# Men riding with slower women.



## Bikehigh (Jan 14, 2004)

I don't want this to come off as some kind of sexist topic, though it might be hard, but I want to say from the get go that I don't think of women as slower riders. In fact, not being a hammerhead and not caring to be at all, I ride with many women who are much faster than myself. But I also ride with many women who are less experienced and/or not as fast me, while when riding with only guys I am one of the slower riders if not the slowest. See? I told you all it was gonna be hard not to come off as sexist, but that's just the reality of it from my experience.

The "new skills" topic got me thinking though that men and womnen often have different ways of looking at things, and being a slower rider I was wondering if those women who are among the slower riders on a ride have the same way of looking at being waited for. I know that I often feel guilty for being a slower rider, and having to have the faster riders wait up at key points on the trail. On the other hand, if I am riding with slower riders, be it men or women, I never seem to mind waiting up. I was just wondering if when riding with more experienced and faster riders women feel this same kind of guilt even though you're pushing yourself to keep up and doing your best. I know for me, I'd rather ride solo sometimes rather than being the slowest rider in a group even though nobody ever seems to mind waiting, any more than I mind waiting. I guess this is something I do to myself, because if they minded me slowing them down they would't invite me to ride. Do women do the same thing in terms of feeling guilt, and if not how do those of you that are among the slower riders feel about it?


----------



## Bikehigh (Jan 14, 2004)

Maybe I should have titled this topic "Women riding with faster men"? Anyway, I also wanted to say that the prime reason for asking is that I often find myself in the position of mentoring women riders who are newer to the sport, and while riding with these women, we often encounter other women on the trails who will comment on how the guys they are riding with have left them far behind and how it's nice to see me riding "with" my ride buddy, even though I do usually ride ahead. Sometimes I just can't ride as slow and even though I'm not "fast" I am often surprised by how fast I get quite far ahead of a newbie. It seems I encounter a lot of resentment from women about how their partners have left them behind, and I've never felt this kind of resentment towards faster riders. Going back to the "new skills" topic, would those of you who ride with your faster SO's prefer that they ride with you or ride ahead and wait? Do you resent it if they do ride ahead and wait?


----------



## leleklegrunt (Nov 24, 2004)

Bikehigh said:


> Maybe I should have titled this topic "Women riding with faster men"? Anyway, I also wanted to say that the prime reason for asking is that I often find myself in the position of mentoring women riders who are newer to the sport, and while riding with these women, we often encounter other women on the trails who will comment on how the guys they are riding with have left them far behind and how it's nice to see me riding "with" my ride buddy, even though I do usually ride ahead. Sometimes I just can't ride as slow and even though I'm not "fast" I am often surprised by how fast I get quite far ahead of a newbie. It seems I encounter a lot of resentment from women about how their partners have left them behind, and I've never felt this kind of resentment towards faster riders. Going back to the "new skills" topic, would those of you who ride with your faster SO's prefer that they ride with you or ride ahead and wait? Do you resent it if they do ride ahead and wait?


I've got a friend who gets pissed off if her husband waits up for her.


----------



## paintedwhispers (Feb 1, 2006)

Bikehigh said:


> Going back to the "new skills" topic, would those of you who ride with your faster SO's prefer that they ride with you or ride ahead and wait? Do you resent it if they do ride ahead and wait?


I definitely prefer that he rides with me. It's OK if he goes ahead a little bit... I can't expect him to ride at exactly my speed, but on the other hand if I only see him a few times in a 2-hour bike ride, I might as well have gone alone. There's also the insecurity factor -- if I fall, I want him to be within earshot! As I get more experience with the sport, I'll probably be fine with him riding ahead... with any luck, I'll even be the one waiting for him!


----------



## Christine (Feb 11, 2004)

I don't think it's a gender thing. There are times when I'm well ahead of a few guys and being told I'm fast; other times I'm hallucinating in an effort to keep up. 

If I'm on an unfamiliar trail, I'd rather have the group wait for me at intersections/tops of hills. Otherwise I don't care if they drop me like a hot potato. 

The only time I hate waiting up is if I'm in the middle of the pack, trying to keep up with the front. But I'll do it since I once lost somebody behind me (thought he was there) and felt awfully guilty 'cause he would never have dropped *me*. Only on solo rides do I try to push myself for good lap times anyway.

