# Lamest thing said to you while biking



## highdelll (Oct 3, 2008)

This is a sister thread of  coolest thing said to you while biking.

SO!!
What is the lamest thing said while biking?


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## highdelll (Oct 3, 2008)

I'll go first since I'm here and all 

I'm riding up on these 'ladies' doing their morning power-walk (who were wearing matching outfits) who 'owned' the 8' of 'river-trail' pavement between the two.
I thought, no biggie, as we were coming up on a split. I would call out a direction, but I thought I'd just slow behind them to avoid the awkward 'on yer left' - and they move left.
There was only 5 feet to the split.

I coasted for a bit (LX hubs click like any normal/everyday bike clicks), but then, had to hit my brakes a bit (which honked - moisture).
They scrambled a bit as I said "'mornin, ladies".
Mind you, I wasn't in any hurry, just hangin back awaiting their decision.
One responded back - "Well, EvCUUUUse us!"

:a sec later:
I wanted to ride back up and tell them to .....
but that's uphill, and I'm on a SS bike  42-14

**(re: EDIT) I forgot what bike I was on -ut:


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## Glide the Clyde (Nov 12, 2009)

Nice to see you back. Where ya been?


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## highdelll (Oct 3, 2008)

7-Day werk...


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## Trail Ninja (Sep 25, 2008)

highdelll said:


> 7-Day werk...


Yeah, that's a pretty lame thing to hear while biking.


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## Wild Wassa (Jun 4, 2009)

Well this is biking associated ... I wasn't actually biking, that day.

Some local XCO tossers who were posing and presenting and continually looking around to see who was looking at them (I'll refrain from calling them wankers), had their bikes leaning up against a fence at the last MTB World Championships and I wanted access to the fence, to take some shots. I asked them nicely, if they could move their bikes over slightly, so that I could be against the fence, to take a shot of the riders finishing. The bikes were taking up about 6 or 7 metres of prime frontage.

After they told me where to get off and dictating to me that their bikes were there first, I leant on their bikes and they accidentally fell over. Shock horror! The four of them looked totally affronted, and one of them said, "Those bike are worth several thousand dollars how dare I." I told them that I didn't care one iota. Their bikes weren't watching the finish and nor were they. They then muttered amongst themselves, something about, what a terrible person that I was.

*Lame* is the word that I'd use.

This is the shot that I took. Burry Stander appears to be enjoying what happened but the missed shot was the look of the four faces standing behind me.










Warren.


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## Leopold Porkstacker (Apr 21, 2010)

Said to me while trackstanding—which I ALWAYS do, since I hate unclipping/reclipping:

“Anyone ever knock you off your bike?”

To which I said, since the guy asking was driving a jacked-up pickup truck:

“Yeah, some ****** in a jacked-up pickup truck, but then I flashed my 38 at him”.

End result = guy seemed to be in a hurry to go about his business.


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## greasemeat (Oct 23, 2009)

LOL Both nice posts.

I got nuthin.


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## Straz85 (Mar 20, 2009)

Me: Says something about how I fell while biking
Other person: "You FELL off your bike???"

They say it as if I should never fall. One of the people who said this was my mother's boyfriend, so I brought him riding in Lynn Woods, then he understood. The other guy who said it doesn't even own a bike. He also said to me "You spent $2000 on a bike?!?" I've gotten a response similar to this from a couple different people.


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## Zeroack (Jul 4, 2005)

It wasn't yelled at me, but at my youngest son. We were riding down a "blue" run. He was behind me a bit on his 13" HT, picking a good line and making his way down with much more grace then his father. Me I just smashed and bashed down thru the rocks. A rider decked out in body armor and a gravity sled race past us. I stopped further down to let him catch up. When he does I can tell he's upset. The guy that passed us told him to "Get that piece of $h1t hard tail on a green trail". Just because you can't fly down a hill doesn't mean you can't enjoy the challenge. Some people just don't get it.


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## manabiker (Jul 18, 2010)

"These Dogs Don't Bite"
After I got the unleashed german shepards off my tail by using a water bottle, another person in the party of three tried to grab the lead dog and he was attacked, with snarles and growls as he pulled his hands back the dog bolted, it wasn't the dogs fault, they were just being dogs but I gave the owners hell about leashing their dogs as I rode off, I seen them later and they had the dogs on leash or I would have gone to the rangers office and waited in the parking lot, or if attacked I was ready to bash in some dog heads with my bicycle at that point, this has happened 3 times to me in the last 3 months. Its time for some sort of spray for the dogs and owners.


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## rev106 (Jul 9, 2009)

I crested the top of the hill and there's this old guy I see hiking up there every day I'm there. After months of seeing him nearly every day he barley gives a nod or a wave, oh well. So this time I get to the top and he says to me in a very quiet voice: "What are you going to do when you get old?" What kind of question is that? "Ride harder" I said. 

I do get into it with dog owners, dogs off leash etc. The last one was classic. I Was going down the same trail and I startled some dog owners, dogs not on leach of course so they had to grab them. The guy said "That's how you'll kill a dog!" I was not going fast. I said "With any luck." As I rode past them. There are signs every telling these people to have there dogs on a leash, rarely do they follow the rules.


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## wv_bob (Sep 12, 2005)

"Dad forgot my helmet at home"

Not lame for the little guy who said it, definitely lame for the Dad who was all kitted up while his kid was crashing around with no helmet and a broken front brake.


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## Uly (Aug 18, 2009)

rev106 said:


> "That's how you'll kill a dog!"


I would have replied "Yeah, letting your dog run around off leash out here can be deadly to him. You'ld think numskulls who do that would learn by now."


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## fakebeave (Mar 15, 2004)

"I can't."


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## 53119 (Nov 7, 2008)

while stopped at a "Trails Closed" sign (just stopped for a break with no intent), a jogger coming from BEHIND the sign with unleashed dogs says.."you bikers having trouble making out what the sign means?"

there's a death penalty in Texas so...


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## El Salt (Oct 18, 2004)

"Those bikes cost how much?!!!!?!!??!"


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## Tillers_Rule (Sep 11, 2004)

I've had a couple of dog walkers say something stupid cause there dogs off a leash and I almost run them over. So I dismember them and busty the pieces along the trail. Sucks if Im in a hurry.


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## 53119 (Nov 7, 2008)

Tillers_Rule said:


> I've had a couple of dog walkers say something stupid cause there dogs off a leash and I almost run them over. So I dismember them and busty the pieces along the trail. Sucks if Im in a hurry.


I always forget to bring large trash bags...it hides the odor better i feel. dismember etiquette rules and how-tos:thumbsup:


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## idbrian (May 10, 2006)

Not sure if it was coolest or the lamest. But i was riding an extremely technical trail when an old man passed and said; "seems like a great way to destroy a nice bike." 

I actually find that amusing. But i've run into other people that will argue that the trial i am on is not meant for biking for no other reason than it doesn't appear bikeable to them.


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## Dion (Oct 22, 2009)

<- In my avatar from this weekend: while huffing and puffing, gasping for air, feeling completely exhausted, dehydrated, hurt, 1lb. of dirt in my lungs, I was told...

"FOUR MORE LAPS GUYS!! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!"

:lol:


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## snowdrifter (Aug 2, 2006)

When I lived in the Bay Area, I used to always get this one.

"No Bikes Allowed On This Trail"

My response, "well there is today"


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## Jaydude (Apr 1, 2006)

Im gonna SHOOT you! 

Said to me last week after my buddy got a flat and we cut through some unmarked priviate property.


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## blizzardpapa (Jan 19, 2004)

"You actually enjoy climbing? What's wrong with you?" - Said to me by a wanna-be free rider.


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## eatdrinkride (Jun 15, 2005)

> Lamest thing said to you while biking


Must use heavy Scottish accent and read aloud...

*"Heck of a place to leave your bikes, laddies"*

-My buddy and are are 40 years old, so that was weird.


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## roybatty666 (Mar 2, 2009)

"Do you need to borrow some gears"

"Where's your other leg?"

I just smile as I drop them on the climb


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## cxagent (Dec 30, 2005)

Riding up the "Hill of Life" (about a mile of loose rocky ledgy climb in Austin Texas) I keep passing and being passed by a guy walking with cane. At one point he says "It looks pretty tough to get up this hill on a bike". I said "I was thinking it was tough getting up this hill with a cane". Talked to him later when we both made the top of the climb. Turns out it was Johnny Lam Jones, former football player for the University of Texas and the NY Jets. Really cool guy.


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## Trail Ninja (Sep 25, 2008)

53119 said:


> I always forget to bring large trash bags...it hides the odor better i feel. dismember etiquette rules and how-tos:thumbsup:


Lime.


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## byknuts (Aug 9, 2008)

"all that money to build such a light bike and you're carrying 10 pounds of locks"
I was riding a ss'd soul cycles hooligan with beat up deemaxes and kujos, but only had one kryptonite u-lock on my belt. :skep:


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## AndrwSwitch (Nov 8, 2007)

Dion said:


> <- In my avatar from this weekend: while huffing and puffing, gasping for air, feeling completely exhausted, dehydrated, hurt, 1lb. of dirt in my lungs, I was told...
> 
> "FOUR MORE LAPS GUYS!! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!"
> 
> :lol:


LOL.

The race I did a week and a half ago doesn't announce how many laps are left until pretty late - it's the old time + some laps format. They're calling "one to go" when I cross the line. Several hundred meters later, they correct themselves, "Sorry riders. That wasn't the last lap. It's one and a half to go." I had a bad cough and was out there just to avoid missing the first race of the series, so it was extra-sucky.


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## LWright (Jan 29, 2006)

Equestrian (one of a group of four) "I thought bikes were not allowed on this trail."
Me "No mam, that would be the trail to the left back yonder, THIS trail is posted NO HORSES. Have a good ride"


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## gundom66 (Jul 27, 2010)

I was going southbound on a paved trail saying hello to a couple of ladies on Specialized road bikes going northbound... Mind you that I said "hello". The response? "Ew! TREK!!!"


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## b-kul (Sep 20, 2009)

(riding a rocky tech trail in otis after it had rained) jogger comes up behind me when i stopped to drink "tough biking out here, you should really just walk".


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## Trail Ninja (Sep 25, 2008)

I hear this all the time from other riders on volunteer maintained trails.

"Somebody should..... (insert trail maintenance or building tip here)"


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## Dainbramage91 (Jul 19, 2010)

From a co-worker:

"You actually wear a helmet? It's not like you're in the X-Games."

I just invited him to go ride some trails with me after work.


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## M-U-M (Dec 19, 2003)

Old comments repeated by new people in 2010:

"I can't believe you're using those square tapered cranks! You'd ride so much better with ____." Whatever, I'm still cranking like it's 1999.

:thumbsup: 

"On your left!" They then passed on the right and we nearly ended up in a compromising position.

 

"I now understand why you said I shouldn't wear underwear with my bike shorts." Ouch!

:lol:


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## metaljim (Apr 22, 2009)

Leopold Porkstacker said:


> Said to me while trackstanding-which I ALWAYS do, since I hate unclipping/reclipping:
> 
> "Anyone ever knock you off your bike?"
> 
> ...


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## dyersburgguy (Mar 21, 2009)

get a car ***


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## swkshepherd (Aug 20, 2010)

*Lamest thing during a ride*

Went OTB and bloodied myself up pretty well. Finished the 7 mile ride and stopped at a nearby shack to get some water to clean out the wound.

As I'm pouring water on my elbow and picking stones out, woman says:

"Awwwwwwww did you fall off your bike? Be careful now, falling can hurt you"

Ironically enough this same endo resulted in a wrist surgery. I guess I should heed lame advice instead of mocking it. Haha


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## Space Robot (Sep 13, 2008)

*Summer road ride during TDF*

Go Lance!


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## HX520W (Jul 28, 2010)

"Aren't you a little old to be riding on the sidewalk."


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## JeffRock (Aug 23, 2010)

Wow... I don't pay attention to what people say.. I'm to busy listening to the voices in my head...


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## roxnroots (Aug 12, 2010)

Straz85 said:


> Me: Says something about how I fell while biking
> Other person: "You FELL off your bike???"
> 
> They say it as if I should never fall. One of the people who said this was my mother's boyfriend, so I brought him riding in Lynn Woods, then he understood. The other guy who said it doesn't even own a bike. He also said to me "You spent $2000 on a bike?!?" I've gotten a response similar to this from a couple different people.


Those kind of people drive me absolutely nuts! :madmax:


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## mrbucket (Apr 25, 2010)

roxnroots said:


> Those kind of people drive me absolutely nuts! :madmax:


Totally, why would you spend that kind of money on a bike?!!! 

One day getting in my car after loading up after riding, guy parks next to me and says...

guy: "Hows it goin?"
me: "Great Thanks, have a good ride!"
guy: "Thanks! You too....._*voice trails off* *mumbles to self*_"


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## Ska (Jan 12, 2004)

From a guy looking my gear over; _*"Jesus.....you really need a new bike."*_

Those words were said to me by a guy (you know the type) who absolutely needs to buy the best and the absolute latest of everything - even if the only change from one model year to another of any given frame, component or fork etc. is the color or a decal. It's ridiculous.

I was still riding my DeKerf at the time which was pushing 6 years of age but it was still functioning perfectly, able to carry me (without any issue) over everything I was riding, still fast enough in races and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, fun. He was looking at it because I had just switched up the drive train (because the previous had worn out) and had dumped the XTR stuff for the latest (at the time) X.O. rear der and shifters.

After he walked away I was pretty mad about that. I don't care if someone doesn't like my bike, seriously, but who says that kind of thing? To anyone! Just get out there, ride, enjoy the freedom, trails and friends! Have fun! Who cares what the other guy's rockin'?

Anyway, I looked over at a friend who also heard it and said "The day all that guy's tech s__t makes him faster than me is the day I'll think of switching that bike out." To which his response was "Hey, he's the best looking last place finisher out there! Be nice." We laughed.

That was a true statement and is also part of the reason it irked me and I said what I said. He judges people and often how they must ride (if he doesn't know them) based on what they're riding yet he is slow as faulk. Basically, if his way of thinking were true, he'd be up there with the world champs.

