# Stupid bike names



## singletrackmack (Oct 18, 2012)

Just checking out craigslist, looking for an old trek 8000 circa '00 to '02 and came across a bike with a not so well thought out name, and another that didn't sound mountain bike tough.

First, the Giant Butte. I get the thought that one might mountain bike on top of a butte, but stick the word giant in front of butte and your now riding around on a giant bootay.









The other was the Lapierre Zesty. Looks like a sick bike, but really, zesty? The first thing that comes to mind when I here the word zesty is a Fresca, not a tough mountain conquering machine.









Any other stupid bike names out their?


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## ridingthebuff (Jul 9, 2009)

Singletrack Mack?


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## blizzard_mk (Feb 19, 2006)

"Charge Cooker Maxi" has always bugged me. Maybe it has some meaning in the UK.

Cooker Maxi


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## screamingbunny (Mar 24, 2004)

Giant Revolt


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## Rev Bubba (Jan 16, 2004)

Giant Iguana. 

Actually, I think that was a pretty cool name because you got to tell people you had a giant iguana. The problem wasn't the model name but the company name. Now I have a giant trance in my bedroom. That doesn't say much about me, does it?


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## Grimgrin (Sep 15, 2014)

I think trek has some pretty stupid names. 8700....creative.


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## juancho142 (Feb 26, 2010)

Giant Boulder... well, pretty much any Giant model, but always thought the Boulder was funny


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## H0WL (Jan 17, 2007)

Cove has bikes called (clutches pearls) G-Spot and the Foreplay (gasp!), which all seems a bit adolescent, but whatever. They also have the Shocker, which, after Foreplay and G-Spot, doesn't seem that surprising. 

And Stumpjumper? Hmmmm. 

Trek's women's mountain bike line is called Lush, which has some nice connotations but also refers to a woman alcoholic, so I'd call that a miss. 

Loved my Proflex back in the day. Proflex identified models with numbers: 854, 855, 856, etc. Proflex is long gone, but the brand name + model numbers live on as handy password combinations.


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## johnnyspoke (Sep 15, 2005)

Even better if you strategically place the handlebar to hide the "e"


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## Joe_Re (Jan 10, 2011)

Huffy...


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## the-one1 (Aug 2, 2008)

Tranny, Mojo and all the sexual innuendo names out there. What are we, 10?


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## blizzard_mk (Feb 19, 2006)

the-one1 said:


> Tranny, Mojo and all the sexual innuendo names out there. What are we, 10?


I never thought that Mojo had a particularly sexual connotation, but I do feel like a 10 year old when I ride mine ;-)


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## singletrackmack (Oct 18, 2012)

ridingthebuff said:


> Singletrack Mack?


Had that one coming 



Grimgrin said:


> I think trek has some pretty stupid names. 8700....creative.


Ya, the old aluminum line was just called "aluminum" and then a number. Must of spent weeks coming up with that name.



June Bug said:


> Loved my Proflex back in the day. Proflex identified models with numbers: 854, 855, 856, etc. Proflex is long gone, but the brand name + model numbers live on as handy password combinations.


The word "flex" was not too smart. Flex is not something I want in a mtb. Although, I still own two proflex's. Don't ride them much anymore, but just can't part with them, plus the linkage forks look cool.


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## Rev Bubba (Jan 16, 2004)

I think a simple number makes more sense then a meaningless name. 

Pivot 429? Pretty simple, 29" wheels with 4" travel. 
BMW 320? 3 series with 2.0 liter engine. 
Toyota Camry? What the heck is a Camry?

Anyway, you get my drift. We spend way too much on names that mean nothing.


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## She&I (Jan 4, 2010)

Any half-baked bike company will want to defend its legal ownership of and equity in a product name. This plays into unique and seemingly whacky nomenclature choices.


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## Rev Bubba (Jan 16, 2004)

Thank you. That is the most intelligent reason for various bike names I've seen and it is so obvious that all I can say is "duh, why was I trying to over think this?"

Which nicely gets us back to the OP's topic of stupid bike names.


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## Repack Rider (Oct 22, 2005)

I pointed out the "Giant Butte" stupidity in my column in Bicycling magazine something like 25 years ago.


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## 7daysaweek (May 7, 2008)

Rev Bubba said:


> I think a simple number makes more sense then a meaningless name.
> 
> Pivot 429? Pretty simple, 29" wheels with 4" travel.
> BMW 320? 3 series with 2.0 liter engine.
> ...


Stupid when they stray though. For example: BMW's new 328i... 2.0L engine not 2.8 as the name would imply.