Gender could be an issue in that it's harder for women to improve as quickly as guys, and that it's all the more frustrating when we have to hold ourselves back for the sake of slower riders- it's a lost opportunity to train. Plus, people then assume you're just slow 'cause you're a woman. 

I've never ridden with a boyfriend, except many years ago before either one of us knew what we were doing. So I wouldn't know what I'd expect in that situation. Guess it would depend on our skills, objectives for that ride, and whether or not we're in a group.


----------



## Teocalli (Mar 18, 2005)

Bikehigh said:


> It seems I encounter a lot of resentment from women about how their partners have left them behind


This probably has more to do with the politics and subtleties of their personal at-home relationship than it does with riding in particular. That is, they probably wouldn't be as annoyed if it were a platonic friend.

I have been the caboose many, many times, and used to feel guilt about holding everybody up. Then I realized the same folks (a mixed gender group) kept coming around asking me to go with them. I also learned to suss out the group. When certain of these guys get together you know the testosterone will be flowing, so I find an alternative.

I used to ride regularly with another woman who was slower than me. She was an absolute sweetheart and I loved her company, so waiting at the top of a climb was no big deal. I'm out there for the scenery as much as anything. Riding with me was a different challenge for her than riding with her hammer uber-athlete BF. And by the end of the season, I wasn't waiting for her anymore  ! I don't know that she would have improved as much if she had spent all her time chasing some ideal she'd never catch (super-human BF) as opposed to chasing me who was only 3-4 minutes ahead.


----------



## edoz (Jan 16, 2004)

Christine said:


> and that it's all the more frustrating when we have to hold ourselves back for the sake of slower riders- it's a lost opportunity to train. Plus, people then assume you're just slow 'cause you're a woman.


My girlfriend has very little ride time with two jobs, two kids and school. She especially frets over the resentment she feels when people try to volunteer her for mentoring slower girls. She feels bad about being selfish, but knows that she will never get a good ride in if she rides with beginners all the time. 
We have both been mountain biking since the 80's. Being longtime cyclists, riding together seemed like a good idea. We tend to have bad rides together, though. After a couple of hours, I'm ready to head in, and she's just gotten warmed up. It doesn't help that I ride a single speed, and if you've ever ridden with a ss'er, you know there is a very different flow to riding one. When she gears down to spin up a hill, I have to stand up and charge up it, or else I'll end up walking. That leaves me waiting for her, and she doesn't want to hold me up. When she's in front, she feels like I run up on her all the time. Even though she's a strong rider, (Oklahoma expert 40+ champ) I'm faster. Combine that with the ss, and it's just a real bad mismatch. We finally decided that it's ok not to ride together. Often we go to the trailhead together, but ride seperately and meet up after. 
We worked really good as a 2 person team in our local 24hr race last year though. It was funny, her lap times were slower, but mine started fast and got slower as the race went on. Hers were all within 3 minutes of each other. Even the ones at night. Over the course of 10 laps on a rocky 8 mile loop, she didn't fade at all. Sorry for veering off topic a bit, but she rocks!


----------



## Endo King (Sep 30, 2004)

When I ride with my wife, I sometimes ride a slower pace with her (a easy or recovery day for me). Most times I will ride a head a ways, turn around and ride back to her. It gives me more miles, makes me climb more, and I am always within earshot of her. She is fine with that.


----------



## CycleMainiac (Jan 12, 2004)

I have ridden with lots and lots of new riders, mostly women but men too.

One thing I hear over and over is something like "So-and-So asked me to meet them to ride, but I don't want to be the slowest one so I'm not going" 

I HATE HEARING THIS - If someone invites you to go ride, GO!!!!

I point out that the invitor asked them to go ride knowing full well EXACTLY what they are offering. They know you are slower and are trying to help. We all went riding, and still go riding, with faster riders. It is how we all learned. So we invite newer riders as part of paying back how other riders helped us. It's all part of the BikeCycle of Luv. Riding is about sooo much more than just the ride. Most of us just want everyone else to have as much fun riding as we do. 

As mentioned above, there are some situations to be weary of like the hammerfests some prefer but I think most riders, even very new riders, can tell the difference.

I even take this topic a step further. I advise new riders to protect themselves during the ride. This means not only all the normal stuff, but recognizing when they are with a more advanced group and how to manage your own endurance and performance. 