Don't get me wrong; I don't claim to be anywhere near the fastest guy out there and I don't mind riding with people who are slower. I especially don't mind people joining us out there based on what their gear is like. I just know how he thinks and my knee-jerk reaction was to say what I said (I'm not proud of that) I just shouldn't have let it bother me.

If you're in our group and you're enjoying yourself than feel free to come out anytime you want. You're always welcome.

It's too bad because, other than that one flaw, he's genuinely a really nice guy. I've ridden with him many times (used to almost every Sunday - and I wasn't the only one he said shady stuff to) but it's been a while because he's moved.

Someone I know rode with him again recently and it turns out not much has changed - too bad.


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## Ska (Jan 12, 2004)

M-U-M said:


> Old comments repeated by new people in 2010:
> 
> "I can't believe you're using those square tapered cranks! You'd ride so much better with ____." Whatever, I'm still cranking like it's 1999.
> 
> :


Exactly!! That's basically what I was saying - only better and less drawn out. :thumbsup:


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## nemhed (May 2, 2010)

All this reminds me why I don't bother to talk about my outdoor recreational activities with "civilians".


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## AndrwSwitch (Nov 8, 2007)

I have a '07 Hardrock with mostly my own build, at this point. Better crank, better derailleurs, better brakes, much better fork, etc. So I bumped into a guy the other day on his way down a very difficult fire road climb at one of my favorite riding places, on a Hardrock from the same year, one model down. I figured he had to be lost, because the only reason to do that climb (to me) is to access a singletrack descent that's really cool.

Anyway, a few minutes later, after I've stalled, of course, I hear him grunting and crunching and sweating his way back up. Turns out he was doing repeats. As training for mountaineering. And aside from the tires, his bike looks to be completely stock. I found out all of this when I caught up with him at the top of the climb, where he was taking a breather.

I don't think any of what he said was meant negatively, but... I race cross-country, and this dude just walked off on me with a heavy bike and pogo suspension fork, and riding bikes isn't even his main thing! This season has, unfortunately, been one in which I have had more excuses than good finishes.


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## mesome (May 3, 2009)

I had this lovely exchange with a group of people on horseback over labor day weekend while riding some trails that are clearly marked as multi-use by the state parks department. I always follow the posted trail etiquette to a T plus some just to be nice, and this time was no exception. So anyway, after dismounting and dragging the bike about 10' off into the weeds the ass-hattery started....

Me - "Hey guys, how's it going?"

Older man in the lead - "Son, you're gonna have to get back further than that."

Me - "Sure thing" *I move back another 5 feet and can't go any further*

*at this point the old guy gets his horse past me and the guy behind him's horse starts flipping out all of a sudden*

******* in 2nd place - *mutters* "You're not even suppose ta be riding them damn things on this trail"

Me - "Excuse me sir?"

******* - *his horse is still acting squirrly* "We'll see who ends up on the ground first (thinly veiled threat?)....You shouldn't even f*cking be here! You need to go talk to a park ranger NOW."

Me - "I'm afraid you're wrong, if you don't believe me you can read one of the pamphlets they have at the trail head"

******* - "I dun give uh damn what that says, you need ta go find a park ranger!"

Me - "Whatever..."

*the third guy just rides by shaking his head*

Woman in the rear - *silently mouths to me* "I'm sorry"

I think that's about the most hostile encounter I've had, mostly all I get are confused or dirty looks. The equestrian crown seems to think they own the trails and since I'm the only bike rider I've ever seen on them I doubt that will change anytime soon.


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## highdelll (Oct 3, 2008)

^^^^lame


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## Trail Ninja (Sep 25, 2008)

^^^^^ Jacking up the post count. I'm in.


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## highdelll (Oct 3, 2008)

Trail Ninja said:


> ^^^^^ Jacking up the post count. I'm in.


sweet - there's another!...

oh, and "If your bike costs that much, why didn't you just buy a car" (after explaining how built it myself) - try building a car yourself - see what that costs ya...


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## Psycho Mike (Apr 2, 2006)

Ok...I'm game.

Coming back from a night ride along a trendy avenue here where I live...at night, it's got a lot of bars and in the summer, that means all the cars are cruisin'. Traffic was moving slooooow, so rather than fight with the cabs, pedestrians sloshed and trying to hail a cab, etc., I just took the lane: traffic was slow enough I was able to keep up just fine/didn't disrupt traffic at all.

Car pulls up along side and the lady in the passenger seat yells out: "What? You a bike or are you traffic?"

Me: "The law says my bike is traffic."

Her: "Get on the sidewalk, a$$hole...leave the roads for cars."

I don't like ignorant people like that.


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## Garagemonkey (Jul 14, 2009)

mesome said:


> I had this lovely exchange with a group of people on horseback over labor day weekend while riding some trails that are clearly marked as multi-use by the state parks department.
> 
> ******* - *his horse is still acting squirrly* "We'll see who ends up on the ground first (thinly veiled threat?)....


I've gotten this more than once from the horse people. I always stop, always pull to the side and dismount, and am always polite. Regardless, I'm often greeted with the: "somebody is gonna get hurt and it 'aint gonna be us" gem. :bluefrown:

I always want to reply, "so you admit you're bringing a big, dangerous animal you can't control onto a public, multi-use trail populated by kids, hikers, and bikers knowing full well it's gonna hurt somebody 'cause you haven't put the time into training and desensitizing it for the conditions you're using it in?"

But I never do.


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## Shark (Feb 4, 2006)

"Hey look, it's Lance Armstrong".....
"****!"

Funny, both up northern Indiana.....


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## Ska (Jan 12, 2004)

Shark said:


> "Hey look, it's Lance Armstrong".....
> "****!"


I get that all the time too. I love it when I'm in a group on a road ride and we catch them at a red light or something because they don't realise just how fast we're actually going. They button up pretty quickly when you roll up beside them don't they? They won't even make eye contact at that point.

LOL

Whatever.....


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## sean salach (Sep 15, 2007)

In Philly, friend riding Standard BMX bike, me riding Klein stock trials bike. 

Little ghetto thuglet: "Gimme that bike!" and takes off after my friend.

As the kid and his buddies are riding past me I say: "Don't you want my bike?"

Kid responds: "NO! It's too small." 

The kid could not have been more than 5' tall. My trials bike was bigger than my friends bmx bike, and easily worth twice as much.


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## 2wheelsnotfour (Aug 18, 2010)

Did they ride off with your buddy's bike? If they weren't armed I would have put a stop to that.


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## wizzer16 (Sep 9, 2010)

i was doing a road metric century with my dad, brother, and a few of our family friends on a FS Gary Fisher. Around mile 60 this guy on skinnys pulls up next to me and says. "your crazy doing this ride on a bike like that" now maybe its because its like 15 years old or the fact that im riding it on the road but that didnt stop me from pulling away steadily over the next 3 miles.


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## sean salach (Sep 15, 2007)

2wheelsnotfour said:


> Did they ride off with your buddy's bike? If they weren't armed I would have put a stop to that.


No. I wasn't to worried about these two kids. The gangs of bike thieves in Philly were really only very effective in groups of 4 to 30.


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## Big Tuna (Aug 29, 2010)

I had a rider pace me on a slow technical mostly uphill trail loop throughout the day, back at the parking lot he felt the need to give me a dissertation on how cycling short and shirt would give me a aerodynamic advantage on the uphill climbs. Considering I was over 300 lbs, and we both were huff and puffing up the climb, and with multiple passing areas he never passed me I found it amusing.

After I bought my new Cannondale hardtail on the first ride some random rider in the park lot felt the need to critique my bikes components, told me all the stuff I needed to change, I should cut the bars here, cut the brake levers, carbon this, titanium bolts that, blah blah. At the end he had the balls to say "It should save you a pound or two" I smiled and said "Ive taken heavier sh1ts, and they are free." He caught my drift.


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## XCProphet (Aug 23, 2005)

"That guy's crazy, Hey! you're crazy for riding that there thing(Lefty)"
"You're going the wrong way"
"You ruined my mojo"
"Hey! Are you alright!"

Coolest thing "Safe Journeys"


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## sturge (Feb 22, 2009)

So we all pull into the lot for a typical ride...and one of my buds opens his tailgate and says...

"SH*T!! I forgot my bike!!"

What can be more lame than that?


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

Ska! said:


> They button up pretty quickly when you roll up beside them don't they? They won't even make eye contact at that point.


Especially when they look over and see that the "faq" they yelled at is a woman....


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## PoisonDartFrog (Jul 8, 2010)

At REI in Plano, TX, browsing the bikes they had while my wife was looking for new hiking boots. Worker comes up and starts making chit-chat. Turns out he is a roadie, asks me what kinda bike I ride. I told him I have a couple but I usually I ride my rigid SS 29er, given that many of the local trails are pretty flat.

He replies:
"When I want to ride single speed, I just don't shift"

The look on his face was priceless when I laughed at him and walked away.


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## screampint (Dec 10, 2001)

"That hill would be easier if you shifted. Then you wouldn't have to stand up."

I just kept pedaling uphill, standing up in the pedals, on my* singlespeed.*


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## JonathanGennick (Sep 15, 2006)

Not said to me, but something I said to another rider:

I'm riding Bruno's Run, a local trail with some short but steep climbs. I'm coming down the other side of a climb when I meet a pleasant-looking young lady walking her bike back towards the parking area. I like to chat people up a bit when I meet them on the trails. Searching my mind for a good conversation starter, I to my horror blurt out:

"You're not wimping out, are you?"

:madman: :madman: :madman: 

Worst. Conversation Starter. Ever.

She briefly states that she plans to ride the trail in the other direction after returning to the parking lot, and that was pretty much the end of that conversation. 

I continue on my ride feeling like a blithering idiot.

Turns out she did ride in the other direction, and we met again after about an hour. I apologized for my most lame attempt at starting a conversation and we both ended up having a good laugh over it. 

So it was all good in the end.


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## bingemtbr (Apr 1, 2004)

"SNAP!" there goes a the rear triangle
"BAMMMM" there goes the front triangle
"RRrrrrrip!!!" there goes the front triangle
Me: "Guys! Wait up, my frame's broke!"
16 frames since 1998...17 if you count the SS frame. 

Son: "Dad, I forgot my helmet"
Dad: "You just ruined Christmas!!" (this was in June). Dad then lends his helmet. Still funny to this day.


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## roxnroots (Aug 12, 2010)

Said to me by three people walking 5 dogs (most illegally off-leash) on a trail specifically dedicated by the town to, and signed for, bikes as its primary use. This just after I nearly hit one of the unleashed dogs that darted in front of my tire:

"Why don't you ride out there (on the busy four-lane road with no shoulders)?"

F'n morons. :madmax:


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## screamscratch (May 5, 2009)

*Oh goody!*

I rode from Mt Bachelor down to the main (congested) trails at Phil's, stopping to rest after 15 miles of singletrack and smiling the whole way.

Me (unassuming 5' woman, 120#) 
Them (Two dudes getting ready to hit the berms and bumps in Bend).

Them: How's it goin'?
Me: Great! 
Them: Where'd you come from?
Me: Oh, I rode from Dutchman to here. Headed home.
Them: You rode Flagline alone? That's kind of dangerous. Did you see anyone?
Me: No way! You're the first people I've seen since the TH. It was a glorious ride down. Have a great ride!

And I dropped 'em. They chased my tail the rest of the way to the TH.

Suckers.


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## bmateo (Jan 13, 2004)

Since you did not specify, I will post one for MTB, and one for Road.

MTB:
Just last week in Moab, I was at 11,200 feet, and had been worried about the elevation all week, as I had just flown in from Raleigh NC (about 300 feet) and did not have time to adjust. Was really excited about the ride, and at the top I had to drop a deuce before we started. I slipped off in the woods and dropped off last night's mexican dinner in the woods (thinking to myself, "now I know why it's called the Whole Enchilada", but I digress...)

I came back to my buddy completely out of breath and said, "Damn, this elevation is for real, I can't even drop a deuce without going anaerobic."

Road:
While riding the MS150, 87 miles into my second century in as many days. I was at the rest stop, dragging my ass pretty bad. There were a couple hundred people around and I overheard a guy talking to his buddy, he was very excited.

Total stranger to his buddy: "John, do you see those bananas. You should really take one with you to replenish the Potassium. Hell, I just ate one, and I put another one in my pocket"

Me, before my brain could stop me: "Dang, I thought you were just glad to see me."

I felt pretty bad for the guy, everyone laughed. I totally would have said it with pride to a friend, but hated to out a total stranger...:nono:


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## NYrr496 (Sep 10, 2008)

Zeroack said:


> It wasn't yelled at me, but at my youngest son. We were riding down a "blue" run. He was behind me a bit on his 13" HT, picking a good line and making his way down with much more grace then his father. Me I just smashed and bashed down thru the rocks. A rider decked out in body armor and a gravity sled race past us. I stopped further down to let him catch up. When he does I can tell he's upset. The guy that passed us told him to "Get that piece of $h1t hard tail on a green trail". Just because you can't fly down a hill doesn't mean you can't enjoy the challenge. Some people just don't get it.


If some dick spoke to my son like that, there would be a bad surprise waiting for him as he approached me.


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## NYrr496 (Sep 10, 2008)

sturge said:


> So we all pull into the lot for a typical ride...and one of my buds opens his tailgate and says...
> 
> "SH*T!! I forgot my bike!!"
> 
> What can be more lame than that?


About twenty years ago, I forgot my helmet... Your friend takes the cake. I LOL'd at that.


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## Trail Ninja (Sep 25, 2008)

"It's starting to rain. Let's go home."

1/2 hour into the ride, after 100 miles driving and 2 ferry rides. The trails in question are fine in rain.


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## sambs827 (Dec 8, 2008)

gundom66 said:


> I was going southbound on a paved trail saying hello to a couple of ladies on Specialized road bikes going northbound... Mind you that I said "hello". The response? "Ew! TREK!!!"


This just made my day. I love my 2 big Treks.