As for bike names for some reason the fact that there is only one "S" in Pivot's LES has always bothered me. Not particularly fond of the name anyway but just call it PIVOT-LESS if you want to. Don't drop an S. That's dumb.


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## H0WL (Jan 17, 2007)

Re: ProFlex 


singletrackmack said:


> The word "flex" was not too smart. Flex is not something I want in a mtb. Although, I still own two proflex's. Don't ride them much anymore, but just can't part with them, plus the linkage forks look cool.


Well, ProFlex was way way early in the full suspension scene, so they wanted you to know that the suspension, you know, FLEXED! They were great bikes for the times, although I replaced the Girvin fork w/ a regular 80 mm travel fork (manitou?), and it was definitely an improvement.


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## Lopaka (Sep 7, 2006)

I agree Giant has some lame names. But they also have a few winning names such as Glory and Reign. Trance and XTC are cool names too.


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## John Svahn (Dec 13, 2011)

We had a lot of fun back in those days at the Giant dealership. (I worked there). That bike in the picture was always written up on the sales and repair tags as the giant purple butt.
Of course also asking customers what they fed their Giant Iguana, or if they walk it on a leash (we were in a city), or how did it get so big...
I know, hardy harr hard but it was funny back then.


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## She&I (Jan 4, 2010)

7daysaweek said:


> ...for some reason the fact that there is only one "S" in Pivot's LES has always bothered me. Not particularly fond of the name anyway but just call it PIVOT-LESS if you want to. Don't drop an S. That's dumb.


Seriously, don't those writers know how to spell? Don't they know LES is a Launch Entry Suit? Or the guy in Primus? Absolutely roiling.


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## Aceldama (Jan 18, 2005)

I have a Shogun Prairie Breaker from the 80's... wait, that name is awesome.


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## stew325 (Jan 3, 2011)

Kona had lots of stupid names. I like them though. Stinky. Ku, Dew, Stuff, Sex, Hot. lots more.


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## cyclelicious (Oct 7, 2008)

Devinci Johnson


Just you, in the woods and your Johnson...


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## stew325 (Jan 3, 2011)

Haha! Didn't think of that one, and I used to ride one! The jokes never stopped. All my friends loved riding my Johnson!


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## jim c (Dec 5, 2014)

I just stopped riding a Blur (cool bike name) to go big on a Kona (is Kona a odd name or what) Process. What the hell do they want us to think? A process IS motion so that idea I like, but pinching off a loaf is a process as well. A process is usually some kind of work and even though I work very hard with this bike I don't think of it as labor. Here is another thought; I always liked airtime, the way bikes fly straight. It is always quiet and smooth when the tires are off the ground. I'd like a name that suggests the time while you're in the air.


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## cyclelicious (Oct 7, 2008)

jim c said:


> I just stopped riding a Blur (cool bike name) to go big on a Kona (is Kona a odd name or what) Process. What the hell do they want us to think? A process IS motion so that idea I like, but pinching off a loaf is a process as well. A process is usually some kind of work and even though I work very hard with this bike I don't think of it as labor. Here is another thought; I always liked *airtime*, the way bikes fly straight. It is always quiet and smooth when the tires are off the ground. I'd like a name that suggests the *time* while you're in the *air*.


I think you have a good idea 

airtime
hangtime
silent killer
sbd

The possibilities are endless


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## jim c (Dec 5, 2014)

It seems some of us have quicker minds than others, I am left intimidated. I didn't even 'see' how good a name Airtime is.


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## jim c (Dec 5, 2014)

Lets make it AirTime; a capital idea. I also like the other ones you listed. Just yesterday I was trying to slow my approach to a tabletop. I just started to clear it (it's long like 13ft) and wanted to slow it back down in order to get more "Hangtime".


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## targnik (Jan 11, 2014)

Kona Face Plant... my process got renamed yesterday afternoon ^^ thankfully I came away relatively unscathed... bumps and bruises only

-------------------------------------
Opinions are like A-holes... everybody 
has one & they're usually full of...??


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## PlutonicPlague (Jan 19, 2014)

cyclelicious said:


> I think you have a good idea
> 
> airtime
> hangtime
> ...


Thanks for the sinus flush. (Nothin hangs in the air like an sbd!). I haven't had a good one since I last went surfing over 15 months ago (sinus flush, just to be clear). Kind of a waste of good microbrew, but at least it wasn't too harsh on the mucous membranes.

I have a Giant Transend. Its OK transportation that sends me down the road, but it doesn't really transcend anything, except for maybe making the leap from the Ford Edsel to bikes.