There is one trick I share is for those riders that find themselves in the back and being waited on. The trick is too stop and rest where the waiting group can't see you. Then when you are ready ride up to the group. If you keep chasing the group and keep being the last, you never really get to recover, and as soon as you appear the group is ready to go again. This leads to the possibility of pushing yourself beyond your limits and getting in trouble; dehydration, cramps, etc. It's better to protect yourself in this way and survive the ride rather than ending up in a heap with cramps and having to be carried out or worse.


----------



## oldbroad (Mar 19, 2004)

I'm a faster rider than my husband. When we ride with a group, I'm in the towards the front and he towards the back, but I always make a point of hanging back and riding with him for a bit. When it is just the two of us, I'll ride the fun parts of the trail at the speed I like and then wait for him, then ride at his pace until the next fun part.

The only time I get impatient with him is when he takes for friggen _ever_ to get ready to go on the ride. I'm all geared up and riding in circles around the yard and he's running back in the house for the fifth time to get something!

When I ride with folks I don't know that well, I usually start off the ride at the back of the pack because I hate holding others up. Some times I work my way up to the front, some times I'm still in the back at the end of the ride.


----------



## pixy (Nov 8, 2005)

There have been alot of different situations mentioned here in this thread, and I have experienced most of them. I usually don't get too bothered by any of these situations as this is all part of group riding and can be real fun. 

Just as nice as it is to lead a newby or slower rider, it is real exciting to be gasping for breath, trying to hang on. I have such fond memories of going on a group ride at night with my husband. Neither of us knew the trail and it was technical with big drops. I was dropped instantly. You know how dark it gets when you are alone at night. It was scarry, but I knew that my husband would not leave me out there for real. If I were a single woman riding with this group of guys, I may have been a bit concerned. Fear is a delicate subject for many women and most men do not understand this. Some women, like my case, have decided to deal with some of it, but other women may find it too overwhelming. Maybe women percieve fear as a lack of control, and that they must always stay in control. Most men would concur that being a little out of control is what makes mountain biking so great! So it becomes a case of just respecting each other's emotions.

BTW, my husband is always off the front, but he quietly checks in often to make sure I am still there. I don't think it is necessary for a couple to ride side by side the whole ride. A little space can enhance the excitement of the group ride, giving a chance for both to seek out others equal in pace and still share in the same ride. 

pixy


----------



## nViATi (Jan 6, 2006)

Bikehigh said:


> I don't want this to come off as some kind of sexist topic, though it might be hard, but I want to say from the get go that I don't think of women as slower riders. In fact, not being a hammerhead and not caring to be at all, I ride with many women who are much faster than myself. But I also ride with many women who are less experienced and/or not as fast me, while when riding with only guys I am one of the slower riders if not the slowest. See? I told you all it was gonna be hard not to come off as sexist, but that's just the reality of it from my experience.
> 
> The "new skills" topic got me thinking though that men and womnen often have different ways of looking at things, and being a slower rider I was wondering if those women who are among the slower riders on a ride have the same way of looking at being waited for. I know that I often feel guilty for being a slower rider, and having to have the faster riders wait up at key points on the trail. On the other hand, if I am riding with slower riders, be it men or women, I never seem to mind waiting up. I was just wondering if when riding with more experienced and faster riders women feel this same kind of guilt even though you're pushing yourself to keep up and doing your best. I know for me, I'd rather ride solo sometimes rather than being the slowest rider in a group even though nobody ever seems to mind waiting, any more than I mind waiting. I guess this is something I do to myself, because if they minded me slowing them down they would't invite me to ride. Do women do the same thing in terms of feeling guilt, and if not how do those of you that are among the slower riders feel about it?