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## seven1seven (Jul 2, 2010)

Couple of friends and myself were taking a break at the top of a pretty decent climb when 2 old couples came hiking up the backside of the trail. One old guy says to us "We were just wondering what kind of idiots would ride bikes up here." The guys wife says "Oh he's just playing with you boys." I had my camera out so she asks if we want our pic taken. Then after she takes our pic she says "You boys want some apples?" Then proceeds to pull a giant bag of apples out of her purse. It was like having your grumpy grandfather and awesome grandmother at the top of the climb.


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## Garagemonkey (Jul 14, 2009)

I was riding Slickrock trail in Moab by myself on my little 5-inch EX-9. I see two guys in full pads and the works sitting next to their big-travel bikes at the top of a steep climb right in the middle of the trail. We're out by the overlook and it's mostly downhill back to the parking lot from there.

It's Moab and wide-open, so I ride around 'em and say hello as I go past. Neither acknowledges my greeting. As I'm riding away with my back to them I hear one guy say to the other:

"We'll be passing that putz on the way down."

I stopped a bit after that to snap some photos and adjust my turkey warble caliper (damn Juicy 7s!) and they passed by heading back in. I quickly finished up and reeled 'em in, passed them, then beat them back to the parking lot by more than a mile. I had already loaded my bike, stowed my gear, and was talking to a family riding with their kids before they finally pulled up all out of breath.


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## tjeepdrv (Aug 14, 2008)

Them: "If I spend that much on a bike, it better have an engine."
Me: "My bike with an engine cost a lot more than this one."


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## Whason (Sep 15, 2008)

*While riding in Moab*

Riding comfortably down the mild singletrack part of porcupine rim on a Nomad with very heavy wheels and a burned out lyric fork, some tool passes me on a "trail bike with 140 mm".

"I wanted to see your face while I passed you with your all-mountain bike on my 140 mm trail bike".

Still enjoying myself riding down the hill passed him while he was changing a flat. Ask him with a sh** eating grin whether he needs any help. his response "No I'll just pass you on the way down".

Lame.


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## cbrock450 (Apr 18, 2008)

Went on a group ride and only knew one person in the group. I get on my bike and the loud mouth in the group says "Oh look at jonny single speed over here" (in a sarcastic tone)

The ride starts with a decent climb so rather than firing off some sarcastic remark I say,
"You guys ready to go?" I was in front and pushed as hard as i could and dropped everyone.

The loudmouth made it to the top huffing and puffing and walks over and starts looking at my rear hub and asks, "How many gears are inside that rear hub?"
I laughed and said zero


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## slide mon (Jul 18, 2005)

I was at China Camp with my 4 year old girl over the summer. We ride a pretty flat section of singletrack, which dumps on to a fire road with a slight incline. Her bike is a single speed Jamis that weighs about 30 pounds to her 45 pounds, and she was weaving a bit trying to keep pedaling. Some tool on a Black Rocky Mountain Slayer rides by and tells herin an irritated tone to make up her mind, she's taking up the whole road. We had a good laugh about it later, but really... Video from the day:


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## eman2005 (Mar 10, 2009)

sturge said:


> So we all pull into the lot for a typical ride...and one of my buds opens his tailgate and says...
> 
> "SH*T!! I forgot my bike!!"
> 
> What can be more lame than that?


I did something like that. I went to my local park, a 15 minute drive. I set my keys in my truck, got my bike out, then I freaked out as I realized I forgot the chain. So I closed my truck. Then I realized I had locked my keys in my car. Then I realized I had also locked my phone in my car. Ended up using someones phone and getting a ride from a friend to pick up my other set of keys back home. Never did ride that day.


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## Trail Ninja (Sep 25, 2008)

813 to 83. 3 weeks left highdelll.

On private property where I am the only person with permission to build or maintain trails. On a trail system (about 20 miles worth) I've been working on for over 10 years. 2 guys on horses tearing out a rideover I built.

"These are our trails. We found them. Go find your own."

The landowner sent the police to visit these people at home.


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## A-Ray (Oct 18, 2009)

Was climbing a very steep hill the other day, and some guy stopped me in my tracks and asked me if I saw any dead bodies in the woods. At first I was totally freaked out but then he said that they were on some kind of search and rescue drill. I honestly thought these guys were looking for a dead guy. Could you even imagine coming around a corner and running over a dead guy laying across the trail ? Even if he was just an actor?
Same day, climbing another monster rocky root covered hill, sweat rolling off, struggling to get to the top, and a boy scout and his dad waited for me until I made it and the dad asked me "are you exercising?"


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## Trail Ninja (Sep 25, 2008)

A-Ray said:


> Was climbing a very steep hill the other day, and some guy stopped me in my tracks and asked me if I saw any dead bodies in the woods. At first I was totally freaked out but then he said that they were on some kind of search and rescue drill. I honestly thought these guys were looking for a dead guy. Could you even imagine coming around a corner and running over a dead guy laying across the trail ? Even if he was just an actor?
> Same day, climbing another monster rocky root covered hill, sweat rolling off, struggling to get to the top, and a boy scout and his dad waited for me until I made it and the dad asked me "are you exercising?"


I suppose technically "asking around" is a legitimate search technique, it still seems like cheating.


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## wv_bob (Sep 12, 2005)

A-Ray said:


> some guy stopped me in my tracks and asked me if I saw any dead bodies in the woods.


"None other than the one I just dumped, but I covered it in lime so it'll be gone in a few days."


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## 100% dundee (Dec 18, 2009)

just this morning in the lot at the local trail-
fat chick
" you look a little old to be out here riding a bike through the woods"

reply-
me
"you look a little fat to be hammering down that McDonalds"

thought my buddy and wife were going to pee themselves


I also always get the "you can't ride that here" comments on my SS


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## jabpn (Jun 21, 2004)

Psycho Mike said:


> Coming back from a night ride along a trendy avenue here where I live...at night, it's got a lot of bars and in the summer, that means all the cars are cruisin'.


I go through the same type of an area and on Fri or Sat nights I always hear the "Hey, Lance!" comments.

One time I was practically stopped and slowly weaving throught the crowd (it's actually safer to be on the sidewalk for these four blocks as traffic is three lanes, one way, with parking on both sides with cars constantly trying to dart out and the road is curved with limited visibility) and one guy quipped up with the comment. About two feet later another guy said the same thing to which I replied: "Please, no autographs." He was pretty drunk and took that to mean that I WAS Lance. His friends and the group of girls behind him had a pretty good laugh!
-------------

I sometimes ride through a pretty run down area of town. I kept getting comments of: "Hey, that's my bike!" or "Gimme my bike". Finally, one day I just circled back around to where the group of teenagers were standing and I just said: "Can't you come up with anything different? Everytime I ride by it's the same ol' thing. Really, try to be more creative next time." Then I just rode off with them having an incredulous look upon their face.


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## highdelll (Oct 3, 2008)

Trail Ninja said:


> 813 to 83. 3 weeks left highdelll.


Moderators - can you make a banner ad for this thread?
or atleast make it a sticky?

p.s. and, bin & lock Trail Ninja's thread


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## snowjnky (Oct 7, 2005)

lamest:
"Looks like you got that Santa Cruz squeak."
[in my head]No sh*t Sherlock I have been listening to it the whole ride

Lamest thing/ funniest thing said to someone else: 
My buddy Nicholls is walking part of the climb in the Downieville Classic XC and by buddy Lennie rides past him and says " I got a dog you can walk!!" AHHHHHHHH


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## ArmedMonk (Oct 20, 2007)

eman2005 said:


> I did something like that. I went to my local park, a 15 minute drive. I set my keys in my truck, got my bike out, then I freaked out as I realized I forgot the chain. So I closed my truck. Then I realized I had locked my keys in my car. Then I realized I had also locked my phone in my car. Ended up using someones phone and getting a ride from a friend to pick up my other set of keys back home. Never did ride that day.


Just one question... How is it even possible to forget the chain?


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## roxnroots (Aug 12, 2010)

100% dundee said:


> just this morning in the lot at the local trail-
> fat chick
> " you look a little old to be out here riding a bike through the woods"
> 
> ...


:lol: "Hammering . . . McDonald's" That's pure gold - let's use that in the future to reference/label any ignorant fat slob giving us a hard time.


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## eman2005 (Mar 10, 2009)

ArmedMonk said:


> Just one question... How is it even possible to forget the chain?


I took it off to clean it since it was very muddy, and since it was an early in the morning, I forgot all about it.


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## Backdraft11 (Oct 14, 2009)

slide mon said:


> I was at China Camp with my 4 year old girl over the summer. We ride a pretty flat section of singletrack, which dumps on to a fire road with a slight incline. Her bike is a single speed Jamis that weighs about 30 pounds to her 45 pounds, and she was weaving a bit trying to keep pedaling. Some tool on a Black Rocky Mountain Slayer rides by and tells herin an irritated tone to make up her mind, she's taking up the whole road. We had a good laugh about it later, but really... Video from the day:


Just wanted to say that is the coolest thing ever. :thumbsup:


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## NYrr496 (Sep 10, 2008)

A-Ray said:


> Was climbing a very steep hill the other day, and some guy stopped me in my tracks and asked me if I saw any dead bodies in the woods. At first I was totally freaked out but then he said that they were on some kind of search and rescue drill. I honestly thought these guys were looking for a dead guy. Could you even imagine coming around a corner and running over a dead guy laying across the trail ? Even if he was just an actor?
> Same day, climbing another monster rocky root covered hill, sweat rolling off, struggling to get to the top, and a boy scout and his dad waited for me until I made it and the dad asked me "are you exercising?"


Not so much a lamest thing said to me, but lame just the same. One day, I pull up to my favorite trail and there's fire trucks and police cars at the trail entrance. No people anywhere. I start my ride and about 5 minutes in, I come across an EMT with a trail map on foot. I stop and ask if I can help him. He says a guy broke his leg on Dark Side of the Moon. We're looking for him. I said you're not even close. Go back to the entrance, walk toward the East side of the woods and pick up the trail over there, you'll walk directly to him. I even showed him on his map. He said thanks and I rode off. 
A little while later, I come across 4 firemen in full gear, boots, coats, helmets (in the woods) carrying an empty stretcher looking for the same guy. They're walking all the black diamond singletrack from the beginning. At this rate, they'll get to him in about three hours. I explain to them to go this way back to the blue loop and follow that to the black diamond trail called Hunters Path. Dark Side is off of that. There was no way to salvage any time. As I exit the Black Diamond trail, I run into the first EMT again. He"s further away from the guy than before because he didn't listen to me. 
This is exactly why I'm very careful when I ride.


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## idbrian (May 10, 2006)

100% dundee said:


> just this morning in the lot at the local trail-
> fat chick
> " you look a little old to be out here riding a bike through the woods"
> 
> ...


So in this situation you are the lame person?


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## JonathanGennick (Sep 15, 2006)

NYrr496 said:


> ...He says a guy broke his leg on Dark Side of the Moon. We're looking for him. I said you're not even close. Go back to the entrance, walk toward the East side of the woods and pick up the trail over there, you'll walk directly to him. I even showed him on his map. He said thanks and I rode off.


The best thing you can do is to guide the EMTs personally. I work part time for an ambulance service covering some fairly remote ground. I can't begin to tell you how helpful it is to have someone guide us in to a remote location. Heck, even in crowded and/or larger buildings it is a huge help to have a guide. Otherwise, you have responders in unfamiliar territory who are trying to follow directions on the order of "turn left at the stump".


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## highdelll (Oct 3, 2008)

JonathanGennick said:


> The best thing you can do is to guide the EMTs personally. I work part time for an ambulance service covering some fairly remote ground. I can't begin to tell you how helpful it is to have someone guide us in to a remote location. Heck, even in crowded and/or larger buildings it is a huge help to have a guide. Otherwise, you have responders in unfamiliar territory who are trying to follow directions on the order of "turn left at the stump".


absolutely...:thumbsup:


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## insanitylevel9 (Sep 23, 2009)

Zeroack said:


> It wasn't yelled at me, but at my youngest son. We were riding down a "blue" run. He was behind me a bit on his 13" HT, picking a good line and making his way down with much more grace then his father. Me I just smashed and bashed down thru the rocks. A rider decked out in body armor and a gravity sled race past us. I stopped further down to let him catch up. When he does I can tell he's upset. The guy that passed us told him to "Get that piece of $h1t hard tail on a green trail". Just because you can't fly down a hill doesn't mean you can't enjoy the challenge. Some people just don't get it.


thats not right i hate people like that, i ride a hardtail for dh most people respect me for it not give me ****


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## insanitylevel9 (Sep 23, 2009)

gundom66 said:


> I was going southbound on a paved trail saying hello to a couple of ladies on Specialized road bikes going northbound... Mind you that I said "hello". The response? "Ew! TREK!!!"


what you exspect you were riding a trek


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## jeffw-13 (Apr 30, 2008)

I'm doing my local ride and come up on a woman about my age on horseback. She's pretty cute. I pull over & dismount to let her pass & she explains that she's breaking in a young horse & he's not used to bikes. I say no problem, I'll hold still while you pass.

They approach and the horse stops beside me to check me out. He's clearly not distressed or nervous so I pat his nose & talk to him a bit & it's all good.

I start chatting up the woman and she's like 'oh please' & they ride off :lol:


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## insanitylevel9 (Sep 23, 2009)

some lady walking here dog on a bike path 
lady- you are not aloud to ride bikes here
me- its a bike path as i point to the sign on the trail
lady- you put that there i am calling the cops 
me- ok crazy 
lady- get back here and wait for the cops


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## GFAthens (Sep 10, 2009)

Many variations of "Get off the road" and "Get on the sidewalk" during commutes.


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## NYrr496 (Sep 10, 2008)

JonathanGennick said:


> The best thing you can do is to guide the EMTs personally. I work part time for an ambulance service covering some fairly remote ground. I can't begin to tell you how helpful it is to have someone guide us in to a remote location. Heck, even in crowded and/or larger buildings it is a huge help to have a guide. Otherwise, you have responders in unfamiliar territory who are trying to follow directions on the order of "turn left at the stump".


I offered that up, but this guy "knew everything". They finally did get him out of there. I'm a Critical Systems Engineer in the Time Warner Center in NYC. It's a three million square foot facility, so I know exactly what you mean. I was just trying to keep the story simple.