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## PlutonicPlague (Jan 19, 2014)

Jim c, Kona is a place name. Its a well known town on the leeward side of the Big Island of Hawaii. Known for its sunny beaches, its big game fishing, Kona coffee, and Kona Gold!


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## Vegard (Jul 16, 2009)

PlutonicPlague said:


> Jim c, Kona is a place name. Its a well known town on the leeward side of the Big Island of Hawaii. Known for its sunny beaches, its big game fishing, Kona coffee, and Kona Gold!


But them not being anywhere near the place still makes it a little odd.
In Norway 'kona' means 'my wife' which leads to a few interesting looks whenever I ride one around.

Due to that there's no way I'm letting my future wife buy anything else than a Kona bike.


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## cyclelicious (Oct 7, 2008)

jim c said:


> Lets make it AirTime; a capital idea. I also like the other ones you listed. Just yesterday I was trying to slow my approach to a tabletop. I just started to clear it (it's long like 13ft) and wanted to slow it back down in order to get more "Hangtime".


brilliant!


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## cyclelicious (Oct 7, 2008)

Vegard said:


> But them not being anywhere near the place still makes it a little odd.
> In Norway 'kona' means 'my wife' which leads to a few interesting looks whenever I ride one around.
> 
> Due to that there's no way I'm letting my future wife buy anything else than a Kona bike.


Ha! My husband and I just got ourselves his and hers Kona Operators! One big happy family shreddin the gnar


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## DeeZee (Jan 26, 2005)

Lenz Lunchbox
Kona Stinky


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## noapathy (Jun 24, 2008)

stew325 said:


> Kona had lots of stupid names. I like them though. Stinky. Ku, Dew, Stuff, Sex, Hot. lots more.


Not my pic, but had one of these in college. Didn't help, but got some interesting looks. It was still a nice ride.


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## jim c (Dec 5, 2014)

targnik said:


> Kona Face Plant... my process got renamed yesterday afternoon ^^ thankfully I came away relatively unscathed... bumps and bruises only
> 
> -------------------------------------
> Opinions are like A-holes... everybody
> has one & they're usually full of...??


I have said elsewhere how I choose the Process mostly because of its sub 17 inch chainstays. Well I've noticed this bike's tendency to lift the rear as I go off jumps. That kind of behavior makes me love the dropper, I'd never had my ass so close to a rear knobby before learning to ride this bike!


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## ltspd1 (Nov 25, 2007)

I've got an Intense Tracer T275c. Great bike, but a mouthful to say.


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## juancho142 (Feb 26, 2010)

If, on the other hand, we'd discuss AWESOME bike names, I think GT would win hands down:

Aggressor, Avalanche, Tequesta, Timberline, Arrowhead, Karakoram, Borrego, Distortion, La Bomba, Lightning, Pantera, Psyclone, Zaskar, Xizang and, of course FURY.

DeVinci Spartan and SC Butcher are awesome as well.


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## tylerw (Dec 7, 2009)

awesome names
wfo- wide f*****g open
emd- eat my dust


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## Mountain Cycle Shawn (Jan 19, 2004)

What about Vassago. They have the Jabberwocky and the Bandersnatch. And, I hear on next Valintines day they are coming out with a new bike called the Jabbersnatch.


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## Space Robot (Sep 13, 2008)

I hate to say it because I used to own one, but some of Salsa's bike names are kinda silly. Beargrease? Warbird? Hey I just noticed a lot of them are compound nouns. Maybe they're using a random name generator program...


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## jk13 (May 21, 2012)

The combination of a legalized state and local microbrews led Reeb to some good ones.

Reeb dikyelous
Reeb donkadonk (fat bike lol)
Dirt Diggler
The Sam's Pants


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## KevinGT (Dec 25, 2012)

I rode a Chinese import HT back in 2005 from a company called "Fetish."

Their frames were "discipline" "S&M" "B&D" etc. Funny if you're 15 years old. Not funny if your wife asks why you have a "Fetish B&D" folder on your desktop. 

But the number one WORST name in the history of cycling is the Performance bikes store brand road bike: Scattante.


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## H0WL (Jan 17, 2007)

Scattante (Italian): an adjective (svelto) meaning "quick off the mark", agile

Probably makes much more sense for roadies.


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## Kevin513 (Mar 30, 2015)

Trek Stache always makes for some funny moments when saying things out loud...