Just get a freeride bike and have fun riding the trail and doing all the jumps and drops you can find instead of rushing to the end! Enjoy the ride, not the speed! (Maybe I'm just saying that because I have a 40lbs junker for a bike  )


----------



## Bikehigh (Jan 14, 2004)

I have a friend, who shall remain nameless, because he sometimes checks in at MTBR, who's dynamics with his girlfriend is a real hoot to observe. She's a great climber, with a lot of stamina, but she is really sheepish on the downhills. She's come a long way since I first rode with the two of them, but she's still signifigantly slower than even me, and he's fast and getting faster. When I first rode with them, we'd ride off and wait at interesections where there'd be a doubt as to which way to head, like you would for any other ride buddie, and when she'd catch up you could see the frustration and almost anger that she'd been left behind and that he wasn't riding "with" her. If she was MIA for too long, one or both of us would ride back and check out what's going on, again like you would for any other ride buddie. It's very hard to get her to ride in any position in the group other than bringing up the rear too. For some reason she's uncomfortable with guys riding behind her, and that's really the only way to ride "with" her. I don't know if it's because she doesn't want guys looking at her azz, or if she doesn't like the pressure of having somebody pushing her from behind, but on the occasions I can convince her to roll out ahead of me, it's great to see the progress she makes and how well she rides. The thing is, it's not very often, but I try in order to take some of the pressure off the guy and give her somebody to ride with. Otherwise, he literally can't ride more than a quarter mile without stopping to wait for her, so the gap between them doesn't get to big, and she doesn't get upset. He does it to keep the peace, but it's still funny to see the two of them in action because of the tips he keeps giving her on how to ride better.


----------



## Impy (Jan 6, 2004)

Regarding guys and waiting: It makes a difference if it is your SO or not. It shouldn't but it does. If I am having a hard ride and I am in a pack of guys without the BF, no biggie, I suffer, they have to wait at the intersections for me. I'm ok with it.

If it's my boyfriend and I am having a bad ride, I can get crabby if I don't see him throughout the entire ride. It is complicated by the fact that I don't like him to wait! So it is a catch-22. Somehow he knows when to hang back and when to disappear in these situations, and he always says the right thing.

95% of the time I do not mind waiting for people. The other 5% is situational (it's cold and I'm cooling down too much, I'm upset with someone for xyz reason, etc).

edit: that should read "if I don't see him a few times throughout the entire ride". I never expect him to stick with me, unless I am injured.


----------



## SprocketHead (Dec 23, 2004)

I feel ya BikeHigh. My g/f doesn't like me riding behind her because I'm the faster one. She used to feel like she was holding back my ride, when I was just happy to ride with her. We started using two way radios which have been working out great. I can ride ahead and always check in. Within our group, everyone has a 2 way radio so it always keeps us in touch between the slow group and fast group. Of course we always wait for each other at intersections or if the fast group get to far ahead.


----------



## SHIVER ME TIMBERS (Jan 12, 2004)

ride to what people dictate....if they are new and need a hand then help them out...if they say leave you alone then do so.

with you riding and your friends....if they go faster who cares.....do what makes you happy...maybe start out before them


----------



## aosty (Jan 7, 2004)

Impy said:


> If it's my boyfriend and I am having a bad ride, I can get crabby if I don't see him throughout the entire ride. It is complicated by the fact that I don't like him to wait! So it is a catch-22. Somehow he knows when to hang back and when to disappear in these situations, and he always says the right thing.


----------



## zenmonkey (Nov 21, 2004)

aosty said:


>


Sweet guys, with me it depends on the trail and on the other riders, if I'm off and we've split into two groups it is not an issue if the trail is known and there are no kids ridding. If kids are involved I am expected to participate in "rearing".


----------



## txn (Oct 4, 2005)

Bikehigh said:


> I was just wondering if when riding with more experienced and faster riders women feel this same kind of guilt even though you're pushing yourself to keep up and doing your best. I know for me, I'd rather ride solo sometimes rather than being the slowest rider in a group even though nobody ever seems to mind waiting, any more than I mind waiting. I guess this is something I do to myself, because if they minded me slowing them down they would't invite me to ride. Do women do the same thing in terms of feeling guilt, and if not how do those of you that are among the slower riders feel about it?


I did feel that kind of 'I'm not good enough to ride with these people' thing until I got a firm talking to by Ms. Hammerhead herself. (The one who runs the bike shop) She was really upset that I didn't want to ride with her because no one wants to ride with her, not even the guys (because she leaves everyone in the dust and no one wants to slow her down). She insisted that she wouldn't ask me to ride with her if she didn't want to wait for me.

She also birthed my Hammerhead. I also really like riding with people who are slower than me. From my view, I get an easier more relaxed ride where I don't have to worry about anything and I can even help other riders out. That's always fun. So if I can help others out, it's okay for others to help me out too. It's no fun to make yourself feel guilty and it doesn't do any good at all. If it did then I'd say use it but what's the point?