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## lorax (Apr 25, 2004)

*You boys can keep your bikes if . . .*

Said the big, and I mean big, ******* in the jacked up pickup truck at the top of a fireroad, brandishing a gun, "You boys can keep your bikes if you can make it to the other side of that fence before I run you over."


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## Bobmouse (Sep 9, 2006)

For me it was the dog walker who I slowed down for who the said as I was passing "come on come on your holding us up!!". Next time I will just rush past and spray them with mud.


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## idbrian (May 10, 2006)

NYrr496 said:


> I offered that up, but this guy "knew everything". They finally did get him out of there. I'm a Critical Systems Engineer in the Time Warner Center in NYC. It's a three million square foot facility, so I know exactly what you mean. I was just trying to keep the story simple.


What trail system around NYC has a trail called Dark Side of the Moon.


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## seven1seven (Jul 2, 2010)

Deleted


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## ArmedMonk (Oct 20, 2007)

*Glacier Ridge Nature Perserve*



idbrian said:


> What trail system around NYC has a trail called Dark Side of the Moon.


http://trails.mtbr.com/cat/united-states-trails/trails-new-york/trail/PRD_401602_4566crx.aspx


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## sturge (Feb 22, 2009)

eman2005 said:


> I did something like that. I went to my local park, a 15 minute drive. I set my keys in my truck, got my bike out, then I freaked out as I realized I forgot the chain. So I closed my truck. Then I realized I had locked my keys in my car. Then I realized I had also locked my phone in my car. Ended up using someones phone and getting a ride from a friend to pick up my other set of keys back home. Never did ride that day.


:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Gotta love the TRIPLE awshitter...I can see it now in a span of 15 seconds:
no chain...awwshit, 
locked keys in truck...awwSHIT, 
my phones in the truck...awwwSSHHIIITTTTTTT!"


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## NYrr496 (Sep 10, 2008)

ArmedMonk said:


> http://trails.mtbr.com/cat/united-states-trails/trails-new-york/trail/PRD_401602_4566crx.aspx


That's the one.


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## SeaBass_ (Apr 7, 2006)

"Let's take the short way back"


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## annamagpie (Jun 5, 2009)

Some guy I didn't even know proceeded to explain to me (I'm female btw) how best to descend the next section of trail.

I left him in the dust.


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## JG_CAAD (Jul 24, 2009)

Me and some friend were at a bottom of a fast and easy descent, more like a fire road. A friend of ours was doing the way more slowly.
The final 30mt of the road was a straight line. He was coming realy fast and started to bounce, on pourpose, his front suspension. 
He passed by us whithout having control in his bike and flat landed.
The bike went the way for some meters and he just layed flat in the ground.
A men who was passing by, said to him:
- I never saw someone get of the bike that way!
The men continued his way.


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## iyeager (Sep 26, 2010)

Heard just today while out testing my budget rigid build. (Just a smidge over $51, including the cost of the bike.) While getting passed on a steeper section of rock garden at a local trail by a guy on a very expensive Specialized with quite a few nice bits bolted up to it, "You should go break that cheap POS somewhere less crowded." 

I met him back at the parking lot after doing a few more laps of the trail. He was loading his bike up, having bent his rim all to hell after a pretty bad off. I just nodded to him, threw my cheap POS in the back of my cheap POS Ford Ranger and drove off. 

-Ian


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## LuMach (Jun 3, 2008)

slide mon said:


> I was at China Camp with my 4 year old girl over the summer. We ride a pretty flat section of singletrack, which dumps on to a fire road with a slight incline. Her bike is a single speed Jamis that weighs about 30 pounds to her 45 pounds, and she was weaving a bit trying to keep pedaling. Some tool on a Black Rocky Mountain Slayer rides by and tells herin an irritated tone to make up her mind, she's taking up the whole road. We had a good laugh about it later, but really... Video from the day:


Congrats, that's just amazing! I can't even convince my 4 year old nephew to let me take his training wheels off to ride around in the driveway. He's good at Mario Kart though..


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## wheeledwarrior (Oct 1, 2010)

Two day, 200-mile Ride to Conquer Cancer, Toronto to Niagara Falls, the "scenic" route. I was on my Cannondale F5 (stolen a week later, btw), going through Halton Hills near Guelph, can't stand in the pedals due to a shaky left knee, and I'm sitting powering up hills. All weekend, at hills and such I'd be passed, and since I was last, I was passed by everyone, and hear 'I can't believe he's riding on that with THOSE tires."
Sometimes said with admiration, mostly in the 'what an idiot' tone I love so freaking much.
Here's the funny part. I'm 47. I pass the finish line, the support crews are all over me, congratulating me, and I hear the best news of the day. "You know,of 800 of you in the 200 miler, 200 dropped out. all in their 20s and 30s on racing bikes."
I grinned for weeks after.
Why must people ride by the cancer survivor and make snide remarks about my bike?
I'll admit i will use slicks this June, on the replacement Kona Cinder Cone, but I could do without the smarty pants comments.


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## Patterson (May 14, 2008)

Yesterday after a ride I entered the lift of my condo with the bike. A woman was in there also going up. I entered the lift with the bike on its rear wheel. With me standing there, covered in mud and the bike's front wheel at eye level, the woman said, "Wow that looks heavy!"

I said, "It's not too heavy..." (It's a Ti hardtail)

She said, "Because it's hollow?"

I replied, "Yeah."


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## ditchart (Oct 12, 2009)

After discussing front tyre pressure, we stopped at a cross road and just as a group of female joggers were about to go past, my mate says to me in a loud voice, 
"Can I feel how hard your's is?"

Giggles from them & embarassment from us ensured.
I said "Mate, you can feel my tyres whenever you like, but please don't ask like that again in public"


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## Glide the Clyde (Nov 12, 2009)

wheeledwarrior said:


> Two day, 200-mile Ride to Conquer Cancer, Toronto to Niagara Falls, the "scenic" route. I was on my Cannondale F5 (stolen a week later, btw), going through Halton Hills near Guelph, can't stand in the pedals due to a shaky left knee, and I'm sitting powering up hills. All weekend, at hills and such I'd be passed, and since I was last, I was passed by everyone, and hear 'I can't believe he's riding on that with THOSE tires."
> Sometimes said with admiration, mostly in the 'what an idiot' tone I love so freaking much.
> Here's the funny part. I'm 47. I pass the finish line, the support crews are all over me, congratulating me, and I hear the best news of the day. "You know,of 800 of you in the 200 miler, 200 dropped out. all in their 20s and 30s on racing bikes."
> I grinned for weeks after.
> ...


Grin one more time... this made my day.


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## boxman12 (Jun 13, 2004)

Straz85 said:


> Me: Says something about how I fell while biking
> Other person: "You FELL off your bike???"
> 
> They say it as if I should never fall. One of the people who said this was my mother's boyfriend, so I brought him riding in Lynn Woods, then he understood. The other guy who said it doesn't even own a bike. He also said to me "You spent $2000 on a bike?!?" I've gotten a response similar to this from a couple different people.


I got that one too, after my last Superman. Want in to work with my wrist wrapped and my elbow all scuffed up.

Coworker: What happened??????
Me: Eh, I fell off my bike (easiest explanation, and in a non-chalant way).
Coworker: OMG! How do you fall off your bike? What, like you just FELL???!!111
Me: Explained the circumstances/type of riding.
Coworker::???:

I can honestly say that I have never really gotten any odd, whacky or ignorant remarks while on the trail. Other than the guy who suggested my rig looked like it would do some serious damage to the trails (?) despite the fact his was similarly set-up.
Perhaps I need to ride more.


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## roxnroots (Aug 12, 2010)

Me and about 10 guys were on our second trailbuild day cutting in a long-planned/just-approved singletrack in a remote section closed to horses within a state park - this new trail network was to be mountain bikes and hikers only. We were working single-file on a brushy steep hillside doing benchwork when, out of nowhere, two older women and a man appear on horseback having just badly "hoofed up" several miles of brandnew trail cut and raked just that morning. :nono: The trail wasn't even approved for use yet by anyone.

They wanted to squeeze past us with our swinging picks, pulaskis, etc. ut: after praising our work as "volunteers" expanding the trails for their enjoyment. It was politely explained to them that this was approved as a mtb/hiker-only trail and that their continuing past us wasn't practical as the ground was fairly wet and not yet settled from our work. They looked like they didn't know what a mtb was and that how could they not be allowed there. Mtbs aren't allowed anywhere else in the entire park of more than 6,000 acres - the horse people have free reign over most of its trails.  They actually said that they thought their postholing hoof prints were "packing down" our work as they tried to turn their horses around in the narrow space without (to their credit) being particularly disagreeable.

I have yet to see horse people ever do trail maintenance around there - they only seem to show up with Trigger to ride wherever and whenever they want. :madman: :madmax:


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## rate (Jul 22, 2010)

Today's ride...

Me: "Look, it's a dear with horns!"
My oh so helpful friend: "Aaron, that is a 4 point buck"
Whatever...


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## highdelll (Oct 3, 2008)

roxnroots said:


> Me and about 10 guys were on our second trailbuild day cutting in a long-planned/just-approved singletrack in a remote section closed to horses within a state park - this new trail network was to be mountain bikes and hikers only. We were working single-file on a brushy steep hillside doing benchwork when, out of nowhere, two older women and a man appear on horseback having just badly "hoofed up" several miles of brandnew trail cut and raked just that morning. :nono: The trail wasn't even approved for use yet by anyone.
> 
> They wanted to squeeze past us with our swinging picks, pulaskis, etc. ut: after praising our work as "volunteers" expanding the trails for their enjoyment. It was politely explained to them that this was approved as a mtb/hiker-only trail and that their continuing past us wasn't practical as the ground was fairly wet and not yet settled from our work. They looked like they didn't know what a mtb was and that how could they not be allowed there. Mtbs aren't allowed anywhere else in the entire park of more than 6,000 acres - the horse people have free reign over most of its trails.  They actually said that they thought their postholing hoof prints were "packing down" our work as they tried to turn their horses around in the narrow space without (to their credit) being particularly disagreeable.
> 
> I have yet to see horse people ever do trail maintenance around there - they only seem to show up with Trigger to ride wherever and whenever they want. :madman: :madmax:


UN-BEE-LEAVE-A-BULL

Luckily, most of the equestrians I encounter, are nice and even appreciative for MTBs (even MCs) keeping the trail 'UP'...that is, ... if no one was riding it, it would get overgrown quick.

Granted, this is in pretty rural Nor-Cal


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## Kneescar (Feb 26, 2009)

"He'll be ok"

Said to me by some jackass who had his obviously developmentally disabled brother out for a ride. This is right after I watched him superman while trying to jump a log pile. No helmet of course. He was ok but this was the first 1/4 mile of a techy 8 mile loop. I'm sure that was the first of many spills that day.


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## newnan3 (Sep 30, 2010)

"Do you know me?"

This wasnt said to me while biking but while I was working in a CD store. A guy comes in looking around and part of my job was to greet people and ask if they needed help. Well this one guy comes in with your average race/5k t-shirt on and I ask him if he mtn bikes........And he responds with "Do you know me?" I said, "Naw man, I just saw the shirt."

No offense to any high profile bikers on this forum but unless youre Lance Armstrong I probably dont know you.


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## hikerdave (Mar 8, 2006)

roxnroots said:


> :lol: "Hammering . . . McDonald's" That's pure gold - let's use that in the future to reference/label any ignorant fat slob giving us a hard time.


I'm 53 with a graying beard.

I was riding down a steep, rocky trail and stopped and waited for an older couple to walk past me.

The woman said, "You do realize that you're not twenty anymore, don't you?".

Which was actually a nice compliment -- they were pleasant people and stopped to chat for a while.


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## sambs827 (Dec 8, 2008)

I'm a Teaching Assistant for one section of the Beginner Mountain Biking class at Oneonta State. On a recent ride the prof had me stick back with the slow girl in the group (the other 4 students are actually pretty good), as he had to take a short cut to cut a log up ahead.

My job was to coach her along, encourage her, etc. Well after a few pointers of how to make her life easier she said testily "yeah, I know" (think 15 year old bratty high school girl). We FINALLY get to the top of this very tame climb and take a wee break. The rest of the group is ready to proceed, so they give a couple cranks and start coasting along the next bit of singletrack. Note the word "coasting" i.e. not pedaling. This girl gets on her bike and starts rolling and says "is this down hill now?"

If it was the first day of the course I could kind of understand. Nope. This was 5 weeks in.


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## 411898 (Nov 5, 2008)

It was..."I have to poop AGAIN!"


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## wheeledwarrior (Oct 1, 2010)

I'm on a pension, so$1,000 Kona cinder Cone is really expensive and took months to buy. i'm resting at the side of the trail, on a bench, waiting for pain pills to kick in.
bunch of 20-30 year-olds on really really expensive bikes, all the latest stuff on them, whip past. I hear, "He'd be better if he wasn't riding such a cheap ass bike."
I didn't have the wind (asthma) to tell them where to stick their bikes.

I love my bike, dammit.


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## Bobmouse (Sep 9, 2006)

A group of ramblers moved out the way for me and as I was passing by one of them looked at me and shouted in a loud booming voice to the others "ITS NOT SPAIN YOU KNOW". Very odd thing to say, yes I was wearing shorts but it was a warm day. They were all in woolie jumpers and big thick coats which was overkill. I should have said back its not the North Pole but you never think of these things at the time.


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## AlexDeLarge (Oct 5, 2009)

"Flat tire?"
No, my bike was tired so I got off it and walked it so it could rest a while.


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## wheeledwarrior (Oct 1, 2010)

@Alex. Man,I've had that happen. Or you're bleeding and they ask if all is okay, but are long gone before you can answer.


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## dust3313 (Sep 15, 2010)

said by my overweight out of shape supervisor in casual conversation after i just told him that I'm going to an mtb race this weekend

" i hate those damn bikers in their f***ing spandex suits and pointy hats (yes he called a road helmet a pointy hat). they always ride in huge groups and block the F***ing road!."

I just walked away


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## 411898 (Nov 5, 2008)

dust3313 said:


> said by my overweight out of shape supervisor in casual conversation after i just told him that I'm going to an mtb race this weekend
> 
> " i hate those damn bikers in their f***ing spandex suits and pointy hats (yes he called a road helmet a pointy hat). they always ride in huge groups and block the F***ing road!."
> 
> I just walked away


You should have tripped him onto his fat azz before you walked away, LOL!