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## 8iking VIIking (Dec 20, 2012)

cackalacky said:


> I hate to say it because I used to own one, but some of Salsa's bike names are kinda silly. Beargrease? Warbird? Hey I just noticed a lot of them are compound nouns. Maybe they're using a random name generator program...


The Beargrease is named after John Beargrease

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Beargrease

Pretty badass if you ask me!


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## KevinGT (Dec 25, 2012)

June Bug said:


> Scattante (Italian): an adjective meaning (svelto) "quick off the mark", agile
> 
> Probably makes much more sense for roadies.


Scat (english - i.e. the language spoken in the country where Performance sells bikes): a noun meaning poop.


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## Biggie (Dec 11, 2004)

cyclelicious said:


> Devinci Johnson
> 
> Just you, in the woods and your Johnson...


For a female it would be worse, "rode the Johnson for four hours Saturday"???


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## Kisherceg (Mar 5, 2007)

June Bug said:


> Cove has bikes called (clutches pearls) G-Spot and the Foreplay (gasp!), which all seems a bit adolescent, but whatever. They also have the Shocker, which, after Foreplay and G-Spot, doesn't seem that surprising.


you forgot the cove handjob and the playmate.


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## cyclelicious (Oct 7, 2008)

Biggie said:


> For a female it would be worse, "rode the Johnson for four hours Saturday"???


 With a good saddle and adjusted tilt it shouldn't be a problem


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## Space Robot (Sep 13, 2008)

8iking VIIking said:


> The Beargrease is named after John Beargrease
> 
> John Beargrease - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> 
> Pretty badass if you ask me!


 Okay that is badass... The more you know...


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## singletrackmack (Oct 18, 2012)

Not a bike, but really a knee pad called the maxi?
Your know your going to get a lot of sh!t from your riding buddies about your maxi pads. Probably why they are 80% off. How could they not know this is a terrible name?


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## YetiBear (Dec 2, 2004)

But, if you are a male and have an erection lasting more than 4 hours you should see a Doctor.


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## Ska (Jan 12, 2004)

A guy I know (friend of a friend) snapped a stay on his Cannondale Scalpel. The stay strangely lunged forward (for a millisecond) and sliced his calf huge. 16 stitches later......

The cut wasn't anywhere NEAR as clean and sharp had it been made with a scalpel.


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## targnik (Jan 11, 2014)

It's on my hit list as my next dream steed... But every time I read is name YT Capra, the YT makes me think of KY (jelly!?)... Haven't used that stuff in decades!?

Sent from my Kin[G]_Pad ™


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## H0WL (Jan 17, 2007)

Aceldama said:


> I have a Shogun Prairie Breaker from the 80's... wait, that name is awesome.


:thumbsup:


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## jeffj (Jan 13, 2004)

jim c said:


> I have said elsewhere how I choose the Process mostly because of its sub 17 inch chainstays. Well I've noticed this bike's tendency to lift the rear as I go off jumps. That kind of behavior makes me love the dropper, I'd never had my ass so close to a rear knobby before learning to ride this bike!


Either speed up the rebound on the fork, or slow down the rebound on the rear shock. Or a little of both.


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## DIRTJUNKIE (Oct 18, 2000)

cyclelicious said:


> Devinci Johnson
> 
> Just you, in the woods and your Johnson...





Biggie said:


> For a female it would be worse, "rode the Johnson for four hours Saturday"???





cyclelicious said:


> With a good saddle and adjusted tilt it shouldn't be a problem


:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: ^^ Best exchange of the year. :thumbsup:


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## Golfster (Apr 9, 2015)

I'd have to agree with Johnson due to the connotation.

You stop for a beer after a day of riding and one of the group is overheard saying, 
"yeah, it was a blast trying that dirt trail for a change, but I got crap all over my Johnson..." ehh...I don't think so.


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## Golfster (Apr 9, 2015)

Interesting approach the Giant/Liv team took with Lust, Intrigue and Obsess for the women's bikes.


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## Legbacon (Jan 20, 2004)

Giant Butte has always been a favourite.


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## 779334 (Oct 10, 2014)

Pugsley? Seems weird.


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## 8iking VIIking (Dec 20, 2012)

AshevilleMtBiker said:


> Pugsley? Seems weird.


Pugsley is the name of the fat kid from the Addams family. Makes sense










Sent from my SCH-S968C using Tapatalk


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## BikeIntelligencer (Jun 5, 2009)

And for those of us around in the beginning, the Cove Hummer. Ti. They said it was unbreakable. They were wrong. I thought it odd to name a mountain bike after a small winged creature till a NoSho rider clued me in.