----------



## Joe Dirt (Nov 20, 2005)

Matilda the Hun said:


> I've only been riding for about 2 years ( any bike any style - period), and that is what keeps me from joining group rides. I ride by myself - not only because I don't want to hold people up, but also because when I'm on the bike it is ME time. I want to push as hard as I feel like and then slow up when I feel like it and stop for a drink and an energy bar when I feel I need it. Riding with other people who are much better/faster/more experienced makes me put really harsh pressure on myself. I push myself too hard, end up exhausted and NOT having a good time, in addition to making me feel all down and "loser" on myself.  Who needs THAT? I have enough self-esteem issues as it is.
> 
> Biking is one of the things that makes me feel GOOD about myself. When I'm riding alone I can be in my own little fantasy-world that I am a real athlete. I don't need that bubble-bursting!


Do what you do. I like riding alone at times, but find I can push myself more when I ride in groups. Crashing alone would suck, if I broke something on my body.


----------



## Capt Tripps (Jan 19, 2005)

I ride alone, 
yea with no body else, 
cause ya know when i ride alone, 
i like to climb those hills by myself~ with a nod to GT ..

But I have crashed and burned and had some close calls as well,, So I am always a bit more cautious even on my home trails when solo. Usually use those rides as maping and explorations,, I can ride hours without seeing a soul, 

But back to the previous post,, I enjoy riding with women, I am a clyde, and they always pass me on hills, and i catch up easily on the downhills, I enjoy taking new folks out and giving hints ( not advice) to lines and obsticles. I enjoy the magic of a trail shared,, So Matlida, come on up to North Idaho as soon as the arctic blast clears, and ride alone,, or with the "LAH's" sweet singletrack and no pressures.. 

Happy Trails~


----------



## CE750 (Feb 12, 2006)

Impy said:


> Regarding guys and waiting: It makes a difference if it is your SO or not. It shouldn't but it does. If I am having a hard ride and I am in a pack of guys without the BF, no biggie, I suffer, they have to wait at the intersections for me. I'm ok with it.
> 
> If it's my boyfriend and I am having a bad ride, I can get crabby if I don't see him throughout the entire ride. It is complicated by the fact that I don't like him to wait! So it is a catch-22. Somehow he knows when to hang back and when to disappear in these situations, and he always says the right thing.


Well said, this is plain old fashioned courtesy and manners that many of today's "modern men" don't get, and in many cases were raised to rebel against.

Both the wife and I are new to mtb, and I am considerably faster and have more endurance.. when I go on a ride with her, it's for family fun, and not so I can train up for the big trails with the big guys! That's for another day.


----------



## edouble (Apr 16, 2004)

*i usually ride with...*

my wife, who is slower than me. i always wait for her because i enjoy riding with her and she tries to ride up and down everything she see's me do. she has progressed a lot because of our riding together and ive enjoyed watching her progress.
i have a roadie freind that mtbk's in the fall and winter. he gets pissed if he has to wait for ANYONE, male or female. if he's not hammering, he's not happy.i only ride with him if im in shape, because otherwise its a waste.
on tuesday night rides there's a group of veteran riders (10-15 yrs exp) that has a woman rider that is fast as hell  !. she's the 2nd fastest person in the group, the only person faster is crazy fast and she stays right with him. she's much faster than all of us other guys. i think its pretty cool.


----------



## ps249 (Jan 8, 2006)

Gee first we hear about what guys think about what women think about men wearing shorts while biking. then we hear apologists asking if men are too fast while biking compared to women. Ha ha- next I think we are gonna hear what women think about men with long finger nails while biking. I dont want to go any further but I dont really hear any tech talk in the womens forums- it all seems to be about what women think-----buuuaaaaahhh!!!


----------



## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

ps249 said:


> Gee first we hear about what guys think about what women think about men wearing shorts while biking. then we hear apologists asking if men are too fast while biking compared to women. Ha ha- next I think we are gonna hear what women think about men with long finger nails while biking. I dont want to go any further but I dont really hear any tech talk in the womens forums- it all seems to be about what women think-----buuuaaaaahhh!!!


so?