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## byknuts (Aug 9, 2008)

And I hate those damn managers with their 9 am big mac breath and their cowering belt!! 
They always clog up the toilets and BO the elevators!
Lick my pointy hat you margarita-lunching sounding like a heifer in labour going up one flight of stairs mofo!! 
You have a chicken wing stuck to the back of your suit jacket, it's been there since tuesday.



yeah sometimes the answer that's perfect on so many levels gets you fired...


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## mik13 (Jul 31, 2008)

*during a road training ride*

on my mtb with road tires, hot afternoon ride in july.

go lance, go!!!!!!!! loud teenagers sitting on the porch of their home. im actually impressed they can name a cyclist. too bad they all needed to be riding way more than i did.

did not give them the one finger salute.


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## epic (Apr 16, 2005)

I'm riding DH at Burke. Going up the lift talking with the other guys on the lift who are better jumpers than me. I say "I'd just like to reach the transition on that first step-up today". One of the guys says to me (in the nicest possible way), "at your age, I'm impressed that you are still riding at all". I just turned 40. I had no idea I was so old.


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## jrabenaldt (Feb 24, 2005)

After I chase down a racer boy on his Anthem, he looks over as were coming out of the trail and says, wow that bike is heavy. Referring to my 04 Enduro and my 40 yr old body... I guess 185 is a little heavy for 5'11"...


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## Vibrato (Apr 4, 2007)

Last summer commuuting- passing by a small eatery that has outdoor seating and this 400 pound whale in a baggy hat gives me the "Go gett'em, Lance" crap. I responded "Eat faster, Shamu!" 

He actually stood up and yelled at me while everyone laughed out loud at it.


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## Glide the Clyde (Nov 12, 2009)

Post ride at a convenience store with my bike hanging on the spare tire mounted rack. Two fat older farts with leather chaps and jackets, about to jump onto their cruisers, one Harley, one metric. Noticing my bike, one says, "Where's the motor?" I pointed to my legs and just kept walking toward the store entrance.


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## Shanonn (Oct 8, 2010)

Deleted


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## sanjuro (Sep 29, 2004)

My two favorite:

The first time I rode Tam, I was at an intersection 2/3 from the finish on a 18 mile ride. Me and my friends were looking at the map to confirm we are going to make the correct turn. A runner was jogging about 15 feet away and he asks, "Do you need some help?" 

Before anyone could answer, he runs right in between us (btw we are on the edge of a wide fireroad), and says snottily, "I guess not". 

I yell back, "Not with that attitude!"

But the lamest thing is on my ride from Seattle to San Fran. I was fully loaded and I finally made it to the rolling hills of Sonoma, just two days from SF. 

As I was grinding up a long hillside, I see a large party of hybrid riders with "Blazing Saddles" (a local rental company) handlebar bags, descending down the other direction. This probably wasn't the case, but it seemed like they were dropped off at the top of the hill.

So during my climb, one woman cheerfully yells at me, "You can do it!"

All I could think was to turn around, chase her down, and tell, "Hey b*tch! I just rode 1000 miles. Do you think I need your encouragement?" If I wasn't halfway up a big hill, I would have done it.

Funny enough, there was a German guy who was about a mile ahead of me, and the first thing he tells me when I catch up was, "Did you hear a woman yell 'You can do it!'" He was about as insulted as I was.


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## Canaan (Jan 29, 2009)

You gotta hate it when someone cheerfully wishes you well . . . .


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## doesyourchainhanglow (Sep 27, 2010)

"stupid kid" says some yuppie on his full fledged down hill bike as im riding my rush downhill (at mt snow)


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## sanjuro (Sep 29, 2004)

Canaan said:


> You gotta hate it when someone cheerfully wishes you well . . . .


Hard to explain, but after spending 20 consecutive days of pedaling and camping, having a person who probably ridden 10 miles carrying 2 pounds of gear condescendingly encourage you is not inspirational.

It felt like the words you would tell someone who has never ridden a bike longer than a mile, which is what I assume was the ride leader, has been telling her flock of hybrid riders.

The day before we had climbed along the coast road, which was particularly tough because of all the short but multiple ascents. The day before that, we had done the highest climb on the Pacific Coast route, Leggett Hill.

We were tired, naturally and our destination was sooooooo close. But determination, not cheery platitudes, is what kept us pedaling.

I'm sorry you don't understand how I felt at that moment. Maybe when you do something hard on two wheels, you'll understand what I and my German friend felt that afternoon.


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## jimbowho (Dec 16, 2009)

*ISDE International six days Enduro.*

That's what we called the trail ISDE. 1992 I went out in the Littlerock area of Palmdale, Ca. And cut in a Knarly loop in the evenings after work. This is not doable on a Mtn bike. But there are sections that can be done on a Mtn bike. It was three months+of cutting, moving, branch trudging, rock moving, digging, overhead lopping, fun as hell trail building. I did this because I was trying to be a big dog offroad racer guy. {That never happened} This loop was brutal! And dangerous. It was my personal training loop for races. It eventually got famous to the locals. Back in the day I was on a KX-500

So I'm out there last year on my vintage spechy 1x7 having fun. I was stoked to see some Hiker assfaces. I call them that because that's what they were. I came up on two hikers on the last section of technical singletrack. "Well-burned-in" Attempt some small talk, but it was some scum earth first, Sierra clubbers. Can't be sure, do to the FACT that they never have the Balls to admit it. I got a ration of sheet for being on a wonderful trail not meant for bicycles! And that I should not be there.

I wanted to beat them. But tried to explained that they were on a trail built by offroaders. You can't talk to these people! Don't even try. There was no way they would think that I was the founder of this awsome trail system. They said so many dumb things there's too much to list. I was left speechless.

Sorry I have nothing for the Dumbest thing heard on the trail. But Thought this would be the place.


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## grnamin (Sep 18, 2009)

"I thought I hit a deer."
-woman who hit me as I was commuting to work last Wednesday. Busted my right leg and elbow. Thank goodness no broken bones.


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## Tjay (Oct 17, 2006)

This is what I always hear when I bring a friend out for a ride...

"f*cK this is all uphill!!"


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## dirt farmer (Mar 28, 2005)

"May I shave your nipples?"


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## Val Garou (Mar 12, 2008)

sanjuro said:


> I'm sorry you don't understand how I felt at that moment. Maybe when you do something hard on two wheels, you'll understand what I and my German friend felt that afternoon.


I've done double centuries, 2,600 mile tours, rides billed as the hardest in their states, 24 hour races. I've done plenty of hard things on my bike. I know what suffering and adrenaline do to the mind.

However, I would worry that I was turning into a hardcore prick if, even more than an hour after the fact, I was still upset at getting a little encouragement. I would be flat ashamed of myself if I started decided who was and who wasn't qualified enough as a cyclist to wish me well.


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## sanjuro (Sep 29, 2004)

Val Garou said:


> I've done double centuries, 2,600 mile tours, rides billed as the hardest in their states, 24 hour races. I've done plenty of hard things on my bike. I know what suffering and adrenaline do to the mind.
> 
> However, I would worry that I was turning into a hardcore prick if, even more than an hour after the fact, I was still upset at getting a little encouragement. I would be flat ashamed of myself if I started decided who was and who wasn't qualified enough as a cyclist to wish me well.


Well, this happened 11 years ago. I thought it was a lame comment at the time. The only person I mentioned it to was the guy I was riding with, who also thought it was lame when she yelled the same thing at him.

And the next time I talked about was 6 hours ago.

I don't know what to tell you. I thought about yanking your chain like you did to me, but, frankly it is how I felt when I heard it. Maybe it is a story that you had to be there to appreciate my lack of appreciation for the comment.

I know the only other guy who heard "You Can Do It!" (and it still sings in my head in a tinny cheerleader voice) had the same feeling of raspberries that I did.

And he is much nicer than someone who would intimate another rider is a hardcore prick.


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## JonathanGennick (Sep 15, 2006)

FWIW, I can understand where Sanjuro is coming from.


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## picassomoon (Jun 16, 2009)

I don't think they mean it to be condescending most of the time, they just don't understand.


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## YoungerNow (Nov 10, 2006)

sanjuro said:


> I'm sorry you don't understand how I felt at that moment. Maybe when you do something hard on two wheels, you'll understand what I and my German friend felt that afternoon.




I've done plenty of hard stuff on two wheels (no 1000 mile tours, but enough that I'd laugh if you leveled the accusation above at me), and I'm still with Canaan.

Yeah, she was over-enthusiastic about something she probably doesn't really understand (though of course we don't actually know that). If I heard something like that towards the end of a hard ride, I might kinda roll my eyes internally, but that's about it. She wasn't being malicious, and didn't deserve the venom that you seem to think she did. Save the venom for asshats who shout insults, throw things or try to run you off the road.

Do you do hard rides because you enjoy them, or in order to feel superior to folks who take rental hybrids out for day rides? Given your reaction to the woman, and your condescending response above, it sure sounds like the latter.


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## NomadF-14 (Sep 28, 2010)

Way out on a local trail some dude wearing tights rode by and made fun of me for having on a full face helmet and pads (something to the effect of "Hey man, sweet pads" but in a somewhat sarcastic manner). Then he went around the next turn and saw why. 8-10' ladder drop. He stopped, I hucked. It was sort of one of those "Wha'd you say?" moments...

Now don't get me wrong here - I like to go out and hit XC hard as well, great workout. But you get a lot better when you push the limits of your comfort zone.....


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## DAVID J (Feb 25, 2004)

on a road ride at a stop light I had two fat cigarette-smoking *****es tell me I had no right to be on the road. They went on to tell me I'd get killed doing what I was doing.
I told them "you keep doing what you're doing,I'll keep doing this and we'll see who dies 1st.Smoke up,fatties!!!"
They went from high and mighty to pissed real quick.


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## Canaan (Jan 29, 2009)

sanjuro said:


> I'm sorry you don't understand how I felt at that moment. Maybe when you do something hard on two wheels, you'll understand what I and my German friend felt that afternoon.


That must be it -- I've never done anything hard on two wheels. Here I thought you were just annoyed that she didn't get how awesome you are. Did it ever occur to you that was her way of complimenting you?

You are seriously full of yourself buddy . . . .


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## Kona_CT (Apr 25, 2010)

I was doing some urban riding and I went past a group of four skateboarders (kids between 15 and 17) who made some comments about me wearing a helmet. I didn't bother to even look over.


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## JonathanGennick (Sep 15, 2006)

YoungerNow said:


> Yeah, she was over-enthusiastic about something she probably doesn't really understand (though of course we don't actually know that). If I heard something like that towards the end of a hard ride, I might kinda roll my eyes internally, but that's about it. She wasn't being malicious, and didn't deserve the venom that you seem to think she did. Save the venom for asshats who shout insults, throw things or try to run you off the road.


I reread Sanjuro's post. There is not a hint of "venom" in it. Nor did he indicate that he was anything but polite back to the lady in question. You're reading into his post that which is not there.


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## steve32300 (Oct 3, 2009)

White Ranch lower lot,I'm geared up just getting out the bathroom and just getting saddled up to hit the trail,this dude in the parking lot let's his dog out the car unleashed.First thing the dog does is see me and scrambled over to me with the hair on his back standing straight up,teeth revealed and in attack mode with his nose litterally against my calf breathing hard on my calf.The dude cant get his dog's attention,the dog litterally open's his mouth to bite me a couple time's,dude still cant get the attention of his dog,at this point I am freaking pissed off and start to get off my bike and start to head toward the dude with his stupid dog still glued to my leg with his nose,I'm totally ready to physically confront this dude WITH his dog practically chewing on my leg(which he would of done once I punched his owner in the mouth),dude finally finds the motivation to get the attnention of his dog and off my leg.Dude says his dog is a nice dog and would'nt have bitten me,I just stare at him like shut the 'F' up you lazy bastard,I can handle getting bit or somthing,but I cant handle some lazy bastard talking like a F'n ***** to his out of control dog like he's using me as live bait to train his dog or somthing.Hell,I wish the dog would of bit me,I was'nt as pissed as I was ready to make that dogs day and kick the crap out of that lazy prick.......................


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## Rock Surf (Aug 28, 2010)

A few weeks ago I was on my normal ride up to sand point. Before I start up the incline I like to look over the creek and take in the sweet sounds of the water. As I was getting ready to head up the incline I hear "There's no bikes on that trail".(there's a hiking trail that starts right there and a no bikes on trail sign) I turn around to see the lady I passed on the fire road who was walking a good 50 yards ahead of her husband. Funny thing is when I passed her I thought "wow she must be a handful because her husband is not even walking with her". Anyway when I turned around I said '' Thank You, but I am going that way", and pointed to the incline. Then she repeated" there's no bikes on that trail, there's a sign right there." Then I politely say again " I'm not going that way, but thank you." To which she gives an annoyed sigh and takes a seat on the bench. Its a shame some people are so miserable they need to project their negativity on others.


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## Scarsandtears (Sep 18, 2010)

In the parking lot getting ready to ride, a group of hikers asked "whats the catchers gear for?"
A buddy politely explained it is protection from falls etc. It was funny at the time.


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## mtbGreg (Feb 15, 2010)

grnamin said:


> "I thought I hit a deer."
> -woman who hit me as I was commuting to work last Wednesday. Busted my right leg and elbow. Thank goodness no broken bones.


I think I would have broken her jaw


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## BrianMc (Jan 5, 2010)

At the turn around of a 36+ mile ride (my first long ride on the new bike, stopped for refreshment at one of the summer ice cream stands and was asked where we came from, when told, she asked:

"You rode all the way here on those?

Being a teen with my fun loving brother, in true Mad Magazine snappy rejoinder mode, I said, "Actually no, we got bored. So 'bout halfway we just walked with them on our backs!" Said with a big grin, of course. 

My brother countered with "Flyin' didn't work!" 

When handed such a straight line, it may not have been polite, but it sure was irresistable.

