles also stink of ass? I've always thought they didn't.


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## Darkwing Duck (Jan 12, 2004)

Hecubus said:


> Do my saddles also stink of ass? I've always thought they didn't.


Everybody likes their own aroma.


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## Stinky Wiz (Jan 27, 2004)

*Now that's a stinky bung!*

I can't believe you're even asking. If my saddle smelled of a$$, mine or any others, it would be GONE!! That's nasty man.


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## TobyNobody (Mar 17, 2004)

You're obviously more full of $hit than your saddle.


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## laotsu42 (Jan 5, 2004)

Darkwing Duck said:


> Everybody likes their own aroma.


ooooooo

that was sooooooo wrong .......LOL

dark wing ...you allways have just the wrong picture for the right occasion ...i don't know how you do it ...but you were cracking me up in the trolls assault post too ...


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## RedRocker (Dec 20, 2003)

Why, oh why did I even click on this link? Someone had even done Fat Bastard!

Yeah, this is one big LMAOROTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Darkwing Duck (Jan 12, 2004)

laotsu42 said:


> ooooooo
> 
> that was sooooooo wrong .......LOL
> 
> dark wing ...you allways have just the wrong picture for the right occasion ...i don't know how you do it ...but you were cracking me up in the trolls assault post too ...


Why thank you..


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## fonseca (Jan 12, 2004)

Viking said:


> I just bought a used bike. I love almost everything about it, except that the seat smells like the previous owner's ass! It's just repugnant...I go riding for 10 minutes and my shorts smell like someone else's ass. Does anyone have any advice on how to clean it? It's not a very big saddle...there isn't a lot of padding, so I imagine some cleaning chemicals could penetrate through. I'd appreciate any advice.
> 
> Mike


Soak it in baking soda and water.

Or sell it on eBay with the odor as a feature.


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## Johnny M (Jan 30, 2004)

*two words*

Fe-breze


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## minkhiller (Feb 12, 2004)

Just out of curiosity I just went and smelled mine, smells like roses.


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## RedRocker (Dec 20, 2003)

I showed this thread to my wife and she laughed her ass off!
Once she laughed it off, it rolled across the floor and into a corner. Funny thing is that that corner now smells just like a used bike seat 

Not that I'd imply her ass smells like anything other than roses...


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## Viking (Apr 11, 2004)

I appreciate the advice guys. I can assure you, however, that my nose has never gone within 2 feet of this leather-based "eau de ass". One doesn't need to eskimo kiss a skunk to come to terms with the fact that it smells like the pits of Hades. 

Anyway, I'm pleased to say I've exoricised this demon. My first attempt was using ordinary windex, out of availability more than anything else. This seemed to taunt the demon more than anything else...I may as well have said "the power of Christ compels you!" as it would have had no less effect. My second attempt was fabreeze...imagine, if you will, an acrid mix of ass and lilacs. Lighting a stick of incense in a truck of dog waste would have been more effective. 

My final attempt was with oven cleaner. Ordinary EZoff oven cleaner. The demon is gone, off to haunt some other schlep's bike seat. The leather is no worse for the wear, in fact it seems to have regained some of its sheen. 

Viking 1, Putrid ass-funk 0.


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## RideOrDieDan (Jun 21, 2004)

I am glad everything has worked out for you. the guy before you must have let it get wet from the rain, which has caused mine to smell pretty bad too. after using all those cleaners you might want to get some "saddle soap" you can get it from the shoe store for about $3-5 it will help from drying out and cracking as well as clean it.


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## laotsu42 (Jan 5, 2004)

wow ....oven cleaner  suprise  how strange .....cool that you got it out ...i will have to remember that ...


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## wfl3 (Dec 30, 2003)

Viking said:


> Viking 1, Putrid ass-funk 0.


I'd say

Viking 1, Putrid ass-funk 2

since it took 3 tries and it thwarted your first 2 attempts.


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## xctico (Mar 19, 2004)

That's nasty, I would've guessed gasoline and fire would do the trick...


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## SlowSSer (Dec 19, 2003)

Viking said:


> I appreciate the advice guys. I can assure you, however, that my nose has never gone within 2 feet of this leather-based "eau de ass". One doesn't need to eskimo kiss a skunk to come to terms with the fact that it smells like the pits of Hades.
> 
> Anyway, I'm pleased to say I've exoricised this demon. My first attempt was using ordinary windex, out of availability more than anything else. This seemed to taunt the demon more than anything else...I may as well have said "the power of Christ compels you!" as it would have had no less effect. My second attempt was fabreeze...imagine, if you will, an acrid mix of ass and lilacs. Lighting a stick of incense in a truck of dog waste would have been more effective.
> 
> ...


thank you for your original post and your "slayin of the demon" post here. heck, you get my vote for "thread of the year"

oven cleaner: note to self....

my own experience: anyone do triathlons? ocean swims plus not clean water plus sweat pus a himud day equals one heck of a phunky stank on the roadie seat. not like a$$, but still "ewwwwwwww" none the less.


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## TrekFan (Apr 21, 2005)

do you think they have threads like this in the women's forum?


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## Sideknob (Jul 14, 2005)

TrekFan said:


> do you think they have threads like this in the women's forum?


Errr, the possibilities are endless.....


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## LO-TrEK (Apr 24, 2006)

Now that your saddle is free of ass-essence, make sure you have a preventative maintenance program:
http://www.mintyass.com/


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## micky (Jan 28, 2004)

*1 question and 1 idea*

question

Why in the world are you smelling a used saddle?

idea
Go to some mexican stand (some place that you would question the health and clenliness) and get the largest burrito they have. Eat it with a healthy dose of beer (enough so that you forget about what you are doing) go to sleep. When you wake up in the morning you should have an a quiveriing feeling in your ash. Now go ride.

If that doesnt work take some laxitives and that seat should have your own scent in no time.

good luck.


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## [CrazyRick_11] (May 14, 2006)

thats gross buy a new saddle!


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## Mike679 (Apr 12, 2004)

Glad I started reading this thread as it has prompted me to inject some variety into my aftenoon routine, at least for today. It'll go something like this:

- Leave work
- Drive my hour-plus commute
- Pull in driveway and park car
- Walk through garage
- Stop at my bikes to sniff the saddles for offending odors
- Go inside
- Greet wife and kids
- Eat dinner

My afternoon now has purpose.


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