----------



## edoz (Jan 16, 2004)

*Ahh, the dangers of wonering what women think.......*



Matilda the Hun said:


> Alright then sweetheart, why don't you start us off "properly". Please share your personal experiences with the following...
> 
> What saddle do you prefer to keep yourself from getting vulvovaginal chafing?
> 
> Do you prefer the Divacup, the Instead cup, or plain ole superplus tampons while riding during menstruation.?


I could have gone my entire life without reading about that.


----------



## mtbikegirl69 (Mar 22, 2005)

*Ita*

Biking is one of the things that makes me feel GOOD about myself. When I'm riding alone I can be in my own little fantasy-world that I am a real athlete. I don't need that bubble-bursting! 
__________________________________

Nice to know there are other female riders out there like me.

I totally relate to your posting.

I enjoy riding with others sometimes...but mostly because I learn new techniques. 
I also push myself more technically because I know I won't be alone if I get hurt.

However, 90% of the time, I'm riding to feel at one with nature. I feel strong, independent, and at best...like a little kid on a Big Wheel.

I do worry about mt. lions, snakes, falls, and maniacs when I'm alone...BUT...I then realize that I'm also overcoming a lot of insecurites when I ride alone. Much bigger ones than being insecure that a fellow rider has to wait for me.

To answer the question though...I have ridden with semi-pros and lots of racers...both male and female.
And yes, I would always feel guilty...and many times, wimpy.
However, I was always the one invited and I was always encouraged.
One fellow rider once turned to me and said, "We were all once where you are...we weren't always this experienced...and it is a joy to watch someone else begin their passion for this sport...it reminds us of how far we've come too."

That comment really changed my perspective. 
But...I'd still rather ride alone and focus on me and nature.
:thumbsup:

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:


----------



## Trail_Mynx (Mar 6, 2006)

paintedwhispers said:


> I definitely prefer that he rides with me. It's OK if he goes ahead a little bit... I can't expect him to ride at exactly my speed, but on the other hand if I only see him a few times in a 2-hour bike ride, I might as well have gone alone. There's also the insecurity factor -- if I fall, I want him to be within earshot! As I get more experience with the sport, I'll probably be fine with him riding ahead... with any luck, I'll even be the one waiting for him!


I am in total agreement. I have a friend that does that exact thing and cannot understand why I get bent when/if I need him and can't get him on the walkie or he can't hear me because he is too far ahead. Example - I crashed, disc got a lil bent and somehow the back tire came off, I ended up with a sprained ankle and couldn't get him on the walkie and had no clue where he was. I wasn't exactly happy about that. I don't care that he goes ahead a bit, but not go so far that he can't hear me scream/yell when I crash.

I've been going solo to get better on my own, that way I won't care so much...plus I'm going to invest in a whistle. I have a soft voice by nature and my yell is still a whisper in the woods...so there really is no chance in hell anyone would hear me if I was yelling for help.


----------



## CE750 (Feb 12, 2006)

Trail_Mynx said:


> I am in total agreement. I have a friend that does that exact thing and cannot understand why I get bent when/if I need him and can't get him on the walkie or he can't hear me because he is too far ahead. Example - I crashed, disc got a lil bent and somehow the back tire came off, I ended up with a sprained ankle and couldn't get him on the walkie and had no clue where he was. I wasn't exactly happy about that. I don't care that he goes ahead a bit, but not go so far that he can't hear me scream/yell when I crash.
> 
> I've been going solo to get better on my own, that way I won't care so much...plus I'm going to invest in a whistle. I have a soft voice by nature and my yell is still a whisper in the woods...so there really is no chance in hell anyone would hear me if I was yelling for help.


:nono:

I think any guy that takes a gal on a ride, and leaves here that far behind has some serious problems in the "gentleman" dept. Ditch him, and find a man who has respect for women. Many "modern" men seem to have lost sight of how to treat a lady. My wife would kill me if I did that to her!


----------



## Bawitdaba (Sep 9, 2005)

Where are these creatures called "slower women", it sounds like I may be able to catch one...:devil:


----------



## zenmonkey (Nov 21, 2004)

Matilda the Hun said:


> I don't even think it's a "Treat a Lady right" kind of issue. To me, it's courtesy and responsibility. If you say - " hey - wanna come ride with me?", then the key word there is *WITH -* otherwise yeah, you might as well go by yourself.
> 
> It's not about being a "gentleman", so much as being a caring human being. Would you take your KIDS riding, and then leave them hundreds of yards to a half mile behind? It's a safety issue. The same for gals who are more experienced than their mate --- would you leave him so far behind that you were unable to know if he was in trouble?
> 
> It's just courtesy - and responsibility.