Another lame thing heard while technically NOT biking, but relating thereto:

After I torpedoed a Chrysler that ran a stop while on my bike (estimated collision speed 20-25 mph), landed flat out on my back on the pavement. I was apparently 'out' a short bit, long enough for the driver to get out and come to me and another motorist. 

"I didn't kill him, did I?" wailed the distraught 17 year old driver.

"No, look! See? He's breathing and his eyes are opening. Are you hurt?"

Now don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the concern. However, isn't it highly likely that someone you just saw sail through the air about 5-6 feet off the ground flip 270 degrees because his legs hit the car's rear fender, and fall flat on his back, is likely hurt? (Dang I wish there was video, it would have been great!) Further, if the person in question is just 'coming to' he likely won't know what planet he's on let alone had time or faculties to register any pain. 

It hurt my brain too hard to think about the stupid question, so I figured a barely coherent "Whaaaaa?" covered it nicely.

Then there is the unintelligible teen boy drive by shouts:

araaah glosssss

or 

yoooobeee

or my favorite

Whaaaaa? 

Yep. Been there. Not quite right in the head.


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## Brakebreaker101 (Jan 4, 2009)

Me and my friend (who doesn't ride at all when he has gas money) were riding through the woods and took an extra mile to the parking lot, he freaks out and says. What's your problem man it would have been so much shorter if we had just gone straight the normal way. I had to explain to him for the next hour what it means to go out for a ride.


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## NYrr496 (Sep 10, 2008)

After reading some of these, I remembered this ****** my buddy and I encountered two summers ago. I was riding my old Cannondale hardtail and had just ordered my new 2008 Stumpjumper 29er. We come across a guy on the exact same Stumpy in a 26er. He's stopped waiting for his 11 year old son. Dad's on a new FS bike, full lycra, Camelbak, shoes, clicked in... The works... Kid is in cotton shorts, sneakers, cheap helmet on a cheap, heavy bike. 
I ask the guy how he likes the bike because I'm waiting for mine... He replies "Four thousand dollars". I already can see he's a dick, so before riding off we ask the kid how's he enjoying the ride, just to kind of keep his spirits up since we can see he's not having any fun. The dad complains: He lives with his mother in Florida. He never does anything. He's 11, he should be running rings around me. I said yeah, he probably would if his bike didn't weigh 50 pounds. I hope he sees this.


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## Canaan (Jan 29, 2009)

NYrr496 said:


> After reading some of these, I remembered this ****** my buddy and I encountered two summers ago. I was riding my old Cannondale hardtail and had just ordered my new 2008 Stumpjumper 29er. We come across a guy on the exact same Stumpy in a 26er. He's stopped waiting for his 11 year old son. Dad's on a new FS bike, full lycra, Camelbak, shoes, clicked in... The works... Kid is in cotton shorts, sneakers, cheap helmet on a cheap, heavy bike.
> I ask the guy how he likes the bike because I'm waiting for mine... He replies "Four thousand dollars". I already can see he's a dick, so before riding off we ask the kid how's he enjoying the ride, just to kind of keep his spirits up since we can see he's not having any fun. The dad complains: He lives with his mother in Florida. He never does anything. He's 11, he should be running rings around me. I said yeah, he probably would if his bike didn't weigh 50 pounds. I hope he sees this.


We have a winner . . . .


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## wheeledwarrior (Oct 1, 2010)

That's definitely a winner. 
And excellent comeback. Poor kid.


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## OSM (Jan 22, 2009)

When I see a fixie on the streets I always yell ''POP - A WHEELIE.''
the usual response is...'' I can't.''
but, Saterday i said this while walking my flat tire down Old san pedro, and the guy did it! on a rasta 'd out fixie.


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## wheeledwarrior (Oct 1, 2010)

Someone explain the cards in the spokes of fixies? At 47, I have no idea what it means and know I'll get the old guy look if I ask.


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## NYrr496 (Sep 10, 2008)

wheeledwarrior said:


> That's definitely a winner.
> And excellent comeback. Poor kid.


Thank You, Thank you all... Living on Long Island gives me unlimited lameness, so I get the home advantage.


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## grnamin (Sep 18, 2009)

wheeledwarrior said:


> Someone explain the cards in the spokes of fixies? At 47, I have no idea what it means and know I'll get the old guy look if I ask.


Maybe this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoke_card


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## stubs (Aug 20, 2007)

Grinding my way up a steep slippy cobbly trail, 3 people are standing halfway up looking down at me as I puff and pant closer and closer to them. They are standing 3 abreast blocking the trail off, they refuse to move till I am right up to them forcing me to stop pedalling and lose all momentum.

Me= *Excuse* gasp *me* pant *can* *I get* wheeze *past*
Middle idiot = You should have rung your bell

I would have made a smart ass reply but I didnt have the breath


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## JonathanGennick (Sep 15, 2006)

wheeledwarrior said:


> Someone explain the cards in the spokes of fixies? At 47, I have no idea what it means and know I'll get the old guy look if I ask.


Some of us have fond memories from childhood of clipping playing cards to our fender stays to make flapping noises as we pedaled. I used to love to do that.

I'm 48, btw.


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## byknuts (Aug 9, 2008)

meh, I'm 35 and I got a dirty look when I told a fixie bike polo player that I was thinking of chucking some cards in the spokes just for kicks.
he told me that if i didn't earn them I wasn't allowed to have them.
I asked how exactly does one "earn" an 8 of spades? 
you just learn to play poker with a missing card don't you? :skep:


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## wheeledwarrior (Oct 1, 2010)

grnamin said:


> Maybe this:
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoke_card


Thanks! I recall using them to sound like motorcycles...we thought at that age. This explains nicely.


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## AndrwSwitch (Nov 8, 2007)

It's a faux pas to have more than one personal spoke card, or to have spoke cards matching those that have been given out in past events.

I feel like a hipster.


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## wheeledwarrior (Oct 1, 2010)

are they not all personal? I mean, earned or whatever? I've seen fixies with8 cards in the two wheels. Hipster. At least I sort of get what that means.


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## AndrwSwitch (Nov 8, 2007)

Personal would be a spoke card I cooked up myself, to identify me. Sort of like a coat of arms.

I have one on my 'cross bike from a night-time 'cross race I did a couple years ago. That's earning one. Some clubs in my area have cards they hand out for membership, but races and events are the most common way for people to get them.

But a lot of people do it for style. People who earned them and care too much about these things find that offensive. It really depends on how special you think it is to race illegally on city streets. (I'd rather get my USAC license and do more crits.)

Lately, some advocacy organizations have been handing out some with instructions for what to do after an accident, and there were some "Your Bike is Hot" spoke card PDFs floating around the 'net for putting on other people's bikes.

It occurred to me the other day that it would be a good way to identify a set of pit wheels if I started to care enough about 'cross racing to have spares.


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## Trail Ninja (Sep 25, 2008)

byknuts said:


> meh, I'm 35 and I got a dirty look when I told a fixie bike polo player that I was thinking of chucking some cards in the spokes just for kicks.
> he told me that if i didn't earn them I wasn't allowed to have them.
> I asked how exactly does one "earn" an 8 of spades?
> you just learn to play poker with a missing card don't you? :skep:


  "not allowed to have them"

Watch out for the fixie (fashion?) police!


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## eat_dirt (May 26, 2008)

-"that was an EPIC ride!" -friend who was sued later that week by specialized for infringing on a copyright

-"slow down!" -said by some old people trying to birdwatch on a bike trail after i almost plowed down grandma when she hobbled out from behind a blind corner.

-"he's got diarrhea" -horse rider sharing the bike trail (not sure if she was referring to her husband or one of the horses)

-"this trail is too technical for a hardtail." -random ******

-"riders going down have the right of way!" -angry college student who was upset i didn't yield on a brutal uphill climb that was more loose sand and tree roots

-"why would you drive a CAR to a BIKE trail?" 

-"can i buy that bike from you?"


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## sanjuro (Sep 29, 2004)

YoungerNow said:


> I've done plenty of hard stuff on two wheels (no 1000 mile tours, but enough that I'd laugh if you leveled the accusation above at me), and I'm still with Canaan.
> 
> Yeah, she was over-enthusiastic about something she probably doesn't really understand (though of course we don't actually know that). If I heard something like that towards the end of a hard ride, I might kinda roll my eyes internally, but that's about it. She wasn't being malicious, and didn't deserve the venom that you seem to think she did. Save the venom for asshats who shout insults, throw things or try to run you off the road.
> 
> Do you do hard rides because you enjoy them, or in order to feel superior to folks who take rental hybrids out for day rides? Given your reaction to the woman, and your condescending response above, it sure sounds like the latter.


_You're right.

I did ride from Seattle to San Fran just so I could feel "superior" to hybrid renters. And 10 years later I finally have the opportunity to vent my "venom". _

What I find amusing about the response my lamest comment is the thought police.

I should point out that not every culture is particularly supportive. For example, the French are notorious for heckling amateur athletes. http://theater.nytimes.com/2002/04/14/sports/othersports/14WONG.html

You might not like my lack of appreciation, which is most likely a result of learning to ride in NYC, a particularly unappreciative city for cyclists.

I would imagine a worldly German (that afternoon he told me his brother had been lost while mountain climbing) and a sarcastic New Yorker would find overly enthusiastic comments less than inspiring.

Maybe it is different for you. Maybe you would have flown uphill on a tiny bit of support. I thought it was corny and probably inspired at least 2 angry turns of the pedals.


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## ChainChain (Sep 25, 2010)

eat_dirt said:


> -"can i buy that bike from you?"


What's wrong with that? Just say sure and name a price that would net you a nice healthy profit and enough to buy a new bike.

If someone wants to give me what I paid for my 2004 bike in 2004, who am I to stand in their way?


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## eat_dirt (May 26, 2008)

ChainChain said:


> What's wrong with that? Just say sure and name a price that would net you a nice healthy profit and enough to buy a new bike.
> 
> If someone wants to give me what I paid for my 2004 bike in 2004, who am I to stand in their way?


it's a 2006 handjob. they don't make that frame out of columbus anymore, and it's hard as hell to buy in the US. i love that bike, i'll never sell it. hell, i won't give it to my kids.


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## archer (May 20, 2004)

ChainChain said:


> What's wrong with that? Just say sure and name a price that would net you a nice healthy profit and enough to buy a new bike.
> 
> If someone wants to give me what I paid for my 2004 bike in 2004, who am I to stand in their way?


mmm, My 2003 that I bought as a leftover in 2004 is worth more to me than I paid for it at the time. List price plus the list price of the upgraded wheels, brakes and whatnot Maybe I'd sell. But since the model isn't built any more, the frame has a lifetime warranty to me no longer offered by the company on their new bikes I'd have to think pretty hard about it.


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## archer (May 20, 2004)

manabiker said:


> "These Dogs Don't Bite"
> After I got the unleashed german shepards off my tail by using a water bottle, another person in the party of three tried to grab the lead dog and he was attacked, with snarles and growls as he pulled his hands back the dog bolted, it wasn't the dogs fault, they were just being dogs but I gave the owners hell about leashing their dogs as I rode off, I seen them later and they had the dogs on leash or I would have gone to the rangers office and waited in the parking lot, or if attacked I was ready to bash in some dog heads with my bicycle at that point, this has happened 3 times to me in the last 3 months. Its time for some sort of spray for the dogs and owners.


That's what ammonia in a squeeze bottle is for.
Worked on the dobermans that wanted a hunk of my rear end while I was riding past their yard as a kid. They never got close to me after that.


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## sanjuro (Sep 29, 2004)

roxnroots said:


> Me and about 10 guys were on our second trailbuild day cutting in a long-planned/just-approved singletrack in a remote section closed to horses within a state park - this new trail network was to be mountain bikes and hikers only. We were working single-file on a brushy steep hillside doing benchwork when, out of nowhere, two older women and a man appear on horseback having just badly "hoofed up" several miles of brandnew trail cut and raked just that morning. :nono: The trail wasn't even approved for use yet by anyone.
> 
> They wanted to squeeze past us with our swinging picks, pulaskis, etc. ut: after praising our work as "volunteers" expanding the trails for their enjoyment. It was politely explained to them that this was approved as a mtb/hiker-only trail and that their continuing past us wasn't practical as the ground was fairly wet and not yet settled from our work. They looked like they didn't know what a mtb was and that how could they not be allowed there. Mtbs aren't allowed anywhere else in the entire park of more than 6,000 acres - the horse people have free reign over most of its trails.  They actually said that they thought their postholing hoof prints were "packing down" our work as they tried to turn their horses around in the narrow space without (to their credit) being particularly disagreeable.
> 
> I have yet to see horse people ever do trail maintenance around there - they only seem to show up with Trigger to ride wherever and whenever they want. :madman: :madmax:


That reminds me of a trail daze on Butcher Ranch.

A crew of guys were clearing deadfall when they came up onto a large branch blocking the trail.

As they were about to pull it away, a rider rolls up and says, "Could you move? There is a group of riders about to come this way".

I think it took all their self control not to smack him with their pulaskis.

To the riders credit, the rest of the riders did help to pull off the branch.


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## archer (May 20, 2004)

slide mon said:


> I was at China Camp with my 4 year old girl over the summer. We ride a pretty flat section of singletrack, which dumps on to a fire road with a slight incline. Her bike is a single speed Jamis that weighs about 30 pounds to her 45 pounds, and she was weaving a bit trying to keep pedaling. Some tool on a Black Rocky Mountain Slayer rides by and tells herin an irritated tone to make up her mind, she's taking up the whole road. We had a good laugh about it later, but really... Video from the day


VERY cool vid!


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## 2wheelsnotfour (Aug 18, 2010)

Hey sanjuro, YOU CAN DO IT!

......come off like an elitist pr1ck.


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## highdelll (Oct 3, 2008)

2wheelsnotfour said:


> Hey sanjuro, YOU CAN DO IT!
> 
> ......come off like an elitist pr1ck.


what?
'prick' is censored??? -oh, I guess not...

and, I didn't get that feeling of 'elitist prick' - but maybe I'm one too and the bath-water feels the same.

His reaction to what was a probably innocent comment was 'over the top' if read wrong, but I think ( could be wrong) it's like your supervisor coming out after you've been busting your ass all day and saying "what??!!, you aren't done yet?" (joking-ish-ly) and all you're focused on is completing the task and you don't need any loaf giving you crap.