Kisherceg said:


> you forgot the cove handjob and the playmate.


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## golfduke (Mar 20, 2007)

I've always had an issue with my bike, but not for any reason in particular- Intense Spider. Why is the spider so intense? How do you know? Did you talk with it? Why would I ever want to throw a leg over a spider and ride it?! I hate spiders!


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## Bokchoicowboy (Aug 7, 2007)

cyclelicious said:


> Devinci Johnson
> 
> Just you, in the woods and your Johnson...


The best part of reading what you wrote was seeing it alongside the smile in your avatar...gave it a whole new dimension it did...I bet you had the same slightly smirking smile when you typed....


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## dirt farmer (Mar 28, 2005)

The Hugh G. Rection

Okay, perhaps it's not a bike name, but I'd hate to be named that nonetheless!


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## paulig (Mar 4, 2015)

NS Віtсн, DC Рussу, DC Pitbull, Duncon Pimp. Only douchebag could've named these bikes for sure. Cool names. For a 13 year old maybe.


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## 245044 (Jun 8, 2004)

My old Ti HT model is called the "Gman." ???


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## Knucklehead (May 18, 2004)

I was never fond of my Kona singlespeeds name, "Unit". But reading through some of these others, it doesn't seem so bad now!


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## sagitt77 (Oct 26, 2010)

I don't want to offend anyone but SRAM means in Polish "shitting"...


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## ghood (Dec 26, 2011)

The newly announced Salsa Pony Rustler. My 8 year old daughter thinks it's cool. I think it is an abomination.


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## Wild Wassa (Jun 4, 2009)

"I told my wife I was going to build myself a bike outa spagetti.
She couldn't believe it when I rode pasta."

Don't lauf it was a carbonara.

... Lauf Carbonara | Lauf Forks - The Lauf Trail Racer - The lightest suspension fork on the market

Does salsa go with carbonara ... I know it goes on tacos.

Warren.


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## H0WL (Jan 17, 2007)

ghood said:


> The newly announced Salsa Pony Rustler. My 8 year old daughter thinks it's cool. I think it is an abomination.


I was just going to post about this but you beat me to it.
There is a logic to the name -- if you like Salsa in jokes. As I understand it, the 27.5+ Pony Rustler uses the front triangle from a Horsethief 29er, so 
Pony references Horse
Rustler references Thief
But still, it's just sounds weird. Rustler would work just fine. 
But still, I want one, but I don't know how I'd tell my Spearfish.


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## MOJO K (Jan 26, 2007)

I had to pull the sticker off my Ragley MMMBop. I know it refers to a trail name, but try explaining it.


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## Ilyam3 (Nov 21, 2011)

Knolls "warden". Reminds me of a Larry David movie with the car named Howard


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## Millfox (Jun 22, 2012)

Gary Fisher Rumblefish How can a fish rumble if it lives in water? Is the fish on the shore and trying to get back to water? shouldn't it be Jumpingfish? Or Swimmingfish? Are they trying to imply that this bike is met for underwater use?

Kellys SWAG. Cause that's what I want associate with a fullsuspension trail bike... a jerk with tattoos, mesh undershirt ear piercings and those stupid flat baseball caps jerked to one side.










Honorable mentions: Agang Gangsta, Agang Pimp


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## MOJO K (Jan 26, 2007)

Millfox said:


> Gary Fisher Rumblefish How can a fish rumble if it lives in water? Is the fish on the shore and trying to get back to water? shouldn't it be Jumpingfish? Or Swimmingfish? Are they trying to imply that this bike is met for underwater use?


I thought it was pretty well established that the Lenz Leviathan was the best bike for under water use? Flame away.


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## Coal-Cracker (May 4, 2010)

Not sure how stupid the name is, but I can't read "Rincon" ( another Giant bike), without hearing in my mind someone trying to say "Lincoln" with a speech iimpediment.


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## Skeeter97 (Feb 2, 2012)

Coal-Cracker said:


> Not sure how stupid the name is, but I can't read "Rincon" ( another Giant bike), without hearing in my mind someone trying to say "Lincoln" with a speech iimpediment.


We really need a "like" button for posts like this ^^^

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## watermonkey (Jun 21, 2011)

ghood said:


> The newly announced Salsa Pony Rustler. My 8 year old daughter thinks it's cool. I think it is an abomination.


Yup, terrible name. It's one step away from sheep molester. I've spent a lot of time in Horsethief canyon, so I understand the reference, but its still a stupid name. Then again, these are the guys that decided to paint the new beargrease pepto pink.


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