Well as far as any rider goes (independent of sex or age) yes, we leave them several hundreds or half a mile behind (or ahead) BUT we regroup, we circle around and wait at path forks. We ride together. On some rare rides when we have lost a rider (always on fast rides in an area we know well), that is usually the end of the ride, we try to find the person and always head back to a designated meeting point. Now, if we invite a newbie, or someone who is not up to our level, well we make sure they are welcome and no one gets totally out of LOS for too long.


----------



## Trail_Mynx (Mar 6, 2006)

Matilda the Hun said:


> I don't even think it's a "Treat a Lady right" kind of issue. To me, it's courtesy and responsibility. If you say - " hey - wanna come ride with me?", then the key word there is *WITH -* otherwise yeah, you might as well go by yourself.
> 
> It's not about being a "gentleman", so much as being a caring human being. Would you take your KIDS riding, and then leave them hundreds of yards to a half mile behind? It's a safety issue. The same for gals who are more experienced than their mate --- would you leave him so far behind that you were unable to know if he was in trouble?
> 
> It's just courtesy - and responsibility.


Thank you. This is what I was trying to stress to him, but like I said - he just didn't seem to understand or care. So, I go solo until my skill improves. If things had been switched, I would never have left him that far behind. What's the point of riding WITH someone if you never see them on the trail? I don't expect him to be right on the side of me, but at least still visible or within earshot.


----------



## sparrow (Dec 30, 2003)

*Get a Tandem ATB!*

Best way to ride together, and I mean TOGETHER. My wife and I ride together only on the tandem. She's got her own bike, and rides on her own, with others, etc on her half-bike and likes it fine. Still not the fastest or most skilled of any given group.

But when we go riding together, it is always on the tandem. We go further, faster and over trickier trails than she can handle on her own. Just a great couples' kinda thing to do. We overcome obstacles together, encourage each other, help each other with limits, look out for each other and enjoy the trail, the scenery, and a good conversation all the while.

Our tandem has taken us to Fruita, Moab, Brianhead, Sun Valley, Maah Dah Hey, Bozeman, Jackson, Black Hills, Sedona, Phoenix, Tucson, Laramie, etc all for memorable rides that would have been just seperate frustration-rides on our seperate single bikes.

Tandems are great, and can be ridden pretty much anywhere a single bike can (barring North Shore style stunts, freeride drops, etc), you know typical off road riding. Tandems are also a relationship accelerator: no matter which way a relationship is heading, a tandem will get it there faster! So if you are tandem-incompatible, just file the divorce papers now, or split up, no sense in dragging out the inevitable.


----------



## gabrielle (Jan 2, 2005)

oldbroad said:


> The only time I get impatient with him is when he takes for friggen _ever_ to get ready to go on the ride. I'm all geared up and riding in circles around the yard and he's running back in the house for the fifth time to get something!


Don't get me started...whoops, too late!

I get the "Are you ready yet?!?!" repeatedly yelled impatiently from the car. I get out there, and then there's the five trips back in to the house for stuff *he* forgot. 

gabrielle


----------



## gabrielle (Jan 2, 2005)

Bawitdaba said:


> Where are these creatures called "slower women", it sounds like I may be able to catch one...:devil:


LOL! Nice.

gabrielle


----------



## gabrielle (Jan 2, 2005)

Bikehigh said:


> Do women do the same thing in terms of feeling guilt, and if not how do those of you that are among the slower riders feel about it?


Honey, I was raised Protestant with a dash of Catholicism thrown in.  You don't get much guiltier than that. BUT I'm getting over it. Like another poster said, if they've invited you along, presumably they know what they're getting into. (Of course, there was the time I was invited on a ride, then when we arrived at the trailhead was told that I would "have to ride fast so I could keep up", so there is a certain amount of pruning you may have to do to your ride buddies list before you can really trust what they're saying.) I figure: I'm not irritated by waiting for others, why should I assume they're irritated waiting for me?

gabrielle


----------



## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

Christine said:


> I don't think it's a gender thing. There are times when I'm well ahead of a few guys and being told I'm fast; other times I'm hallucinating in an effort to keep up.
> 
> If I'm on an unfamiliar trail, I'd rather have the group wait for me at intersections/tops of hills. Otherwise I don't care if they drop me like a hot potato.
> 
> ...