It's funny to them, but not to you...you just think,"Shut the fcuk up".


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## whoda*huck (Feb 12, 2005)

epic said:


> I'm riding DH at Burke. Going up the lift talking with the other guys on the lift who are better jumpers than me. I say "I'd just like to reach the transition on that first step-up today". One of the guys says to me (in the nicest possible way), "at your age, I'm impressed that you are still riding at all". I just turned 40. I had no idea I was so old.


You just gotta find an older group of crazies. Just got back from a group trip to Whistler where the average age was 48.


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## whoda*huck (Feb 12, 2005)

...........


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## whoda*huck (Feb 12, 2005)

dirt farmer said:


> "May I shave your nipples?"


Thanks for the laugh after all the whining. Not all of you. Some of you have had some truly lame schit thrown at them, but if the "Lamest thing" you've ever heard was someone hollering "Lance" or some (condescending?) encouragement, you need to lighten up my fellow bikers because you've had it pretty good.


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## whoda*huck (Feb 12, 2005)

OSM said:


> When I see a fixie on the streets I always yell ''POP - A WHEELIE.''
> the usual response is...'' I can't.''
> but, Saterday i said this while walking my flat tire down Old san pedro, and the guy did it! on a rasta 'd out fixie.


You got it wrong. You're looking for the "Lamest thing you've ever said" thread.


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## idbrian (May 10, 2006)

eat_dirt said:


> -"slow down!" -said by some old people trying to birdwatch on a bike trail after i almost plowed down grandma when she hobbled out from behind a blind corner.


You!


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## 2wheelsnotfour (Aug 18, 2010)

highdelll said:


> what?
> 'prick' is censored??? -oh, I guess not...
> 
> and, I didn't get that feeling of 'elitist prick' - but maybe I'm one too and the bath-water feels the same.
> ...


Whatever dude.


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## 29erchico (Jan 1, 2005)

Once told to me in a very confrontational manner: This trail is for people!

My reply: Last time I checked I was a person.

The trail that I was on was, and still is, open to bikes.


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## nagatahawk (Jun 20, 2007)

"Your on my line." she said with a sarcastic tone. I was a noob at the time and had pulled over to the far right and technical downhill. Mind you the face was about thirty feet wide. I thought I was being polite when I pulled over to allow the rider behind me to pass. (i was kinda scared anyway and in no hurry to drop in) so I just dropped in. I guess she must have been as scared as I was or just wanted to look at my ass for a while. she certainly had a big one : ) err, I mean nice...


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## TheMajor (Sep 13, 2010)

”You wear jeans while riding a bike?!"


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## womble (Sep 8, 2006)

sanjuro said:


> But the lamest thing is on my ride from Seattle to San Fran. I was fully loaded and I finally made it to the rolling hills of Sonoma, just two days from SF.
> 
> As I was grinding up a long hillside, I see a large party of hybrid riders with "Blazing Saddles" (a local rental company) handlebar bags, descending down the other direction. This probably wasn't the case, but it seemed like they were dropped off at the top of the hill.
> 
> ...


Wow. Just wow.

I used to cycle tour. Done it on six continents, though my longest trip was only 2000 miles (Ushuaia to Santiago via the Argentine coast, 45lb trailer, occasional days of 40mph headwinds and the bloody Andes). It never once crossed my mind to get pissed at the rare person that could be bothered to shout encouragement- I saved that emotion for people who threw things at me or tried to run me off the road.

I can't understand that German guy's issue though. I mean, the Germans are totally known for their easygoing sense of humour, right?


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## 2wheelsnotfour (Aug 18, 2010)

Yeah. Unbelievably bad attitude. I'm trying to figure out what was going through this rider's mind to respond so poorly to the encouragement. Perhaps the rider didn't think that climb was hard enough to warrant encouragement or arrogantly thought, "Well, of course I can do it. Dugh." in response to the encouragement.

If that is the case, what he is failing to realize is that climb might have been very impressive to the person shouting "You can do it!". Even if you feel the encouragement was unwarranted, that doesn't mean it was sarcastic and a simple and sincere, "Thanks." is a reasonable response despite knowing you can make the climb easily. Try not to be so cynical.


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## idbrian (May 10, 2006)

You people that don't get what sanjuro is saying probably don't get a lot of things.


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## 2wheelsnotfour (Aug 18, 2010)

Oh. Ok. Thanks for the articulit response.


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## idbrian (May 10, 2006)

2wheelsnotfour said:


> Oh. Ok. Thanks for the articulit response.


You should make a whole big thing out of it.


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## AndrwSwitch (Nov 8, 2007)

I try to take comments in the spirit in which they were intended, even if they can sometimes come off a little odd.

I don't know if the woman meant well or not - she could have had an ironic tone, as in "you're doing something crazy and pointless." But even assuming she did mean well, her assumption that some encouragement over that hill, as opposed to for the rest of Sanjuro's day or his tour, reduces a very long tour to a series of hills that should really not be that hard on their own. It also reduces his fitness level to hers - she's coming from a perspective of needing encouragement when she sees a moderate hill.

So assuming that the woman was being sincere, I can still see why Sanjuro thought it was a lame thing to hear. I might too, in his shoes. I'd be annoyed at myself for being mad, but everyone gets a little less zen toward the end of a long and difficult undertaking.


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## nemhed (May 2, 2010)

This thread used to be kind of funny:sad:


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## archer (May 20, 2004)

OSM said:


> When I see a fixie on the streets I always yell ''POP - A WHEELIE.''
> the usual response is...'' I can't.''
> but, Saterday i said this while walking my flat tire down Old san pedro, and the guy did it! on a rasta 'd out fixie.


http://forums.mtbr.com/showthread.php?t=660387


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## idbrian (May 10, 2006)

To understand Sanjaro's point: I recently went to a MTB festival. There were three loops; beginner, intermediate, and advanced. The intermediate was the beginner trails plus 8 more miles of harder trail, and the advanced was the intermediate plus 6 more miles of harder trails (20 mile loop total). There was a group that i was getting stuck behind when the intermediate loop branched off from the beginner, i guess i remember them more because i was stuck behind them. I passed them and in my cockiness i decided to go for the advanced trails as i was cruising through the intermediates. Long story short, i was ill prepared with nutrition and the advanced loop drained me like i've never been drained before while riding. The advanced was advanced on all levels (stamina and tech). When the advanced trails met up with the end of the beginner/intermediate loop i came across the same group i passed earlier (which i was slightly impressed with for me). As i biked up on them, very much showing my fatigue, they say something along the lines of "don't worry buddy, these trails are hard for us too." I kept on going but it was an annoying moment. They clearly don't remember me passing them earlier. 

I hope that makes sense.


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## sanjuro (Sep 29, 2004)

2wheelsnotfour said:


> Yeah. Unbelievably bad attitude. I'm trying to figure out what was going through this rider's mind to respond so poorly to the encouragement. Perhaps the rider didn't think that climb was hard enough to warrant encouragement or arrogantly thought, "Well, of course I can do it. Dugh." in response to the encouragement.


Maybe if you read my comments you might understand. If you really want to shed your closemindedness.


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## Adim_X (Mar 3, 2010)

You guys have figured out a way to ruin a somewhat entertaining thread. Thanks.....


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## sanjuro (Sep 29, 2004)

AndrwSwitch said:


> I try to take comments in the spirit in which they were intended, even if they can sometimes come off a little odd.
> 
> I don't know if the woman meant well or not - she could have had an ironic tone, as in "you're doing something crazy and pointless." But even assuming she did mean well, her assumption that some encouragement over that hill, as opposed to for the rest of Sanjuro's day or his tour, reduces a very long tour to a series of hills that should really not be that hard on their own. It also reduces his fitness level to hers - she's coming from a perspective of needing encouragement when she sees a moderate hill.
> 
> So assuming that the woman was being sincere, I can still see why Sanjuro thought it was a lame thing to hear. I might too, in his shoes. I'd be annoyed at myself for being mad, but everyone gets a little less zen toward the end of a long and difficult undertaking.


Seriously, I'm sure she meant well, but she was so sing-songy with her encouragement, it was laughable at the time.


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## xls (Oct 22, 2004)

Three friends and I went up a steep climb (600 feet in 0.6 miles) for the first time. Normally, we don't cuss a whole lot, just a reasonable amount.

Anyway, I started first, got to the top first and was dead. First guy comes up riding "This ****ing sucks! I don't want to do this **** again!". A short while later the next guy comes up pushing his bike and says "**** this ****, man. Jeesus!" Last guy is carrying his bike cyclocross style. His words: "This is ****ing bulll****. Seriously. This isn't fun anymore." 

I like consistency. :lol:


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## 2wheelsnotfour (Aug 18, 2010)

I would have just said "thanks.", smiled, and accept the encouragement with an open mind without being cynical. Just because her biking didn't appear to be on par with more advanced riders doesn't mean she was being sarcastic. I'd have some compassion toward her. Perhaps she was excited to be out riding and seeing people do things which, to her, were impressive. Perhaps she's a born again Christian and loves everyone. Who knows.

I'm originally from Chicago where motorists yell and throw stuff at cyclists. One time while riding up Lookout Mountain road above Golden, Colorado an SUV full of folks passed me. As the SUV passed me, they slowed down and I saw a window roll down. Remembering rides in Chicagoland I prepared for a beer bottle to be thrown at me. Instead one of the passengers stuck his head out, smiled, and gave me a thumbs up. 

Lookout mountain can be tough if you push your self but by no means is it an epic route. Its an after work ride for many riders. I have no idea if the folks in the SUV were being sarcastic because I was pushing myself and looked like I was really suffering on an after work type route. I just accepted the encouragement with an open mind and and a smile. I didn't get dramatic and continued my ride without ill feelings toward them. Hey at least I didn't get stuff thrown at me. Perhaps they were from out of town and impressed to see people riding up mountains. Perhaps they were hard core locals making fun of me for looking so tired on a relatively tame route. Either way I saw no point in reacting to the situation with cynicism and I certainly didn't tell people the folks in the SUV were nobs for giving me a thumbs up rather then throwing stuff at me.


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## thumbprinter (Aug 29, 2009)

about 8 years ago i had been road biking a fair amount but was pretty new to mtb. i had bought a craptastic bike because i wanted to try the sport for a while without investing big $. showed up for a group ride and this one guy looks my bike over and starts telling me how i could swap parts out to make it lighter. i made it to the top of the first climb with a couple other riders and sat there waiting for the rest of the group to arrive… this guy was one of the last ones up.


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## KevinGT (Dec 25, 2012)

I was pulling into the parking lot of one of my local trails when I saw a young woman just starting out on her ride. She was geared for battle. Full face helmet, elbow pads, knee pads, shin guard, and a long travel bike. Rock star! except for one small thing...this trail was as smooth an XC trail as you could ever want. It's a 12 mile loop with about 1000' of climbing but the biggest obstacle is a 2" root. Silky-smooth, fast XC. I ride 2-3 laps for endurance training...I can just go and go.

She was definitely over-geared and over-biked for this trail. But, who am I to judge? Good to see a young woman out riding! And maybe it was her first time here.

Like I said, she was just pedaling off as I was parking. I get out of my car, unpack, gear up (shorts, jersey, helmet, gloves), and head off for my first of two laps. At the time, 24 miles was a longish ride for me so I purposely kept the pace slow.

15 or so minutes later, on the first (and probably the toughest) climb, I see Freeride Chick up in front of me. She's craaaaaaawling up the hill in her granny gear so slowly she can barely keep the bike upright. Full on S turn swerving walking pace but, hey, she's climbing and not walking! Good for her! 

I come up behind her and say "Hey! I'm gonna pass up here on the left if that's OK." She looks back but says nothing and moves right. I pass and say "Thanks, have a good one!"

She says, with a sneer "Nice lycra, racer boy!" Really? I'm 50! Racer boy? Whatever.

So next I get to a side loop. The loop is a mile long and has the two toughest climbs but, more importantly, the only really fun descents of the ride. I hit it and rejoin the main trail about 10 minutes later. Who's in front of me on the trail? Freeride Chick! She skipped the best descents of the ride even though she's all armored up? Fine...again, maybe she doesn't know the trail...even though it's very well marked.

As I passed her the second time, I said, "Not sure how I survived all the gnar with just my racer boy gear on!"


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## chuckha62 (Jul 11, 2006)

Holy Thread Resurrection Batman!


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## 779334 (Oct 10, 2014)

KevinGT said:


> As I passed her the second time, I said, "Not sure how I survived all the gnar with just my racer boy gear on!"


I know an old friend who rides Bent Creek with a full face helmet.


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## cobi (Apr 29, 2008)

Haha, thread revival. Nothing too much sticks out in my head but we were out riding an extremely popular/busy trail and waited at the top of a hill for a group to come up. Saw them at least 100 yards away and waited politely. There's a tiny rock step/line there, we get off to the side up against the sidehill and do the bike lean off trail to give them plenty of room. The responses were..... thanks... thanks... thanks.... and then "you're right in my line" from the last guy. Apparently he wanted to go up the 4 inch tall side of the line instead of the 2 inch side??? It's literally a move just any beginner rider could make.

I almost busted out laughing, just shook my head and took off. My buddy is like "what did he just say?" pretty sure he wanted to go punch the guy in the face. Ruined his whole ride. Months later we were riding another trail and pass a group and my friend is like "I think that was him"..... Obviously still pissed. I figure laugh it off and don't give them room in your head.


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## 2old (Aug 31, 2015)

A group I used to ride with was fun. One guy got mad and threw his bike down the hill because he was mad about the climb we all just made. Well, after retrieving his bike he goes into a verbal rant on how my buddy only invites him along so he can use him and his friend as guinea pigs to gage his riding fitness. So I bust out laughing and start calling him "THE SCIENTIST". They even got him a fleece vest with "The Scientist" on it.


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)

2old said:


> A group I used to ride with was fun. One guy got mad and threw his bike down the hill because he was mad about the climb we all just made. Well, after retrieving his bike he goes into a verbal rant on how my buddy only invites him along so he can use him and his friend as guinea pigs to gage his riding fitness. So I bust out laughing and start calling him "THE SCIENTIST". They even got him a fleece vest with "The Scientist" on it.


LOL
Classic!


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## targnik (Jan 11, 2014)

"Is that a 26er?" referring to my Kona Process 134... 

Reply was "Hell No!!"

-----------------------------------------------------------
-=snifff!!=- What's that you say?


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## Singletrackd (May 3, 2015)

"Wow you did all that on a hardtail"
"Can't belive you did that on such a old bike"
"Single speed looks way to hard"


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## jim c (Dec 5, 2014)

targnik said:


> "Is that a 26er?" referring to my Kona Process 134...
> 
> Reply was "Hell No!!"
> 
> ...


I know, that happens a lot. Not every week but often. It's not offensive but amusing because when I see 26" bikes I really notice how small the wheels/tires look to me. The 9er guys I ride with must be the reason since compared to those wheels my 27.5 must look small to other riders.


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## mountainbiker24 (Feb 5, 2007)

AshevilleMtBiker said:


> I know an old friend who rides Bent Creek with a full face helmet.


Nothing wrong with that! Once in a while I think about how much it would suck to faceplant into a rock or on concrete.. Almost makes a full face worth the discomfort. Greenslick can catch ya if you get too cocky... I'd wear a full face if I was just lapping that one!


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## 779334 (Oct 10, 2014)

mountainbiker24 said:


> Nothing wrong with that! Once in a while I think about how much it would suck to faceplant into a rock or on concrete.. Almost makes a full face worth the discomfort. Greenslick can catch ya if you get too cocky... I'd wear a full face if I was just lapping that one!


Yes, greens lick can beat you up pretty bad. And no, nothing wrong with that.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Mr Magoo (Jan 17, 2004)

Low branches overhead usually work


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## Mentor (Aug 14, 2015)

mountainbiker24 said:


> Nothing wrong with that! Once in a while I think about how much it would suck to faceplant into a rock or on concrete.. Almost makes a full face worth the discomfort. Greenslick can catch ya if you get too cocky... I'd wear a full face if I was just lapping that one!


Yup, I can vouch for that. A couple of months ago I went OTB and face planted right onto a large rock. Busted my nose, and my glasses broke and the lens tore up my face for 12 stitches. I'm glad I did not lose a bunch of teeth, or get knocked out and wind up face down in the creek I was crossing at the time.

I have since moved to a light FF helmet for my technical rides. I'll still wear my open trail helmet for flowier trails, but on the rocky chunk I go with the added protection.


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## oldbroad (Mar 19, 2004)

Do you always ride in the small gear? 
Asked by this jerk on one of our group rides, who, at every break in the ride, would ride his bike past me to the front of the group, only to have me (and everybody else) pass him when we all took off again.


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## J.B. Weld (Aug 13, 2012)

A couple of months ago I took a nasty spill and was forced to walk out, pushing my bike with a broken collar bone, rib, and a deep gash in my knee. We were pretty far out so my buddy headed to the trailhead to fetch the truck while I went a different route to another trailhead that was only a mile or 2 away to wait for him.

About 1/2 mile out an older guy jogs by with 3 dogs. 10 minutes later I get to the parking area and the dude is loading his mutts in the truck, and as I limp through the gate with blood draining down my leg he looks at me and says "is your bike OK?" i was a little caught off guard by that particular question so I just gave him a bemused "yes, fine".

Without replying he started his truck and drove away, it was the only car in the lot, and the nearest paved road was several miles away.


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## elcaro1101 (Sep 1, 2011)

Mr Magoo said:


> Low branches overhead usually work


No brunch?


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## masterofnone (Jun 21, 2009)

A little punk kid yelled out the window of his mom's parked car "you suck!" as I was practicing riding a downed telephone pole in a parking lot. I rode back and forth past the window, but the little bastard was ducked down and hiding. I decided not to get arrested that night and left.


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## Singletrackd (May 3, 2015)

Heard this today 
"That must suck on a hardtail"
Sorry not everyone has enough money for a 3k full suspension bike


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## Lopaka (Sep 7, 2006)

Top 10 lamest things heard while riding:

10. I can't pee out here.
9. I broke my arm.
8. Are we done yet?
7. I remember taking your front wheel out of the back when I........
6. I'm out of water, can I have some of yours.
5. My eyes are up here.
4. I'm cold...hot....thirsty....tired....not your girlfriend.
3. Is that broken glass next to your car?
2. Stop that, someone is coming.
1. Don't touch me there.


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## Fajita Dave (Mar 22, 2012)

masterofnone said:


> A little punk kid yelled out the window of his mom's parked car "you suck!" as I was practicing riding a downed telephone pole in a parking lot. I rode back and forth past the window, but the little bastard was ducked down and hiding. I decided not to get arrested that night and left.


I had that happen while rock climbing. The crag was right next to a road. Some ******* driving by in a truck yelled "you suck!" while I was trying to pull through the roof of a 5.10c.

I haven't had anything lame said to me on the bike yet. I have had some lame looks by racer boys in full spandex jerseys when I didn't yield on an uphill while they were descending.


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)

Fajita Dave said:


> I haven't had anything lame said to me on the bike yet. I have had some lame looks by racer boys in full spandex jerseys when I didn't yield on an uphill while they were descending.


They were descending and you were climbing.

They should have yielded to you.

Trail etiquette 101 volume 1 rule 1 first paragraph.


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## SeaBass_ (Apr 7, 2006)

"Sure got a purty mouth....."


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## Darth Lefty (Sep 29, 2014)

On a commute, from an Explorer full of teen boys... "They went that way, Lance!" I was in jeans on a MTB. Go figure.

I've also had a guy try "rolling coal" on me but he did it wrong or something and only managed to accelerate.


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## NYrr496 (Sep 10, 2008)

Darth Lefty said:


> On a commute, from an Explorer full of teen boys... "They went that way, Lance!" I was in jeans on a MTB. Go figure.
> 
> I've also had a guy try "rolling coal" on me but he did it wrong or something and only managed to accelerate.


What the hell is rolling coal?


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## Mr.Wizard (Feb 4, 2015)

NYrr496 said:


> What the hell is rolling coal?


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)

NYrr496 said:


> What the hell is rolling coal?


Something you'll never have the disgust of witnessing living in the city. Unfortunately for me it's almost a daily occurrence in my area. Focking ******** who tweak their computer chips on their deisal trucks to spew forth black clouds of smoke. They love to do it to bicycles as they pass by. Or taking off from a stoplight while unsuspecting people next to them have their windows down on a hot summer day. The finest jack asses our society has to offer in this generation.

Be sure to watch the video Mr. Wizard provided.



Mr.Wizard said:


>


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## NYrr496 (Sep 10, 2008)

DIRTJUNKIE said:


> Something you'll never have the disgust of witnessing living in the city. Unfortunately for me it's almost a daily occurrence in my area. Focking ******** who tweak their computer chips on their deisal trucks to spew forth black clouds of smoke. They love to do it to bicycles as they pass by. Or taking off from a stoplight while unsuspecting people next to them have their windows down on a hot summer day. The finest jack asses our society has to offer in this generation.
> 
> Be sure to watch the video Mr. Wizard provided.


You know... That's funny. That's exactly what I thought it was going to be. 
I live on Long Island and have been a diesel generator tech for MANY years. We get guys that live out on the East end that do all that stupid crap as well.


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## CyNil_Rider (May 21, 2014)

Bombing down some single track, and approaching a flat section I see a pair of mtbrs kitted out in full lycra, clipless, mirrored visors, etc. coming towards me... 
They "looked like" they knew what they were doing, so with plenty of with lead space, I brake hard and pull off to 1 side, slow to walking speed, but keep riding. 
(Flat terrain, so ambiguous on who has technical "RoW", right?)

And what do I get from my mtb brothers?

Dirty looks and comments about I should slow down. Really, ranger rick?
Did I mention I was at walking speed well before/when we passed?
Fine. What. Eva.
But to cap it off 1 of them tells me there are 2 more coming.
Scurrilous lies. 
But I ride extra cautious and waste some of the best sections of the ride waiting for the "2 more coming" for waaay too long.

queue heart-rending violin song


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## gotchajimmy (Dec 4, 2015)

Back in late summer, the group I ride with took a weekend camping trip to Brown County, Indiana. Brown County has a reputation around where I live for having the best riding you can get in the Midwest (I tend to disagree, but that's neither here nor there).

As soon as I rolled up on the campsite, a couple riding buddies who had arrived earlier were returning from a ride. They were dead tired, whining about some new trail called Schooner. They kept repeating the mantra "Don't do Schooner," complaining about how ridiculously difficult it was. "It has no flow," "It's no fun, you walk your bike half the time," and "It just kills you" were just some of the things they said. Lame af. 

So, naturally, a buddy and I took off first thing the next morning, heading out to Schooner. It was full-on double black diamond. In fact, it was labeled with a double red diamond because Schooner just takes it that far. It was extremely technical, incorporating features that would give the best riders pause. I had never been so challenged to push myself to deal with real tech. But it was fun. It was so fun. 

And for the record, it did have a flow section. A freaking fantastic one. It was a total blast.

Those dudes talked trash about a great trail because it was difficult, ruining it for everyone else. C'mon. It's so worth it.


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)

Darth Lefty said:


> On a commute, from an Explorer full of teen boys... "They went that way, Lance!" I was in jeans on a MTB. Go figure.
> 
> I've also had a guy try "rolling coal" on me but he did it wrong or something and only managed to accelerate.





NYrr496 said:


> What the hell is rolling coal?





Mr.Wizard said:


>





DIRTJUNKIE said:


> Something you'll never have the disgust of witnessing living in the city. Unfortunately for me it's almost a daily occurrence in my area. Focking ******** who tweak their computer chips on their deisal trucks to spew forth black clouds of smoke. They love to do it to bicycles as they pass by. Or taking off from a stoplight while unsuspecting people next to them have their windows down on a hot summer day. The finest jack asses our society has to offer in this generation.
> 
> Be sure to watch the video Mr. Wizard provided.





NYrr496 said:


> You know... That's funny. That's exactly what I thought it was going to be.
> I live on Long Island and have been a diesel generator tech for MANY years. We get guys that live out on the East end that do all that stupid crap as well.


This may explain my anger towards these jack asses.


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## HTR4EVR (Jun 15, 2007)

*The Toilet Bowl*









Old lady: "Are you riding that bike here?


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## jcd46 (Jul 25, 2012)

DIRTJUNKIE said:


> This may explain my anger towards these jack asses.


That is just messed up with an capital F! Then we wonder why this world is so screwed up. How can someone find this amusing?


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## NYrr496 (Sep 10, 2008)

jcd46 said:


> That is just messed up with an capital F! Then we wonder why this world is so screwed up. How can someone find this amusing?


Trailer trash finds stuff like that amusing. I don't even like my vehicles to smoke a little.


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## abelfonseca (Dec 26, 2011)

HTR4EVR said:


> View attachment 1034337
> 
> 
> Old lady: "Are you riding that bike here?


Why is that lame coming from an old lady?


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## lokedawg (Dec 8, 2015)

abelfonseca said:


> Why is that lame coming from an old lady?


dude look at his username HTR4EVR does he even need an excuse?


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## jcd46 (Jul 25, 2012)

lokedawg said:


> dude look at his username HTR4EVR does he even need an excuse?


Funny, I read that way first then re-thought it and think! it says HTs are 4EVR? One hopes. lol


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## BrokenHipster (Dec 11, 2015)

Hate people like that...


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## HTR4EVR (Jun 15, 2007)

abelfonseca said:


> Why is that lame coming from an old lady?


Honestly, the picture does not make justice of the section. Any way I thought it was lame since I had to stop and wait for the crowd to go by. Momentum is everything.


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## HTR4EVR (Jun 15, 2007)

lokedawg said:


> dude look at his username HTR4EVR does he even need an excuse?


Yes, HT R for ever, it was form the time of the debates about Ht's vs FS. I wish I can change it for something more appropriate but I'm stuck with it; still riding HTs though.


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## Monster Truck (Sep 17, 2009)

It was mid 1990s, I'm on a road bike near Evergreen, CO in the hills out side of Denver. A dude in a beater pick up, gun rack flannel shirt, basically poster child for white trash yells " get a horse, fa?got". I had to stop ridding, get off my bike and quite literally roll on the ground laughing. Hilarious, what a douch! 

I get a nice little laugh every time I think of the comedy and the cliche of that.


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)

Monster Truck said:


> It was mid 1990s, I'm on a road bike near Evergreen, CO in the hills out side of Denver. A dude in a beater pick up, gun rack flannel shirt, basically poster child for white trash yells " get a horse, fa?got". I had to stop ridding, get off my bike and quite literally roll on the ground laughing. Hilarious, what a douch!
> 
> I get a nice little laugh every time I think of the comedy and the cliche of that.


Well?

Did you get a horse?

LOL
I know the type I live not too far from you.


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## cyclelicious (Oct 7, 2008)

Not while biking (obviously) but a work colleague asked me how I stay in shape. I replied "mountain biking" . She replied "Ewwww! I couldn't do that, my legs would get huuuge!" me - [snicker]


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## NYrr496 (Sep 10, 2008)

cyclelicious said:


> Not while biking (obviously) but a work colleague asked me how I stay in shape. I replied "mountain biking" . She replied "Ewwww! I couldn't do that, my legs would get huuuge!" me - [snicker]


My wife thinks the same thing. Kills me.


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## 411898 (Nov 5, 2008)

NYrr496 said:


> My wife thinks the same thing. Kills me.


I like turtles, too!


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## grumpy old biker (Jul 29, 2014)

"First gear?"

I was riding on paved road without much of climb, middle front ring and I think it was 4th cog at rear from 9, low 75 cadence seemed high for uneducated observer I guess.

Hardly get any comments when riding, but when talking about riding, some people make really stupid comments, like questioning my sanity when I do 25mph runs on icy dual track and I don't have mobile phone, people have lived hundreds of years in more dangerous world without even a land line. 
With studded tires there is more grip than with dry weather XC race tires on wet leaves. 
People just are so much mislead by their own impressions that they don't see reality.


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