I agree that it's not a gender thing - it's a common courtesy thing and it's situation dependent. If you're all riding a trail that everyone has done before - go for it and ride your own pace. Especially if it's an out and back, or there are plenty of other people around. But if you have someone in the group who is uncomfortable being out of sight - you have to respect that. I'm not, and we tend to have standard regrouping points on our favorite trails, but some people prefer to stay close. And if people don't know where they're going, obviously someone who does needs to wait at all intersections.

I can't imagine there being some sort of rule about this. I ride trails solo all the time, so why would I want or need people to wait for me unless I don't know the trail?


----------



## techchaser (Apr 2, 2006)

*Riding with or without your SO / boyfriend*

I'm a newer rider. Started April, 2005. I've been riding winter MTB with some "A" riders. Yes, they wait for me. Yes, as soon as I catch up to them while they're waiting - they take off again. Yes, I ride an entire 2 hours without a break. And finally, yes, I'm glad that they ask me along to ride again with them.
As far as my SO - we've ridden together a few times. My SO has been riding for 12 years in terrain that is way above my head. My SO doesn't enjoy riding with me and he makes it no secret that he thinks that I'm not a good enough rider to ride with him. Since he feels this way I don't enjoy riding with him.
Instead, I found myself a few riding groups. I ride MTB with "roadies" in the winter. They're so first class - they really know how to make somebody enjoy MTB riding. I also ride with a ladies group every couple of weeks. We go to a different park just about every time. I ride with my "riding" buddy - a girl who is at my level. To supplement my riding habit I also lead rides to make MTB riding enjoyable for anyone who may want to start up. I now own a cyclocross bike for times when trail conditions are not favorable.
I am having a blast. 
My SO and I don't see each other very often since we don't ride together. We still have alot to talk.


----------



## CE750 (Feb 12, 2006)

techchaser said:


> My SO and I don't see each other very often since we don't ride together. We still have alot to talk.


Sorry, but what's an "SO"?


----------



## formica (Jul 4, 2004)

CE750 said:


> Sorry, but what's an "SO"?


*S*ignificant *O*ther


----------



## rzozaya1969 (Nov 28, 2004)

With my SO, I find out that at the first miles, my stamina is a lot better than hers. But on the long run she'll beat me, specially if it's a walk-the-bike section. I find out that it's better for her on the climbs to have me behind her, but on the downhills she prefers to see someone clearing something before she tries it herself.

My skills are somewhat better, but she has improved a lot, so I thing that eventually she'll reach me, which would be great


----------



## sandmangts (Feb 16, 2004)

I have the perfect solution for riding with my wife who is slower. I just take my single speed. I still get a great workout and she can keep up. It works out perfect.


----------



## edmoloco (Feb 18, 2004)

*I dont get it?*

I don't get it; maybe I don't go on enough group rides. Mostly I ride with my dog. He kicks my butt on the climbs (4 legs faster than 2 wheels) and I leave him in the dust, well mud, on the down hills. But when I get to the bottom I wait, on the climb he waits. When I ride with friends same thing, the better/more aggressive, (doesn't imply skilled) goes first, and waits at a good stopping point. If I rode with some one who took off and didn't see again, hell I'm riding by my self again. That's cool with me but, why bother hooking up for a ride if your not hangout together. Why not just go separately and meet for a beer that night and you can take about that ride you didn't share. But like I said, most of my rides are with my dog, so riding with friends\wife\kids, is exactly that riding "WITH".


----------



## connie (Mar 16, 2004)

edmoloco said:


> why bother hooking up for a ride if your not hangout together. Why not just go separately and meet for a beer that night and you can take about that ride you didn't share. But like I said, most of my rides are with my dog, so riding with friends\wife\kids, is exactly that riding "WITH".


So you can carpool and then go out for beers afterwards.


----------



## edmoloco (Feb 18, 2004)

ok, Im all for carpools and beer


----------

